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Ecstasy MEGA-Thread: Suicide Tuesdays!

Honestly, in the 20 or so times I've rolled, I've never dealt with depression afterwards. Okay, there was this one time when I consumed a total of 8 pills in a night, and that left me feeling pretty shitty for a few days afterwards, but never did I have some of the depression I've read about.

I've since lost the magic with ecstasy, and am kind of glad that I did. Because for a while there, I wasn't practicing self-control and was doing it every weekend, or every other weekend for about 5-6 months.
 
I usually don't get really down after taking E, but last sunday I took 2 pills and was high for almost 20 hours. I think a big part of why was the quality of the pills couple with many, many, many orgasm, which also flood the brain with endorphins and release serotonin.

Three days later, I woke up so happy, but then learned of friends and family having really, really shitty times, needing to drop clases in university after the withdrawl dates, and roommates beating the shit out of each other, and getting charged. I became unsettled and edgy after this news and it just got worse. I was frustrated trying to do some horrible paper work and by 9 pm, an excel spreadsheet had me in tears.

Once I finally completed the 3 hours of crazy paperwork (Stupid excel hating me that day), I needed some friends to calm me down.

Fortunately, it was a good friends birthday that night, so I spent the time drinking, smoking weed, wearing costumes, dancing and, stupidly, railing half a pill. No comedown from that one thank god, although I realise the stupidity of my act.

I think I regulate my E use well enough that I can normally avoid the depression... I also take 5HTP, eat well, drink lots of water and get enough sleep. I'm also a very positive happy person- but this experience has made me think I need to take it a bit easier... I'm not as young as I once was.
 
Them tuesdays suck. I'm going to try and better my health and nutrition before I roll again. Planning out your suicide is way too deperessing.

Fortuneatly, I still have the magic, but for some reason it's not as euphoric as other people describe.
 
yeah i haven't used in 2 months after abusing like every/every other weekend. After going through opiate withdrawals (right now..yuck!), they make the e comedown seem petty.
 
I think of ecstasy as a bug zapper, and of us users as the bugs.

When you first start the light of ecstasy is such a beautiful thing. A few people are content to view the light from afar, but others are so enamored by it that they go to far and get themselves zapped.
 
I had a couple caps of molly last weekend a for the first time in [edit!] 3.75 years

guess who wasn't at work tuesday :p
been so long, but one dose has me feeling so nostalgic for the younger, pill-friendly days .. My mental health and happiness are normally on the fringe anyway; now I have E on my mind again, making me question all I've done in life lately.

but hey it was the beloved E that brought me to BlueLight so many years ago :)
 
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E has never bn my DOC - and i wud never say i was addicted to it, tho for awhile there i used it most weekends with mates
the funny thing is ive never had a negative experience as far as E goes - i mean the comedowns were harsh and there was one time i stupidly took 7 strong pills (fairly close together) in a night wen i was already very high on meth.....and therefore i ended up in hospital with a heartrate of 200bpm, very dehydrated
after that experience i lost the magic (tried rolling a number of times afterward but never felt loved-up or even euphoric again) but i never had a negative experience on E alone
it was rare to ever get a pure pill - most were adulterated with amphetamines or BZP/TFMPP
strangely enough that never bothered me - amps were my main DOC and 'meth bombs' felt pretty pleasant as far as i was concerned......and im one of those rare ppl who actually got a fuckload of enjoyment out of piperazines as well
all in all id say i abused the fuck out of E for awhile but strangely i did not recognise any negative effects from doing so (apart from the OD which was technically my fault) - maybe i was just so fried from abusing evrything else i didnt notice if it was fucking with my serotonin system or anything :\
 
drug_wench said:
maybe i was just so fried from abusing evrything else i didnt notice if it was fucking with my serotonin system or anything :\
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I'd imagine having a meth habbit would blunt both the negitave and positive effects of MDMA.
 
nah i definitely had many good rolls too
i used E before i even tried meth
molly was always the best but it was hard to get anything pure for a long time
from wat my mates hav bn saying u cant even get molly anymore - its all full of speed and K :(
 
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Well I haven't dropped in a few weekends now....it's been good. I feel like I've got a handle on shit. I've been feeling down for the past few days but it is manageable you know?
 
thats great, rex!
the longer u go without ur DOC, the easier it gets - and ur giving ur serotonin system a chance to do a bit of reparation too, so u wont feel down forever im guessing :)
 
While I still indulge on occasion, though not as much as usual, I usually get pretty bad after effects from MDMA but not always. A couple times were so bad that I get sick to my stomach thinking back to them... it's a weird fucking drug that's for sure, and I'm still not sure what I think about it overall. But goddamn, when it's working it's magic and you're rolling... that's a feeling like nothing else. But even thinking back to those great feelings gives me a sinister shiver down my spine... it's almost too good you know?
 
