TDS Eating Disorders Megathread

[Fjones]

^^^^ I wonder if you have mentally conditioned yourself to not want food, perhaps as a result of the pressure that society puts on women to have a slim figure.

Do you exercise or work out or play sports? That might increase your appetite.

 

[Pillthrill]

No I don't. But my bf has been getting me to eat. I had 3 meals yesterday. And I ACTUALLY have gotten hungry! He says that 15 pounds could be pretty easy lol

 

[drug_wench]

actually pillthrill, one idea wud b to force urself to hav breakfast
i never feel like eating in the morning but i force down some yoghurt or something, and usually by lunchtime im hungry these days
i tend towards not feeling the need to eat unless ive bn exercising (riding, for me, makes me hungry) but its definitely not an ED - i dont worry about my weight or figure......never hav
if ur worried u may hav some kind of ED i urge u rather than looking up about them on this thread or other websites and self-diagnosing, go to a psychiatrist and talk about ur symptoms to them
theyre the professionals not us!

 

[Pillthrill]

No, I'm pretty sure I had one before. And this is just what is/was of it. But yeah I figure my body will get used to eating...and it will get better. As for exercise I hate it SO much, but I just told the bf that he can be that. Thats about as close as I get :D Hes ok with that

 

[mrs_mia_wallace]

so, let's see... my parents aren't speaking to me at the moment after my last weigh in, i called my mom today to try and talk to her but she wouldn't anwser the phone. i almost drove over to their house but decided that was a really bad idea since i've been high as shit all day. they're still paying for my medical insurance but unless i pack on seven pounds this month no car for me as i'm fucking broke as shit right now...
so really trying to eat more food but it's been a bad weekend. i went grocery shopping today though and bought a TON of stuff, which makes me really nervous because i hate being around a lot of food (and forced myself to buy a couple of the things i love, muffins and dried fruit..) but i actually felt really proud of myself for doing it and not guilty like i normally would.
i'm feeling better and like things are going to go in a different direction, but at the same time i feel like i'm just bullshitting myself. today is that wonderful day when you do all the stuff you're supposed to do to get better but don't have to go through with the hard part... buying the food was a good first step but i haven't eaten anything in fourteen hours and i got back from the grocery eight hours ago. nice first start. but, just keep reminding myself i need that check for my car insurance... i wore weights to my last weigh and still got in trouble so really no faking it right now.

sorry for rambling... good luck to us all, hope everyone is not feeling too trapped right now

 

[claire22]

I am not better, I am getting worse. I don't eat anymore besides the occasional fruit piece. I want nothing more than it to fuck off forever. My excessive drinking is starting to take a toll on my health, as if my damaged internal organs weren't fucked enough from my long-term drug abuse. I am rapidly losing weight, down to 50kg again. Everytime I eat I want to cry, I feel like a fat bitch and worthless. So I drink. Fuck I want a goddamn puff, more than ANYTHING. Life is a motherfucker. I'm slipping

 

[n3ophy7e]

claire, I am so sorry to hear that you're not doing well Please try and catch yourself before you fall much further deep in to this. I really wish I could help you, but I think you need some professional help. I know you've tried this before and are sceptical, but at least give it another try. You are too lovely and intelligent and worthy to give in to this again

so, let's see... my parents aren't speaking to me at the moment after my last weigh in, i called my mom today to try and talk to her but she wouldn't anwser the phone. i almost drove over to their house but decided that was a really bad idea since i've been high as shit all day. they're still paying for my medical insurance but unless i pack on seven pounds this month no car for me as i'm fucking broke as shit right now...
so really trying to eat more food but it's been a bad weekend. i went grocery shopping today though and bought a TON of stuff, which makes me really nervous because i hate being around a lot of food (and forced myself to buy a couple of the things i love, muffins and dried fruit..) but i actually felt really proud of myself for doing it and not guilty like i normally would.
i'm feeling better and like things are going to go in a different direction, but at the same time i feel like i'm just bullshitting myself. today is that wonderful day when you do all the stuff you're supposed to do to get better but don't have to go through with the hard part... buying the food was a good first step but i haven't eaten anything in fourteen hours and i got back from the grocery eight hours ago. nice first start. but, just keep reminding myself i need that check for my car insurance... i wore weights to my last weigh and still got in trouble so really no faking it right now.

sorry for rambling... good luck to us all, hope everyone is not feeling too trapped right now

Don't be sorry for rambling mia, that's what this thread is for!

