EADD Benzo Discussion V. Waking up in a Wakefield skip

[Bleaney]

@steewith2ees No Gibbersih there mate, all made sense. Anything interesting RE the new stimulant?

I've kept my alprazolam that turned out to be faked with bromozolam. But they have been relegated to literally my last resort and will only ever be used if for some reason I run out of everything else. I tried one (or 2) and I didn't much care for the effects. Like not even notiiceable at the time, but a definate groggyness / hangover the next morning. Quite likely something else in there that's not too good.

I agree that it's so far from ideal not knowing what the active dose is. But they could be of use, in a pinch.

I just cant bring myself throw them away (even though I got a re-shipment of an alternative product) as the whole 'waste not want not' outlook comes into play quite regularly for me.

 

[F.U.B.A.R.]

Thanks for reading - my apologies if its all gibberish - I am under a rare situation as a novice again, having tried a new stimulant for the first time today.

Interested to hear more about this new stimulant Stee.

 

[50shadesofDave]

Makes perfect sense ste, it's not knowing the dose that irk's me, i was in CT from 30mg diaz and the kern prodes tasted of chalk yet half of one gave me 30 mins respite, a full one gave nothing!! (i took the prodes as a ladt resort as most wedinos results had them as bromazolam.

This fakery that's going on just does'nt make sense to me, especially selling them as a business. AND putting fucking zenes in?? i'm lost for words on that one.

I would love to hear peoples thoughts on the situation, will it return to normal?
Doubt it myself.

 

[axe battler]

Glad to hear you're in that better place Bleaney!

UPDATE on those "bunk" bensedin pills. They're not bunk, but they're not diazepam. And whatever they are, they are pretty potent in higher doses. Not sure if every pill is active or not they've all been tasteless chalk. Being an idiot and thinking they were bunk I thought well f*** it I'll take 5 and see if that does anything. Really dumb move on my part.

TLDR: Stay safe peeps! There is some nasty stuff going around.

Subjective Properties:

Muscle relaxant: I'm not a very good judge since while I get anxious it doesn't usually come in the form of muscle tension, I have felt fairly physically relaxed though, so maybe.

Anxiolytic: not much at the time, but felt extremely calm next day, today reminded me of when I was very suicidal back in 2016 and was railing phenobarbital with alcohol and next few days I felt like a very calm walking zombie. Calm AF but couldn't care less if I lived or died.

Half life: Unknown, but I was still drowsy into this evening so pretty long I suspect. In fact I've been drinking my usual tipple tonight and I'm less than half way through the bottle and feel unusually smashed and I've done no pills.

Warmth/Euphoria: None. I find some drugs like Diazepam and Etizolam have a warm glow that is very pleasant and made me love Benzos in the first place. These don't have anything like that, just blackout. I must have been redosing since more pills were gone than I remember taking. I now realise what this "compulsive redosing" thing is that people talk about on these forums. Not fun, rather terrifying actually.

Sedative: Not at the time, spent till after 3AM on the pooter after dosing around 9PM. However I then slept in tiil 3.30PM, awoke feeling like it was 7am completely shocked when I saw the clock, I thought maybe the clock battery had died but no, the time was correct. Instead of my normally restless dreams/nightmares I'd had none at all.

Delusions of Sobriety: Maybe but then how come I was able to write decent computer code that compiled perfectly in the C computer language without syntax errors when it's not a forgiving language by any means. If anything I wrote better computer code than I can sober.

Onset curve: Not noticeable. Certainly no Diazepam "hump", I only realized I was f***ed up way later on, in fact only properly when I woke up over 12 hours later.

Psychomotor: Very noticeable, felt unsteady all of today.

Amnesiac: Very potent amnesiac. Most of it was a blackout. I recall working on my C computer programs into the early hours but not what I'd been coding until I looked today. Also I woke up shocked to find I had slit my wrists. Only on seeing that did the memory come back of doing it but not much else. Today was a long sleeve shirt day for the first time in a long time.

So I'm a junky now?

I have have almost NEVER been a pill muncher, had blackouts or done crazy things like self harm while on pills. I pride myself on being a responsible user. The only time I've taken a lot in one go has been when I was suicidal (phenobarbs and alcohol). The most diazepam I ever took in one night was 30mg and that was an absolute one off. My usual diazepam dose is 5mg and that's always been enough to be able to feel calm, anxiety free and enjoy reading a book before I go to bed and doze of happily.

So what is this s***?

