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TDS Eating Disorders Megathread
- Thread starter MidnightBaby
- Start date
xxkcxx
Bluelighter
A really good thing is that while I was at the recovery home I started getting food stamps, but I had to give them all to them to buy food. Now that I am home, I get $200 to buy food each month so I can buy all the healthy stuff I want instead of relying on what other people are willing to buy me.
ladyinthesky
Bluelight Crew
its been a little over a year now since ive struggled with my disorder and i seem to have beat it for now. i would go almost a week and a half consuming less than 100 calories a day..if that. i do have my days where i struggle more than others and i still look in the mirror and am unhappy but i am at the weight i should be now and i have the help and love around me to keep me healthy
^^ lady it's to good to hear you're nearly fully recovered 
I'm a lot like you in that it's been a long hard road to get where we are today, but I'm finding that gradually I'm liking what I see in the mirror more often than not. It just keeps getting better. Like you, I too have bad days/weeks. But mostly I'm so SO much better than I was.
Go us! 
BeckyLee that is so great to hear hun!! Great work!
I'm a lot like you in that it's been a long hard road to get where we are today, but I'm finding that gradually I'm liking what I see in the mirror more often than not. It just keeps getting better. Like you, I too have bad days/weeks. But mostly I'm so SO much better than I was.
Go us!
BeckyLee that is so great to hear hun!! Great work!
ladyinthesky
Bluelight Crew
5 days after posting what i did, i have gone down the slope
ive noticed the problem when i weighed myself and realized i weigh 6 lbs less than i did 5 days ago. me recognizing the problem didnt help either. i look at food i get disgusted by it (i usually eat with my eyes first) i can go all day without eating and not even notice. i feel that its stronger than me and this battle has started again
ive noticed the problem when i weighed myself and realized i weigh 6 lbs less than i did 5 days ago. me recognizing the problem didnt help either. i look at food i get disgusted by it (i usually eat with my eyes first) i can go all day without eating and not even notice. i feel that its stronger than me and this battle has started again
PrettyKitty
Bluelighter
^
Another positive message for everyone who reads this thread:
I think we all need one of these.
I love it
Rifkala
Bluelighter
been purging more than i'd like to admit, recently. i had it somewhat under control, but it's been about every other day, to more than once a day for the past two weeks. it's not even that i'm binging, i just always feel nauseated after i eat (both natural nausea and that resulting from guilt).
and i know what i'm doing isn't good for me, i know it won't produce anything beneficial. but when i say i won't i do, and it's so hard to resist temptation when i'm a waitress with limitless access to icecream and have a boyfriend who stands 6 foot, weighs what i do, and can eat his way into oblivion.
feeling kind of desolate right now.
and i know what i'm doing isn't good for me, i know it won't produce anything beneficial. but when i say i won't i do, and it's so hard to resist temptation when i'm a waitress with limitless access to icecream and have a boyfriend who stands 6 foot, weighs what i do, and can eat his way into oblivion.
feeling kind of desolate right now.
^^ Hun I'm so sorry to hear you've been doing that.
Firstly, does your boyfriend know about this?? Would you feel comfortable/ready to tell him? I know I couldn't have recovered from bulimia without the support of my boyfriend. It can be a big step to take though so it's understandable if you're not ready to do that yet.
Secondly, you probably already know this, but please try not to compare your body/metabolism to your boyfriend's. Males are generally very different to females so it's only confusing matters if you're trying to "weigh-up" (pardon the pun) to him.
Thirdly, has any recent event/trauma/trigger caused you to increase your binge/purge activities? That might be something to think about, to see if you can change any contributing factors in your life to help you cope better.
Lastly, how long has this been going on for? Do you feel like you need to get medical intervention??
I really hope you come to peace with yourself soon hun. You're beautiful and so very special
Firstly, does your boyfriend know about this?? Would you feel comfortable/ready to tell him? I know I couldn't have recovered from bulimia without the support of my boyfriend. It can be a big step to take though so it's understandable if you're not ready to do that yet.
Secondly, you probably already know this, but please try not to compare your body/metabolism to your boyfriend's. Males are generally very different to females so it's only confusing matters if you're trying to "weigh-up" (pardon the pun) to him.
Thirdly, has any recent event/trauma/trigger caused you to increase your binge/purge activities? That might be something to think about, to see if you can change any contributing factors in your life to help you cope better.
Lastly, how long has this been going on for? Do you feel like you need to get medical intervention??
I really hope you come to peace with yourself soon hun. You're beautiful and so very special
Rifkala
Bluelighter
i know it's not logical to compare myself to my boyfriend...he's 6 foot tall, has the fastest metabolism i've ever seen, and rock climbs during every spare second of his time. but for some reason i'm unable to really absorb this logic so it can help me....i know it, i see it, i hear it, but it still means nothing to me when i stand so short and plump next to him.
and i don't feel comfortable telling him. i wish i did, but i hate being perceived as flawed and weak. i worry, even though he's incredibly well attuned to me and i deeply care for him, that my bulimia will send him running or disgust him. it disgusts me, it makes me hate myself. how could i expect him to react differently? how can i expect him to understand?
there's really no giant sources of stress right now. it's midterm and project season so i'm up to my eyeballs in work, and my two jobs are kind of obnoxious, but none of that is new. i'm temporarily broke until my next paycheck, but otherwise everything's running smoothly. i don't know why i've started back this way....all i know is once is enough to send me back down this slippery slope.
