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  • Trip Reports Moderator: Cheshire_Kat

Ethylphenidate - Multiple doses - First Time - A long day of feeling fine :D

^ Cheers. :)

I'm not normally a stimulant fan either. Not because of anxiety though; even when I had bad issues with anxiety, I found stimulants (meth, cocaine, methylphenidate) would improve it especially for social situations. Can't say the same about the come-downs though. :\

But yeah, even though I'm really more of a downer person, I liked this particular substance as it's not too overtly physical, I don't feel really scattered like MDPV does to me after just a few lines, and I find that the mental stimulation is very clear and helps me get a lot done. Going to be saving some of this one for social outings in the near future. :)
 
Oddly enough I was researching this exact chem through insuffalation last night as well.
Same things as you described: mild drip, total loss of time perception, talkative, highly addictive/reenforces taking more, "hurts like a bitch" when going through the nasal passages sometimes tear ducts would start tearing, and you're correct about some real damage to the nasal membranes going on because some idiot woke up this morning with a bloody nose.
"Unlike amphetamine and methamphetamine, this stimulant does not seem to be part'ticularly good at keeping my nose dry and free of mucous, so I'm making sure I blow my nose before snorting. I also noticed that my pupils are somewhat dilated; not too bad (I like dilated pupils, especially on women ). "
SAME

I'd recommend not eyeballing this stim, and sticking to small doses of 15-20 mg, 30mg tops if you're tolerance is high. It certainly was interesting, but not my favorite, and I don't think anyone can get anything done one it.

Question: It sounds like you consumed alot of this over the course of just a handful of hours. Did you develop chest pains at all?
 
oh god the crash from my one week ethylphenidate binge was horrifying ! the shadow people were after me
but i'm better now and I love that stuff. I hope they distribute it to everyone and all trash will be picked up and everything organized.

ethylphenidate gave me the best week of my life euphoria wise.
 
If possible, could anyone who has tried this and 2-FA compare the 2? This seems to have a bit more euphoria, but what about the focus it gives? I'm currently subscribed dex for my ADD, but I'm looking for a shorter lasting stim which will help me study but not keep me going all day. These both seem to fit the bill.
 
^ I found that I developed a bit of a tolerance as well, but it by doubling the redose I got the sociability and communication back and was up until 1:20am conversing on it, then took the the comedown kit and was still conversing for another hour or more. :)

I'll attach a picture to show the size of the first line I did, they weren't very big but I got a lot out of them. Quality isn't so good but should give indication of size.

If anyone else gets this, make sure you break up any little clumps before snorting.

Mmm I was bored this afternoon and I enjoyed the report: thank you! So, I attempted an estimated calculation of that there line! It is hard to tell in the image how finely you've cut it up but assuming you've made it very powdery indeed... I make it to be about ~40-20mg (tall as it is wide -> 1/2 the height) comparing it to what I have. There's a lot more mg than it looks with this stuff! I haven't used stims for months and I found 40mg was about right... saw some people mentioning 80mg somewhere. That only really increased the side effects (quite a racing heart beat and anxiety, which stims don't usually give me (the anxiety part anyway!)!) and duration for me, the positive effects stayed roughly the same: at least subjectively! Definitely agree on the writing and writing part! Can't stop! Not sure if I'm a fan or not yet... as its wearing off I get a very horrible dysphoria and a little nausea that makes it all the more compelling to re-dose, coupled with it only lasting around an hour. However I seem to have passed through the dysphoria and nausea now, just left with very loquacious fingers! Don't let put anyone off though, I have some strange reactions: any dose of Tramadol, be it high or low, instantly puts me in a dysphoric almost depressed mood the moment it kicks in.
 
Great report and thank you for the detail. Will definitely give this one a try - a few RC vendors in the UK are now selling it.

I know this isn't everyone's idea of fun, but I will report on how it works when plugged. (The nose-burning is something I can live without - snorting can be so damn unpredictable.)
 
