• HEALTH & RECOVERY
    Welcome Guest
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules Thread Directory 1 Thread Directory 2
    Mindfulness Links Addiction & Mind
    Sober Living Partner Program (SLiPP)
  • H&R Moderators: VerbalTruist

Recovery ENDLESSNAMELESS' Recovery Thread (Heroin, Smoked)

Day 14

Lyrica - 200mgs
Tylex - 150mgs (I'm almost out)
Trannex - 3mgs

Today was one of the more difficult days. I woke up in a sweat and felt very lethargic all day. My back is stiff - not sore as such, but stiff.
Pressing on.
 
Day 19

Lyrica - 200mgs
Trannex - 2mgs (Edit - 3mgs)
Loperimide - 6mgs

Feeling the sudden drop in codeine. Maiinly mild-sweats/chills and of course some 'phantom' pains we'll call them as I know they're not truly real or representative of how I'd feel at base level/normally. I had to drop from 150>60>30>30>0 because I wasnt keeping my eye on the supply. Now, I could get more but I don't know...I'll decide on that tomorrow.

I had a meeting yesterday as regards my search or employment and I was in NO state to be there at all so what did I do? Showed the fuck up anyway.
The meeting was at 2pm and I lay in bed until 13:20pm because I felt so miserable and anxious (hadn't any trannex left at all).
I was in full on panic attack mode when I went in, clammed up, sweating bullets and just told my case worker out straight that I had begun cold-turkey withdrawing from heroin on April 1st...the poor girl looked like she had seen a ghost.

Anyway I need to take a very necessary shower so I may come back and edit this in a little bit. Dreading this.

II​
Feel better after the shower. Chills/Sweats significantly decreased. I took another 1mg Trannex before I went in as I felt a bit of anxiety creeping up. Also took 3 x 2mg Loperamide to see if they'd affect the chills/sweats. Taking another 200mg of Lyrica possibly would but I really dont want to be moving up on anything, and I find when I take 400mgs it just makes me very lethargic along with the benzos so I dont think I'll be doing that.
 
Last edited:
Day 20 - 12:50pm

Tylex - 90mgs
Trannex - 1.5mgs

So I'm going to continue on 90mgs of Tylex for a week, then drop by 30mgs each week thereafter. I might even lessen that timespan as I don't want to be taking anything in a month from now, preferably. As far as I recall the b/o of codeine is ~40% (please correct me if I'm wrong on that), so considering this, it's not a massive amount although still enough to prolong mild withdrawals. They're more so very annoying symptoms as opposed to debilitating but they're enough to justify a gradual wean as if theres one thing I hate its having to shower twice a day due to sweats. I'd run out of clothes in a short period too, although having saved €400 over these past few weeks thats something I've been buying more of. I can feel the chills and sweats dissipating now so evidently it was the codeine that was causing them as opposed to the Lyrica as I haven't taken any today and don't plan on doing so.

The mood is ok today. I'll give it a 6/10. Got out for a cycle in the morning sunshine That could dip and rise over the course of the next few weeks but such is the price of having relapsed for those few weeks and of course a symptom of using and now tapering down from the codeine in a successful effort to mitigate acute withdrawals, not to mention PAWS in general.

I recall getting sober in 2019/2020 which I did over 10 days with a fistful of Neurophen Plus and a tube of Diclac gel in Lanzarote (one of the easiest withdrawals ever which I mainly attribute to the weather and the Long Island Iced Teas for sleep) but my concentration was ridiculously poor for a month or two afterward and just as I was about to graduate from my Music Management & Production Course and move on to my Diploma the pandemic hit and my concentration came back better than ever. Typical. Wrote some nice music during that time. Of course, then people were accusing me of being on uppers because I was so happy and sociable.

May add some more thoughts as the day progresses - especially in terms of shortening that tapering plan regarding the codeine. If I can cut that down to 2 weeks I'd be much happier (in theory), although I'm glad that the 90mgs is doing it as opposed to the 150mgs. I hope everyone is doing well and thank you for reading.
 
