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TDS Eating Disorders Megathread

^Somewhat. I tend to just get into this amped up state where I'm panicing and pacing the apartment... and then its like fuck I just have to get this stuff out of here....

But it feels somewhat preplanned because I never throw it out in the house, I always end up going to the dumpster outside my apartment buiilding and literally pouring everything out in the trash can so there NO way it's edible anymore...

:(

I need to try and come up with a coping mechanism to just be able to sit down and deal with it being in the house, I suppose. Do you you guys have anything that works for you along those lines?
 
mrs_mia_wallace said:
I fucking LOVE grocery stores, I never spend less than two hours grocery shopping. My therapist refers to it as "cruising".... basically I could spend a whole aftenoon looking at food labels and be extremely entertained, I wouldn't buy or eat a thing, for some reason it's extremely interesting and calming for me to read them...
Click to expand...

Shit dude I do the exact same thing. I work(ed) in one (til 2 days ago..) and I found it fabulous. I rarely bought anything but I always checked out calorie content in every single packaged food .. every day.. lol!

Yes I quit my job guys. Probably not a good thing.
 
Did it on a whim.. Grown tired of it also. I was a manager and I don't trust myself in authority.
I've realised I can't let a job go because I need one for stability in my life, a committment - keeps me ordered with something regular in my life.
Will look into waitressing or something shitty. Who knows?
I needed a change though, worked there almost 2 years. I'm a constant thrill seeker and if something becomes habitual I grow tired of it. I need change.
I've always wanted to be a flight attendant but I look waay to fucked up for that although I do think it'd help me get off shards/regulate use as I couldn't take it on a plane & I'd be away a lot..
 
You don't look fucked up you're a pretty girl claire. like me nobody would think are tweakers we don't got the "image" 8)

You should look into it at least. It would be a good opportunity to travel and get clean :) are you ok for money at the moment tho without your job?
 
I'm not sure if anything like what I am going to say has been posted but I stumbled across this and felt the need to share my story.

I am an athlete, and have always been a little bit bigger and never had a problem with it. But at the start of last year I noticed that everyone was getting bigger while I was staying short, so I was approached to play a different position. I had to drop about 30 pounds to fit the weight class they wanted. That isnt a problem with most players but I have an EXTREMELY slow metabolism. One day I went out for a meal and got food poisoning from it. I went home and vomited. Later that day I stepped on the scale and was happy to see that I had lost 3 pounds that day. I continued to lift and train as I normally do, perhaps ever moreso now. I weighed myself several days later and I was back to my previous weight.
*Side note* I work out twice a day 6 days a week, I do 1-2 hours of cardio and 1-1.5 hours of lifting, I also eat 6 small meals a day, each with high protein and 3 of which are high in carbs*
After exercising harder than usual for about a month I had only lost 8 pounds, which obviously was not enough, I thought back to the day I had food poisoning. The idea became more appealing and I went to the bathroom and made myself throw up, and was once again happy with the results. That was about 8 months ago. I made it under the weight that I was supposed to but after the season ended I couldnt stop making myself sick. I eat constantly, from boredom and impulsiveness mainly, not really because i'm hungry, and after I do I feel guilty and I find a way to get away to make myself vomit and now I can't stop doing it, and my family is beginning to notice little things.(Little bits of vomit in the toilet, bags missing etc) and I have no idea what to do, I just cant lose the weight any other way..
 
rage alert: I dont believe they are fake or anything.

I just fucking hate ED's...they've fucked with every woman I've loved and I wish I could face ED's in open battle and kill them forever.

sorry...me and rage and stims=dumb posts
 
kc, he is a horrible person and you should not hang out with him anymore, at all. Block him out of your life, you don't need such a negative influence in your life right now.

AddictedtoYumm, I'm really sorry to hear how you've developed bulimia. I can totally relate because I was bulimic on and off for a couple of years.
Please try to curb the binge eating, because it will reduce the urge to throw it back up. Try to eat small frequent healthy meals, so that you don't get a huge full stomach that you feel the need the empty.
Can you distract yourself from eating when you're bored?
 
Its mainly just walking out to the kitchen and thinking "That looks good right now" so I eat it, and anything else that looks good, and probably walk back out and grabbing some more if it, idk i guess
 
Addictedtoyum, perhaps stocking up on lower calorie but filling foods will allow you to modify the binge/purge cycle. There are support groups that can help a great deal with these issues if you are inclined.

