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TDS Eating Disorders Megathread
- Thread starter MidnightBaby
- Start date
Winding Vines
Bluelighter
I've been avoiding this thread for sometime.
When I was in high school, anorexia and bulimia were on my plate so to speak constantly. My mother was the epitome of the binge eater. My grandmother always said to me as a child: "You want to grow taller, not wider".
Well Living in a plastic suburb, had nothing better to do but make myself throw up in the shower and starve myself. Which, now looking back seems to have aggravated my thyroid more-so as I was always chubby, no matter how under nourished I was.
As I have grown up a bit, am more active and conscious of my diet I definitely notice my coping mechanisms without my awareness are to starve myself.
Granted, I am not the most highly active person. Yes I do go on walks, some general aerobics and low-impact exercises because of a spinal deformity which prevents nerve pain. Though, since I've started school, I really only eat maybe one meal a day. I've noticed a dramatic loss of weight, which honestly I'm not unhappy about. The holidays were very, um merry on my calorie intake- so to speak.
I understand it is a control issue, that I've merely dabbled with resolving here and there. I do listen now-a-days when my body is screaming feed me. As my mood becomes terrible and I get really bad dizzy spells and fatigue. I listen to and feed my body when it needs.
I guess I question if I am really hurting myself if I listen when my body asks badly, or if I am just rationalizing an old pattern as "not as bad or as destructive".
When I was in high school, anorexia and bulimia were on my plate so to speak constantly. My mother was the epitome of the binge eater. My grandmother always said to me as a child: "You want to grow taller, not wider".
Well Living in a plastic suburb, had nothing better to do but make myself throw up in the shower and starve myself. Which, now looking back seems to have aggravated my thyroid more-so as I was always chubby, no matter how under nourished I was.
As I have grown up a bit, am more active and conscious of my diet I definitely notice my coping mechanisms without my awareness are to starve myself.
Granted, I am not the most highly active person. Yes I do go on walks, some general aerobics and low-impact exercises because of a spinal deformity which prevents nerve pain. Though, since I've started school, I really only eat maybe one meal a day. I've noticed a dramatic loss of weight, which honestly I'm not unhappy about. The holidays were very, um merry on my calorie intake- so to speak.
I understand it is a control issue, that I've merely dabbled with resolving here and there. I do listen now-a-days when my body is screaming feed me. As my mood becomes terrible and I get really bad dizzy spells and fatigue. I listen to and feed my body when it needs.
I guess I question if I am really hurting myself if I listen when my body asks badly, or if I am just rationalizing an old pattern as "not as bad or as destructive".
CHiLD-0F-THE-BEAT
Bluelighter
These are the reasons I stopped punishing myself. Something that left me feeling drained, tired, depressed, angry, achey, sick, dizzy - sometimes too weak to walk to the bathroom and a host of other negative emotions simply wasn't worth it.
The instant gratification I received from my stomach bubbling with severe hunger was shallow and didn't actually provide any long term benefits at all. Anorexia and for a time bulimia were my best friends but I've since learnt they were lying, selfish bitches who never wanted me to reach my full potential at all. Instead they held me back from everything - from living my life in the way I wanted to.
I couldn't go out with friends without constantly worrying about having to deal with an offer of food, or sit down in a restaurant.
I dreaded meal-times with my family during my youth.
I used to plan out my route to wherever I was going so I could avoid all food outlets that might tempt me off my path, and would go past public toilets in case I needed to purge.
I couldn't eat at my workplaces.. I used to hide in the toilet out of shame, thinking someone would see me eating (caving to the hunger) and would think less of me.
Why was I living my life in fear?!!! Why was I letting these horrible diseases RUIN MY ENTIRE LIFE?!!!!! I thought by giving into them I would feel better but it just became worse and worse. Nothing was ever good enough for the monsters in my head. I was trying to live an impossible ideal that could never ever work the way I wanted.
Since then I've found quietening those screaming voices in your head can be done in other ways. I choose pride in myself, and where my life is heading. Everything within my sphere of control is fantastic now I have said my goodbyes to those nasty pieces of work. Bad things happen - they always will. You just have to come up with a strong and healthy coping mechanism to get through those rough patches.
Every day I'm proud of my achievements. Making a delicious and healthy meal helps. Eating three pieces of fruit in a day helps. Working up a sweat to my favourite song helps. Build up the amount of healthy things you do in a day and give yourself the pride and recognition you deserve.
We are all beautiful, wonderful, amazing women. The size of our pants has no bearing on who we are as women, or what we deserve in life. We only have one body and we have to look after it - we have to treat it right!!!
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I have avoided this thread b/c i have not been adept at avoiding the disease. I got down to a verrry low weight last semester, and I have finally gained enough to look/be healthy again. I have to admit, though, I still have a severe aversion to having a "full" feeling when I eat. So, I am chronically undereating, but frequently... I guess it's silly, but I thiiink I'm maintaining my weight like this... :-/
^^ I can totally relate to that hun, I too have avoided this thread (and the alcoholism thread, incidentally enough) for the exact same reason
It's really good that you are eating, and that you've got back up to a healthy weight. But for long-term success over your eating disorder it's important that you try and face your underlying issues with feeling full and aversion to food etc.
Is it possible to arrange to see a counsellor/therapist sometime soon, just to chat? Have you seen one before?
It's really good that you are eating, and that you've got back up to a healthy weight. But for long-term success over your eating disorder it's important that you try and face your underlying issues with feeling full and aversion to food etc.
