EVERYBODY cheats!

[ChemicalBeauty]

in defense of dd, he had an ex-bf who left him for a woman ...

 

[Psychubus]

Good for you if you've gotten over being that way. I'm just sayin' don't brag about all your conquests or defend your actions if even you don't believe it was the right way to act.

However, I don't believe you're over the past, or that this is a part of you that "no longer exists." If that were the case, the past would not affect the way you currently act (choosing celibacy) and the way you feel about relationships (everyone cheats).

To me, it's not so much whether the men will or will not eventually cheat; it's that your goal was to coerce them into sleeping with you--you played games where you changed your personality and seduced them for months on end until they finally fell for it. Have you ever thought about the fact that you probably chose men who seemed somehow vulnerable and succeptible to your advances? Would they have slept with you if you had been yourself or did you feel you had to change into someone else who they would find more attractive?

For whatever reason, you seem to have an issue with power in relationships. Perhaps someone hurt you in the past and you decided you'd never let anyone have that kind of control over you again? If you are the one calling the shots and manipulating the other person, they don't have a chance to do that to you--you are in control, because instead of getting emotionally involved you're conducting an "experiment." That's just kinda sad for you. I'm certainly not trying to attack your character here, but since you began this thread I'm assuming you were looking for some kind of feedback on your situation.

Your issue with it seems to be that I probably have derived non-sexual pleasure from these conquests, and this seems to stem from the belief that I am bragging about all my sex exploits.

I get lengthy into detail about it, but I can assure you, none of these men have been used for boasting material.

 

[Psychubus]

Did you consider that those men who had enough free time on their hands to spend alone with you outside of their primary relationship might be more likely to cheat anyway? I in no way keep any sort of reins on my s/o, but we're pretty much together every evening, or he's at school or work. There's always some element of selection here, and I don't think you were doing much more than picking out the people that were sending off some signal that they were ripe for the pickin....

Of course. In fact, I found that the ones who lived their with s/o's were the MOST willing to cheat.

 

[Psychubus]

^^^
That's not necessarily true. I don't know many people who would take 6 months to get a person to cheat. So if they weren't around it's pretty rare that another party would have invested 6 months into it. Many people can ward off temptation for a short period of time, but 6 months of brainwashing can take it's toll.

As for the friend cheating, I'd take them aside and remind them of what they're risking, if they ignore my advice then they lie in the bed they make.

^^ Does your S/O have any friends of the opposite sex? Has any of his friendship grown with the opposite sex? Keep in mind that many that took longer, I saw as just friends so I did not have any intention of sabotaging the relationship... but over time, as two became closer, it just happened.

Please pay particular attention to this post. He is on the right track...

When you people get over your emotional responses to the thread-starter, you can sit back and think that you can never own the person you love, and you can think that often times society can instill into us the desire to have, by all appearances, the 'perfect' relationship, as if it were an asset to our personal worth, while we forget to listen to our partner, and prefer to keep up appearances rather than face reality.

Remember, it takes two to tango, and pointing out the low morals of the poster has nothing to do with the fact that your hypothetical SO cheated. If she wasn't around, it would have happened with someone else.

 

[Psychubus]

I've cheated. i was in a bad relationship and i tried so many ways to end it, unsuccessfully. this guy didn't even take me seriously when i told him i never wanted to see him or talk to him again in my life.

i was trying to find a way to get out, and didn't know any other ways.
i'm not saying it's justified, but i was trying every option i thought of.


i won't ever do it again. even in my situation, the regret was overwhelming.
i've had the opportunity in front of me countless times, and i've turned it down.
i'm another one who isn't an "everybody."

and to the original poster... i can't believe you can live with yourself knowing how many lives you potentially destroyed in the name of a thinly disguised "experiment."
i could see it being an experiment if you did it a few times to see what would happen. maybe even if you got in the position where you were about to cause a man to cheat and then called it off.
the fact that you took it THAT FAR is borderline sadistic.
karma, baby.

Haha. Why do western people keep referring to karma as if they know what it means? Karma happens to all of us--in fact, it's merely cause and effect and it is happening to all of us right NOW. Yet it always seems to be the finger pointers, the name callers, that fail to see how they have contributed to the progress of karma...

Writing wrongs from right? Hardly.

 

[Psychubus]

I don't think i own anyone, maybe as a teen i had possesive tendencies but that i'm completely over. And the ones who cheated are just as guilty, if not more so. Though they didn't go out 30 times just to see if they could interfere in a relationship.