My mental health took a plummet a few weeks ago and I fell off the wagon. At one point my anxiety was so bad that it turned into a state of agoraphobia which rendered me not only housebound, but bedroom bound for almost two weeks. I am incredibly depressed and urgently need to seek professional help - self medicating is not the way to go, I know this despite having relapsed. I'll be making an appointment with my doctor next week to get a referral to a psychologist. I need to put this chapter behind me and I cant close it until I unearth the issues that are causing my anxiety and depression which in turn cause me to self-medicate/use.

Just wanted to give an update. Feeling very low, very vulnerable along with feeling physically weak and that 'heaviness' that comes with depression. I just feel completely out of it.
I'm glad I'm taking a step in the right direction and seeking professional help as evidently I cant do this alone this time.
 
Day 16


Methadone - 10mls
Diazepam - 30mgs

I notice things are starting to look up, ever so slowly and slightly. I bought 200mls of methadone and did a gradual taper over the last fortnight starting with 20mls for a few days, then 15, and now I've been at 10 for the previous few days.
I felt a little better this morning - took me a few hours to summon the discipline to get up but the sweats didn't seem as prominent as they were. I only took the 10mls just in case they kicked in again had I not.
I won't know if I'm truly out of the woods until I'm away from the methadone for a few days. I could get some minor withdrawal symptoms creeping back when I do reach 0mls but nothing that should prompt a relapse. I'll wait a few hours after waking up tomorrow to see if the sweats return.

At least I've seen my GP about the referral to a psychologist - and even though he said that could take anywhere from 6 months to 1 year (since I'm currently unemployed and going through the HSE - Irelands NHS equivalent) at least the ball is rolling. A year is a long time, but I hope I won't feel as bad in a year. I think much of the anxiety and depression that had me stuck inside was from running out of benzos and going CT in the beginning.
 
Day 17

Methadone - 10mls
Diazepam - 30mgs

Awoke at 10am to take a piddle as my bladder was bursting, went back to bed until I awoke again naturally at 12pm. Felt some minor alternating sweats and chills and after waiting an 1hr 30mins I took 10mls of Methadone followed by 3hrs of vicarious doom-scrolling before I managed to wrestle myself out of bed at 3:30pm. Not proud of that, however its earlier than yesterday afternoon which was earlier than the evening before. As it stands I'm at the very least achieving to be a better person than the day prior and its those little wins that will accumulate to my regaining some self-confidence and sense of worth and achievement which will ultimately pave the pathway for me moving forward.

At this point I'm averaging ~5-6hrs of sleep a night - morning rather, as I tend to toss and turn from 12am-6am until I pass out sometime afterwards. While it's annoying and more often than not leads to several hours of doom-scrolling r/ActualPublicFreakouts (and the rest) for hours, its still infinitely better than losing my mind due to hallucinations spurred on by insomnia and typically averaging ~1-2 hours of broken sleep over a week. I waited until 18:30 to take the 30mgs of Diazepam so hopefully that should help aid me in sleep or at least calm the restless urge to toss and turn. I've limited myself to one Cappuccino with a cut-off point of 5pm (today I had it at 3:30pm) and about an hour after I noticed my blood pressure rising up to ~96bpm and I told myself if it doesn't cease by 7pm I'll take some Diazepam, however, the reason for taking it 30mins earlier was because at around 6pm I began feeling anxiety coming on and not wanting to have to self isolate upstairs in my room I gave it 30mins and then took the 30mgs.

I have approximately 40mgs left so I'll restock on Monday (they may not be Diazepam as my current supply was prescribed by my doctor upon hearing about the aforementioned 10 day agoraphobic episode) with the intent of using only as required. If a wean is necessary then I can do that without issue however it doesn't feel as though that will be necessary. Keeping a small supply of 30 Trannax at home and keeping 2-3mgs in my bag keeps the anxiety at bay these days as I haven't been going wild with them or binging.

