It's very good round these sides. I wouldn't be surprised if it's getting processed round here with all the strange warehouses going up round b6j6m6.
12 years on, thats some cycle. People don't want to know /believe me when i tell them what i saw round B6 in "lock down" that there was no interruption in supply and delivery .... Yet in winter 2010, nothing was available! It was another experiment I control supply and demand.
I'm grateful to that drought. It was quite a turning point in my life. I didnt lose the habit, but i began the process of truth. Those weeks and months without my silencing pain numbing thing awakened truths in my soul that have led me to where I am today. Rid of a shit stirring cyster and a criminal record for doing it.. All them years a h head, not one arrest nor conviction, the lock down and my lack of money put me back in the truth mind and I started calling the shitster and bru h a pair of cunts! Wow.
I started pulling away from the job that was killing me, it's over 3 and a half years since I done that job now. Been tempted, to get more money but no thanks, money to hand over to lads that plot against me and my kind? I'll stay at home.
And I've found better comfort than the powder blanket.
Its an amazing thing the heroin. I'd have made far worse mistakes without it. Like maybe marrying a middle class wanker . Heroin saved me in many ways, kept me a way from a social circle of giddy girls guzzling pints. Always felt more a lone on the nights out with them than on me own in me own home feeling a comfy glow.
And i learnt more in the company of all the bag heads in my first home about the ways of people. I'm not a people person.
I ditched all the people. One piss head state wGe slave always loved to quiz me and pretend to be helping me while just gaining information to throw in my face.

All symbolic stuff, you can't hit people that only lift fingers to phone and drag you into public places so you can't tell them about themselves. This one begged for my attention after getting told I don't want to know you. So I rang it from my alley, dragged it up an d down the alley letting it know it caused me the problems I've suffered thru leading me wrong way and getting me my first arrest way way back age 20 I think, next arrest came age 45. So I let this one know, its put me wrong way. It told me it wasn't her that put me wrong, it was, "your trashy friends"

took her long enough to tell me i had trashy friends eh? Some friend that is.
My point being that among those "trashy friends" I found more honesty and reality and expressions of real life, gaining experience good and bad than ever on any "lets have launch" date with it. Some treat fo r a person like me that doesn't like being out on show. Leaving my home to be surrounded by strangers. This person told my cyster way back when I didn't have a habit "she drank some methadone" some friend she hi? Didn't say anything to me, offer me any support, straight to the cyster. Tell tale tit. Of course only going on what it thought it knew about methadone from its media stste sources. Tell tale tit, tell tale signs. Amazing i only just cut it loose last August. It was never the heroin heads held me back from being me my way. It was all that kind of kind cnt class. "I'm yow fwend. You need me, i dont need you, you need me" obvious reversal. I've only ever wanted to fill the hole my mother left when she went in the hole over 40 years ago. The love of big mamma. And peephole people of low standard, from family to friends have taken advantage, climbed in that wound and wound me up. Held me back, put me down, dressed me down, gt me over to the to show me up. None ever asked how to help with my issue. Got thrown the usual lines "what about rehab, make sure you take the methadone and get the counselling". None ever wanted to help me get away from this thing. It suited them to see me down and medicated and ashamed. Cos while I down on gear I'm not being my best, better than the rest, able and capable of all I've done while holding down the habit and a whole lot more.
See, from my teen years, and before, I ve always been on another angle. Able to find joy and beauty and happiness out of not much. So, the "ill have whst you're onha ha ha" shit was always getting thrown. "you must be drunk" nope. I could Always enjoy myself on my own in a corner with nothing much. Jealousy. "what's she got tht we haven't got, this isn't fair, what is her advantage over our hollow souls. Ha ha, i threw this at some relatives poking round me at Christmas," ah yes, thats right, I have what you all want, a dead mother, that'll be how I do it, I've the unfair advantage over ye that I've no mother a long time. Oh, and I've no bank of mom and dad supporting me, that'll be it also" them all rubbing my face in it that I've got nothing. Telling me there's something wrong with my head cos I don't want the. M sniffing round my bed.
I forgot where I was and where I'm at. Withthe loss of my father and the few years preceding his death, where I've been criminalised to see him. My being the junkie has helped these weak people. Cos it doesn't matter whst your name is, whst other wholesome hats you wear, once they can call you junkie, the rest ofthe weak ones doubt everything you do, cos junkie, must be xyz and unworthy. It's always there inthe ammunition to try and destroy. Like that "good friend" called it out, let it show itself up for whst it is and always will be. A nasty little gossip and judge, always on the side of the stste, on the side of what keeps me down. Me, the good looking one, couldn't cop off with anyone while with that. Dirty lil closet lezzer even would walk to me room while I had company. Wretch. What the fuq?
So 12 year cycle. Haha, here I even also met a fella thru this drought. Didn't come to anything, the kid ran scared once I booked my ticket to visit. I had a good weekend still, well enough able to find my own way round and things to do with myself, tho of course I was disappointed and a bit distressed for showing my soul for nothing.. Lol