I know it's not a popular opinion to the "rational" on bluelight.. but this is partially why i stay locked away in my apartment most of the time. I tire of people's lack of respect for one another, i tire of people's lack of loyalty, i tire of people's lack of devotion in a relationship, lack of effort and flat out laziness and this jaded out look of writing it off "that's reality". Duh, no shit.

I am no perfect model and don't expect anyone to be. Nor any relationship to be. I really don't. But i'm not one to make excuses for what i find morally irrehensible. In fact i attack it.. not only do i attack it in others but the urges to act as such within myself. There's more important things in this world than my own personal desires, what's good for the moment.. like.. how this might emotionally (or otherwise) effect someone i've befriended or ended up in a relationship with.

Aspects such as cheating, lying, ...are unforgivable in my personal life. 100% unforgivable. Don't even expect an arguement out of me.. b/c if said person does it.. they're dead to me. I don't feel like wasting my time or energy on someone who betrays my trust. Its made known pretty well upfront to. There are just simply lines you do not cross with me. This isn't a reaction of "ownership". This is a matter of two people mutally devoting themselves to each other. If one person breaks it... ce la vie. If one no longer wants it.. or no longer values it the way in which is acceptable to the other.. then fuck that person.

And i do take the issue really personally. I look around and see more failed marriages than working ones. I see children who are barely parented worth a damn b/c they're in a single parent home and the single parent is busting their ass just to support two or three or more people. I look around and see teenagers as young as 13 and adults as old with 60 brimming with insecurity and unable to trust people. I have a long long list of friends.. who just simply stabbed me in the back, a long long list of girls who have cheated. I'm not really apprehensive about trusting people suprisingly. I'm just tired of exerting the effort. And i just tire of a world.. where people don't have the common decency, respect, and faith in the relationships that they hold with one another (not necessarily romantic) to treat each other worth a shit. I truly am just fucking sick of it. Sick of it in my own life..and sick of seeing it plague everyone else's.

People perpetuating drama, and habitually projecting sadness, frustrations, pain, onto others is both reality and should be looked at pragmatically ..but should also be gravely frowned upon. And frankly i think most people today are far too cynical to frown on it any longer. For the most part.. it's shrugged off as long as it's not happening to them. Typical of the tv and internet and video game generation desensitized to the nth degree.

I'm a pretty opinionated person overall..but this... this is what i'm militant about. So yeah.. when someone comes in my face. .or online boasting like a proud peacock of their 30 home-wrecking conquests..i'm going to attack them. I dont understand why treating people like they're worth more than your own personal entertainment is such a hard concept to grasp. I just simply refuse to.. or support.. people treating others like they're fucking disposable when a good amount of time, energy, emotion, and even trust and faith has been put forth. And i don't really agree with outsiders disrupting that.

If a relationship is going to fail... let it fail. Don't be the reason it fails, don't give it the extra push. It's not your fucking concern, regardless of your selfish wants. The husbands in this girl's scenario are far more at fault.

As to BB.. unless it's a mutually agreed upon open relationship... someone cheating is not a good lover..regardless of the illusion the SO is buying day in and day out. They're SO is in love with a lie. It's that simple.. an illusion. And while the parenting may not slip up.. it's a hell of thing for your kids to find out about you. Sure does instill those "family values" and lessons on how to treat others from the get go.

I don't expect a fairy tale, i don't expect perfection. I expect fights, i expect both parties having some wrong doing throughout the course of a relationship. I expect hard times, i expect insecurities, i expect tears, to some degree.. i even expect someone throwing shit in a fit of anger. I don't buy into the whole image of what a relationship and / or marriage is supposed to be, i don't buy into gender roles for the most part. I'm not concerned with "Santa Claus" (a fantasy). What i am concerned about.. is basic freaking decency. If someone can't uphold that.. they won't be a part of my life. Ever.

People can have a lackidasical attitude about it all they want, that's there life and fine. But that'll never be me. Maybe i'm an idealist, maybe i'm out of line. So be it.

DD, why do you attack what is morally apprehensible? Does the possibility that it could happen to you or your S/O frighten you that bad? By behaving with such self-righteous hostility and projecting bitterness it is YOU who is continuing to perpetrate the drama.

To critize something I did years ago is petty, and will not change a damn thing. If you really seek to end the cycle, then live to understand people everywhere, free of judgment. Understanding only a select group of people and throwing empty and vague accusations at the "sinners" leads to nowhere. This is a common mindset I would expect out of a biblical Christian group.