Is it possible to arrange to see a counsellor/therapist sometime soon, just to chat? Have you seen one before?
xxkcxx
Bluelighter
Still struggling--mainly with the fact I'm not really committed to getting healthy but I know I should.
Good luck and good vibes to all of you who are struggling as well
Good luck and good vibes to all of you who are struggling as well
serenafails
Bluelighter
I was bulimic, got better, and now I am again.
At least with junk food
It doesn't bug me as much as it should.
I just CANT stop eating.
At least with junk food
It doesn't bug me as much as it should.
I just CANT stop eating.
^^ Sorry to hear you're back in to that habit again hun, it's awful huh 
You CAN stop over-eating though, telling yourself that you can't only keeps fuelling the vicious cycle.
Are you eating healthily apart from the junk food?
How's everyone else doing??
You CAN stop over-eating though, telling yourself that you can't only keeps fuelling the vicious cycle.
Are you eating healthily apart from the junk food?
How's everyone else doing??
^^ I can totally relate to that hun, I too have avoided this thread (and the alcoholism thread, incidentally enough) for the exact same reason
It's really good that you are eating, and that you've got back up to a healthy weight. But for long-term success over your eating disorder it's important that you try and face your underlying issues with feeling full and aversion to food etc.
Is it possible to arrange to see a counsellor/therapist sometime soon, just to chat? Have you seen one before?
hey girl,
I'm gonna try to see my therapist and talk about it today.. it's just easier to lightly touch on these things than really delve into them... :-/
Since I weigh enough now I think I'm doing OK enough for now...
Neonrazr
Greenlighter
I keep eating 20+ dexamphs a day so I keep passing food thinking itll be better later.....?
Then feel fucked. and re dose. Lost 25 cm pant size though lol I need to stop doing this.
Take these dexxies away from me you evil dealers
Then feel fucked. and re dose. Lost 25 cm pant size though lol I need to stop doing this.
Take these dexxies away from me you evil dealers
xxkcxx
Bluelighter
I know how painful it is to talk about some of the deeper issues, but if you are committed to recovering, I would really encourage you to do so. Sometimes we can start feeling that we deserve to be unhappy and by keeping the issues inside, we perpetuate the cycle of pain. We convince ourselves that talking abut it will do no good, but that is the furthest thing from the truth! I know this is especially true for me.
As for me, I went in for my assessment at the mental health clinic. The assessor recommended that I get a therapist that knows about DBT so that I can work on those skills a bit. I've only had DBT once in an inpatient setting, but from what I have been reading, I think it would be very helpful in controlling my impulsive nature.
Unfortunately, it is going to be awhile before I can get an appointment. It is usually 2-3 weeks, but because I am relying on my parents for transportation, my schedule isn't so flexible and that will cause delays.
I'm not doing well at all with my ED. The other day I didn't eat at all and I've never done that before. I just really enjoy the control I FEEL like I have, although I am fully aware I am not the one in control.
I keep eating 20+ dexamphs a day so I keep passing food thinking itll be better later.....?
Then feel fucked. and re dose. Lost 25 cm pant size though lol I need to stop doing this.
Take these dexxies away from me you evil dealers
Welcome to the thread hun
How do you feel about how you look/weigh/feel at the moment??
whatishername
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Nov 30, 2009
- Messages
- 15
A little while ago I started purging again occasionally and more recently I have been restricting what I eat, so some days I have only been having one or two meals. I know that this is heading in a dangerous direction but I like the feeling it gives me and I keep rationalizing to myself that what I'm doing isn't that bad so I sort of see it as harmless even though I know that it isn't. I have been feeling a bit scattered lately so hopefully I have made sense.
Anyway, I hope everyone is doing ok and feeling positive
Anyway, I hope everyone is doing ok and feeling positive
xxkcxx
Bluelighter
I'm freaking out. Seriously freaking out.
I got the bright idea to go looking through pictures labeled with people height, weight, and BMI and then I started obsessing over a picture of a girl who is my weight and height and now I'm just incredibly anxious and this is terrible
I got the bright idea to go looking through pictures labeled with people height, weight, and BMI and then I started obsessing over a picture of a girl who is my weight and height and now I'm just incredibly anxious and this is terrible
HighonLife
Bluelighter
burn those pictures.
or atleast, scratch out the stats some other time without reading them.
you are a lovely, attractive, young lady
DONT EVER FORGET IT
or atleast, scratch out the stats some other time without reading them.
you are a lovely, attractive, young lady
DONT EVER FORGET IT
I'm freaking out. Seriously freaking out.
I got the bright idea to go looking through pictures labeled with people height, weight, and BMI and then I started obsessing over a picture of a girl who is my weight and height and now I'm just incredibly anxious and this is terrible
Oh honey, don't do that to yourself!
Every single person on this planet has a different body shape and composition, you cannot compare yourself to anyone else. You are you, and you are beautiful
Rip those pics up!!!
We are all different and beautiful in our own way!!
I just cyber-stalked my ex-boyfriend and was looking at pics of his new gf and just made myself feel like serious CRAP...
Why can't we just be happy with ourselves?? aaaahhh...
We are all different and beautiful in our own way!!
I just cyber-stalked my ex-boyfriend and was looking at pics of his new gf and just made myself feel like serious CRAP...
Why can't we just be happy with ourselves?? aaaahhh...
you cannot compare yourself to anyone else. You are you, and you are beautiful
The same applies to YOU Miss BeckyLee!!
You are beautiful so don't let any random girl get you down, especially if she's your ex's new girlfriend. He would be downgrading for sure
xxkcxx
Bluelighter
^ totally...but I think eventually we will realize it's better to experience them then hurt ourselves to get rid of them