That is definitely something to be proud of, buying the groceries. It's a good first step. I know exactly how it feels to be fearful of having so much food in the house, but it's a good sign that you don't feel guilty for getting the groceries in the first place. Baby steps

And yes, no more wearing weights to the weigh-ins. It's time to be honest, yes with your parents but more so with yourself. Please try and eat something, then try and distract yourself afterwards to take your mind off the food in your stomach. There are so many reasons you need to work this out hun. Best of luck

 

[elegy]

As someone who has suffered from anorexia since... hmm, 10/11 years old, I think... I feel for the people still caught in the hell of an eating disorder. I consider myself successfully "recovered," whatever that means, and I'm so grateful to be able to say that.

It's damn hard to get through, and in reality, it becomes a way of life. After deciding to battle anorexia and recover from it, I would find myself automatically restricting, or counting calories, planning out my meals, etc. It's hard to alter a mind set you've been in for years, but for me, I had to. Anorexia kills, and not just physically.

At my worst I was 5'7" and 85 lbs. I still live with anorexia every day of my life - my joints are deteriorating, I have osteopenia(pre-osteoporosis), my metabolism and sense of hunger is fucked, and my body is just overall damaged. And I'm not even 20 yet.

Anyways, to those still struggling, my point is - don't give up hope. You can beat an eating disorder, and you're worth it. It's hard as hell, but I can tell you, it's the best feeling to be free of the restricting and the rules, the self hate. Good luck everyone!

 

[n3ophy7e]

Hey elegy, thanks so much for your post. You're right, it is such a devestating thing to suffer from, and it's so incredibly hard to shake! I'm so glad you're getting better. Recovery sure is a rollercoaster but as long as there are more upward slopes than downward, you'll get there in the end.
Best of luck hun

 

[mrs_mia_wallace]

claire, I am so sorry to hear that you're not doing well Please try and catch yourself before you fall much further deep in to this. I really wish I could help you, but I think you need some professional help. I know you've tried this before and are sceptical, but at least give it another try. You are too lovely and intelligent and worthy to give in to this again



Don't be sorry for rambling mia, that's what this thread is for!

That is definitely something to be proud of, buying the groceries. It's a good first step. I know exactly how it feels to be fearful of having so much food in the house, but it's a good sign that you don't feel guilty for getting the groceries in the first place. Baby steps

And yes, no more wearing weights to the weigh-ins. It's time to be honest, yes with your parents but more so with yourself. Please try and eat something, then try and distract yourself afterwards to take your mind off the food in your stomach. There are so many reasons you need to work this out hun. Best of luck

