Failed attempt

[SomethingWitty123]

I hit rock bottom last week, and I had put together a plan to kill myself on a cocktail of depressants. I'm not a drug user, and I had zero tolerance, so I was assuming that would be that and I wouldn't be here today. I took 14mg Xanax, 3-5ml GHB (apparently pure but I don't know), snorted 40mg oxycodone and washed it all down with a quarter of a litre of vodka and ciders.

All I remember is wretching over the sink, feeling great for about 2 seconds then it's as if my whole body shut down. I time travelled a couple of hours and woke up in a hospital bed being given and antidote. Apparently I had been found collapsed in the street by someone quite a bit away from where I lived. My breathing was extremely shallow apparently. I had lots of unexplained bruises. I don't remember any of it. I woke up feeling as if all the cells in my body had been damaged, and when I went home I had to basically sleep it off for a couple of weeks. I was incapacitated for a while. I think I might've caused some sort of long term damage because I feel a lot more numb and stupid but whatever, that's my own fault.

The worst thing is, I'm sorry that it didn't work. I guess if I had died, I wouldn't have been found in time and that nothingness would've gone on forever and forever. It wasn't pleasant or unpleasant, it just sort of...was. I'm a believer that after death, there is the possibility of coming into life again. After all, before you were born, what was there? Nothing. Just like after death. And then you were, just by chance. Also think of the Big Bang, how something came from nothing, energy is never destroyed only converted, yadda yadda...

 

[sliceofcake]

I'm glad you woke up. You might not feel like it was the best outcome now but you have another chance to feel better someday. It can happen. I hope you can seek some help because it won't always feel this way. Do you have someone who can watch out for you for awhile until you stabilize a bit more?

 

[JavInBoston]

You took enough drugs for most people to die, but you didn't. You woke up for a reason and you are alive for a reason. 9/10 people on this website have hit rock bottom at some point in their life, I hope you choose not to end it. Please dont kill yourself, you will find a reason to live. There are people who love you and it would kill them to see you go. I love you, you're out here living life on a flying rock in space with no idea how you got here, just like me. Thats why I love you brotha because we're all a family. You need a reason to live, we all do, find that reason and prosper. I wish you the best, message me if there is anyway I can help :/ peace.

 

[DixiChik]

^^^GOOD STUFF^^^

Slice and Jav, so heartfelt to OP. Thank you for that.

Witty...They've said it all. We understand the desire to exit, but for now, I choose not to.

 

[roxi2873]

I've done that a few times... taken so many drugs I honestly thought it would kill me. One time I took like 15 mg of ativan 100mg ambien and somewhere around 150mg of oxycodone. My ex wife told me I kept waking up gasping for air. She had no idea what I had done, if she did she would have called 911. Ended up sleeping for like 3 days straight on the floor. I think I may have caused some permanent damage that night to my nervous system.

 

[Foreigner]

Unexplained bruises might be because you went through a period of delirium but were still moving around. It's also possible that you were trying to escape. In college a guy in our dorm killed himself with cyanide, and although they found the chemical in his room, they found him at the front door of the dorm dead. He was trying to run away or maybe run for help.

Sounds like you were well on your way out but someone got to you just in time. So did the hospital discharge you without any psych evaluation or some kind of mental health resource?

 

[deadendgame]

oh, that really sucks ass man. listen, no matter how bad your life is, it can always get worse! each failed suicide attempt makes your life that much shittier! i really don't know what to say dude. I like the fact that you're alive but I despise the fact that you didn't get what you wanted. you will get what you want someday, it's just not now.