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EADD Heroin Discussion V18 - Wax on-Wax off-Beetle-down-Beetle up (Hiyer zaramorph)

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Also I got gear about an hour ago it's not very good, after all that waiting 3/10 gear ffs... just got a phone call off another person though with different stuff gonna get that dropped over it should be much nicer - so hopefully I get a proper goof on my b-day :)
 
Nah I don't really have a habit these days Tryp...but my binges are getting longer and my dys off are getting fewer so that process has started (developing a hadbit) I guess... damn it

I dropped a 4 year gear/phy habit in February. Was sick for a long time. Been using once a month kind of thing for a day or two. One day I'm fine but 2 days is pushing it. 3 and I definitely have minor WDs. There not bad, a bit of weed and a few valiums would take care of them but its messing up my "recovery".
I'm starting to get back into a routine, doing some exercise and work, and hopefully getting a full time job. I really need to knock the gear on the head for a month or two and stick to keeping busy. It's so hard to use for just one day though. The bottom line is I like using, it makes me feel good and I don't want to stop. If I had a good job and disposable income I'd probably pick the habit up again for a while. But that's not what I want either. Hence avoiding anyone that uses down here.
I just don't feel "right" without it and I'm telling myself I was happier with it. Not all the time like but the times I was managing it well.

Pagey why did pick it up again? Have you moved back to London?
 
I know what you mean Pagey, you were doing really well though...
- I think we really need something good in our lives (non-drug related) that can fill that void that heroin leaves...
- but don't beat yourself up over it you will get off it again don't worry you know you can do it now!

Yeah, thanks a lot for the encouragement...just I dunno if I even want to try to get back off it, yeah I guess I know I can do it but is there really a point? I guess some days were better than when I used to be on gear but most of the time I was just depressed and/or craving. I dunno I mean I have good stuff in my life that I should be happy with but somehow nothing really works or fills the void :(

Pagey why did pick it up again? Have you moved back to London?

No, it's the stupidest thing ever, I picked it up again partly because I'm dreading going back to London. Couldn't feel more pathetic frankly but it's been depressing me and I don't really know how else to deal with those kinds of feelings. I just kept lying to myself telling myself I didn't miss it etc. but I just did. And then yeah going back to London in two weeks and I know I shouldn't be so pessimistic about it but I cant find a single silver lining in that except I'll be able to get better heroin...idk what to do.
 
Hope your bday went well opiaterock.

So I'm back on heroin. Turns out life is just as shit without it so why even try.

Ahh dear, if I could count the number of time's i've said that. I just can't kick it either, except I've never really tried as I've always had drug users around me, I've had forced breaks like jail, then rehab housing.

I'm thinking of going back into intensive accommodation, random piss tests with a member of staff coming into the toilet with me, group therapy, weekly house meetings, the full heavy lot. I can't do it on my own, I've learnt that now, and CERTAINLY can't with a boyfriend who is using as heavily as me. Our use is up and down up and down, it never stops for more than 3 days. He's had breaks, breaks lasting years, I've not unless it's been authority forced. It's going to end in disaster, or me or him back in Jail. I don't say this lightly. I've not told my boyfriend this,and really don't know how he'll take it. He already acts like he's just waiting for me to leave him, which is another thing we argue about, as I keep saying you have a self fulfilling prophecy, and it comes across like you don't actually care if I do. Even though I know he would, but he'd kill it by going flat out and maybe putting himself in jail.

I'm starting to realise, I actually have a junkie boyfriend, not an addict, I've been hiding from the truth. I found his mug shot picture in old newspaper archive from his last prison sentence for his last burglary which he'd been on the run for a couple of years ago. He started burgling at 14 (comes from a bad part of Wales) but didn't start smack until 21.......yeah, it don't figure.

I'm so fucking unhappy at the moment, and all I want to take it away is, well you know.
 
Don't feel bad pagey, I know exactly what you mean. I thought about going back many times and I have had many "slips" as I believe they are known by certain people's. some of those slips resulted in minor WD, but I stuck with it.

I am hoping to continue infrequent chipping and hope that works for me. If not perhaps I will be faced with the same choice you were. It's just so hard to leave it alone. It's like the forbidden fruit. It's a pleasure that's so seductive that once you taste it you need it in your life.

Just try to make your habit work for you. Keep in control, I'm sure you know what I mean.
 
Don't feel bad pagey, I know exactly what you mean. I thought about going back many times and I have had many "slips" as I believe they are known by certain people's. some of those slips resulted in minor WD, but I stuck with it.