thanks hun
had the worst day, i haven't eaten anything at all. my mother finally called me back and says she doesn't want to speak to me, neither does my father, they're basically cutting me out until i get "better."
i understand where they're coming from.... i know they're just frustrated and at the end of their rope with this eating disorder but giving me these ultimatums doesn't help. on top of that my roommates are starting to act weird around me and my friends have been avoiding me, this boy is screwing with me and one of the girls in my classes asked me if i was an anorexic... she's like six but still, it threw off my day and i've just been using like crazy and it's not even helping me enough right now.
hopefully tomorrow is better but i'm just at the point right now where it seems like everything is unraveling and there's no way to put everything back together, all i have to count on right now are the numbers on the scale and that's it.
elegy.... congrats to you, that's great that you're doing well now. i feel like i should be posting the same thing but here i am ten and a half years down the line with a completely fucked up heart that's cost me everything i ever wanted to do (gymnastics) reproductive system that will most likely never be able to produce children, osteopenia and pretty much all the good relationships in my life had deteriorated because of this thing... I don't know why i continue down this road thinking it's going to be better and can't shove this shit to the ground. there are some days i wake up so damn tired of having this thing in my life every minute of every day i seriously start thinking about suicide... i mean i would never go through with it because i'm too much of a pussy, but there are moments where i really just don't want to live because i'm caught between a rock and a hard place... can't live with this thing because it's destroying my body and all the relationships i have and at this point taking off years of my life as i type this crap, but i can't live without it because i'm too damn scared and i can't even look at myself if i'm a healthy weight, can't even leave the damn house... it's just completely infiltrated into my brain that at this point i really don't see how i'm ever going to live so called normally.
it' ridiculous but honestly, the real reason i fell/am still in love with methamphetamine is that every day of my life since i was ten years old i have woken up and hated my body and spent every minute of the day obsessing over food and needing to exercise constantly and wanting to eat but not letting myself... and on this drug food just doesn't even occur to me, it doesn't interest me and when i look at myself in the mirror for the first time i actually feel like i am kind of beautiful. but then when i step on the scale or come down or have a day sober i see that it's not some coping mechanism for dealing with the world in a better way it's just another path, another way of practicing anorexia a bit discreetly and it's killing my body just like this ed. i made a list last night of all the postive effects of meth and all the negative ones and there's like 4 times as many negative ones, but the one positive of "don't think about food" is sort of the end all be of the list.
damn this shit is long, sorry guys. i'm not normally such a downer i don't think but today was just not good, and this thread brings out the whiny little girl in me... i need to grow up and act like an (almost) twenty one year old girl one of these days.

 

[mrs_mia_wallace]

update: i'm some weird vegan tamale thing right now and hating every bite of it. only 150 cals but hey at least it's something...

 

[claire22]

Hey mia, if you find it difficult ingesting food on meth (I know I can't even look at it) try eating gelato/sorbet, it is very easy to eat and contains a fair few calories, plus it tastes awesome I know when I had to put on weight after having a BMI of 13, I ate truckloads of gelato whilst on benders etc, look into it for putting on weight It gives you energy also and makes you feel better in that in between comedown/methed up stage. If you want anymore tips etc feel free to PM me or add me to MSN (it's in my profile)

 

[mrs_mia_wallace]

thanks for the tip i'm a big fan of sorbet, especially mango... actuallly tastes really good. i also find nuts are easy to eat on this stuff.... i just wish there was some easy way to erase how guilty i now feel looking at that plate... boo.

 

[claire22]

Yes indeed, sorbets a good option because it does not bloat you like carbs do. Carbs make me feel like a fatty so I try and avoid them, but they're so bloody tempting sometimes. Mangoes my favourite too Also try eating fruit if possible, light fruits. Not so much apples (they're heavy and sit in your stomach) but more mangoes, melons, strawberries etc. Don't make you feel entirely guilty either. Just try and have little meals, fruit salads and normal salads. Yogurt is also a good one. It'll get better in time, you just have to try and find a healthy eating habit. Get into a food routine, aka eat fruit and yogurt for breakfast, a little sandwich for lunch (I find choosing healthier alternatives such as wholemeal bread, etc, makes me feel less guilty) and try and eat lean meat, chicken is a good one. Avocados have lots of vitamins and nutrients, they are a good source of natural fats as well. Spread some on your sandwich (if you like it) and it adds a nice flavour, has GOOD fats Gotta do baby steps though, I find it really hard to face eating 3 meals a day but it's good to get in the habit or eating little meals to conquer your fear

 

[n3ophy7e]

Awesome post claire
How are you going??

 

[claire22]

Not too bad thanks n3o. I've eaten a small bowl of Special K (not Ketamine ) and about 5 little chocolates. Not much but I am learning to not be afraid, the chocolate made me feel a little guilty but I rationalized it by thinking that I hadn't had all that much today. Going grocery shopping tomorrow and buying healthy things, going to try and get into about 4 small meals a day. They will be tiny at first, probably mainly fruit and salad but it is better than nothing. Healthy bread, spreads (except Nutella, love it too much) and low sugar juices. Low fat yogurt and buying foods with good fats. Also buying chicken and wholemeal pasta I am excited. I may finally have a good eating pattern. Yay. How are you bella?

