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TDS Eating Disorders Megathread

RedLeader said:
^ When you say "bad body image" do you mean feeling like you're overweight or all bones?
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This:

CHiLD-0F-THE-BEAT said:
I find it's easier to eat healthy foods and convince yourself you're helping your body rather than pigging out and then wanting to regurgitate it later. :(
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You're doing fine RL, I think everyone appreciates you have your L's on in this thread. :)

I'm so, so happy to say I think I might actually be past the stage where even having this thread open in my browser gives me shakes and increases my heart-rate. I think finally I can distance myself from my once debilitating diseases and don't see it over-shadowing me like it once did. It's still there, and I don't expect it to ever truly go, but it's no longer such a huge, frightening, looming voice in the distance. I feel like I finally have more control that it does and I hope nothing will ever change that.

I was scared and controlled for over 12 years. You will all get there. It takes time and hard-work, but it's definitely worth it. Keep up the good fight everyone. <3
 
^
:)

Another positive message for everyone who reads this thread:
tumblr_krewdcqKN21qzdubgo1_500.jpg

I think we all need one of these.
 
I am 57kg *balls eyes out* thats i've gained 10kg since i was at my comfortable weight, thats 22lbs 4 the americans, fucking 22, thats i've gained one fifth of myself. I dont even knw if i can lose 10kg, it will take ages, i'ld have to be good 4 ages. I've never hated myself more, i became vegan 4 ethical reasons yet im gonna start just eating greese and meat and atkins this wieght off and go against what i believe it. Why did i let this happen. Me want hug pleases
 
eh i'm only 7 pages in, and i'd like to finish reading through the thread before i make a real post... explaining my problems.... and how i've ended up in my current situation

but i just want to say, im glad this thread is here
i'm glad for the healthy thoughts and those reaching out

and i'm really struck by PI in here
eh
its just a refreshing approach, an attitude towards health and body image... and eating.. that i find absolutely inspiring
anyway, im just sending some love into this thread for now
<3 <3 <3
and im sending some to PI double-time

thanks :)
 
A Not so Unique Story

I've struggled with image issues my entire life; i was a chubby child, and that baby fat followed me well into high school where I weighed in seemingly whale-like proportions....192 pounds and barely five foot, two inches.

It all began as a positive change in my life. I had just dumped my boyfriend who had been dragging me deeper into a duldrums. During our last dinner together he ordered fried appetizers, friend chicken, and a milkshake. disgusted by him, I ordered a simple Salad with grilled chicken. From there I began to exercise and eat smaller portions; I dropped fifty pounds in a year.

However, as college rolled round I began to reacquaint myself with my dear food. Eating was social; I'd find myself int he mess four times a day. We';d bake cookies and have late night movie-icecream-boozathons. Slowly but surely, i gained a pound, then two, and before i realized it i was seven pound up from my low. I remember crying naked int he bathroom after i weighed myself; the self loathing was just so overwhelming I felt sick with it.

And there it all began. I would run anywhere from 2 to 5 miles a day, and do at least 30 minutes of intense weight training. I severely cut back my caloric intake to, most days, under 700 calories. Most days I had a negative caloric intake due to my exercising. This is a fact. I kept obsessive daily journals of calories earned and burned. Every time the number reached towards zero, i got dizzy with elation.

But I couldn't keep it up; I'd spend the weekends binging and the week denying myself until the combination of self loathing and deprivation made me snap. i spent a week consuming everything edible. Eventually the self loathing returned, but my palate was whetted and I began to couple my exercise with a regiment of binging and purging.

For the most part, about a year and a half later, I have it under control. i'll have sporadic relapses which include days of binging and purging, but for the most part I only do that every other week, or so. It's a slow process, but I figure I'm getting there.
 
Hi Rifkala, welcome to the thread :)
Thanks so much for sharing your story. It's always so inspiring to hear from people who have turned their ED's around themselves (even though you're not quite completely better yet). You're right though, it's a work in progress and sometimes it takes us a long time to recover fully. Please hang in there and keep continuing down the path that you've made for yourself to recovery. And of course, keep us updated with how you're going too if you like <3

Libby said:
I am 57kg *balls eyes out* thats i've gained 10kg since i was at my comfortable weight, thats 22lbs 4 the americans, fucking 22, thats i've gained one fifth of myself. I dont even knw if i can lose 10kg, it will take ages, i'ld have to be good 4 ages. I've never hated myself more, i became vegan 4 ethical reasons yet im gonna start just eating greese and meat and atkins this wieght off and go against what i believe it. Why did i let this happen. Me want hug pleases
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Firstly, I'm really glad to see you back in here Libby, we've all missed you!
Secondly, I'm so sad that you're feeling like this. I'm not sure how much worth it is to tell you this but 57kg is a really healthy weight for your age and height. I know for a fact that you still look incredibly beautiful. But more than that, your body is probably feeling so much better with those extra 10kg, i.e. in the healthy range. I wish I could make you believe that but I know myself how hard it is to turn your thoughts around. Please just be healthy and look after yourself okay? Love yourself for the amazing person you are, both inside and out <3

lystra, looking forward to hearing from you in this thread, much love <3
 
Libby, I may not know you, your name, where you're from, your height, or anything important, bu ti do know this; i've never met a woman of average stature that weights 57kg/125lbs who could be describes as anything but lovely. It's a perfectly healthy, slim weight that I'm very jealous of you for maintaining. I know my words probably seem empty, but they're all truth. Just please be healthy and safe, don't abuse yourself or your esteem, and don't lose your vegan morals to it.

