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Ego death/Depersonalization and psychedelics!!!

(Of course I mean without a dictionary or synonyms) Happiness means (unexpected) good fortune and prosperity. Content feeling.
OK. Describe that.
When you get a kiss.
Seeing a majestic landscape.
Achieving a good report card.
Snorting a line of coke.
Types of happiness with variations in not only how you get there but also how it feels. In all those moments that induce happiness, do I have real words to describe it all or can I only just say I am happy? They will not make everybody happy.

But there are many synonyms: pleasant, thrilled, stoked, delighted. They all have slightly different meanings but do they really mean to you what they mean to me?

So ego death means to me, right now, a haphazard sort of upside down feeling of being lost in the wilderness within.
 
I don't think there is a good definition to work with as of yet and anyone who knows ego death should offer a definition.

The definition is simple and straightforward, it is self-explanatorily contained in the term "ego death".

"Ego death" = "thinking that you are dead", ie mentally self-terminating during a psychedelic trip.
 
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Agonizing negative thought loop. An interesting way of putting it. You should be able to snap right out at any dose to some self awareness and realize your just anxious, paranoid and a tad psychotic. But they also tell people with mental health issues like depression to "snap out of it". Really if your experiencing what your describing Max it's actually a kind a psychosis induced by drugs. The eventual outcome may be positive due to analysis of person issues, overcoming the fear experienced, a good purge etc. So my assumption from that description is "do you have the capacity to override your negative thought loop". My answer "yes". I believe it's called willpower.
 
lovepsych said:
I believe it's called willpower.

*raises eyebrow* Are you suggesting that the answer to a psychedelic problem is to fight or overpower it? That runs counter to the surrender and acceptance aspect that most of us would consider to be integral to the psychedelic experience in general.

MF said:
mystical death and rebirth in the psychedelic altered state.

I've definitely experienced my personality or some important part of my soul dying symbolically and being born anew into life (and I've experienced it just as intensely while losing my marbles due to meth abuse. Well, I consider that to be the second half or perhaps the consummation of a psychedelic experience I had had 4 years earlier). And it was terrifying and maybe even beautiful and seemed like coming into reality, but when I read y'all describing ego death on here, I do not at all feel like that's something I have experienced. Of course, I have thought loops and identity disturbances while sober, 'cause I'm more than a lil' bit mentally ill. So my perspective may be skewed.

On the off chance that we have felt the same thing, I'm disturbed at how it is treated by the psychedelic community. Though that goes for a number psychedelic experiences, or parts of the multifaceted psychedelic experience, as the case me be. I think pmoseman (what is your name supposed to be?) provided a good example, "a haphazard sort of upside down feeling of being lost in the wilderness within," (which is not the same thing as the above), it's not an E ticket ride, ya'know?
 
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*raises eyebrow* Are you suggesting that the answer to a psychedelic problem is to fight or overpower it? That runs counter to the surrender and acceptance aspect that most of us would consider to be integral to the psychedelic experience in general.
Are you suggesting this is really up to you?


I've definitely experienced my personality or some important part of my soul dying symbolically and being born anew into life (and I've experienced it just as intensely while losing my marbles due to meth abuse. Well, I consider that to be the second half or perhaps the consummation of a psychedelic experience I had had 4 years earlier). And it was terrifying and maybe even beautiful and seemed like coming into reality, but when I read y'all describing ego death on here, I do not at all feel like that's something I have experienced. Of course, I have thought loops and identity disturbances while sober, 'cause I'm more than a lil' bit mentally ill. So my perspective may be skewed.

On the off chance that we have felt the same thing, I'm disturbed at how it is treated by the psychedelic community. Though that goes for a number psychedelic experiences, or parts of the multifaceted psychedelic experience, as the case me be. I think pmoseman (what is your name supposed to be?) provided a good example, "a haphazard sort of upside down feeling of being lost in the wilderness within," (which is not the same thing as the above), it's not an E ticket ride, ya'know?
Right.
 
*raises eyebrow* Are you suggesting that the answer to a psychedelic problem is to fight or overpower it? That runs counter to the surrender and acceptance aspect that most of us would consider to be integral to the psychedelic experience in general.



