• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Ever doubt your own sanity?

paranoid android said:
Never had the pod stuff I had psychosis in the psych ward so anything that keeps me in contact with reality is good lol I didnt get high the whole time i had cotards syndrome and thought i was dead. So drugs just make me feel more alive i guess As soon as the first dose of anti-psychotic i had kicked in i was smoking a joint a half hour later lol
Click to expand...
I had to Google cotards , wow that sounds like a horrible thing to live with,do you realize that it’s the cotards at some point in the delusions or are you totally convinced your dead , how long does an episode last till you snap out of it ,or does someone have too medicate you….

Don’t get me wrong about the pods they really are great but the pharmacy morphine is new to me so it’s stealing some of the sunshine away from the pods that’s all.
 
Just a little pinprick said:
I had to Google cotards , wow that sounds like a horrible thing to live with,do you realize that it’s the cotards at some point in the delusions or are you totally convinced your dead , how long does an episode last till you snap out of it ,or does someone have too medicate you….

Don’t get me wrong about the pods they really are great but the pharmacy morphine is new to me so it’s stealing some of the sunshine away from the pods that’s all.
Click to expand...

No i was totally psychotic so i lacked all insight I legit thought i was dead and in purgatory. I was fucking dreadful My brother noticed i stopped smoking weed, drinking and taking morphine and that's when he knew i was getting bad. I can't remember if i had cravings very bad at all because honestly the whole thing reminded me of the dramamine trip i had when i was 12 I do remember my mom giving me some clonazepam and it having no effect despite being off it for months at that point.

I had it for 3 months because my bitch shrink refused to give me any medication Not even loperamide for morphine wd never mind a anti-psychotic I got a new shrink afterp starting my 6th fight with security in there and my brother whjos a lawyer lost his shit to and demanded i get a new shrink or he was gonna drag me out of there and they didnt have enough security to take both of us. So i got a new shrink who gave me anti-sychotics and eventually clonazepam and when i got out zopiclone as well I got better after my first injection

So ya i was dead for 3 months lol
 
paranoid android said:
No i was totally psychotic so i lacked all insight I legit thought i was dead and in purgatory. I was fucking dreadful My brother noticed i stopped smoking weed, drinking and taking morphine and that's when he knew i was getting bad. I can't remember if i had cravings very bad at all because honestly the whole thing reminded me of the dramamine trip i had when i was 12 I do remember my mom giving me some clonazepam and it having no effect despite being off it for months at that point.

I had it for 3 months because my bitch shrink refused to give me any medication Not even loperamide for morphine wd never mind a anti-psychotic I got a new shrink afterp starting my 6th fight with security in there and my brother whjos a lawyer lost his shit to and demanded i get a new shrink or he was gonna drag me out of there and they didnt have enough security to take both of us. So i got a new shrink who gave me anti-sychotics and eventually clonazepam and when i got out zopiclone as well I got better after my first injection

So ya i was dead for 3 months lol
Click to expand...
At least your able to sit here and laugh about it instead of being trapped in it permanently,I wish you well dude…. 🙏🙏
 
Worst, right next to hearing voices, were maybe the antipsychotic cocktails they give to you. Got literally out of my fucking mind twice because of overdosed and mixed antipsychotics. Forgot where I was and why etc. which would have let them to up the dose again if not the insurance denied payment (was in another country) and they put me out to street.. in horrible condition, I still wonder how I made the way home. First action when home was drinking some DXM cough syrup plus alcohol to sober me up, and lol it worked.
 
plumbus-nine said:
Worst, right next to hearing voices, were maybe the antipsychotic cocktails they give to you. Got literally out of my fucking mind twice because of overdosed and mixed antipsychotics. Forgot where I was and why etc. which would have let them to up the dose again if not the insurance denied payment (was in another country) and they put me out to street.. in horrible condition, I still wonder how I made the way home. First action when home was drinking some DXM cough syrup plus alcohol to sober me up, and lol it worked.
Click to expand...

Lol i was home a day from the psych ward and called up my dealer for a 8 ball.
 
strangeaeon said:
since i was a kid, i knew i was going to be a junkie. like, even before trying any drug at all. i just knew it. i have only heard that from another person and he is a scorpio like me. but i wonder why that happens? so weird.
Click to expand...
god i thought i was just a lonely pretentious dumbass for knowing i'd turn out like this.

i didn't even quite understand what drugs were but i knew i wanted to try them. all of them.
the only thing one ever gets told is "drugs are bad. don't try them.". no one ever explains why people end up doing them anyways. no one ever talks about how they can feel like finally unlocking the key to everything. the magic, the serenity, the seeming enlightenment of the intoxicated mind.
back then i was too naive and inexperienced to even fathom these things but i knew there had to be something appealing enough for thousands upon thousands of people to be willing to lose everything just for this one little thing. and i knew i fucking wanted it.
 
I've always had a pretty firm grip on reality. The only time that I ever doubt it for a moment is when I wake up from an extremely vivid, realistic dream and think for a moment, "How do I know that I'm not still asleep?".

It only lasts for a minute though.
 
Despite being very mentally ill, not really. I used to have feelings like I'm not of this planet or something, but then I realized it's everyone else that isn't. Not digging at anyone here, but just how people behave in society in general. I love nature and it's one of the only things I genuinely care about anymore besides music. I hate seeing people cut down trees or just generally litter their nip bottles and twisted teas and shit all over the place. I once was at a lake a long time ago, it was beautiful, but I could see that generations of teens partying here ruined it. The water was murky, there were broken beer bottles at the bottom (I stepped on one that was thankfully upside down). I was pretty high and just very introspective about how I viewed it then, hell, one idiot lit a tree on fire before we left. My friends and I just ran for it not knowing what to do as some family was approaching the lake, they probably turned back quickly.

I'll get FOMO these days at times if I'm out with friends knowing I could be outside walking on a nice evening. It used to be the opposite, all I wanted to do was drink and party and now I'm so "boring." Maybe, but I don't mind enjoying the littler things in life now, maybe that's a facet of growing up, maybe it's depression, maybe it's both. It's probably both.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top