it's only been about 2-3 weeks, but i need to stop before i truly start again. i just don't quite know how, the will just isn't coming to me like last time...
and i don't feel comfortable telling him. i wish i did, but i hate being perceived as flawed and weak. i worry, even though he's incredibly well attuned to me and i deeply care for him, that my bulimia will send him running or disgust him. it disgusts me, it makes me hate myself. how could i expect him to react differently? how can i expect him to understand?
there's really no giant sources of stress right now. it's midterm and project season so i'm up to my eyeballs in work, and my two jobs are kind of obnoxious, but none of that is new. i'm temporarily broke until my next paycheck, but otherwise everything's running smoothly. i don't know why i've started back this way....all i know is once is enough to send me back down this slippery slope.
it's only been about 2-3 weeks, but i need to stop before i truly start again. i just don't quite know how, the will just isn't coming to me like last time...
Rifkala
Bluelighter
i don't know, i just did. it's the same way i lost all my weight (healthfully) initially. something in me just snapped into place and i began to change my behavior. i reached a point where i my knowledg about my behavior finally jived with my actions. it never stopped entirely, but it was much much better.
i've never felt comfortable talking to doctors or therapists about this. it's a matter of trust; i've had very bad experiences with doctors and psychs, and was raised to believe going to them was a sign of weakness.
i just don't know if i can do it on my own this time, but i don't know who i'd feel comfortable talking to.
i also think my recreational drug use might be part of it, since it depletes my seratonin and makes me a little melancholy the next day. but i never binge or purge on those days, so idk.
i've never felt comfortable talking to doctors or therapists about this. it's a matter of trust; i've had very bad experiences with doctors and psychs, and was raised to believe going to them was a sign of weakness.
i just don't know if i can do it on my own this time, but i don't know who i'd feel comfortable talking to.
i also think my recreational drug use might be part of it, since it depletes my seratonin and makes me a little melancholy the next day. but i never binge or purge on those days, so idk.
alexia
Bluelighter
bla
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tommythetank
Greenlighter
My GP has me down as anorexic because I won't put weight on and my periods have me sketchy for about 3 years, but I think of myself as bulimic. Really, really, really bulimic.
I spend about 8 hours a day binging and purging
It's been this way for years and the only 'time off' I have is because I'm on drugs or too drunk to function
Wow that sounds depressing.
I spend about 8 hours a day binging and purging
It's been this way for years and the only 'time off' I have is because I'm on drugs or too drunk to function
Wow that sounds depressing.
Do any of you that are recovered, I am 1 year recovered, find that you now exercise more than 'maybe' you should? I struggle with this idea. I have recently begun going to the gym 4-5 times a week to work out. However, I have not increased my food intake to make up for this knew physical activity. As a result I have lost a small amount of weight and find myself tired a lot of the time. As I dont' find myself relapsed in any way, I do still find this to be SOME sort of obstacle along the way of recovery. I can see how easily one can substitute exercise for restricting or purging (hence exercise bulimia).
My GP has me down as anorexic because I won't put weight on and my periods have me sketchy for about 3 years, but I think of myself as bulimic. Really, really, really bulimic.
I spend about 8 hours a day binging and purging
It's been this way for years and the only 'time off' I have is because I'm on drugs or too drunk to function
Wow that sounds depressing.
8 hours a day is a lot, obviously. Have you ever, or do you regularly have labwork done? Hon, I can relate to your situation and know how that feels to have day after day like that. The exhaustion and nothingness are powerful. I hope someday you can push through this.
Yes, I would imagine this could be reasonably common for recovering ED patients.
My timeline:
Bulimic/anorexic for various periods over 3 years.
Recovering in 2006.
Became a gym junkie, was going to the gym for at least 3 hours every day and only just eating enough food to get by. I recently saw some photos of me around that time, holy shit I was so tiny
I was almost as tiny as a year earlier when I was proper anorexic. But I was muscly and toned as well. And I was eating and not purging, so I was "recovering". And don't get me wrong, I was eating. I was just exercising a hell of a lot. If I wanted to, I could just not eat for a few days and look really really skinny. That's not recovery if you ask me...A year later we moved so I was no longer near my gym, we got a treadmill and some weights but I lost momentum. This is when I really started to properly recover. Because I couldn't exercise as much I was forced to face my body finally putting some real meat back on. I had some anorexia relapses here and there but it never lasted more than 2 weeks. But I put on about 8kg over this time period.
Fast forward 2 years later to today, I do weights and cardio at least 4 times a week, and I eat shitloads of healthy food to fuel my speedy metabolism. I look great and I feel great, I have a lot of energy and I'm comfortable with my body (for the most part). I'm a very healthy 77kg (178cm tall). I think I'm finally over my EDs (for now).
xxkcxx
Bluelighter
omg, I really need to stop reading threads where people talk about how ugly they think fat people are. I don't know why I do this to myself, but I feel like I am having a panic attack after that.
^^ Awww hun, that's one of the bad things about the internet, everything's totally accessible for anyone and everyone to read so we have to make sure we practice restraint and not read/open anything we know will upset us
But,
a) you're not fat
and
b) you are beautiful
So please try not to let it get to you okay??
But,
a) you're not fat
and
b) you are beautiful
So please try not to let it get to you okay??