The hell if I know, only WEDINOS will tell. I have an awful feeling it may be some of that nasty crap that's been polluting the supply. The lack of taste surprised me.

Conclusion:

Diazepam you haven't tested with WEDINOS seems a hell of a risky bet right now, regardless of if you have a vendor that has never sent anything but legit pills in the past. Going forward I think clonaz and etizolam are the future. I found a source of RCs but am reluctant to try since it might end up with some dangerous blackout/redosing thing that is not my thing at all and with my depression the way it is that could be a fatal combo.

It sounds like they're probably flubromazolam. I hate that particular benzo...well hate is a bit strong, but it's probably my least favourite benzo; I find it has no taste, it gives no warmth or feelings of muscle relaxation.
I always end up blacking out due to not realising how wrecked I am, so I take more and more until I'm slurring my words, bumping into walls and falling asleep mid conversation. Urgh.

This has happened with other benzos of course, but flubromazolam seems to be the worst for false feelings of sobriety and disastrous aftermaths.

You should definitely wedinos them, as the above is my subjective description of fx. They could be a different benzo or even contain nitazenes.

Best idea is to bin them. Take care!

 

[Bleaney]

This fakery that's going on just does'nt make sense to me, especially selling them as a business. AND putting fucking zenes in?? i'm lost for words on that one.

I would love to hear peoples thoughts on the situation, will it return to normal?
Doubt it myself.

I don't know. But word of mouth is a powerful force, especially via social media / internet forums, where large numbers of people can swap and share info, and some vendors seem to be gaining good reps for good products or good customer service.

Also it seems that an increasing amount of people are using the services of Wedinos. At some point surely you'd like to think this will reach a critical mass where the vendors start getting fed up of people backing up any claims of faked products with evidence in the form of a wedinos test result matching their postcode a short time after their order.

And ideally vendors would start passing the complaints on up the chain, complaining about all the complaints with evidence they are getting, and saying they need to be supplied with good products. Of course it's mostly a ruthless and unethical business though, so they will probably persist in flogging off dodgy products to those that either dont know about or cant be bothered with the faff and wait times involved in getting Wedinos tests.

TL;dr I'm trying to be optimistic, but there are still kosher products, although a lot more work and effort is now required from the customer to find decent sources. I'm now getting everything new to me tested, but from then on I believe that I know what the proper version of that brand should look, feel, and taste like etc.

If that makes sense.

 

[ageingpartyfiend]

I friend of a friend had some bad hassle from an internet vendor a few years ago after a wedinos test revealed the vendor was scamming

The advice would be to post your wedinos samples from a different postcode than yours - making sure to put the 'new' postcode on your wedinos form too obviously. Easy enough to do for most people probably

@steewith2ees you are coming across loud and clear - no gibberish. What is the stim?

 

[Bleaney]

How do you then 'prove' to the vendor that the result refers to your order though, if you're not using the first 3 digits of your postcode?

Without that, you could be refering to any test result that happens to be the same brand and packaging etc.

 

[ageingpartyfiend]

How do you then 'prove' to the vendor that the result refers to your order though, if you're not using the first 3 digits of your postcode?

Without that, you could be refering to any test result that happens to be the same brand and packaging etc.

ahh, well my scenario assumes that you don't want the vendor to know the tester's location - so I guess you cannot do that in my proposes scenario as the vendor will still have your address (unless they have deleted it like anyone with half a brain would)

One thing you could do if using a different postcode would be to post the wedinos code on a forum and state which product and vendor it related to in advance of result being published

I guess I'm more thinking about community awareness of product contents as opposed to getting product rep;lacement off vendors or something

 

[steewith2ees]

@steewith2ees No Gibbersih there mate, all made sense. Anything interesting RE the new stimulant?

I've kept my alprazolam that turned out to be faked with bromozolam. But they have been relegated to literally my last resort and will only ever be used if for some reason I run out of everything else. I tried one (or 2) and I didn't much care for the effects. Like not even notiiceable at the time, but a definate groggyness / hangover the next morning. Quite likely something else in there that's not too good.

I agree that it's so far from ideal not knowing what the active dose is. But they could be of use, in a pinch.

I just cant bring myself throw them away (even though I got a re-shipment of an alternative product) as the whole 'waste not want not' outlook comes into play quite regularly for me.

Believe me It's not something I do often and I would probably have kept them as well if I was not so well backed up. I have taken nitazine laced and nitazene faked gear on a number of occasions over the last 6 months when it finally infected my best shotters as well, every time knowing what it was once the first foil test was complete but, in the absence of having anything else, still shooting the first bag because it works and is strong enough to beat feeling normal. My methadone Rx keeps my tolerance high enough to continue deluding myself that I am not one boot or shot away from poisoning myself.