And thanks for the welcome, n3ophy7e. I've been having some very difficult issues at home lately that've been making it more difficult than usual (i comfort binge, and i'm sure you know the rest...). I've never really had a place to openly talk about my issues; i'm hoping that having this forum and The Dark Side will provide a helpful support system.
 
You have come to the right place my dear :)
There is endless support, advice, and love in The Dark Side, I hope you stick around <3
 
Welcome back Libby & Hi Rifkala and Lystra :)

I know it'll make absolutely no difference to you but 57kg is teeny tiny libby! Forget that atkins crap!!!! *hugs*
 
I was anorexic for 4 years. I was down to 82 lbs at one point and I thought I NEEDED to lose more. I was very, very sick. ALL the time I would think about my weight. It consumed me to the end. I still think about my weight everyday but am happy to say I have gained weight and now weigh a healthy 125 lbs. :) But those years and years of anorexia were the worst. If anyone needs advice or help getting through it or a helping hand please feel free to PM me and I will tell you how I got through it. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE...do not hesitate to PM me. I have so much to tell and would love to help someone out. :) <3
 
Hey gloeek, welcome to the thread :)
It's so great to hear you've recovered, and thanks so much for offering a helping hand out to everyone in here (and beyond). I empathise with you that it's something that stays with you forever, like an addiction, you can recover but there is always something lingering in your mind.
Your story's an inspiration <3 :)
 
Hey all, it's been a minute.

So here is my crazy thinking...

I was staying in a recovery home in chicago in an area that was predominantly black. We ate ridiculously fattening food because all the girls cooked soul food and southern cooking, etc. and I put on some weight, I don't know how much because I refuse to get on the scale but it's enough because clothes that were hanging off me when I was all smacked-up are barely fitting. Thing was, it didn't matter so much when I was living there because I was getting hit on all time and everyone was always telling me how hot I was. This had a lot to do with the fact that african american men tend to like women with curves.

Now, however, I am living back at home and though I haven't even had any interactions with men at this point, I'm starting to feel completely disgusting again.

I am really noticing my complete devotion to what men think of me. This, is completely terrible. I have no idea how to just love me because I love me. I need to be validated by outside sources, and these outside sources have to be male.

The other problem on top of this is that I always get afraid that these men will discover how completely disgusting I am, so after they fall for me and I tell them I am interested, I get completely commitment-phobic and pull away and stop speaking to them. I've hurt more than a few men this way and I really do feel terrible about it, but it's a tough cycle to get out of--I need the guys to feel good about myself, I get the guy and get scared, I break it off and then feel bad for doing what I did and about who I am, I need a new guy, etc. etc.
 
xxkcxx said:
I am really noticing my complete devotion to what men think of me. This, is completely terrible. I have no idea how to just love me because I love me. I need to be validated by outside sources, and these outside sources have to be male.
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i thinks that's one of the driving causes of a lot of body image issues and eating disorders. i know it's a factor in how i perceive myself, and why i hate my body.

it's a societal expectation to "beautiful," and now the word beauty has become synonymous with "thin." it's truly sick....mainstream models are so thin they're emaciated, while girls who are size 8-10 are considered "plus sized models."

these expectations impact so many facets of life. i'm a college student, and through my intense facebook stalking have noticed how thinness influences social groupings. the super skinny girls tend to be in all the party pictures, wearing scanty clothes and hanging with attractive men and frat boys. then there are girls my size (sz10 american) or bigger, whose pictures are always tamer, filled with alternatively styled individuals, and lack devastatingly attractive men. guess whose considered to be "living the idyllic college experience"? so it bears to question: why wouldn't girls want to be thin if they got that opportunity, too?

also, its all about economics. up to the 1920s/1930s a zaftig woman was considered attractive because it displayed that she was part of a family who had enough money and comfort to eat plentifully. now that thin is in, you can also see how money influences it. now it's about who has the time to dedicate solely towards exercise instead of working, who can afford a trainer or a gym membership, who can afford the lean beef and fish instead of the cheaper mac-n-cheese.

these are just my rambling thoughts as i sit at my work desk, still thinking about why i want to be thin and why i hate my never abating desire.

i figure the day i stop caring so much is the day i'll also be a healthier human being :/
 
n3ophy7e said:
it's something that stays with you forever, like an addiction, you can recover but there is always something lingering in your mind.
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this.

I was in a beautiful and intensive inpatient treatment program for 6 months. I did recover. I left healthy and strong. I was a mountain. In the end, it came from a place where I realized that my eating disorder was, in fact, not my friend. It took some anger, and a lot of fear to fight against this thing, not as my friend, but as something that was trying to destroy me. That's how I came through.

But I've been back. And through. And back again. It has come to my realization at this point in my life that the only way I'm going to be able to live my life without my eating disorder is to really embrace myself (even if, at times, it seems impossible to find it).


be my own friend, speak lovingly and calmly to myself, treat my body right (with food, with exercise, with my very breathing) and

i believe, with every part of my being, that my mind will follow.

(it sure isn't easy, though :) )
 
^^ Brilliant post hun, it's so great to hear another success story <3


kc, I hope you can find inner peace soon, and learn to be comfortable with you and love you for who you are, not who you think other people want you to be. You are a beautiful person both inside and out, and I know you will come to truly believe it very soon <3
 
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