First off, I'd like to thank you guys because I have just learned what exactly racemic meant. i've learned some chemistry tonight going through bluelight. Right now, Im on MXE and was thinking of experimenting with this EP. But then again, Im more of a downer guy and wanted to get Etizolam. (I think I will), but not to diverge from the subject, it seems EP is a more mental trip? Making it more of a d-isomer, if I'm not mistaken? I've read that with methamphetamine, there is 2 isomers, dextro and levro(sp?), one which is in Vick's and causes vasoconstriction (mostly physical side-effects) while the right-hand isomer was more mental? It seems if Im not mistaken EP is more of a mental stimulant when compared to MPH? Im quite dissociated right now (my favorite), so hope I am not too confused with the pharmacology of it, sounds fun though, like right in my alley for someone who doesnt enjoy stimulants because of their over-physically stimulating effects, and specifically, vasoconstriction as well. Phenazepam seems better than etizolam, but I know thats off topic I just wanted to throw that in there. haha correct me if Im wrong on thinking the EP is more mental. and also, RobotRipping, I love youre name!! xD cheers, and thanks you guys you turned a horrible christmas eve into a lot better one with the help of mexxie my friend and a BL community!
 
I cannot bare this on my nose, it feels like it does some serious damage to it. You can take it orally but there isn't much of a rush, plus its stimulant after effects last ages. I last dosed at 2PM and I still feel stimulated. It reminds me of more euphoric MDPV without the nasty anxiety and paranoia on the comedown.

It isn't necessarily the pain but the damage it does. Even Mephedrone didn't have long lasting pain several hours later. Maybe some dimethocaine or benzocaine might help with the pain?
 
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Hi,
Just received 500mg Ethylphenidate for experimentation along with some Etizolam for later. No working scales so I'm eyeballing which limits the usefulness of dosing info so sorry for that. Insufflation is the ROA because that's how us 80s kids roll!

About me, for what it's worth to ya! I'm a relatively fit 41, a well built 5'10" and 170lbs, not skinny but not fat either. Used to smoke until I quit 5 months ago having discovered the world of vaping. I have a reasonably fast metabolism, my first coffee of the day rocks my world and pain killers are usually fast acting on me too. No real medical history other than a brief period of taking Seroxat in my early 30s which I hated because it robbed me of my soul . But I've a ton of recreational derring-do under my belt, leaning more toward psychonautic, only dabbling in stims when I'm really bored, like now.

10:45am - Package arrived 10 minutes ago - god I love you Mr Postman, I don't tell you that enough. I've not eaten anything today, just a couple of coffees. Open the bag up, the instant heady scent of chem causes the usual Pavlovian response. Glassy, shard-like sea salt consistency, looks a total bitch to get up the hooter, so I've decided to chop it up as finely as possible with my trusty Visa. I don't know if what I've got is under weight but it doesn't look like half a gram to me, must be the consistency. Because of that I'm particularly leary about eyeballing so I take about a match head's worth, a very thin line half a toothpick in length and halve it as an allergy test. Man, it hurts like a motherfucker, like snorting chilli powder cut with fibreglass! The pain eases after 30 seconds - this old hand has known worse, but not much.Copious amounts of drip.

10:50am - no adverse reaction, and just a slight stim tingle lurking in the periphery.

11:23am - was too busy setting up this report to line up another dose. Also our 4 month old kitten is shouting to be fed. Now the Wife's calling from work to check how I'm getting on with painting the spare room. "Great" I say with the practiced smoothness of a married man well used to pressure under interrogation with all things domestic.

11:45 okay, so not much to report. Onto a proper dose. Again I hate eyeballing but my scales are totally whack and I no longer trust it's lies - my eyes are more reliable. I do another thin half toothpick line. And this time the stimulation is almost instant. A definite welcome buzzy sensation.

11:50 I feel really very pleasant indeed, very clear headed, a subtle yet really warm and sunny sense of well being. I'm also really enjoying talking to you, even if you're not reading this. Doesn't matter, because conveying experience this way feels like keeping a journal, something I've always wanted to do but could never be arsed to keep up for more than a week - who am I kidding, a day!