I am hoping to continue infrequent chipping and hope that works for me. If not perhaps I will be faced with the same choice you were. It's just so hard to leave it alone. It's like the forbidden fruit. It's a pleasure that's so seductive that once you taste it you need it in your life.

Just try to make your habit work for you. Keep in control, I'm sure you know what I mean.

Yeah it's really shit isn't it? Feels like I ruined my life the second my first hit of heroin hit me and there's no going back now. I don't want to go back to that lifestyle as it ws just lonely and miserable but I have no idea if I can control an occasional habit and apparently I'm just not strong enough to stay away entirely. Fucking shit drug, I so wish I'd never had the opportunity to try it...I really hope you continue to manage your infrequent chipping, best of luck. Would be nice to know someone got away from it.
 
Yeah, thanks a lot for the encouragement...just I dunno if I even want to try to get back off it, yeah I guess I know I can do it but is there really a point? I guess some days were better than when I used to be on gear but most of the time I was just depressed and/or craving. I dunno I mean I have good stuff in my life that I should be happy with but somehow nothing really works or fills the void :(

Hey Pagey, it's the first time i come reading in these parts of the vast BL, and i really don't want to look like i'm being an intrusive smart-ass.

I think there is a point, which is so vital that all attempts to do without it can only end up in tears: genuineness.

The happiness derived from daily heroin use is never genuine, however mighty and blissfull. At least, the depression and cravings were real, deep and powerful. No fake stuff. They come to make you stronger, if you face them... little by little, you get your strength back, and your courage builds, and soon you meet life in the eyes again, vibrant and healthy... feeling real good...
Little by little...
 
You allowed to say what country your in atm Pagey?

Can only speak for myself but I haven't had any bashed gear for a good 2 months now, only had 1 bad score which was quite dark on the foil & wasn't that great but 99.9% of my daily scores for several months has been this light gear & it's very nice.
 
Gear in Ireland is improving too I think. On average not as strong as pre drought but getting there. Already there in some cases.
 
Hey Pagey, it's the first time i come reading in these parts of the vast BL, and i really don't want to look like i'm being an intrusive smart-ass.

I think there is a point, which is so vital that all attempts to do without it can only end up in tears: genuineness.

The happiness derived from daily heroin use is never genuine, however mighty and blissfull. At least, the depression and cravings were real, deep and powerful. No fake stuff. They come to make you stronger, if you face them... little by little, you get your strength back, and your courage builds, and soon you meet life in the eyes again, vibrant and healthy... feeling real good...
Little by little...

I totally get what you mean, and I agree 100% too...that's what I kept telling myself during the really intense PAWS and it helped a lot but it's hard to stay in that positiev frame of mind forever. Haven't used today though so hopefully that'll only have been one small slip and I don't fall back into the game completely...ugh.

You allowed to say what country your in atm Pagey?

Can only speak for myself but I haven't had any bashed gear for a good 2 months now, only had 1 bad score which was quite dark on the foil & wasn't that great but 99.9% of my daily scores for several months has been this light gear & it's very nice.

Yeah I'm in Paris atm. The day we get good gear over here will be a miracle aha.
Btw sorry I still haven't answered your PM, I've had a ridiculously heptic week but I'm not ignoring you on purpose or anything, will get back to you asap <3
 
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The good old days, before my time though but it may come back one day.
Qui vivra verra ;)
 
Gear in Ireland is improving too I think. On average not as strong as pre drought but getting there. Already there in some cases.

Definitely a lot better this past week off my people...it's expensive though I can't afford enough to get a bad habit which is good in a way
 
Gonna see an addaction worker tomorrow and see about getting my prescription reinstated.

It's been nearly a month since I ditched my methadone and moved onto daily use.
But it's hard work and the WD's are no fun.

Atm I'm down to my last 0.1 and have no money or any means of scoring again for 2 weeks.

Gonna save the bag for tomorrow morning so I can get to addaction. I just hope they help me asap.

Just found this video on liveleak: 'Pakistani heroin Junkies treatment in Karachi, where heroin is cheaper than food'
 
yeah, I saw that thing too. I'm gonna do it this time. for a bit longer. I do it coz it's traditional really, it's habit. even when i don't really really crave it or need it I dod it. had a lovely lil gouch earlier.
 
Hi Guys! :) Yeah I was looking for the H thread yesterday and it seemed to have disappeared, as if by magic!

Dublin Update....

I got a call the other night off a guy who sells and uses gear, he sounded off his head on the phone. He was ranting and raving about how good his new gear was. He said it was twice the price but worth it. So Mr. Ructions & I hopped in the car to go get some....

