I do listen now-a-days when my body is screaming feed me. As my mood becomes terrible and I get really bad dizzy spells and fatigue. I listen to and feed my body when it needs.
These are the reasons I stopped punishing myself. Something that left me feeling drained, tired, depressed, angry, achey, sick, dizzy - sometimes
too weak to walk to the bathroom and a host of other negative emotions simply wasn't worth it.
The instant gratification I received from my stomach bubbling with severe hunger was shallow and didn't actually provide any long term benefits at all. Anorexia and for a time bulimia were my best friends but I've since learnt they were lying, selfish bitches who never wanted me to reach my full potential at all. Instead they held me back from everything - from
living my life in the way I wanted to.
I couldn't go out with friends without constantly worrying about having to deal with an offer of food, or sit down in a restaurant.
I dreaded meal-times with my family during my youth.
I used to plan out my route to wherever I was going so I could avoid all food outlets that might tempt me off my path, and would go past public toilets in case I needed to purge.
I couldn't eat at my workplaces.. I used to hide in the toilet out of shame, thinking someone would see me eating (caving to the hunger) and would think less of me.
Why was I living my life in fear?!!! Why was I letting these horrible diseases
RUIN MY ENTIRE LIFE?!!!!! I thought by giving into them I would feel better but it just became worse and worse. Nothing was ever good enough for the monsters in my head. I was trying to live an impossible ideal that could never ever work the way I wanted.
Since then I've found quietening those screaming voices in your head can be done in other ways. I choose
pride in myself, and where my life is heading. Everything within my sphere of control is fantastic now I have said my goodbyes to those nasty pieces of work. Bad things happen - they always will. You just have to come up with a strong and healthy coping mechanism to get through those rough patches.
Every day I'm proud of my achievements. Making a delicious and healthy meal helps. Eating three pieces of fruit in a day helps. Working up a sweat to my favourite song helps. Build up the amount of healthy things you do in a day and give yourself the pride and recognition you deserve.
We are all beautiful, wonderful, amazing women. The size of our pants has
no bearing on who we are as women, or what we deserve in life. We only have one body and we have to look after it - we have to treat it
right!!!
