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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

TDS Eating Disorders Megathread

n3ophy7e said:
chic, my situation is pretty much exactly the same as yours.
I've been getting in to shape and as my metabolism speeds up, and the weight comes off, I eat less and less, and the weight comes off even faster. And so the cycle continues...

I, too, am addicted to addiction. I know exactly what you mean hun.
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Same for me, exercise can be addictive too hey? I haven't been able to run for a few weeks because I screwed my foot and I feel so flat, slovenly, unenergetic and guilty because of it.
 
^^ Damn that sucks belarki. I get like that too, whenever I have an injury that prevents me from exercising 8)
Then I usually exercise anyway and make the injury worse! So stupid.
So make sure you rest that foot ok? Make sure it's healed properly :)
 
n3ophy7e said:
...Then I usually exercise anyway and make the injury worse! So stupid....
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Lol read me like a book, it played out something like this:

Time of injury -
Doctor: "I'd say cast for at least four weeks, then crutches for a few more, weening off onto one crutch over time. At whatever pace you feel comfortable."

Two Weeks Later -
Myself: "Look it's healing quite well, and this cast is so stuffy and inconvenient, especially in this heat. Imagine my poor leg sweating away in there!"
Doctor reluctantly agrees to remove cast on condition of me wearing supportive footwear and not putting weight on foot.

One Week Later -
Myself: "Screw this, crutches suck. Bruises under arms, cumbersome, slowing me down to a crawl... time to put a little weight on that foot"...

and the rest, as they say, is history ;)
 
I like to think I'm 100% better. I don't count calories. I eat what I want, when I want. But I still can't eat very much... and looking at myself in the mirror I could see every rib in my body. I know I'm underweight and what not. But how do I know if I'm sick. Can I be doing with without knowing it? Sean joked about me being so small, but yeah I did ask him to try to get me to eat when he can...
 
I've never been diagnosed with an eating disorder, but I know there is definately something wrong with the way I approach food.

I use meth all the time, one of the main reasons being to keep my weight down. I'm 169cm tall and the lowest weight I got to was 52kg. People said I looked sick but I l LOVED it. I would have gone further if I could have. Now I weight 57kg. I hate my body. I can't see it in a good way ever :(

If I dont have my meth, I get hungry and I have no self control with that. When I'm hungry, I eat. I binge eat actually. Then I feel guilty, bloated, and fatter than ever.

Since the new year I've stopped my meth. I'm trying so so hard to regulate my eating and I've actually been exercising. Exercise is fantastic. It makes me feel so so good, but only for about an hour, maybe two, afterwards. Then my endorphins must just fly off. If I could eat right and exercise all day every day I'd probably feel slightly better about myself. Thats impossible though and probably also unhealthy. I don't know.

Sorry this post is all over the place. It is really really hard to write about how I feel about myself, my weight, and eating, without it all coming out muddled up. I'm not even sure if I've said what I wanted to say :\
 
n3ophy7e said:
chic, my situation is pretty much exactly the same as yours.
I've been getting in to shape and as my metabolism speeds up, and the weight comes off, I eat less and less, and the weight comes off even faster. And so the cycle continues...

I, too, am addicted to addiction. I know exactly what you mean hun.

Try to catch the cycle before you get too entrenched in it okay??

<3
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n3o, knowing that someone else knows exactly how I feel is comforting beyond words <3 I've never talked to anyone IRL who's suffered from the same type of eating disorder or understood what I was dealing with. For me, it's about the control (or illusion thereof?) not as much appearance.

Its endless though! If its not one thing its another. Drugs weren't even my original addiction - I believe my OCD and its obsessiveness is where all these things originate. Now that I'm not as focused on drugs I'm focused on having a perfect body. When I was addicted to opiates I ate so much and was so lazy that I packed on 15 lbs. I didn't care about my appearance because that was no longer my focus.

It's only within the last month that I've stopped fucking around with suboxone and pills. Actually it directly coincided with my gym membership. Off one obsession and on to another!!

I just ate a huge burrito from Chipotle, but I only ate an orange and some potato chips during the day. Back to the old cycle again...