We bought a 1/16th. It was indeed twice the price and the deal was quite small. But we didn't care coz the guy we got it off was totally off his head on the stuff. We got home and put out two trays. As soon as I smoked a line I was pissed off, it didn't taste of heroin. You know that heroin taste that makes you gag and gives you shivers? Well it didn't have that taste.... So we went ahead a smoked it anyway and by the time we had finished our first trays we couldn't hold our heads up, I was wasted.

I kept nodding out, and then waking up with the tray, tooter & lighter still in my hand. I just couldn't get it together, I was trollied. It was strong stuff, It felt like I'd been given an anesthetic. But I don't think it was heroin. It didn't taste like heroin, I didn't get a rush like I get off heroin and I did get the euphoric feeling that I get off heroin. What ever was in it was really strong, I couldn't hold my head up or even finish a sentence. I came through at one stage and tried to set my alarm on my phone for the next morning, but I couldn't finish the simple task of setting my alarm! I kept coming through every half hour with my phone still in my hand. It was a very strange night.

The gear ran well on the foil, it was clean, there was no dirt in it. I couldn't taste any heroin off it. It had a really strong taste though, kind of a plastic mixed with medicine taste. Its really hard to explain the taste... but it was a very strong horrible taste. There seems to be a good bit of this going around Dublin at the moment. People are ranting and raving about it.

Yes, this stuff does get you totally out of your head, but just coz something gets you out of your head doesn't mean that its heroin...

I'd really love to know whats in it? I wish there was some way of testing it. Whatever it is its really strong! It was really hard to function after smoking it, so I can only imagine how messed up someone would be if they had a turn on! But its still not a heroin buzz, its crazy having to pay double the price for it when I don't even know what it is? The guy selling it was ranting on about how its the purest heroin thats been around in years. He has been on gear for over 30 years, I think all the years of heroin use has melted his brain! Yes, the stuff he is selling is very very strong, but no its not the purest heroin! I'm really curious to know what it is? Is it some sort of weird heroin that I've never had before? I doubt it! Heroin has a very distinctive taste & buzz. I'm not sure what the hell I had the other night???

Hi guys! :) I haven't been on here in a while. Just an update. Remember the last time I posted I was saying I tried the supposed strong gear going around Dublin? Loads of my mates were raving about the great gear they were getting (in Dublin) So, I tried some and it did knock me out, BUT there was hardly any taste of heroin off it. It was a strong drug, but it wasn't strong heroin.

Well, it turned out that I was right, it wasn't heroin!

I had a disagreement with the guy who was selling it. He is in his 50's and he has been using heroin since he was 18, so he should know better. But no, he reckons it is stronger then pre-drought gear. I kept telling him that it didn't taste like gear and that it had a different stone to gear. But he just said that I'm never happy...... He can't understand that just coz something makes you stoned doesn't mean that it is heroin!

Anyway, I had my drugs test last week and my test came back negative for heroin and positive for BENZOS!!! Now there probably was some heroin in it, but it had left my system, but as we all know benzos stay in the system much longer! I don't know how they are managing to make benzos smokeable on tinfoil? BUT my boyfriend and I both used that gear and BOTH our tests were positive for benzos. :( (Just to clarify, we hadn't taken any benzo tablets or any anything except that gear and our methadone.)

The annoying part is that benzos are much cheaper then heroin, yet they are charging extra for benzo laced gear! Its a joke! I haven't used in two weeks, so I don't know whats around at the moment? The gear is getting better, but its not back to normal yet.
 
Hope it goes OK for you tomorrow Cornish<3

And Ructions, I remember you mentioning this, I still can't understand how benzos can be smoked?!
I was convinced you were going to tell me it was fentanyl
 
Hope it goes OK for you tomorrow Cornish<3

And Ructions, I remember you mentioning this, I still can't understand how benzos can be smoked?!
I was convinced you were going to tell me it was fentanyl

I don't know much about benzos, I don't take them. But after using that gear my boyfriend and my drug tests were both positive for benzos. So there has to be a way of making benzos smokeable.

Over the last 3 years a few people have reported the same thing on this thread. I remember someone saying that it could be a liquid form of benzos been put into the gear.

I know little about chemistry or benzos, but I'm well pissed off that their putting benzos in the gear! I have to do a drugs test once every two weeks, so up to now I could use gear for a week and then stop for a week, that way I'd pass my drugs test. But now because poxey benzos stay in the system so long I'm afraid to use the gear, I don't want to loose my take away methadone. :(


Cornishman, best of luck mate! I hope it works out well for you! XXX
 
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