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TDS Eating Disorders Megathread

Aaaand so the cycle continues.....

My boyfriend has been away for work for the last 3 weeks, he hopefully gets home next Thursday.
For the first 2 weeks I drank myself asleep every night because I can't sleep without him here, for fear of someone breaking in to the house when I'm asleep. I want to be awake and alert if/when it happens. The anxiety is overwhelming and I KNOW it's not actually going to happen, so I have to drink to quell the anxiety...

Anyway, more to the point for this thread, I've hardly eaten in about 12 days. Mostly I keep forgetting to eat but also I enjoy the empty-stomach feeling. I've dropped an entire dress size already. The reason I know this is because 2 months ago my sisters and I went out and bought our bridesmaid dresses for my sister's wedding, and mine was the right size but sliiiiiiightly tight, which was good because I fully intended on losing a few pounds before the wedding. Tonight I tried on the dress again, and it's like a hessian sack hanging off my shoulders.......
It actually looks rather ridiculous. Not sure what I'm going to do because the wedding is next weekend and I sure as hell do not have any intention of gaining any weight between now and then!!! 8o
I might have to go and either exchange it for the next size down or pay for a new dress in the smaller size, if they won't accept the exchange. My sisters can't find out though cos they'll make a big song and dance over it 8)

This is so fucking hard to escape! It pops up when you least expect it, and grasps you with such a strong force.
 
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Awww girl, I know exactly how u feel! It is SO irritating and unexpected sometimes, that you don't even realize your behavior! Then you try on your clothes, and it's like 'woah!' I enjoy the empty stomach feeling too, unfortunately... :/ Just try to constantly eat something wholesome but filling, like yogurt. You won't feel too full, but you'll be consistently giving your body fuel to work with. If they dress is too big in the bust area, just get a padded bra! Haha <3
 
I'm 26, male and only 48kg. I'm not tall or very short. About 5'6. I just don't like eating, i mean i know i'm really underweight, but i just feel sick when i eat food. I only eat when i smoke weed, wich is just to expensive to use as medicine. So i eat 1 meal every 2 days. I just feel sick and have to force food down. I drink heaps of milk to keep me alive. Anyone understand me or am i just mental or something?????? Oh and it's been that way since i was a kid. Before i got into drugs.
 
Hi nath, welcome to The Dark Side <3
You are definitely not mental!! There are a lot of people in this thread who will be able to relate to your story. I definitely know what you mean about that sick feeling when you finally manage to choke down some food. Do you think it's something that you might benefit from talking to a doctor or a therapist about? Do you want things to be different? Or do you like the way things are now?

BeckyLee said:
Just try to constantly eat something wholesome but filling, like yogurt.
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You must be psychic hun, that is exactly what I had for breakfast this morning :D

And thank you for the support love <3
 
Wow, thanks for the love that you express so well over a message. I feel a little better knowing someone knows and cares. My bloods are fine and i'm always full of energy. Speed and pills etc have little to no effect on me. It feels like i'm on speed all day and night. I can lift about 120kg and seem healthy at work, but the heaviest i've ever been was 62 kg but that was on MMT. I don't like done or bupe but done did help with eating. So does Zyprexa, anti-psycotic. But the bad side effects to these drugs was not worth the weight gain. I've seen many shrinks and Docs, but here in Oz, you gotta lie to be treated properly. SSRI's do not work for me, i wish we had medical canabis so i could eat pot and feel hungry longer and not feel sick after eating. Has anyone tried this aproach? Thanks again.:)<3
 
^^ Ahhh I see, man that must be frustrating having tried to get to the bottom of it or at least try to treat the symptoms with meds. Do you smoke cigarettes?? The only reason I ask is because my boyfriend was a super skinny thing with a lightning speed metabolism for basically his whole life. He worked out at the gym everyday for years to try and gain some weight, to not much avail. Admittedly he was taking a lot of MDMA and speed for about 5 years which certainly wouldn't have helped. But then he stopped smoking cigarettes (and slowed down his drug use), and his metabolism slowed down a little and he gained a lot of appetite. Fast forward to about 5 years later and now he's verging on the plump side ;)
I'm in Aus too by the way :)
 
nath6023 said:
Wow, thanks for the love that you express so well over a message. I feel a little better knowing someone knows and cares. My bloods are fine and i'm always full of energy. Speed and pills etc have little to no effect on me. It feels like i'm on speed all day and night. I can lift about 120kg and seem healthy at work, but the heaviest i've ever been was 62 kg but that was on MMT. I don't like done or bupe but done did help with eating. So does Zyprexa, anti-psycotic. But the bad side effects to these drugs was not worth the weight gain. I've seen many shrinks and Docs, but here in Oz, you gotta lie to be treated properly. SSRI's do not work for me, i wish we had medical canabis so i could eat pot and feel hungry longer and not feel sick after eating. Has anyone tried this aproach? Thanks again.:)<3
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YES! Smoking pot does make me eat more! :)
 