The same crew, trading on their well earned rep for being the only crowd that, having personally known and dealt with them for 17.5 years, remembered what street gear was like prior to late 2010, tried a drastic marketing experiment about 4 crimbos ago. When I got the lump of grey but brick pressed erm, 'heroin' home and put a pebble on the plate for testing, it quickly admitted to my imaginary friend and I that it was incapable of pretending to be heroin, or anything else besides itself. As the lighters heat took effect, the little brick spluttered, bounced and burnt its way down the foil producing an impressive plume of rancid, rubbery smelling and tasting smoke.


As I got to the end of the line I did not have the chance to worry I had been robbed outright as, despite behaving in no manner resembling brown heroin, I was on my ass within 90 seconds and instantly understood why - I had been whammied with what I was certain was a fentanyl of some description (I would learn in the new year from Weds. that the major active ing. was butyr - fentanyl, meaning I was luckier than some). I should have thrown it straight away but with my dad keeping one eye on me and one on the naloxone, I once again failed to complain, something I am sure they counted on as by the time I decided that it was not as pleasant as gear or morphine, the ludicrous strength of the crap saw me quickly developing a taste, leaving only a blim to send off to Cardiff for the sake of nothing other than an arrogant intellectual exercise a month after the fact. It was so unsuited to chasing that I never came across it again and if the various nits had not been so similar in melting point to standard UK brown gear street brews then we would have to continue suffering supplies of, sometimes weak, but real heroin base, a drug that plagued by HR techniques (mainly supervised consumption with naloxone on hand, either in private or at a facility) does not kill enough people outright any more.

Sorry I should have posted this hours ago.

 

[steewith2ees]

Interested to hear more about this new stimulant Stee.

New to me personally but not General Druggists. The general and his troops have long been at war with this fuck but with UK Speed ,at least as far as I am concerned, being the term referring to Sulphates of Amphetamine its easy to forget how localised this culture is - ask for non pharm, illegally made speed 'dahn ahnda' or the US, to name just two examples, they will think you want that Breaking Bad Crystalline Meth, the stuff you only need to have one suck on before your teeth instantly dissolve as your face implodes quicker than a Spitting Image puppet stuck to a vacuum cleaners hose.

With the last couple of bags I got containing a decent amount of heroin for the first time in months, the continuing decline is bound to rear its head again if I dare to take the slight improvement as anything beyond a lucky dip, a close friend of mine is keeping direct access to whats left and despite being ludicrously expensive they actually have what the roadfellas describe as 'fire' for marketing purposes, more often than not to help sell gear that is anything but. So, off I go to buy 2 very expensive but Talibanwackey quality grams of brown heroin, but as they cannot be arsed with using coke any more, never mind bolloxing around washing the stuff, my last remaining stim fix - the 2 or 3 stones I usually get when buying from the street - was not an option but having had no sleep last night I made my desire clear still.

So, as an alternative pranger, they offer me a gram of their crystal meth. Being the strong willed individual I am I turned down the offer and instead asked for half a gram and a fresh stem. I smoked most of a 0.1 crystal upon arriving home at 11.30 this morning. Despite putting the pipe down about an hour later I am still wired. Its as if I had taken some really good normal powder at lunchtime, not 'base' necessarily but one of the better powders like 'Rotterdam Blue' or 'Pink Champaign'.

Its impressive but Christ its still a bit much. I still have the last bit of the first dose solidified in the bowel, not to mention whats still almost half a gram of the crap in a pretty clean and translucent (if not quite glass like) lump of crystal. How I get through that without staying up for 2 days is fast becoming a tomorrow problem.

In summary M, its that same routine as the designer Phenmetrazine we both championed (3FPM?) but miles stronger. Typical, just as I find something that has at least some chance of restoring any speck of a sex drive, its the one thing that completes my now total Soft White Underbelly look. I genuinely used to be good looking so it can only be seen as hilarious how utterly disgusting, women probably find me now - its taken effort, effort that I sometimes forget about when talking to people in public. I make an effort to be polite and courteous as has always been the case, forgetting they are having to hurt their eyes looking at a fugly junkie.


Anyway, that's how well I am moving forward and the reason for the plague of posts this after. Hope all is good with you and the rest of fam boss xx

 

[sadasaulna]

Thanks for reading - my apologies if its all gibberish - I am under a rare situation as a novice again, having tried a new stimulant for the first time today.