I should also add that I had a severe allergic reaction to asian food (I think it was MSG) and now I'm afraid to eat anything with seasonings in it, or if it doesn't taste "right." I've got food sensitivities and I think my eating disorder plays into that all too easily :( I'm mainly living on fruit, vegetables, nuts, meats and some bread. I've become a food nazi again:|
 
I am in exact same position as you. I started meth to lose weight. I am 170cm and my lowest weight was 39kg fucking close to death. Got weight up to 48kg and stayed there for 2 years. Now I have quit and I am 55kg :( I know I am NOT FAT AT ALL but fuck this is hard due to my past severe ED. I am right there with you Sanity :(
<3<3
 
claire22 said:
I am in exact same position as you. I started meth to lose weight. I am 170cm and my lowest weight was 39kg fucking close to death. Got weight up to 48kg and stayed there for 2 years. Now I have quit and I am 55kg :( I know I am NOT FAT AT ALL but fuck this is hard due to my past severe ED. I am right there with you Sanity :(
<3<3
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Its so hard because I too "know" in my head that I'm not fat, but I still think I am. I look in the mirror and I see my fat bits, not my good bits. Aargh.

(I just had meth then after my last post cos I'm feeling crappy about myself today.)
 
Yep very warped perceptions.. My ED is coming back rapidly but I am not using.
This fucking sucks. I don't want my every thought to be worrying about food.
I hate the fucking media for glamorizing skinniness. It does not equal beautiful.
 
The crazy thing is, that when I see other girls its not the super skinny people that I find attractive. I know people who are absolutely beautiful! I would love to look like them, and they wear a larger clothing size than me, and weigh more. But they don't look fat.

But with me, not matter how skinny I could ever get I think I'd still see it as fat.

How do you change warped perceptions like that?
 
:(

Atleast in this thread some people have beat their issues... thats motivational.... and the fact that other people are going through the same crap is comforting (but I hope everyone gets better!)

Thanks for your replies Claire! Has made me feel a little better today <3
 
claire22 said:
I am in exact same position as you. I started meth to lose weight. I am 170cm and my lowest weight was 39kg fucking close to death. Got weight up to 48kg and stayed there for 2 years. Now I have quit and I am 55kg :( I know I am NOT FAT AT ALL but fuck this is hard due to my past severe ED. I am right there with you Sanity :(
<3<3
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55kg and 170cm? You're still tiny. I know what you guys mean about warped self-perception though. At my thinnest I was around 45kg and I'm 178cm... My parents said I looked like a skeleton and from photos from back then they were pretty much right. Of course at the time I thought I was huge and was eating an apple a day.....
 
I ate two sandwiches today and a large dinner and haven't used drugs for the past couple of days

I felt depressed for a couple hours after eating but I think I can handle this

Weekend rolling around though and that's when I usually use..
 
You've got a good attitude Seanjay-- savour the small victories.

Good luck on the weekend! :)
 
ditto.^

Idk maybe I was playing the poor skinny girl role there.
I couldn't imagine what it must be like to actually be overweight. I've never weighed more then 120pds on my 5'3" frame. But my ex fiance struggled so hard. Because behind that 400pd body was a man that just wanted to love and be loved. Who cared so much for his friends as was brilliant and struggled from a horrible upbringing where his dad kicked his mom's face in and he had to raise his lil sister. For all that he will graduate from a private college with a bachelor's in psychology. But no one will ever see that, see his kindness, his struggle, his achievements. To them, hes just fat and therefore lazy. And as a person who loved him and still loves him, just different I cry for him...
sorry if I kinda misplaced and rambled. I'm just saying, I can understand both sides...
 
^ It's funny how it's so much more acceptable to be underweight in society than it is to be overweight, and the different ways people treat you. *gag* People make me sick. I agree with you pillthrill, people are narrow minded and cruel to overweight people. It makes me really pissed.
 
**hAyzzZZ** said:
^ It's funny how it's so much more acceptable to be underweight in society than it is to be overweight, and the different ways people treat you. *gag* People make me sick. I agree with you pillthrill, people are narrow minded and cruel to overweight people. It makes me really pissed.
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People are narrow minded and cruel to lots of different people. It's just the way people are.

I guess some people with shitty lives and shitty attitudes just decide to take it out on others by attacking whatever it is about that person that is different.
 
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