By Monday I should be at 0mls of Methadone also, and unless I have some violent of otherwise significant level of return as regards acute withdrawals which due to this method have been temporarily staved away, I have no plan on buying any more. In fact even if I do have a return of withdrawal symptoms a few days after reaching 0mls the most I would be willing to take would be some OTC Codeine as I do not want even a mild dependence on Methadone due to it being such a frustratingly drawn out withdrawal process of sticky sweats, dodgy bowels, shitty sleep etc.

Weary of falling victim to another six hour bout of lying awake in bed, at 1am I began watching the original 'Oldboy' from 2003 (by the way can anyone recommend any other Asian films? Watched Battle Royals Directors Cut last night which I found on YouTube much to my delight) as I don't feel tired however I do feel relaxed. Had a cup of tea about an hour ago which while wasnt the wisest idea it did serve the intended purpose of bringing up the Diazepam from earlier so if nothing else it will counter-act the caffeine in the tea which is minimal anyway. About 30 minutes left of Oldboy before I'll hit the hay.

Does anyone know what the mechanism of action is behind Tea apparently potentiating Diazepam (and Alprazolam for that matter)? I would have thought it would have been counter active however its not. I'm almost certain its not psycho-somatic either as apart from using this method most of the time after taking a benzo (often taking with my Tea) I've also heard the same reports from other people without my mentioning it. A curious one, that 🤔
 
Last edited:
Just to update:

Not sure what day it is, though I'm sure enough time has gone by as to merit not counting as that can turn into an obsession. I came off the methadone at 10mls and it was too quick so I'm back at 10mls (along with 20mgs of Diazepam but only as needed). I'll gradually lower that over the next week or so.

Family gathering on Saturday which has my anxiety peaking already. I don't want to drop down to 5mls before then I know that much as I want to be as comfortable as possible on the day as I'll be meeting a lot of people which usually I'm all for, but circumstances at the moment don't deem that the situation as I haven't been feeling at all social since I got sober. Still dealing with very bad PAWs however I haven't been self-isolating and I get out of bed when I wake up. Even attended a lecture today (albeit online) in relation to becoming self-employed so its been a productive day so far.
 
Methadone - 10mls
Diazepam - 30mgs this morning, 15mgs ~45mins ago

My anxiety is that bad over tomorrow that I had to take an extra 15mgs just under an hour ago to ensure I sleep. Big family gathering tomorrow. I'm sure I'll be asked what I've been doing with my life since we all last saw eachother...I always hate question as its always relative to employment and seeing as I'm currently not employed I'd dreading being asked. Suppose I'll just say I'm on the job-hunt - I'm hardly going to say I'm using methadone to detox from Heroin.


Just wanted to share my Taper Regime in case anyone might find it useful for themselves at some point:

T Aug 22nd. 10mls
F Aug 23rd 10mls
S Aug 24th 10mls
S Aug 25th 10mls
M Aug 26th 10mls
T Aug 27th 10mls
W Aug 28th 10mls
T Aug 29th 10mls
F Aug 30th 10mls

S Aug 31th 5mls
Su Sep 1 5mls
M. Sep 2 5mls
T. Sep 3 5mls
W. Sep 4 5mls
T. Sep 5 5mls
F. Sep 6 5mls
S. Sep 7 5mls=
S. Sep 8 5mls

M. Sep 9 2.5mls
T. Sep 10 2.5mls
W. Sep 11 2.5mls
T. Sep 12 2.5mls (edit: 0mls = Day 1)
F. Sep 13 2.5mls (edit: 0mls = Day 2)
S. Sep 14 2.5mls (edit: 0mls = Day 3)

Does that seem unnecessarily long to anyone? I'm open to feedback. I may alter it to make it somewhat shorter as 10 more days at 10mls may not be necessary, however I dont want to go from 5mls to 0mls like last time as my stomach felt awful when I did and I couldn't eat a thing. If I followed that slow taper as is (which is approximately 155mls) I'll still have ~45-50mls at the end which I'll keep stashed off in the event I need it in the future though I've put a lot of thought into this taper plan and I'm hoping I won't. Also, to those wondering - this is a detox from heroin utilizing methadone, not a taper from methadone alone. Any alterations I do happen to make in regard to the above Taper Plan will be documented here.
 