11:55 People describe this stuff as a sort of light coke...hmm, it's nothing like any charlie I've ever done, even the really cut to shit stuff. It's breezy and nice, but not euphoric to me. I kicked smoking 5 months ago and whenever I quit in the past it was drug taking or drinking that knocked me off the perch. I've since taken up vaping nicotine "e-juice" and it's been absolutely stellar, not a single blip. Doing a stim would normally be a recipe for disaster yet I'm really enjoying sucking on my e-cigarette, particularly as it's Red Bull flavoured which is rather appropriate - ENERGY!

12:15 - okay so that bump definitely had a mild impact, maybe I was expecting just a little more from it considering it's rapid onset, and it certainly feels like it could be cumulative in effect though euphoria has been entirely absent so far, with only mild but very pure physical/mental stimulation, like a coffee jag but without the unhealthy feeling one gets from that. I wouldn't describe it as moreish as such, more that I instinctively know doing little bumps at regular intervals is going to reap rewards, like Playstation Wipeout's speed pads. Maybe I'm wrong there, but lets see shall we? Feeling a bit cold so I've whacked up the central heating. Going to have a play with the kitten for a bit, then go up to my den for a line. Same size I reckon. Fuck the painting.

12:30 I think I'm trapped in that weird place between over-caution and the temptation to start cooking on gas. I reckon doses so far amount to around 25mg. This time I've served up toothpick's length, something approaching what I think of as that first conservative line of coke you do before enthusiastically ripping into your gram. God I hate this guess work with an RC substance. I dunno, maybe 25mg? Looking at what's in the bag I'd say that was about right. Virtually instant good karma this time, totally hit the sweet spot and I'm flying. But it's like flying a glider rather than a jet plane, not so much thrust but plenty of good feeling, very slight euphoria too, like those little moments you sometimes experience where life just seems....sweet. Right now I'd love to have somebody come round for a social visit, I'd really enjoy the company. Blue Light will have to do for now, at least until the Wife gets home from her hard day's toil. I'm thinking of telling her an absolute whopper about putting my back out when I got up the ladder to paint the ceiling. I might try to bribe her by suggesting a visit to the in-laws and a long walk along the windswept foreshore with our dog.

12:40 Talk about better living through chemistry....just tidied our bedroom with the enthusiasm of a forensic team working a scene. I WANT to paint that god damned room, I want to paint that motherfucker so bad I can taste it. I'm feeling the creative spark too; would the wife appreciate a crude rendition of The Creation of Adam on the ceiling with nothing more than three shades of dulux paint, a roller and an edging brush? All I know is that I could probably pull it off with gusto and have plenty in the tank for other grand projects around the house. I'm feeling in absolutely top shape, as fit as an astronaut on the eve of his moon landing. Man, this RC is good shit.

12:58 - I'm waffling aren't I? Nobody's gonna read this babbling stream of consciousness. I wouldn't. Well, right now I would. I'd read the back of a shampoo bottle and give it a round of applause afterwards. Lets hope I don't do anything silly like drop a bag of sugar on the floor, because I'd really enjoy picking it all up with nothing more than some eyebrow tweezers. Right now, that would be like a day at the races. I NEED tasks. Give me a work detail. Maybe I'll go out and sweep the neighbour's drive, he'd appreciate that.

13:29 - a bit of slight dizzyness and a tad of upset stomach feeling. I also instinctively know that sitting around in front of my PC being sedentary is not the way forward. I got up and moved around and got a real rush from even that tiny bit of exertion. So in a plot twist I'm going to crack on with some chores before I even consider doing any more of this stuff.

14:10 I'm writing today off as a chemical boosted dedication to the senses. Some vintage Nine Inch Nails is my current tasty ear candy, The Spinto Band were just too organic for my current mood, I'm digging a more cyber sexual soundscape, it's making me feel horny and right now a Cheryl Cole lookalike 22nd century Taiwanese mail order pleasure bot with shiny patent leather flesh and death grip vagina skimming thigh boots, more stims, some Kraftwerk, Low period Bowie, Can or other Krautrock on shuffle, and some premium Polish vodka on the rocks and Hunter S Thompson spoken word - that would be Disney Land to me right now.