I've definitely experienced my personality or some important part of my soul dying symbolically and being born anew into life (and I've experienced it just as intensely while losing my marbles due to meth abuse. Well, I consider that to be the second half or perhaps the consummation of a psychedelic experience I had had 4 years earlier). And it was terrifying and maybe even beautiful and seemed like coming into reality, but when I read y'all describing ego death on here, I do not at all feel like that's something I have experienced. Of course, I have thought loops and identity disturbances while sober, 'cause I'm more than a lil' bit mentally ill. So my perspective may be skewed.

On the off chance that we have felt the same thing, I'm disturbed at how it is treated by the psychedelic community. Though that goes for a number psychedelic experiences, or parts of the multifaceted psychedelic experience, as the case me be. I think pmoseman (what is your name supposed to be?) provided a good example, "a haphazard sort of upside down feeling of being lost in the wilderness within," (which is not the same thing as the above), it's not an E ticket ride, ya'know?

No I mean acceptance. The willpower to accept the experience as being what it really is: the psychoactive effects of a substance that one has ingested. The ability to accept the experience and identify it as a psychedelic experience vs freaking out thinking your dying. The ability while tripping off nut to use a BP cuff and read the numbers and conclude your A: OK blood pressure is within your normal range, within a safe range or B: straying into dangerous territory. A BP of 120/70 and a pulse of say 80-100 would be ideal given most psychedelics raise heart rate. A BP of 130-140 over 80-100 safe although 140/100 would give me pause, as long as the pulse was 100 or below I'd not be to concerned however. A BP of 150-200/100-150 say would be very concerning. Emergency measures ASAP if your BP was 200/150 with a heart rate of 140+ Bpm.

So your totally fucked, shits morphing, your morphing, you fear your dying and you reach for eternity grab the machine. Pop the cuff on press a button. Read results and apply critical reasoning... plus one for being able read the screen, a experience that can be very difficult. Even more so if on a dose of say psychedelics and dissociatives combined IM. That is will power, being able to retain self awareness to some degree and maintain self control and rationalize your own thoughts. Maintain your ability self to analyse the experience and rationalize it. Then react accordingly. I been tripping since the very early 90's so I guess experience plays a part.

One should never fight against the experience. It is enough for one just be able to understand it is what it is they experience. If you start fearing your dying from ingesting psychedelic drugs then do some basic HR and take your vitals. If super worried pop a BP cuff on while coming up and have your sitter monitor it. NEVER PANIC. Saying: fear is the mind killer, well with high dose psychedelics this is often true. Your heart rate will rise as will your BP due to anxiety. Now days If doing high doses or combining dissociatives with psychedelics I have my Bp cuff handy and my little emergency kit. There are other drugs that can lower HR/BP used in cardiac arrest but unless a trained professional I'd advise you not to use them. Some are designed to treat specific cardiac conditions such as atrial fibrillation, super ventricular tachycardia, atrial flutter etc so you con't want to use the wrong drug if your simply tachycardic (heart beating fast) with elevated BP...

Even when I've had manic PCP episodes I was able to rationalize that despite perceiving the news reporters speaking directly to me it was just drug induced perceptual disturbance a nice way of saying mild form of acute drug induced psychosis. Thought insertion, grandiose delusional thought content combined with idea's of reference. All were recognizable symptoms upon self analysis post experience. Now I dose fairly low. However your still manic doing crazy shit, just more in control. One solution is I go to a park and do martial art training by myself, usually a night, looks less crazy than doing it in the day lol.

Interestingly benzo's are probably one of the safest way of lower HR, BP and vasocontriction. Various Benzo's are used in ED for stimulant OD's (usually Loraz and/or Midaz) then once the BP and HR are down they usually monitor for a while to see if there vitals are stable then jab an anti-psychotic in the person who OD'd. Antipsychotics not as safe, not recommend them for lowering BP/HR. Beta blocker's are not safe due to lowering HR while increasing ejection fraction (volume of blood leaving the heart with each stroke). Combined with psychedelic that cause vaso-constriction (pretty much all of them to some extent) and results may include: possible CVA (stroke), heart attack or one might say rupture a few blood vessels...
 