Last edited:
Methadone - 5mls
Alprazolam - 4mgs

Dropped to 5mls. Going to stay at that for the next 7 days. Feeling very low. Very anxious. Applied for a temporary position so feel good about having done that. Going to pick up some Alprazolam for the anxiety later today, couldn't come out of the room yesterday due to how bad it was. When I get to 0mls I'll start off a 14 day counter and see how I am by the end of it.

Hope everyone's doing well.
 
Last edited:
Thanking you, @pixies+ :)

Methadone - 7.5mls
Alprazolam - 3.5mgs

I took an an extra 2.5mls of methadone as I had a meeting with the unemployment services and I didn't want to be a sweaty mess like I have been since I dropped to 5mls three days ago. Along with the 3.5mgs of Trannex It did the trick. I was even able to browse around the city centre afterwards and price some treats for myself as a reward - but not until I'm 14 days at 0mls, that way I know the chances of me falling off the wagon will be very slim. Next meeting is in 3 weeks so over that 21 period I'm looking forward to getting up when I wake up and keeping to a daily routine of healthy habits. Healthy eating too - I bought a blender a couple of weeks ago and now I've taken to blending up blackberries and strawberries (with a 0% fat strawberry yoghurt as a base) for breakfast. I'll often pop a multivitamin and a vitamin D3 supplement into it too. It's little things like that that are motivating me to get up and start the day.

I'm not going to lie - still feeling low but this is to be expected. Glad that I got out of the house for 4 hours like a normal person though - made me feel connected to the outside world which can only spell good things for my mental health. I also applied for another job. Its a remote position which I'm more than comfortable with at the moment (at least until I meet my psychiatrist and begin making some progress) as I know I wont be able to handle putting on a mask 24/7 in a n office environment. The last time I did that I held up that faux façade for almost two years and I ended up falling off the wagon hard by the end of it so that's something I've learned not to do.
 
Last edited:
So far the passed two days its been:
Methadone 5mls
Alprzolam 3mgs
Oxybutrinin -5mgs

Mainly sweats and some chills, no motivation and low mood. Had a shower that made things worse as regards the sweats but now they've ceased for the moment. Could have been the 5mg Oxyburtrin I took (relax, its not an opioid - its for sweats/hyperhydrosis). The Alparzolam are crazy weak, but I'm not out here taking them for a buzz, just to help with withdrawal. I'll try a different connect on Monday.

Pro-Tip: Never underestimate how useful Exputex is when you're coming off a binge of smoking, it'll loosen up the viscous mucous thats starts to come up after the first few days.
 
Last edited:
Day 4 at 0mls Methadone


Like I mentioned prior, when I reach 0mls I'd start off a 14 Day counter so here I am with a system clean of Methadone. With the exception of 20mgs Diazepam prescribed as needed, I'm clean from opioids, synthetic opioids (misnomer?)/Methadone and Opiates. I'd have rather done this without the use of Diazepam, however due to the stress on my mind and body due to having come off the Methadone Taper I've been a bag of nerves to the point where I was self-isolating almost all week in the backroom room upstairs because my anxiety was driving me insane. Its that kind of thing that would cause most people to relapse hard.

Its 1:47am so I'm going to hit the hay - I'll make a more nuanced post tomorrow covering the detail of the psychological aspect I've been going through over the passed 2-3 weeks.
Next tackle will be the benzos, but I will need to take some as needed over the next 10-14 days at least to ensure my anxiety doesn't get its grip on me causing intrusive thoughts to take over and self-sabotage my progress.

I do hope its all up from here. I'm almost out of the woods I've been trying to escape for years now and I never want to venture in again.
 
Last edited:
Iceman1216 said:
Hows it going? I hope to start my taper again 1,001 Time.
Yesterday was a Special day, and I took 30mgs Hydroodone ?? over the course of the day. So back to less than day One??
If this was easy No One would be addicted to this shit? Right?
Click to expand...

For some reason I was marked down as ignoring content posted by you - just want to let you know that it was wasn't intentional and that I've corrected it now. Perhaps I hit off something when my phone was in my pocket.