14:45 and still feeling really good without further doses. Very much stimulated mentally and physically I'm buzzing merrily away - I wasn't expecting that tbh. Time has slipped through my fingers and I feel I have so much I could have done with it. I cracked open a bottle of premium Zubrowka 20 minutes ago instead. It tastes like grassy heaven. I'm also feeling a lot less inhibited as a result. I have a Benzo Fury sample burning a hole in my pocket and I'm wondering if it's pure lunacy to just down the little fucker.

Okay, this report has to end, otherwise I'm going to be at it all fucking day. I'm going to sum up while my increasingly gad fly-like ability to concentrate on anything for more than a second gets any worse. I've judiciously avoided most RC substances, don't generally like their idiosyncrasies, I often find them glacial and machine-like compared to street drugs, regardless of their intent or composition - all of those I've tried so far have had that feeling of being shoehorned into a meticulously plotted experience. The only one I really, REALLY enjoyed was my mate sexy MXE (the king of designer disassociatives?), but even then I found it a difficult substance to deal with despite it's unerring ability to reveal the workings of the universe with each staggeringly effective dose. RCs in the main, are not something I rave about. But I'm in the very grip of notions being overturned. Eth rocks, in a very subtle yet marvelous way. I could get an awful lot of useful and productive shit done on this lovely little substance, and I'd feel great while doing it too. It's got a huge potential for recreational application too. I reckon I could drink like a fish for example, that's either a good or a bad thing depending on your mileage. Right now I'm also pondering whether it could have a synergy with other chems, but I'm not a biochemist and these days I'm not as street smart or as (stupid) brave as I was during my adventurous youth.

One last thing before I fragment into a cloud of nanotech maintenance robots programmed to accomplish a myriad domestic tasks at the speed of light - I'm going to need 1mg of Etizolam if I'm ever going to see the inside of my eyelids again. I'm not experienced with benzos of any kind so I'm looking forward to that, it'll hopefully be a nice way to round off what I know is going to be a fast moving blur of a day.

Without a doubt or a moment's hesitation - Ethylphenidate is an immediate win for the nefarious RC mad professors. No idea what the downsides are going to be, but I'm old enough and wise enough to know there will be some. But that's what makes this brief life we're given so worthwhile, the ups and the downs.

Peace and love to you all, play hard, play safe, live long and prosper in your doings.

Signing off.

b3ast1e

edit: Skyrim! You lovely, buggy, monstrously massive, beautiful waste of time. I come to thee, take me into your loving reasonably high polygonal count bosom, I care not that you lack anti-aliase. Onward to the Throat of the World, for there be dragons!

edited edit: I wish I could stop editing - the plan was to make this little trip report raw and unadulterated like the pros do. But instead I find I want tokeep on worrying at it, tweaking it, adding minor detail, recording everything meticulously like an over-stimulated court stenographer, for no other reason than it satisfies a maddening itch to reflect, to document every nuance, every little happening. If only I could bend it to my will, I'd write that Robert Bloch/Philip K Dick inspired short story I always felt was trapped in the no man's land of my corpus callosum.
 
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Good report and kudos on the structuring.

It's always great to hear about new compounds that circulate from time to time.


Question. How would you compare it to dexamphetamine? I just started taking 20mg Adderall (just started) and it's the best thing that's ever happened to me. If only I'd had a doctor or teacher recognize my inattentive-type ADD at a proper age I'd likely be a well-established "human being" in societies eye.

If this ethylphenidate has the potential to work better than amphetamine I' consider a switch, but on second thought I think it may be scheduled here in the US. Oh well, I've still a lot more exploring to do with the 4fa/4fma/2fa/3fa methiopropamine etc etc ad infinitum.


The only one I really, REALLY enjoyed was my mate sexy MXE

MXE is a gift from heaven and perfect for spiritual realization/integration as well as introspection after trauma.