Don't tell yourself I just cant lose the weight any other way.. because it isn't true but anything we say to ourselves often enough becomes practically true.
 
ima make an ffer in this thread too:

if anyone wants me to make pseudoarmy diet and exerise plan, IM me with ur stats re: fitness and food restrictions, and I will.

if it helps one person, its worth it.
 
hey guys. how is everyone?

well, i had a massive change. my cousin kicked me out of the apartment and had a meltdown. as a result, i had to quit my job and move back in with my mom in the suburbs. one of the reasons she kicked me out was that i ate her food. the rest of the reasons were bullshit excuses for her having a panic attack. she said she needed a change and was moving and that it wasn't working out with the two of us. she just decided this in like 3 hours and didn't talk to me or explain or anything. she just told me to get in the car and that she was taking me to my mom's. after they all got done blaming me (because im the perpetual fuckup) her lunacy set in. she didn't give me time to find a new place and i had to give up my job and the little bit of a life that i had in the city. she finally apologized and i am worried about her. she makes crazy snap decisions all the time. now she says she's joining the air force. go figure. anyway, my mom is busting my hump over the food stuff. when i showed up at her house i hadn't eaten in 4 days. she force fed me tuna sandwiches. then i started to panic because it made my appetite come back. saturday was my nephew's 1st birthday and because of my past misadventures, my mom laid down the law. i feel horrible about my past stuff, especially my brother and his wife and son's stuff. i don't remeber the baby shower. i was on a speed binge and then i guess i went on a food binge and one of my sister-in-law's friends brought my behavior up to her. i didn't know that. because of my actions (another example - drinking 2 bottles of champaigne and eating a pan of lasagna at a christmas thing) i wasn't allowed to see the baby. my mom went out on a limb to reassure my brother that i was clean (i wasnt) and i finally got to see my nephew at christmas 9 months later. so, i was embarrassed about going to the birthday party because i had been such a fool at the shower. i already lost points with my brother because i quit my job. i wasn't allowed any wine and i was so self conscious eating. it went well but i was freaking out on the inside because i couldn't throw up my lunch. so, ive been having a hard time since i've been home. im trapped by binging and purging and my mom is not going to tolerate it. she'll either kick me out or make me go back into the hospital. i have a hard time eating regular meals without freaking out. then i eat more so i have enough to throw up. even when my intentions are good, it ends up bad. i won't be able to buy groceries till the end of the week and i know my mom is pissed about the stuff she bought last week. ive been hardcore purging. so much that im really dizzy and i know im dehydrated. im trying not to eat or to eat something small but i have a panic attack. ive lost a lot of weight and i want to keep going. i guess im having a problem with commiting to recovery. i understand that this is going to haunt me for the rest of my life and allegedly i can get over it. everytime i try to coax myself through "normal" meals and allowing myself to feed my body. i freak out. all i see is the fat on my body and i can't help but drive to get rid of it. im a chronic case and even with recovery, i want to cry and not settle for my body being gross. i know i sound childish. i know my actions upset other people. but unless im brainwashed, i can't stop thinking about food and my body all the time.

thanks for letting me vent...
 
Hi kcfaerydust,

Sorry to hear you're going through all of this. I really wish I could offer some constructive advice <3 Maybe you should take rangrz up on his offer? When stuck in similar cycles myself the only ways I've managed to snap out of it were to either get rid of all food that I had access to that wasn't healthy and didn't take ages to cook (making it nigh on impossible to binge - pretty extreme tactic though) or to exercise so much that I didn't feel guilty about eating lots.

I don't know, maybe a strict regime doesn't work for all people? The harsher it is the more tempting it is to cheat.
 
I'm bee binging really, really badly lately and then either purging or cutting in order to punish myself.

Can someone answer me something though?

What is the truth behind how much of the food you expel with purging before the nutrient and calories are absorbed anyway. I've heard that your body takes in most of what it can get quite soon after eating and therefore purging it up does very little, but I couldn't find anything to back this up.