Not gibberish at all. My first Benzo (ok I know its not *technically* a benzo its a Thienotriazolodiazepine) was etizolam. I instantly fell in love with this substance. I'd had the very odd dose of 5mg doctor prescribed diazepam before that and in my mind etizolam was its equal if not better. Because the stuff was not known about much then (except for it appearing in fake pills) you could get genuine branded packages that were 100% legit. The problem was I getting them from overseas and while i'm not sure of the legal ramifications the thought of customs intercepting them was pretty scary. When I found the UK clearnet market which carried much lower legal risk I tried a bunch of different benzos. Back then the market seemed very different, people were getting legitimate products that were being diverted from the likes of people who had obtained distribution licenses and were abusing the system or in one case a real pharmacy owner who was selling diazepam on the side of his legitimate business. Back then I could get product that wasn't simply strips held with an elastic band, it was boxed product right down to the braile for the blind and with the actual patient information leaflet. And you will know if you're in the UK, those leaflets are printed on a paper that has a very specific feel in the hand and these were 100% spot on.

I was very suspicious of the Galenika and Kerns since they seemed so wildly popular and it struck me they were an obvious target for fakes, and WEDINOS was often proving that to be the case. To my mind the more obscure the brand the better. I'm sure once upon a time Galenika and Kern were obscure but once they caught on the fakers were having a field day. I once got some Diaz from some brand I've never seen before or since, might have been Polish. They were just too damn obscure for anyone to have faked and they were dosed perfectly.

I also got some of those Iranian Tehran Darou alprazolam going around at the time and they were magic. (Persian Peaches I nicknamed them). I was totally convinced of their legitimacy since Iranian drugs are very obscure and the blister packs even had really fine sand on them like they'd be in warehouse in Iran where the sand was getting in. They were around for such a short time there was never any fakes that I know of. I think some guy had just scored a big batch and that was that, when they were gone they were gone. Those were the good days.

Now the market seems in terrible shape. Those dodgy distributors and pharmacists got busted, so getting truly legit supply of major brands became practically non existent. Putting nitazenes almost feels deliberate (like a certain paranoid user on here, I'm starting to think it could be an intentional attempt by unknown actors to deter usage)

I'm not averse to RCs either, since my take on it is that they're far too obscure to fake. The fake market is aimed at people who don't know much about drugs and mostly will want diazepam since that's the default UK prescription benzo, and of course the Xanax bar craze was a US import thing when rappers started talking about them and impressionable kids in the UK started trying to get them.

If someone literally seeks out an RC rather than it being used in a fake pill, they're likely to get what they ordered. I recently found a supplier abroad who has practically every RC on the planet in pellet form, the pellets look very professionally made. That being said, RCs would more be for a "suck it and see" type of thing, just to get a feel for their nature and I'd do half a pill at a time, but due to the lack of known long term effects of such drugs that haven't had years of study I wouldn't want it to become something I relied on as a go to.

Given the state of the market, I think Etizolam is probably the safest, cleanest bet in these times.

Last word on this particular ramble - it might sound like I'm a benzo monster, but the reality is I've tried all these over the course of the last 8 years. I reckon I've taken about 500-600 benzos in 8 years, which averages out at about one pill every 5-6 days.

 

[sadasaulna]

And ideally vendors would start passing the complaints on up the chain, complaining about all the complaints with evidence they are getting, and saying they need to be supplied with good products. Of course it's mostly a ruthless and unethical business though, so they will probably persist in flogging off dodgy products to those that either dont know about or cant be bothered with the faff and wait times involved in getting Wedinos tests.

I'm starting to wonder that too. When I got that bad batch of bensedin from a supplier who has always had first rate customer service and quality drugs they initially pretty much told me to get bent.

Then all of a sudden they sent me a new email saying that a "manager" will be looking into the situation and be in touch in the next 5 days.

Which makes me think they've suddenly had a rash of complaints and now instead of blaming me for trying to get free pills or refunds are realising that their supply chain is contaminated. I'll be very interested to see what comes of it all.

 

[sadasaulna]

I've kept my alprazolam that turned out to be faked with bromozolam. But they have been relegated to literally my last resort and will only ever be used if for some reason I run out of everything else. I tried one (or 2) and I didn't much care for the effects. Like not even notiiceable at the time, but a definate groggyness / hangover the next morning. Quite likely something else in there that's not too good.

