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Ex-Spouse Truly in Heroin Recovery?

K

kujo1968

Greenlighter
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Jul 4, 2016
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My ex moved out of state about 3 months ago. Leaving our 3 children with me. We used to have 50/50 shared parenting, but under the circumstances I have sole parenting for them. For the first time in 3 months, she came by to visit them this past weekend. She obviously had lost maybe 30-40 pounds, and the kids and I noticed all of the needle marks on her arms. When the kids weren't around I directly asked her about them.

The reply I got was that she moved out of state to escape the heroin dealers and her addiction to heroin. And that she hadn't used since the end of April. Although she moved out of state a month before that. My oldest child snuck a few pix of her arms and I still keep wondering if the marks look like they are really over 2 months old. Still a lot of bruises. Even above her elbow, where I'd assume she'd be tying off, there were purple and yellow bruises.

Here's a link to the image of one of the pix my son took --> https://goo.gl/photos/WsdP7mTCU5GnghHZ8. Do these marks look more recent than from the end of April? In any event, for the best interest of the kids I am going to ensure she passes a drug test before any unsupervised parenting time. And that she can come into town to visit the kids. Since I wouldn't feel that it would be safe for them to visit her out of state. Especially since she and her boyfriend don't have their own place. They find crash pads with various relatives...
 
Its hard to say, but IMO they don't look like they are almost 3 month old track marks. Was she an IV user previously? Also, if she is clean, she should be gaining weight, not losing it. At least that has been my experience with friends getting clean. Also, keep an eye out for the signs (spoons, little orange needle caps, black residue on hands or face, the "nod"). I say, trust your guts. If your guts are telling you she is using, she is probably using. I might even ask for a hair follicle test before unsupervised visits. It will show at least the past 90 days. Good Luck.
 
Thanks for the reply. I've only seen her for a total of maybe 30 minutes since the end of February, so the tools of the trade are unfortunately unknown to me in terms of them lying around wherever she is staying.

But compared to late March she def looks a lot thinner. And our boys noticed that right off the bat since that was the last time we saw her.

She hadn't been an IV user prior to this year that I'm aware of. And the bruises I wouldn't think would be that bad if it has been since late April since she last loaded up.

My sons noticed her itching her arms a lot during this weekend's visit. That would seem odd if she's been clean for over 2 months too I'd imagine?
 
From the look at that picture, those seem to be fresh marks, I'm sorry to say.
I really think, she moved out and is now back in active addiction.

An addict will always manipulate others into thinking they're not using.
How long did your ex stay for? Was it more than 8 hours?
If it was - did she go to the bathroom for a long period of time?

All those are red flags she is still using.
I wish you the best of luck, and glad you're still doing well managing your children.

Much love to you my friend.
 
It's really hard to say just from that picture. Her arms are defiantly strait torn up though. I used IV heroine for 7 years and my arms don't look near that bad. Maybe you could show her this site so she can get some harm reduction advice.
 
Those are fresh and old. The sores would be gone and the only thing you would see is slight yellowish purple discoloration.

Track marks are only one indicator. Heroin addiction changes your behavior. You have an insight in knowing what she was like not on the dope, and what she is like on the dope.

Use Occams razor. The most likely explanation is probably the right one.
 
I frankly haven't been around her long enough to notice her behavior. But when the boys were with her they did mention she was itching her arms a lot, as well as scratching behind her knees a lot. She was in town for about 4 hours in all I think. I already intimated to her that I would ask for a negative drug test before unsupervised parenting time. Especially if the boys are staying with her out of town, and the visit is something more than just a quick couple of hours at a park where the boys and I live.

Thanks for the insight, all. I appreciate the responsiveness and the support! Frankly, in college I experimented with every drug known to man. Except for heroin. Since from all I've heard, read, and seen it is extremely difficult to get off of. Not to mention the health risks associated with what it's cut with, needle damage, dirty needles, overdosing, and all that can come into play. It's sad to see how it can affect not just the user, but the people surrounding them. :(
 
cj said:
It's really hard to say just from that picture. Her arms are defiantly strait torn up though. I used IV heroine for 7 years and my arms don't look near that bad. Maybe you could show her this site so she can get some harm reduction advice.
Click to expand...

This. She has been IV user less than a year? Yeesh. She has probably been going pretty hard. Moving counts for nothing unless it's to isolation. Good on confronting her about it too. How old is the child that took the picture?
 
My oldest son will be 18 next month, and he's the one who took the picture. Then I have twin 13 year olds. They all obviously knew something was wrong with her.

My oldest son has been with me full time since 2010. The twins were 50/50 parenting time until she moved out of town in late February.
 
Do you want her back in your life OP? That is the first question I'd ask. Because if you do, then you will have to deal with all the baggage that comes along with her, addiction not the least of it.

I hope you are able to talk to someone else IRL about this. What kind of support do you have in terms of family and friends?
 
She is my ex wife and had a live in boyfriend the past 6 years. So I don't want a relationship with her. But I do want our kids to have some sort of relationship with her. But at the same time I don't want to put them at risk.

Since late February she has either found crash pads or hotels. And I've bailed her out financially to avoid her going to a homeless shelter...
 
With how she is doing right now in mind, are your kids better or worse off with her in their lives?

The answer to that question may [hopefully] change over time.
 
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