^
"You will need: proven experience of bulk or illicit drugs": I read that far and thought, yeah, d_r's in. Then I saw 'analysis' afterwards
Spade: think of something least bad, then. At least try to narrow yourself down to an area or an industry. Or think about what sort of jobs would get you into the events/entertainment sector. Which, btw, is bound to be incredibly competitive. All the people I know working that sector started off by volunteering and stuff.
I leave interests and references off my CV, but only because it's already three pages, and I don't have room for them. I say 'references available on request'. Let's face it, they're going to look oddly at me if I don't give them my last two employers as referees. Also, they won't referee check until after the interview, when you're on the short-list.
Interests I save to talk about at the interview. That's the sort of thing that's of interest to the people you will be working with, not the HR person who opens your application.
Tailor your CV to the job description - emphasise things that are relevant.
I start with contact details, then jobs (with a few bulletpoints saying what I did) - most recent first. I leave off irrelevant jobs. Then education (these days I just list degrees and universities, not courses and grades - I used to list them, because mine were good, but basically my work experience is more important now).
If you want to draft something and post it or PM it to me, I'd be happy to offer a few suggestions.