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Emotionally closed off

N

Need4speed

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 23, 2011
Messages
440
She is on fort knox lock down emotionally, ive tried everything to get get through, i even stopped trying and let things be but shes closed tight.

being emotionally unavailable female is a major turn off

I dont ask any woman for anything i stand on my own 2 feet, at least she can be positive and delightfull person.


how do you explain serious topics about relationships and the future to these kind of women?
 
I am definitely what people refer to as an emotionally unavailable female. However, I am still a very positive and happy person, quite delightful, most would say I think. I am not negative about relationships, perhaps I am jaded though. At a young age, I have been through more emotional/relationship torment than I care to admit. I am incredibly cautious and choosy as to who I want to give and reveal myself to. There is a lot to reveal, and before I dump it all on somebody, I want to make damn sure they're going to stick around, if not as a mate, but as a friend. Maybe you should express your feelings towards her 'unavailableness' and perhaps she could enlighten you with a reason that she is the way she is. Give her time. True, honest, whole relationships take a long time to build, IMO.
 
id like to feel something, a small nugget just anything !

she says she been through alot

shes awlays quiet, avoidant and tends to flee alot ( running away from convo )

i get so frustrated with all this stonewalling i tend to take shots at her

i dont do it purposefully to hurt, when im frustrated with it i tend to say what ever mean thing comes to mind
 
As the old saying goes: You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar...
You're hoping for her to open up to you and when she doesn't, you take jabs at her? Do you see how ass backwards that is? I understand you're not doing it 'on purpose,' but you're still doing it. I guarantee it's not getting you any closer to your goal.

Maybe you could ask her to expand upon the "I've been through a lot" statement. Listen to her. Care. Get an idea of where she's been. If you can't do that, then you may as well just put the kebash on it now.
 
N4S- Recently I was called out by a very good friend for having my "wall up" and "not allowing anyone in" when it comes to relationships.
For me, it took hearing from someone I trusted deeply that I have locked my heart up to actually recognize it.
My friend is able to say things like this, while still being very positive and encouraging. This is why I heard him.
More than likely, she has been deeply hurt.
Approaching her in any sort of negative manner is only going to make her close up more.
Giving her the room she needs, and SHOWING her kindness and acceptance, may help.
When someone closes off to letting others in, it's out of fear.
She will only let her guard down when she is ready.
If Lysis is right, and you are separated from this person and trying to work it out, maybe you should try couples therapy?
Having a mediator may be what she needs.
 
Not to be negative or anything, but I'm the same way, and I see myself as a lost cause. I have a great personality, but trust issues BIG TIME. She might never open up to you.
 
If you think she's worth it and you are willing to wait, and as long as she is still actually choosing to remain in this relationship, the ice might eventually break, but I don't know...
 
i have this problem and yet I am a male

I isolate myself from society and never talk to anyone most days I think i'd be better off dead. My reason for not talking and being so void of emotions = severe depression that is so complex I cant even figure out for myself why I constantly feel suicidal.
 
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