Yes, speed seems to be the drug i'm on without taking any of it. I hate stimulants cause i just get a head ache if i try to get high on any stimulant. I just tried 700mg of tramadol and found that it's similar to mdma (to me). I got a bit of pain now (get headaches all the time caused by a scared blood vessel from a stroke i had 1.5 years ago.) The pain is litteraly unbearable. (wiki cluster headaches). Easter now and stupid me have no back up meds/narcs. I use codeine usually once a day and when it kicks in i get super munchies after a cone/bowel or 2 or 3 :) But even though i feel bad phisicaly i feel rich spiritually to have contact with people that CARE here. Thanks for the ongoing support and understanding. If anyone has hird of a dug that works on the metapolism directly, because i don't think my problem is mental, i think it's physical. But i'm open to opinion and direction. Maybe something i can put in milk besides proteine. Thank you. :)
 
n3ophy7e said:
^^ Ahhh I see, man that must be frustrating having tried to get to the bottom of it or at least try to treat the symptoms with meds. Do you smoke cigarettes?? The only reason I ask is because my boyfriend was a super skinny thing with a lightning speed metabolism for basically his whole life. He worked out at the gym everyday for years to try and gain some weight, to not much avail. Admittedly he was taking a lot of MDMA and speed for about 5 years which certainly wouldn't have helped. But then he stopped smoking cigarettes (and slowed down his drug use), and his metabolism slowed down a little and he gained a lot of appetite. Fast forward to about 5 years later and now he's verging on the plump side ;)
I'm in Aus too by the way :)
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Sorry, i didn't answer the question, trailed off.......... Yes i do smoke cigarettes, about 7 a day but cutting down. It's not the addiction for me, it's the habbit, if you know what i mean. Glad to here your b/f is healthy now. Best of luck for the future. Peace.
 
And so the ugly head of purging rears itself once again :|



Wow, I so thought I was done with this...
 
Yeaahhhh it's a weird & inexplicable behaviour.....
No matter how long you go not doing it, you feel obliged to throw a good one in, now & then.

Since I've been hooked on spicy food, the frequency has been marginal. But those few times have been fucking horrendous :o

Much prefer restricting in my old age; aided of course by the wonders of jenny crack ;)
 
I've was in a restricting cycle for about 3 weeks, and now I am in a binging cycle without purging. I've been eating so much, really. It is so hard to find the balance.

On top of that I've been getting fucked up a lot on Ambien, OTC sleeping pills, and alcohol.

I'm in a bad place right now. I'm desperate for control and can't find any.
 
^^ kc, please be careful with the ambien/sleeping pills/alcohol. All of those things will be making you more depressed, and probably increasing your appetite, which would be enhancing your binging behaviour, which obviously leads to you feeling bad about yourself :(
If you're not happy you need to get help hun. You deserve to be happy and content with the beautiful person that you are <3

panic in paradise said:
can you retrace your steps, what lead up to this?
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I think/hope it was just a one-off :|
 
xxkcxx said:
I've been eating so much, really. It is so hard to find the balance.
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It's a delicate balancing act - the problem is, food is yummy. If it tasted like shit then we'd all be sweet. I can't go for very long 'eating normally' without visibly gaining weight. I got up to about 2 weeks a few weeks ago, and then had to spend about another week heavily restricting just to get back where I was. A real pain in the ass, considering most people can just eat and stay the same no matter what :X

It is admittedly my own fault for fucking around with my body weight since the fourth grade :| i.e. almost two-thirds of my life. Even though there hasn't been a drastic transition for about 3 1/2 years, my meth use began 3 years ago & trying to cut that down has been hell on my eating capacities :\
Again, self-inflicted.
 
^hyroller, do you work out?

There's a pretty simple equation: weight = calories imbibed - calories worked off through exercise.

Restricting, purging, binging whatever you want to call it is not the only way to control your weight. Start to take a holistic approach to your health, weight and psychological well-being guys!

If you feel sluggish when you eat 'normal' amounts maybe that's a cue to start doing some cardio, or strength building and toning exercises. I know for some it's easy to go to the other extreme and over exercise (which is just as bad as the food controlling alternative) but if you're serious about wanting to maintaining a certain weight, exercise and healthy eating is your friend.
 
^^^^ Occasionally, but studying for a full-time Honours thesis has confounded my ability to get out of the house.

Ideally I would love to work out, but that shit costs money, so I prefer to go for walks when & where ever I can....

I know all about physical exercise - lol - I've just had a more lax attitude to these things since I discovered you could cut corners (in the most terrible fashion) via drugs.

Also, pot doesn't make me want to eat... perhaps I'm wired backwards, but I'm quite happy eating nothing on it.
 
I'm not trying to come across as nasty hyroller, sorry if my post came across as harsh. It's just that I've been through the same nightmare you guys are talking about and have managed to come through the other side with the help of a balanced mind-set that allows me to eat normal, healthy amounts coupled with the exercise that's needed to keep me feeling my best.. :)

BTW, everything I do is 'free'.. I ride my second-hand exercise bike (bought for under $80), skip rope ($10) and lift weights (purchased for under $30). I do all of this in my backyard on a timed cycle of 2 minutes per station. It keeps me motivated and interested in what I'm doing, and my body absolutely loves it.

It also allows me to have 'indulgent' days. If I feel particularly slack on the food side, I can ramp up the exercise.

It can be done. Hang in there.
 
Yeah, it sure can, done it a few times in the past 13 years hehe, and to be honest I'm not in the thick of it these days, as a living breathing lifestyle... sure we all count calories but that's just a habit some of us will never break out of (I feel as though quantifying the amount of calories I'm about to consume somehow qualifies the food as worthy of being eaten... lol).

It definitely doesn't overtake my life, thank god, but the mindset is more or less fixed.
 
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