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^ I guess you don't quite understand what I am saying? You assumed by will power I meant fight the experience. Might as well try and drain the ocean with a spoon full of holes. What I'm talking about is the ability to monitor your heart rate, your blood pressure and do it while so tripped out the whole room is morphing into and out of you. Next be able to read the results, sometimes closing one eye helps. Then once you know what strain your heart and atrial/venous system (veins and arteries) you can then identify if your in any real danger of (physical) death or if it's a psychological paranoia created by ingesting a substance. This fear may result a psychological break down of self identity resulting in self reflection and introspection which is often a good thing. Usually at this point the fear of death from an ego death dose subsides as the mind is now distracted. Plus those OEV's!

Willpower to be able to main that core of self identity. If Max_freakout said he felt afraid of death during his experience he sure did maintain a core of self identity. Otherwise I doubt you'd care if you had lost touch with reality to the extent you were no longer self aware, at least to some extent, you would just die and probably have no concept of your death or that you were dead. One trip you would never come back from... In addition to self identity one can maintain the ability to function to some extent and taking vitals with blood pressure cuff and using a blood oxygen probe (An external device that analyses your blood oxygen level) or thermometer is auto pilot to me after so many years.

One nasty trip was TMA 2 (unknown/eyeballed 20-40 mg?) with 2.4 mg (approx) taken after the TMA-2. I could just see sphere's everywhere OEV's that superimposed themselves onto everything. I thought I was dying and I did overdo it BP 160/95 pulse 130 BPM. Took 5 mg Diazepam (valium) sublingual (under the tongue) and half and etizolam 1 mg. I felt calmer and less tachycardic (fast heart) within 10 minutes. However I still felt pretty shitty and had a few scary moments (heart palpitations) but no longer felt like I was about to die from a myocardial infarct (heart attack). The sensation of cardiac pressure had been quite high. 30 minutes later and I took my BP 135/84, pulse 97 beats per minute.
 
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Hmmm... I wonder. Ever done WAY to many drugs all at one or really fucking stupidly high doses of "traditional" or RC psychedelics. Know what pharmacodynaminc's means? No it's not a branch of philosophy it's the study and understanding of how chemicals ie pharmaceuticals work in the body. This includes desired, adverse reactions (allergies, nausea, rash for example) and contraindications. Contraindications to taking a drug may include what can cause bad reactions such if taken in combination with food or another drug, possible physical complaints like IDK maybe an ectopic heart beat etc. I often trip in my bedroom alone. The BP cuff is in the cupboard. BTW I work in the health industry hence why I have such items on hand.

I also like to IM 3 meo pcp and 4 aco dmt. I have a very aseptic technique. I also use proper equipment like a wheel filter, normal saline for injection, a 23 gauge cannula, a 5 ml syringe (one should not inject large volumes of fluid into muscles), Alco prep wipes, a washed and alco prep swabbed 30 ml glass. I culture MRSA in my nose mate from working in the health industry for that long. Took swabs and the pathology team grew the shit in agar. Fuck mate I come into contact with people with Hep C, Hiv, MRSA,c. diff, ESBL and VRE on a daily basis at work. I've had 3 MVA's. I ride a skateboard. Hypochondriac? No.
 
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*raises eyebrow* Are you suggesting that the answer to a psychedelic problem is to fight or overpower it? That runs counter to the surrender and acceptance aspect that most of us would consider to be integral to the psychedelic experience in general.


trying to use willpower to override a feedback loop is like kicking and struggling to get free when there is a noose wrapped tightly around your neck, ie the loop only gets tighter...
 
^ Uhh what are you talking about? Oh you mean when you think the same several moments will repeat endlessly that essentially your stuck in a loop of reality that isn't. That your essentially an immortal being doomed to repeat this cycle endlessly. Yeah that is different to fearing your dying. Like physically dying. It's not even fear of death it's a thought loop and that is actually a symptom defined by the DSMV. Temporary form of psychosis mate but does not make it any more or less valid then "ego death" both are labels.
One is the medical model ie temporary drug induced psychosis the other is ego death. If the experience causes you to reflect, introspect and generally review your behavior as a human to other members of society or your own life/purpose in a positive manner it's all good. Perhaps rather than focus on the "death" aspect we should focus on any positive personal insights that may have helped in daily life or made a positive impact in some way?
 
e kicking and struggling to get free when there is a noose wrapped tightly around your neck, ie the loop only gets tighter...