Sometimes its a painful, sobbing process but it gets to the very core of the collective unconsicous, surfaces it. I wish it wasn't a research chemcical and MAPS.org started using it for therapy.

I've never abused it though.


Sorry to get off on a tangent I'm on a bit of mixed amphetamine salts myself, morning dose and rant rave and all that.

:)


Edit:

Please invest in a milligram scale. Eyeing your doses is totally unnecesary in this day and age. 22 dollars will get you a .001 diamond scale on ebay. If you have the money to buy methylphenidate analogs, then you've got the money for a scale.


For the sake of harm reduction I'm adding this disclaimer ad nauseaum:

DO NOT EYE OUT COMPOUNDS. USE A SCALE ACCURATE TO .OO1. THANK YOU.
 
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Hi Thou, thanks for the kind comment. I wish I could give you an answer re dexamphetamine, but other than a very brief opportunist sampling of my God Son's Dexedrine script during an all night Halo session a few years ago - not an auspicious moment, and not something I can't offer anything reliably enlightening about. My only real experience of any stims are of the dirty street Bolivian marching powder variety in my otherwise stimulation deprived youth. I've never had a particular affinity for any amph, beyond using them as a pick me up during a cocktail binge. Could never take the comedown.

Re MXE - thanks for offering your take on what I think is something approaching a wonder drug, makes me feel less deluded about my own experiences with it knowing that others hold it in esteem. I've tried them all over a couple of decades of experimentation, yet it still had the power to induce a profound experience. If it wasn't for the fact that it also made me act a bit crazy with the afterglow it has, I'd be regularly re-visiting.

re the efficacy of ethylphenidate, all I can say is that this old dog has enjoyed himself thoroughly and I've felt like I could get an awful lot of stuff done on it with nary a pause. It seems like it could be quite configurable based on dosage. I don't find it unlocks my fiendish tendancies particularly either, unlike many reports I've read - I could easily do 15 or 20mg of it a day and probably operate better than I do baseline - that's just a hunch though, I've no way of backing that up as yet. I might even conduct an experiment over the coming days with the half gram I have, if I can manage not to dip into it purely for fun, it definitely has a capacity for recreation too.

edit: and duly noted on the scales. It's a non-negotiable that one. It's on the grocery list :)
 
I agree with you about the MXE. The key is to use in moderation.

This doesn't mean you can't do it every day if you so desire (although I wouldn't recommend it), just that it's power lies in small doses taken in intervals. This is the same way I take ketamine, and interestingly enough, neurontin as well (the latter has low oral bioavailabitliy so I split up 800 mg pills into quarters and I'll stagger the dose one every half hour to forty five minutes for top notch absorption. Digression, see the Neurontin thread in ADD I'm too lazy to find the link but it's there).

Also:

The scale comment wasn't directed towards you directly I want you to know. I have to do that for anyone who might happen upon the thread, I try to repeat it often so it sinks in.

Question.

Did you find ethylphenidate too euphoric to be used for studying and such? Or was it solely a strict attention solving compound? I'm going to go find the legal status of it here. Are you in the UK?
 
Yes I'm in the UK and making the most of our lack of analogue controls, knowing full well that a deliberately convoluted legislative mine field amounting to a blanket ban is looming large. We've probably got global economic meltdown to thank for this indian summer. After that it'll probably resemble the situation in Germany.

Regarding euphoria and it's significance. I've found that it isn't really very significant, more a nice little payoff that does seem to be more apparent the more you indulge, or so it seemed to me - it's such a small part of what I've got from today that I was only really aware of it with dosing to 100mg and easily engulfed with the onset of what I found to be really quite potent mental stimulation, which I reckon is the definitive characteristic of this drug, along with it's very light body load.