I really hate purging, so maybe if I knew there really wasn't a purpose to it I would be able to stop...
 
hey, kc, its kc. :\

ive heard different things about nutrient absorbtion and purging. i know carbs start to break down in the mouth. id say try to google it or something. i don't want to give false info. from my personal experience, ive reached my lowest weight eating and purging and ive reached my highest weight eating and purging. it depends on what my body does and how effective my purging is. (not to sound graphic) so, im up in the air about the whole thing. i can relate to what you are going through and my heart goes out to you. remember you can always talk to me or the other posters. also, if you want to do like a no-binge buddy thing, that would be cool. im having a really hard time with triggers for food and i eat something, then i freak out and eat more so i can purge. its like my body is fighting against me. i don't want to binge and the whole cycle is frustrating, exhausting and depressing but i seem to do it to torture myself. i'll have a successful purge and then ill eat something that wont come up and i make myself crazy because the food is stuck inside me. i don't want to eat but i feel like something has control over me and is sucking the life out of me, yet again. so, hang in there, sweetie and let me know if i can help. also, thanks to everyone on this thread, its really helpful to know that im not alone.

kc
 
I just don't know what is going on with me because honestly, this is the worst my ED has ever been and I feel like it has come out of nowhere.

ALL I THINK ABOUT IS FOOD.

And then I eat and I purge or I cut because I need to punished because someone who looks as disgusting as me shouldn't even be allowed to keep food in her house let alone eat it.

And I am so fucking self-centered right now, but I can't even beginning to figure out how to help other people because I don't think anything I have to say is worth it.

I'm just so lost right now. I don't know what happened cause a week ago I was in therapy telling her that I was so happy and things were going so good and then all of a sudden this...I don't know what to do.
 
hugs, kc

i can relate because a week ago i was really upbeat and optimistic. now im depressed and confused...
 
belarki said:
Hi kcfaerydust,

Sorry to hear you're going through all of this. I really wish I could offer some constructive advice <3 Maybe you should take rangrz up on his offer? When stuck in similar cycles myself the only ways I've managed to snap out of it were to either get rid of all food that I had access to that wasn't healthy and didn't take ages to cook (making it nigh on impossible to binge - pretty extreme tactic though) or to exercise so much that I didn't feel guilty about eating lots.

I don't know, maybe a strict regime doesn't work for all people? The harsher it is the more tempting it is to cheat.
Click to expand...

I would say be careful with the excessive exercising, you don’t want it to become a method of purging the food you’re eating or an obsession. I don’t know, for me a plan is the only way to go. If I’m trying to consume a healthy amount of calories I always plan out what time I will eat, how many calories (or exchanges) I will need for each snack or meal, and write up what I will eat the night before. If I don’t do it I wake up and think oh let’s just skip breakfast…. Hmm it’s not really a big deal to skip lunch… who needs snacks really… and then it’s ten o’clock at time and I haven’t eat anything all day. Once it becomes more a habit and I’m doing better I begin to slowly relax on the regime. But maybe that would help for binging too?

Xxkcxx- I am sorry you are having such a hard time honey <3 what methods for preventing binging have worked in the past?

In regards to purging, you SHOULD stop purpose or not Bulimia is much more dangerous than anxorexia and so hard on your body… I’ve heard than less than 50% of the calories are dispelled from your body. But by purging the food I am pretty sure you will end up wanting to eat more because there’s nothing to keep your full in your body… and your poor teeth

I noticed you mentioned you’ve been doing speed lately… that will REALLY fuck up your sense of hunger, you won’t eat or be hungry much on it but in the comedown you’ll be starving and binge, do you think that might have something to do with it?

You are not worthless or disgusting, you are a sweet and very beautiful girl, you are just going through a hard time right now. Do you live with your parents and do they know about the ED?
 
^ I know it sounds weird, but around a year ago I just stopped cutting and stopped worrying so much about food.

It was almost like I was cured...I think it was cause heroin was so bright and shiny and new to me that it was what I focused on...I mean, I guess it also helped me to not eat, but lately, the heroin has made me eat MORE which is perhaps where some of the problem in.

I doubt the speed binge helped me, but while it was a large amount, it was only over like 4 days. The comedown probably has something to do with this, but i don't know, it doesnt make it easier.
 
^What I mean is, during the comedown it"s REALLY difficult to not eat a lot of food, partly because you haven't eaten in a while, and partly because you're body has been going 74829594 miles an hour without fuel and is empty. If you add that into already have a tendancy to binge, that may be why you're having such a difficult time?

When I was on heroin I didn't give a fuck about food. I lost tons of weight but it didn't really matter to me, I just didn't think about food. On meth I think about it still but no near to the extent I do sober, and my weight still matters to me.

Are you hungry on the heroin or just eating for the food?
 
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