As for how its going, I'm now in the PAWs phase and its nothing short of brutal - however on a positive note, since I got a prescription for Diazepam last Sunday I'm no longer confined to my bedroom with Level 10 anxiety and I managed to get a few nights of incredible sleep. I was beginning to lapse into psychosis due to the sleep deprivation. At one point I was hypo-manic (at least thats what I suspect it was) where my eyes were twice as wide as normal (and frightening looking), I could barely blink and my pupils were extremely dilated. My mother (who I live with) was convinced I was taking cocaine but when I offered to take a uranalysis she backed off but the fact that she accused me of taking cocaine really rubbed me up the wrong way. I had to explain the wide eyes was due to a combination of the extreme anxiety and the lack of sleep inducing a state of mania and that once I get even a single night of sleep it would go away - which of course it did. It didn't help that I was also getting over a very mild flu which meant my nose was dripping meaning I was sniffling a lot. In her line of work she works with a lot of addicts - all of them on methadone but she knows the symptoms of cocaine use because 99% of the time the methadone patients are using cocaine so in a sense I cant blame her suspicions as my symptoms would have been very similar. I don't do cocaine at all and never have for the record.

I swear - every time I get sober and my mood begins to (albeit very gradually) improve, someone ALWAYS accuses me of being on some sort of upper 🙄

Thanks for asking how its going. Indeed if it was so easy then no - no one would be addicted to this shit. Its entirely doable though - it just involves a tremendous amount of pain and discomfort but if done correctly can be minimised through discipline and patience. This is not something you're going to want to rush or else you likely will relapse, whereas if you take your time with a taper plan you can get out of this situation with minimum difficulty.

How are you getting on today? Have you now officially began your taper? If so, how many mgs are you on at the moment and have you drawn up a taper plan for yourself?
 
Whatever works for you buddy.
I used - wouldn't say I went on a 'binge' but over the last two weeks I felt really rough after the methadone taper. Anyway I stopped yesterday so back to day 1. I'll keep doing this until I get out of the woods or I go mad.
Definitely in for a rough week. I have some Valium though so at least I wont go mad from not sleeping. After I had stopped the methadone I didn't sleep for almost a week and my eyes were noticeably HUGE. I also felt like I was having some sort of manic episode. I suspect I dragged that methadone taper on for too long.

So...ugh:

Day 1

Diazepam - 20mgs

Chills. Cravings. Desire to move on with life. Self loathing with a massive feeling of failure...but not defeat.
 
Day 2

Diazepam - 40mgs (at least)

I had to take at least 40mgs to knock myself out today due to the pain. I took 20mgs about an hour after I woke up, managed to force myself up out of bed to shower at which point I I felt a little better because I didn't just lie in bed although after a while the depression became so overwhelming that I took another either 20-30mgs which knocked me out for an hour or so.

I'll hit 3 days at 2pm tomorrow afternoon. Temperature is all over the place - chills/sweats - sneezing's starting up again. I'm glad to have documented my other two attempts this year so that I can go back over them and see where I'll begin to feel better. The difference this time is I doubt there will be any methadone tapering involved as i couldn't afford the 100mls this week and definitely wont be able to afford it next week and by the time I can in 7-10 days I'm hoping most of symptoms will have significantly diminished.

Lyrica would really come in handy right now but I don't have any access to them at the moment - not until at least 3 weeks. I'm going to try to source some as even a weeks worth would get me over the hump.

I feel horrific and its only going to get worse over the next 5 days.

I had a family event (more so my aunt coming to the house for a booze up) on Friday but I'm pulling out, theres no fucking way I'm going to have the physical strength to sit in a wooden kitchen chair trying to force alcohol down my neck (which is only going to make me feel x10 times worse) while pretending I'm not sweating bullets and have an attention span longer then 3-5 seconds. I just put it off until the week after because if that were to happen on Friday I'd never be able to do it sober.

Does anyone know anything that can help with the sweats?

Next goal is 5 days.
Then 7 days.
Then at double digits, although it'll still be very difficult, it should begin to get a little easier.