internet date s scam. Not quite. Expensive phone bill, yes,.

H a ha, and i feel proud ad I stand tall still. Them same friends I've ditched, they never knew a bit of my lil flirtation with the online dating game. Cos I knew what the reaction would be. "ooh, careful now, ooh, are yiu sure you're doing the right thing.." la de da. One of these same err lay fees married in 2011. She married a one she got on line. At that wedding I was bored stiff. At that wedding I just remember feeling "non of this for me, this is not how I want it to be.. A day out on show getting stared at and showing off" mmhhmm, i know my own head better than most know their own fingernail s and hair theyre always getting done.
Its very good. All this and more has led me to my champion hole filler, a better brown blanket. And well, i found him down there, while I was challenging myself. For all my visits to that postcode withthe football club, during the lock down I kept going there with the dog, to combat all the triggers. Of going down there to get the gear, ofnoteve n going to get the gear and getting shouted at from car wi dows "ring me, Ring me" whoosh. Some 12 year cycle its been.
Yes, in jan 2011 the cyster sent my father to my home on a night I jus needed space, "I asked my dad why are you here? He said to make sure you get in the ambulance. Which ambulance? The one your cyster has called. Huh? Ambulance arrived and it didn't take me. A person, with their own car, feeling i might need help didnt get in it's car, it made its father leave its night out, and then called ambulance. "lifted a finger to help" i didnt go with that Ambulance. I spent the next 3 months mostly in bed, but mostly being healed by my dog. And my loyal son. I refused to do as that cyster asked fromthe on completely. That cyster could not cope with me and my dad, me and my son being separate from her control. So, a few years back it started tryna block my entry to my dads home and block my conversations. I got wound up, started barging thru, it started calling coops. I got a restraining order, which didn't stop me seeing my dad but pretty much did. I did lots of days in cells for breaking restraining order. I got restraining order doubled in Jan, cos I have no problem admitting when I am wrong.
Last month, I did not break my restraining order. Fromthe last Sun in Jan to the 1st dy of Feb, police knocked my door.. I didnt let them know I was in "fugitive grannie, under house arrest . Operation grab a grannie.. On the tue night an ambulance banged my door. Must been cyster, upset the cops hadn't got me, try another way to lock up lil cyster Birmingham most wanted" the weds they wouldn't let up. Once I showed my face, game over. They wrre ready to break my door off.
It took them some time to get me from front door to the van.. I got my feet onthe top ofthe roof before they got me i to the van.
I was locked up all day. Asked questions.. Released with no further action.
So there we go, that cycle is over and out.. The cyster has wanted me dead from even before my mom died. Sh e bought me my first eighth. Ha ha. She got me into the drugs drinking.
Allher chances are done now. I'm alive and I'm free, theyve tried to get me sectioned too. Weak bullies use their numbers and the state to remove the strong. That's why heroin came in. To weaken strong people. Keep the. M out ofthe way and criminalise them.
What go's around comes around.
Its getting buried and I'm gonna set up shop soon. So others that don't want meths and subs and silly shit talk groups and persistent probing by these nosey perverted workers can cut loose of this crap on their own terms with real support. I pray to Charlie and any more gone before me.