has anyone else did cry like a baby due to sobriety and lack of access to drugs (in hospitalization, rehab/detox, jail etc)?
**I posted this before fully understanding the OP's question.due to sobriety and lack of access to drugs but then in paranths it said hospitilization so i decided to include my story.My drug was cutting and their was hospitilization too**
When I was 13-16 I cried more than any other time of my life.I am 20 years of age now.
At those times I didnt do drugs or know about them[cept for social stigmas and labels] but instead i would self harm in the form of cutting my left arm.Cutting was my drug.And believe it or not,it actually can be considered a a drug because it releases endorphines and such and when addicted cutters have periods where they need to stop then they do go through withdrawls.Only the withdrawls consist pretty much of only one thing,an increase in current rate of depression and/or increase in some/all other negative emotions.
Sometimes that would make me cry,not because of pain but because of how crummy I felt on the inside.
I couldnt cut whenever I wanted especially after people and family fgound out because they would always check me while I was sleepin or somethin or ask me.
SO I would go through withdrawls,believe it or not and I would get to the point where if I didnt cut then I was going to Off myself.
Then I tried killing myself with sleeping pills.I took a bottle containing 27 sleeping pills[suspected as trazadones] and went to sleep.I woke up sometime way early in the morning I think,as it was just getting light out and was suddenly scare4d out of my mind.
I tried to puke the pills up- but nothing would come,I cired a little and thena ccepted it and went back to sleep.
I awoke next in the hospitol in a very thick fog of haziness.
I couldnt really see anything and I couldnt move for some reason.
That's whne I heard the words "this is going to hurt but we need you to do your best to hold still" and then they stuck a cathader into my dick.
yeah,that really hurt and Im sure I shed a couple tears before I passed back out right away for some reason.
Then i really woke up.It had bein like 18 hours or something like that since I OD'ed.I remember waking up in the hospitol and thinking to myself "God I cant even kill myself the right way".
The pills I overdosed on were not trazadones like I thought.Keep in mind,this was before I knew my pills just by looking at them and their imprints like I usually do now.They turned out to be Diphenhydramine tablets!
Lucky me!!!! Someone up above was lookin out for me.
Since then I have changed dramaticaly.Addiction wise,emotional wise and most importantly belief wise.I am happy,even when I am sad.And that is all thanks to God.
It takes ALOT to make me cry ever since then.Sometimes I feel like I WANT to cry SO badly at times but the tears just won't come out.
Sometimes I wonder if I cried them all away during my younger teen years,lol.
*******To the OP,if you don't want my post here then just tell me and I will delete it.Cutting is LIKE a drug in many ways and has bein considered a kindof drug by some.***********