i ate 2.... 2 days ago of these new LG's and i am feeling like shit... i owe some people some money and i am outta benzo's....

i fear that i am going to eat moar e and repeat the cycle that i have been doing.... taking e once a week i did stop for a week but thats nothing if for the last 4 months i have been taking e once a week......

i just want everything to get fixxed and stop letting my addiction get in the way
 
i just want everything to get fixxed and stop letting my addiction get in the way
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the desensitization is overwhelming and hard part to get through. a habit is a habit is a habit. no matter what the means are, after 2-3 weekends pass you will have one where it isnt on the mind. the thought E may strike you suddenly as a craving, but it will pass,
and other 'rituals' will take over.
 
im usually pretty good with the depression side of things. the tuesday blues are more noticable now then they were when i first started. but they usually manifest at night when im going to bed and i think about my future, assignments that are due, the days ive skipped of uni, and what i see as negatives about me. usually last only 2 days or so and a week after im pretty much back to normal
 
Its been 5 weeks since I've used E. I keep telling myself I'll roll soon, I even get excited thinking about rolling. But somehow, deep in the back of my mind, I know I should just wait another week, then another, then another....:\
 
I never abused MDMA. I used it 8 times over a 2-year period. Well, one time I used it two nights in a row. But after these 8 times, I didn't have any for over 2 years. And when I tried it again the magic was gone. But I didn't want to accept that the magic was gone, since I never abused it. So I tried it a few more times. Even then I did not abuse it. Every time I took it the few days after would be worse and worse, for a more and more marginal high.

Finally, after the last time I took it, just a regular dose of pure MDMA crystals, I was kicked into the most horrifying depression of my entire life, for an entire month! I had terrible and constant brain zaps and ever-present feelings of confusion and sadness and fear that seemed to have no source. It took months to feel relatively back to normal... for a long time I felt like something had changed forever. I'm not sure if that's true now, but one thing I do know for sure is that MDMA can be really bad news. Its users tend to romanticize it as much as or maybe moreso than any other drug's users do. But I truly believe it is far from harmless. In fact I think it is a surefire way to brain damage and possibly irreparable harm. I'm not one for actively claiming that drugs are bad, as they can all have uses. And MDMA can have uses too. But for me, it was bad and I would prefer to have not subjected my mind to its ravages.

Good god, that was a terrible month... it was December too, usually a very cheerful time for me. I sudder to even think about it... normally I am a very happy person and this was the only time I've truly considered suicide. The worst part was not knowing if it would ever go away because it lasted for SO LONG. But it did go away... it took about a month for the acute symptoms to leave and maybe the better part of a year to not feel like something was off.

So needless to say I voweed to never, ever take MDMA again. Which has been no problem... the negative impact it left on me outweighed the positive impact it had once had.
 
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panic in paradise said:
the desensitization is overwhelming and hard part to get through. a habit is a habit is a habit. no matter what the means are, after 2-3 weekends pass you will have one where it isnt on the mind. the thought E may strike you suddenly as a craving, but it will pass,
and other 'rituals' will take over.
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very much understood but its just not e i am addicted to suboxone and benzo's those if i do not have i will go thru major fucking withdrawls and thats just not a craving i will fucking die without any.... pretty much
 
Xorkoth said:
I never abused MDMA. I used it 8 times over a 2-year period. Well, one time I used it two nights in a row. But after these 8 times, I didn't have any for over 2 years. And when I tried it again the magic was gone. But I didn't want to accept that the magic was gone, since I never abused it. So I tried it a few more times. Even then I did not abuse it. Every time I took it the few days after would be worse and worse, for a more and more marginal high.

Finally, after the last time I took it, just a regular dose of pure MDMA crystals, I was kicked into the most horrifying depression of my entire life, for an entire month! I had terrible and constant brain zaps and ever-present feelings of confusion and sadness and fear that seemed to have no source. It took months to feel relatively back to normal... for a long time I felt like something had changed forever. I'm not sure if that's true now, but one thing I do know for sure is that MDMA can be really bad news. Its users tend to romanticize it as much as or maybe moreso than any other drug's users do. But I truly believe it is far from harmless. In fact I think it is a surefire way to brain damage and possibly irreparable harm. I'm not one for actively claiming that drugs are bad, as they can all have uses. And MDMA can have uses too. But for me, it was bad and I would prefer to have not subjected my mind to its ravages.

Good god, that was a terrible month... it was December too, usually a very cheerful time for me. I sudder to even think about it... normally I am a very happy person and this was the only time I've truly considered suicide. The worst part was not knowing if it would ever go away because it lasted for SO LONG. But it did go away... it took about a month for the acute symptoms to leave and maybe the better part of a year to not feel like something was off.

So needless to say I voweed to never, ever take MDMA again. Which has been no problem... the negative impact it left on me outweighed the positive impact it had once had.
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Its not for everybody :\
 
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