 

[vortex30]

Hmm...I don't think I've posted in this thread...I'm pretty skinny, 140lb males, 31 inch waist line, not much muscle on me. I'm more concerned of being too skinny, than fatness though. But as easy as the fix is (work out and eat lots)...I don't. I'm starving sometimes, and won't eat. I lose weight FAST if my eating is lower. I usually only get 2 meals a day, wake up hungry but with 20 minutes I don't feel hungry anymore until 1 or 2 in the PM. I try to get as many carbs and calories as I can, but I just can't GAIN weight, haha, I can't stick to 3 meals a day! Anyone got advice/help for this? Someone who really wants to eat and gain weight, but can't seem to get into the habit?

As for all you with the opposite (sort of) problems. Eat, eat, eat...I'm very attracted to this girl at the moment who, isn't fat, but has a bit of fat on her. It is very cute I think, just that LITTLE bit of fat on the face and body, in my male opinion, more attractive than skinniness. I think society is fucked and this girl is perfect! I wouldn't want an unhealthy girl! Come on you guys, I guess it is so hard to convince you all, eh? I'm sure you've heard this a bunch, but, healthiness is most attractive, to everyone!

Hang in there!

Don't feel guilty for eating!!! It tastes good, every animal does it, it is good and natural! Eating disorders...I don't know much about them, but they certainly have to do with our ability for rational thought, seeing as no other animal displays this, and also doesn't display rationality. So...How is it rational to limit your intake of energy and energy preserves? As I said, I don't know too much about this...Do you guys rationalize it, or is it beyond reason?

 

[mrs_mia_wallace]

Yes indeed, sorbets a good option because it does not bloat you like carbs do. Carbs make me feel like a fatty so I try and avoid them, but they're so bloody tempting sometimes. Mangoes my favourite too Also try eating fruit if possible, light fruits. Not so much apples (they're heavy and sit in your stomach) but more mangoes, melons, strawberries etc. Don't make you feel entirely guilty either. Just try and have little meals, fruit salads and normal salads. Yogurt is also a good one. It'll get better in time, you just have to try and find a healthy eating habit. Get into a food routine, aka eat fruit and yogurt for breakfast, a little sandwich for lunch (I find choosing healthier alternatives such as wholemeal bread, etc, makes me feel less guilty) and try and eat lean meat, chicken is a good one. Avocados have lots of vitamins and nutrients, they are a good source of natural fats as well. Spread some on your sandwich (if you like it) and it adds a nice flavour, has GOOD fats Gotta do baby steps though, I find it really hard to face eating 3 meals a day but it's good to get in the habit or eating little meals to conquer your fear

agreed, carbs = things i love the most but can never have... i'm a huge lover of all protein sweet bars but can't bring myself to let myself have them very often because i feel like i'm allowing myself to eat cookies... but i'm hooked on these new bars, kind bars that are made w/ nuts and dried fruit... sweet and tasty, i usually manage to find the will to let myself enjoy one once a week. it's weird but i am so much more comfortable eating fats even than carbs
right now the only meal i know i will eat is some sort of breakfast, usually some soy yogurt (agree, yogurt is very doable for me too) a veggie sausage link (i'm severely lactose intolerant and a vegetarian which makes gaining weight even more difficult) or fruit... i can handle breakfast because it's usually right before i end up getting high and i manage to convince myself it will cause me to lose weight because it will boost my metabolism...
lunch feels undoable to me right now, it's my most hated meal and always the one i cut the first because it just feels unneccesary. my goal right now is start eating something regularly in the evening... i usually manage to do this about half the week by convincing myself i'll eat less in the morning if i eat at night. weird mind games i have to play with myself but they do work sometimes.
i'm just so damn far behind right now it's frustrating. i know i need to get my caloric intake up to at least 2,000 calories if i want to gain any sort of weight, probably more around 3000 because of my exercising and in the past i've needed up to 3,500 to gain weight... right now my goal is 600 a day because i'm generally take in 200-350.. how i'm going to do this i don't know, i'm twenty pounds underweight and i just keep losing everyday. ugh.
i keep trying to tell myself i've done this before (gained up to 35/40 pounds in programs) but the fact that i am so alone right now is making this more difficult, emmotionally and financially..
but thank you for helping me and listening to me rant i hope you are somewhere on the medium of ok