I definitely agree with the sentiment, but not the precise analogy. Gravity pulling the rope into your neck with all the force of your body weight is the problem more than tightness. Trust me, I would know. This thread and my personal problems have some crazy synchronicity going on. LOL. :D

lovepsych (I'm pronouncing this as love sick) said:
One is the medical model ie temporary drug induced psychosis the other is ego death.

Except that psychology has recognized that psychedelics are not psychotomimetic for many years. My pharmacology textbook from the 70s has a more adroit understanding of psychedelic drugs than the BS that I've read whilst perusing modern nursing books. On further thought OCD is another option for you.

I'll provide y'all with a good quote from the book tomorrow if you'd like.
 
As demonstrated in another, earlier incarnation of this thread, a slightly different permetuation of this topic, I have never really associated ego-death with actual death, or even fear of death; I always thought WE were referring to a state devoid of value and gradation and totally devoid of self, in a place where the concept of actual death is foreign (how can a timeless, universal, unending/unbeginning thin layer of nothingness die???). I thought we were talking about the figurative DEATH of the ego, or its subsumption and temporary replacement. As it turns out, apparently this is something different entirely and that the rather trite fear-of-death must be present also. (I say trite because it sort of is, we carry this fear with us everywhere and psychedelics can help to liberate us of pointless fears, it makes not much sense that this primary fear is untouched when the mind is so otherwise altered ....)

Which leads me to a different perspective on this whole unending topic, or at least its macrocosmic unfolding here. In the realm of psychedelics, many people refer to ego-death in a physical way, whereas in the broader spiritual community, ego-death seems detached from physicality and refers to the diminishment of the apparently eternal internal monologist to the extent that the individual self appears to have ceased existence. Either the psychedelic community has embraced a definition of this term not shared by the broader world or the community is defining it incorrectly OR I am defining it incorrectly.

I note that even the Wikipedia definition has changed within the last few weeks! :\

I totally agree with Ismene (!!) in that I don't think this experience needs to be connected to physical death at all. I've experienced it myself and did not even have a chance to think I was dying.

ITS FUCKING PRONOUNCED TOE-MAAA-TOE!!!!
:D
 
My experience included .... no sensation of death. I always felt the "death" part of ego death to mean simply that the ego has ceased to exist as a separate entity, not that you're freaking out and thinking you're actually going to die.

If your experience did not involve the concept of death/dying, then why would you describe it using a term "ego death" which does involve the concept of death/dying? What makes you think that this particular experience was an "ego death" as opposed to just a regular psychedelic experience?
 
If your experience did not involve the concept of death/dying, then why would you describe it using a term "ego death" which does involve the concept of death/dying? What makes you think that this particular experience was an "ego death" as opposed to just a regular psychedelic experience?
Because, as willow11 put it so well, I was under the impression that the phrase ego death referred to the dissolving of the ego (when the ego no longer exists it would make sense that it's dead), not some sense of "Oh god! I'm dying!".

I didn't expect so many people to take the "death" part of the phrase so literally, as when you put the two phrases together I would say that the logical psychological interpretation is "The ceasing of the ego to exist" and not "I'm physically dying".
 
I didn't expect so many people to take the "death" part of the phrase so literally...."I'm physically dying".

ego death is not like physical death, rather it is a mental death, this is an important distinction.

ie it isnt as if in ego death you take drugs and then think you are physically dying, like having a heart attack or dying from poison. That is not how ego death feels, rather it feels like mentally dying, as if the mind (not the body) is permanently broken or shattered. It may lead to a desire to physically self-terminate (suicide) but that is separate from the feeling of the mind dying.
 
Well it seems that everyone is describing something different, as many people here have described it in terms of believing that they (ie their physical form) were actually dying. Your definition of it is a bit closer to my experience, but still not quite there. I still believe that the phrase refers to the dissolving of the ego, nothing else, with notions of the mind being "broken" or "dying" not even coming into the picture. You can't think your mind is broken if you no longer exist as an entity separate from the universe.
 
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