 

[psychetool]

To critize something I did years ago is petty, and will not change a damn thing.

Ahahahaahahahahahaha. Right. You're calling -him- petty ? LoL... You really got your head screwed on backwards, I feel sorry for ya.

 

[Psychubus]

It's really strange how reactive people get to such a post. Instilling some insecurities in your own (future) relationships perhaps?

 

[wizekrak]

^^^
I think a lot of it has to do with knowing that there are people out there who are actively trying to ruin the most important thing in their lives. I suppose it seems perverse for someone to actually want to wreck a home.

As for myself I'm single at the moment. If a girl I was with spent more and more time with a new male friend I'd become suspicious. It seems like the couples in question lack a certain level of communication. People don't hang out with someone for 6 months and one day wake up and say "I want to fuck them". It's a gradual process, when the idea of infidelity pops into their mind it's time to sit down and have a conversation with the significant other. There's an expectation of transparency regarding issues that directly affect the health of a relationship. Obfuscating your thought process vis a vis sex outside the relationship hurts all parties involved.

I know many couples who have never cheated, I also know many who have. Saying that all will cheat given the right circumstances is a gross generalization. Perhaps you just picked a susceptible cross section to work your "magic" on.

 

[quiet roar]

"I know many couples who have never cheated"

No offence pal but you can't know for sure.

You were right, though, "all" is a gross generalisation but "most" is definitely not. Hell, in some cultures "almost all" may be appropriate.

 

[Psychubus]

^^ That is definitely possible. I've heard somebody else state, "you always seem to attract partners who are much weaker than you in mentality."

However, this does not change the fact that people ARE very impressionable, and in any situation, it is likely to say that they would cheat--even if the situation is highly unlikely and almost impossible. Just like how I believe everybody is capable of killing when it really comes down to it.

There are shows out there that feed on this. Temptation Island, Real World, numerous other reality shows--ironically probably all shows that the very people who are "abhor" this sort of behavior, probably secretly enjoy and watch.

I wouldn't know. I haven't watched TV in over one year either. Last time I saw it, they just came out with Real World Philadelphia.

 

[JerryBlunted]

I'll tell you one thing. I've been sexually active for about ten years now. I've been in several non-serious relationships and one extremely serious relationship that lasted about six years. I got cheated on in the end of that relationship and it absolutely broke my heart.

Before that I never had any intention of ever cheating on a monogamous sexual partner and afterwards I am one hundred per cent sure it is not within my nature to do so. I had plenty of temptation when I was in college, but I managed to stay strong then, and plan to do it for the rest of my life.

My ability to trust was damaged for a long time, but I believe I'm able to trust people again. Cheating is something that can happen, but you can't let that possibility preoccupy your mind.

As for the original poster, I feel sorry for you. What you've done is degrading to everybody in the situation: you, your conquests, and their women.

Back to the original point, I can quite proudly say I'm a twenty four year old young man who will NEVER cheat on someone that I care about enough to be in a relationship with. You can take that shit to the bank.

 

[Izel]

It's really strange how reactive people get to such a post. Instilling some insecurities in your own (future) relationships perhaps?

I put you in the same group of people who go around spiking people's pets with acid or rat poison.. just to see what happens. Do i hate these people because i fear it happening to my pet.. no.. i hate those people because i have something called empathy.

Do you consider how your actions effect others?

And your name means mind-seductress right? Your obviously very proud of your ability to create more negativity in the world.. Psychopath.

 

[wizekrak]

None taken, but I do know for sure. With the majority of my close friends cheating seems to be the exception and not the rule.

 

[Mariposa]

I can't reply to this seriously, I just cannot.

Glad you changed, living the life of a bottom feeder would be highly unsatisfying to me as well.

I agree with Venus 100%. And I have abstained from participating in this thread for that reason. But now it looks like something has to be done.

Psychubus, we welcome lively debate in SLR, but this is turning into more than a lively debate. It's borderline as to guidelines and it is my belief that you are baiting people (as evidenced by your gross overgeneralizations about "Western people" and loading the discussion with religion, to use examples from this page alone), which I consider disruptive and a second possible violation. See the forum guidelines should you require clarification. But I think at this point you'd have a hard time garnering any sort of sympathy or empathy from anyone.

SLM & BB - You are much more familiar with this discussion than I and I would not be at all offended if you reopened it. I see nothing good coming of this one, so I'm shutting it down pending any oversight on my account.