This stuff makes you think better and helps you get shit together, but has enough recreational value for me to consider taking it in preference to most other stims I've used in the past, though I'll reserve judgement for when I've had a chance to sample any come down - that's what's always made me steer well clear of amphetamines altogether in the past. But What makes this chem so alluring and open to abuse despite a lack of anything really distinctive about it when judged purely as a stim, is that it doesn't seem to suffer the same level of diminishing return that I've found with virtually every other similar substance that I've tried. I can easily imagine this being a viable work horse, a tool that could be relied on to do what it does probably without much in the way of uncertainty.

So yeah, the biggest recommendation I can give this RC is that I can see it having practical worth to those looking for an accessible way to chemically augment some serious mental heavy lifting without too many negatives getting in the way, and it's also a fun substance to play with, though based on my dabbling thus far I'd consider claims of it's vaunted potential for euphoria to be highly subjective, and certainly not a significant part of my experience with it so far anyway . I'll be getting some more in for the sock drawer though, and that's the best compliment I can give to a relatively unknown chem, especially given my general antipathy for them.
 
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New to Bluelight so lets hope my first post goes well.

I will try and post a full trip report but as I'm having a rather bad comedown at the time of writing from my experience it may just be more of a summary but I will try and answer any questions that you may have.

Awoke at about 12.30 pm the package (containing 1g of Ethylphenidate was waiting for me in front of the letterbox as usual, I opened it and inspected the contents all looked well.
I wanted to get to it strait away but had some stuff to do, eat(just a cup of tea and toast), shower and do some shopping.

T-0.00 Anyway upon returning from the shops I made my self a small line(sorry no scales, stupid I know) estimated at about 20-25mg, the first dose wasn't all that bad going up the nose slight sharp sting that passed in seconds, and the drip was virtually non existent.

T-0.05 Effects of stimulation and euphoria defiantly there but a little lacking.

T-0.30 Effects increasing, rather enjoyable I have to say.

T-0.45 I picked up my guitar and music appreciation definitely increased I honestly could have played it for the entire trip.

T-1.00 Re-dose I would say about 30mgs this time around, after doing the line I texted my friend who agreed to come pay me a visit. There is a very social aspect to this drug.

T-2.00 Friend arrives, I mainly talked about him this new drug and how great it was, I think this sparked an interest in him as he agreed to join me and do a line.

T-2.30 Friend strangely feels no effects and doesn't want anymore as he thought snorting was pretty painful.

T-6.30 Friend and I play video-games for the past 4 hours with me re-dosing again in this time(line was slightly bigger than before), the stimulant and euphoric effect made playing video-games very fun. I actually feel pretty hungry at this point which is strange as other stims usually suppress my appetite. Eating was enjoyable enough (I ate a pretty big meal with no trouble).

T-7.00 My friend leaves. I re-dose again(same as the last about 40mgs was also abit more painful than when I started). Start listening to music which as previously said was very enjoyable. I should say that re-dosing give very little else to the high, simply makes it go on longer.

T-9.00 Re-dose again same as before 40mgs (hurt even more going up). Last one of the night.

T-11.30 Start to feel the effects waring of, have a cup of tea and some food.

T-12.00 Bad comedown, headache, slight dizziness and general discomfort.

T-13.00 Still felling pretty bad but effects are subsiding.

T-13.20 Writing this trip report which I shall now bring to a close after a short summary.

Well my Ethylphenidate experience was definitely not a bad one not until then end at least, I am however very aware that I re-dosed alot and this may have attributed to the bad come down. I would also like to point out that I was smoking cigarettes throughout my trip although it was no more than I regularly smoke and they didn't seem to have any negative or positive effects.
Would I do it again? Yeah, but I think I'll lower the amount of re-doses and have something nearby to help me down.
 
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Nice report dude. I had some Eizolam on hand when I decided to go on a deliberate and honestly, intentionally envelope pushing Eth binge. Having had I think around 200mg, starting yesterday at around 11:00am. I started small then the usual compulsive desire to ruin my nose with the single most caustic substance that caused my hooter to feel like I'd stuffed it full of raw chilli led to fatter lines of aroud 25mg.