I'm hoping that because I'm doing a Cold Turkey it will be over sooner rather than later.
 
@Iceman1216 How are you doing buddy? How are things coming along for you?

I'd like to let the reader know that this post may be a little scattered as I have a concussion. However, all will be revealed as to why below.

Day 8

400mg Paracetamol
40mgs Diazepam

I was so frighteningly low yesterday ie full on suicidal ideation and self isolation for several days however I managed to pull myself out of bed and get on the bike. I had to go out anyway to withdraw some money so having done that I went on a cycle. Temptation to score was extremely strong, especially since I wasn't too far away from the house of who until recently had been that of my steady dealers...I managed to resist calling for a while but eventually I said to myself ok, I'll call and if he picks up I'll get one just to ease the pain a bit and if he doesnt I'll head back and pay my rent. He didn't answer, thankfully.

I sat on a near by bench and was sort of meditating on how my body and mind felt - trying to observe the feelings and sensations without giving in to them. I had been already asked by a few fellas around the corner what I was looking for and I just said "nothing". Almost cdid a U-Turn to go '1 brown' but I didn't. 20-30mins go by and I'm still on the bench observing my emotions. I was beginning to feel a *little* better (the endorphins from cycling) but the temptation was coming back strong. I dont want this to drag on too much so:

Fella walks around the corner, blatantly coked/cracked to the gills, asks me was I looking for brown or white. I said something along the lines of buddy I dont know you from adam and unless you can give me a tester I'm not interested. So he says he'll give me a tester, had a bit of foil there, come into the park and we'll smoke a few lines and if you dont like it then leave it. Thats the point I should have said no, but since he claimed to know my dealer and his family I ended up agreeing.

Heel of the reel, we get to the park, he gets a call and this girl arrives to smoke crack with him. He's offering me some but I'm not interested - dont like the stuff. So he hands me the foil, puts a little bit of what looked like absolute bash crap on the already crumpled up mangled. manky foil. Breeze picks up so I'm hunkered down facing in towards the bushes and thats when it happens - *whack* - what felt like a wrench or a spanner or something mental straight to the temple. Before I know it I'm in a head-lock, he's hitting me in the left eye and jaw with whatever the fuck it was and he's shouting "give me the phone and the wallet and I wont cut you up now". Bloods in my eyes, I'm seeing double.

Simultaneously, she's opening my pockets and failing miserably at nicking my phone and wallet and he's still screaming is bullshit. For a split second I considered giving him 50 because I could see myself getting stabbed and sliced up then and there. then I thought its been at least 5 seconds, he's have pulled it by now if he had it - so I pull away with all the strength I could summon (remember too, I'm in withdrawal and he's out of his fuck on crack), and to my complete shock I manage to break free. He had the technique down but not the bodyweight to really overpower me so with thet I jump on my bike (€1,800s worth of bike I might add), flicked it into 3rd gear and sped the fuck out of there as fast as possible.

Anyway I'll come back and edit this later today, but after two days in the hospital waiting room and a CT scan later I found out I have two fractures - both on my face, which is swollen out to twice its size. My eye was swollen shut but its back open enough to see out of.

I'm very lucky. So too am I victorious - the scumbags got nothing off me (and I also found out where the fella lives and his name). Not that I'd ever do anything with that information of course.

I'm most likely going to have to have an operation on the aule mush but I'm not looking at any permanent disfigurement. I got a prescription for 20 x 30mg Tylex which will actually help me get through the rest of this withdrawal, and I can refill it when they're gone. I'll be picking them up tomorrow because I'm in agony.

Just wanted to get the story down folks, I'll come back and polish this off later today as I have a hospital appointment at 9am and its very important I don't miss it.
 
Day 9

25mg Diazepam

Just back from the hospital. My eye is ok, 20 20 vision but due to the fracture I'll have to go in for surgery when the swelling stops, Ironically, this is the one time I could do with a smoke strictly for the pain. I'll have the Tylex in an hour or two so they'll be better than nothing. Next appointment is Monday 14th.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top