don't give up
Where to begin.. I just read all 25 pages of this, man what a great forum this is. Well, I have not posted or even been to this site in about a year because I stopped doing drugs. I rejoined just so I could post in this topic. I have no idea why I even came back to this site... I just had an urge to for some reason. About a year ago I overdosed on heroin and I tell ya, I got goosebumps reading this post from all the similarities of our experiences (even though the causes weren't exactly the same). From the doctors almost pulling the plug, to them saying i wasen't going to make it (or get back any higher functioning when I did somewhat recover), to having to regain all my motor skills to be able to walk, talk, put my fucking shoes and socks on etc.
The only thing I really saw that differed was that I never had a trake (i dunno how to spell that) put in. The day before the operation I started breathing on my own. I was not even half as experienced a user as you; To this day I have never Iv'ed/Im'ed anything (done everything else tho). But I was actually looking for needles that night.
From back in the day when I used to frequent these forums (under the name pharmies I think..) the name PhreeX always instilled a sense of awe in me. From your posts that I read I could tell how intellegent a person you are, and how knowledgeable you are about drugs. I've never talked to you man, and I know it's been a while since it happened, but you are most likely still in rehab (drug and otherwise) and I just want to say don't give up. It's amazing how much more quickly you can recover if you really want to, and if you put your mind to your recovery. I remember my doctor said one of the most important things you can do is to visualize your goals (walking, getting the fuck out of that hospital, shit like that) and you will achieve it that much quicker. The mind is an amazing thing. I don't know all the details of your injury, but if it was intentional, you have to realize that life is amazing. Look at all these people who know how unique a person you are. There is too much to live for in this world other than drugs (not puttin drugs down) and you really don't see that side of life until you're ready. I don't know if it was an accident or whatever I'm just saying.. For me we think there was a toxin in the h (it was shitty heroin) because I didin't take much. Maybe you got a bad batch? Are they sending it to a lab to be tested by any chance? Anyway, I really hope you are doing well, and just don't give up on yourself. You owe your fellow BL'ers that much.
I'll probably be checkin this topic now and then just cause it hits so close to home with me. Hope you stay strong bro.