I'm at what you'd call a cross road where my immediate future deciom could continue on a linear path to a conclusion resulting in trying to make half gram disappear, which would involve not seeing my bed much before 9 or 10 this evening.

The Etlizolam I've had, 3mg over a couple of hours, has hit like a wet paper bag, at least when it comes to the them supposedly putting the breaks on my stim binge. Sadly they've kind of added to the problem, since I'm still wired and now have legs made of jello and a warm desire to have a big, soppy cuddle with someone, male or female, that might appreciate a random demonstration of simple, unconditional stealing of someone else's body warmth.
 
I agree with you about the MXE. The key is to use in moderation.

This doesn't mean you can't do it every day if you so desire (although I wouldn't recommend it), just that it's power lies in small doses taken in intervals. This is the same way I take ketamine, and interestingly enough, neurontin as well (the latter has low oral bioavailabitliy so I split up 800 mg pills into quarters and I'll stagger the dose one every half hour to forty five minutes for top notch absorption. Digression, see the Neurontin thread in ADD I'm too lazy to find the link but it's there).

I find it very difficult to talk about my DMT adventures, they were really tough on the psyche and while I'd done LSD and shrooms for nothing more than a bit of sensory overload, some danger and just purely going to a weird place where perception is the very last thing you can trust, let alone the senses. I always enjoyed the fact that my brain could be made to fuck with all the things that evolution has given us to make sense of the material world we inhabit, psychedelics just take all that and fuck with it until you're left wondering if anything you think of as reality is anything more than the elaborate lies biology uses to shield us from some ugly truths.

Si when I deliberately set out to try to explore some of the concepts and techniques I'd read about via Huxeley, Leary, Crick et al, I'll admit I was doing it with a view to trying to make sense of purpose and my place in the universe. The reductive approach that I think is probably the most valuable challenge to long established religious notions and it has probably helped an awful lot of people from spending the remainder of their fleeting and valuable lives here, from feeling the huge weight of servitude of the established religions demand , and their attempts to try to use duality as a means of severing our ties to the natural world, peddling this myth that we are somehow not just one small part of it, but special inheritors of everything, made of the same matter that made us, apart from our matter being extra special, entitling us to spend the rest of our lives raping every last vestige of this planet, the only home we have to live on, doing what we liked with special dispensation from the man upstairs. Not all matter is created equal, and that's why we can exploit every last resource until this world of ours is uninhabitable, presumably at that point God will send his fleet of planet raping transporter ships so we can carry on being innately sinful yet ever so apologetic as we rape another one?

I won't go into the 6 months of dedicated journeys I made with DMT they're far beyond my ability to convey the experience without making it sound like a total cliche. I'll say they we gruelling, terrifying, nearly caused me to seek psychiatric treatment until I went on a third trip just as intense, long, winding, dark but just that bit more of the things I was searching were revealed fleetingly enough to be the drive to keep going. 6 sessions in total, all cumulative doses that were much larger than I would have done if it were recreational, as the place it sends you to makes a lot of big demands. Finally, the big breakthrough came after two weeks of using MXE in the same way, having read some great things about it's ability to get someone like me, lacking in genuine spiritual discipline and at that point only just exploring yoga and meditation - no fast tracking a route to ditching my ego so MXE seemed the way forward. Very different to DMT imo, and after weeks and weeks of some of the most scary times of my life locked in inner space with no real way to escape until the ordeal had done it's thing, I think I achieved a fairly comprehensive ego death. And only then could I make sense of not only subsequent trips that were far easier to deal with, but all those awful ones too.

My first real clue though came years before, during my first experience with a stonkingly high salvia extract. To my sitter I was in orbit for maybe 8 minutes, and raved and foamed at the mouth, spoke in tongues and finallly begged him for a soldier's death h.....Gladiator and not machine elves? Damn! What he doesn't know or would ever believe even today though, is that I was there for hours and hours. That was enough to tell me that the place had potential beyond getting off on some visuals and whacky sense perception.

Sorry, massive hijack, had to get it off my chest, please move or strike from the record if you'd prefer.

Sorry, back on topic!
 
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