 

[n3ophy7e]

Not too bad thanks n3o. I've eaten a small bowl of Special K (not Ketamine ) and about 5 little chocolates. Not much but I am learning to not be afraid, the chocolate made me feel a little guilty but I rationalized it by thinking that I hadn't had all that much today. Going grocery shopping tomorrow and buying healthy things, going to try and get into about 4 small meals a day. They will be tiny at first, probably mainly fruit and salad but it is better than nothing. Healthy bread, spreads (except Nutella, love it too much) and low sugar juices. Low fat yogurt and buying foods with good fats. Also buying chicken and wholemeal pasta I am excited. I may finally have a good eating pattern. Yay. How are you bella?

That is excellent claire!! I'm so proud of you
Baby steps

I'm doin okay.......I guess I can't say much has changed but it certainly hasn't gotten worse.

 

[mrs_mia_wallace]

Hmm...I don't think I've posted in this thread...I'm pretty skinny, 140lb males, 31 inch waist line, not much muscle on me. I'm more concerned of being too skinny, than fatness though. But as easy as the fix is (work out and eat lots)...I don't. I'm starving sometimes, and won't eat. I lose weight FAST if my eating is lower. I usually only get 2 meals a day, wake up hungry but with 20 minutes I don't feel hungry anymore until 1 or 2 in the PM. I try to get as many carbs and calories as I can, but I just can't GAIN weight, haha, I can't stick to 3 meals a day! Anyone got advice/help for this? Someone who really wants to eat and gain weight, but can't seem to get into the habit?

As for all you with the opposite (sort of) problems. Eat, eat, eat...I'm very attracted to this girl at the moment who, isn't fat, but has a bit of fat on her. It is very cute I think, just that LITTLE bit of fat on the face and body, in my male opinion, more attractive than skinniness. I think society is fucked and this girl is perfect! I wouldn't want an unhealthy girl! Come on you guys, I guess it is so hard to convince you all, eh? I'm sure you've heard this a bunch, but, healthiness is most attractive, to everyone!

Hang in there!

Don't feel guilty for eating!!! It tastes good, every animal does it, it is good and natural! Eating disorders...I don't know much about them, but they certainly have to do with our ability for rational thought, seeing as no other animal displays this, and also doesn't display rationality. So...How is it rational to limit your intake of energy and energy preserves? As I said, I don't know too much about this...Do you guys rationalize it, or is it beyond reason?

nuts are fucking CRAZY full of calories and so are dried fruit. seriously you can eat anything it's easy to gain weight, drink milkshakes and protein shakes and whatnot. however, from a medical stand point it's actually extremely common to have to eat an usually large amount of calories to gain weight if you are underweight, which is why a lot of anorexic girls end up having to eat as much as michale phelps to gain two pounds a week... not sure if you're medically underweight or not, but some food for thought (haha).
thanks for the advice but most boys i date like skinny skinny girls (or maybe i just seek them out). but eating disorders are really not about wanting to be cute and sexy for other people, i know that at my thinnest i've been pretty unattractive... it's more about what weight means to you, wanting to make yourself happy with something from the outside rather than the inside, and, sort of like drugs, the scale is a material object so it can never let you down-- the ONLY way it can let you down is by going up and that is from your own faults/weakness, so it's a sense of order/stability in life that's nice...
as for rationalizing thoughts, i don't think it's so much about rationalizing but that as you delve further into your eating disorder your brain literally starts to transform and your core values/morals/reasoning change completely. for example, i'm looking at a piece of dried mango sitting on my desk right now, and my thought process is: dried mango. calories. 135 per 11 pieces of dried mango, 35000 calories equals one pound so approx. 275 pieces of dried mango equal one pound of fat on my body. dried mango = pounds and pounds are fat iand fat is weakness, so dried mango = weakness = failure.
that's pretty much my natural throught process of every item of food i see, there's no rationalizing going on in my brain. rationalization is what i have to use to try and think of food as being a nutrient or something the body needs or whatever.