That sounds very like those dodgy bensedins I got. I had no idea I was fucked up at the time, no sedation (i was up till the wee hours writing computer code ffs*) but then woke up almost 13 hours later with an almost blacked out memory of the previous night, cuts all over my wrists and loads of pills gone from the pack which I never do (I'm pretty much always a half a pill or one pill guy).

And like you just mentioned, huge groggyness. In fact I was at my local library which is like my safe haven where I have good friends and have become a good friend of the manager and it was 2 full days since I'd taken them and she said "You seem really drowsy, are you ok?" I was embarrassed because while I drink I never drink in the day so nobody at the library has ever seen me under the influence of anything.

*and the weirdest thing, GOOD computer code at that... coding is totally unforgiving, you make one syntax error the compiler throws a fit, I was happily coding and compiling the code and getting zero compile errors...totally bizarre given how effed up I must have been.

 

[sadasaulna]

@sadasaulna ask your GP to put you on Disulfiram for the alcohol issues.

BNF is only available in the UK

The NICE British National Formulary (BNF) site is only available to users in the UK (England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland)

bnf.nice.org.uk

This is a good idea. I don't drink huge amounts but enough that its very very uncomfortable to come off. My tipple is 2.5 litres of that tramp cider "Frosty Jacks", one bottle per evening, 7 days a week for years on end. It's all I can afford.

Frosty Jacks have now started making a 1.5 litre bottle. Right now that would be nowhere near enough and I'd end up not sleeping at all and feeling horrible and super anxious all night, so my plan was as follows when I finally get some legit benzos:

Buy the 1.5 litre bottle just before the shop shuts (so I can't get more) and finish off with 5mg diazepam*. Do this for say 3-5 nights till my body had adjusted to the lowered alcohol level yet I will still be able to sleep. Then buy no alcohol and bump to 10mg diazepam for about 5 days. Then 5mg a few days, then none.

The problem is... when I get to the no alcohol stage, there is a chance I'll take 10mg of diazepam, feel dis-inhibited and think f*** it and go to the shop and get 2.5 litres. Now with your idea of Disulfiram that simply would not be an option, I will definitely discuss this with GP (I'll not be mentioning the BZDs mind).

The only issue is my GP is very dismissive of alcohol abuse and unhelpful, they will simply refer me to an Alcohol place like "Inspire" where I will have to attend a bunch of sessions before they will even consider writing me a scrip for Disulfiram and I think I even discussed it with them in the past and and they were not keen on it. They gave me acamprosate instead and it was utter bunk.

The reasoning for lowering the alcohol level first is because when I got clean using etizolam I did cold turkey and just etizolam and it worked a charm...but back then my daily usage was 1 bottle of wine per night. These days i'm consuming more units than that, so I think I need to give my body a chance to get used to less units before the cold turkey (or warm turkey considering I'll be using BZDs to cushion the blow).

*or maybe an equiv dose of clonazepam since the supply chain is purer and its an extremely effective anti convulsant.

 

[sadasaulna]

Sorry for ranting tonight but regarding the Nitazene thing there is a user on here (I forget the name but his profile pic is from the Sopranos), who was talking about MI5 etc. I'm not normally that paranoid but it did get me thinking. I read a story some years ago that came from one of those now declassified files about a big time UK Hashish dealer who was supplying Northern Ireland. He was naturally in touch with some very serious organised crime people in Ireland and in order to be able deal in Northern Ireland he had to deal with some high up people who took a cut. He got busted but instead of it going to court he was put in front of MI5. They told him simply, we know you supply the Irish market, we could put you away for a long time but we're not going to prosecute you, in fact we want you to continue dealing and we'll look the other way... but on one condition, you work for us now and you use your contacts to provide us with intelligence on the IRA.

So for years he continued making a very healthy profit (millions of pounds) selling drugs into Ireland with the blessing of MI5 but with intelligence coming back from him, things like locations of safe houses, what weapons they had, and possible terrorist attack plans.

So when you consider that the UK gov were willing to let a dealer not only get away with a crime but encourage the continuation of that crime on the basis that they would scratch his back if he would scratch theirs .. then that It doesn't seem too wild an idea that an organised crime group could be compelled to put Nitazenes into the Benzo supply to spook the market.

Yeah its a bit of a far out theory and probably bullshit but it seems to make more sense than the other options. I found for sale a Kilo of RCs from China and we're talking about RCs where a 125 microgram dose would be equivalent to about 10mg Diazepam, for about £3K. A kilo could make millions at street value.

So what possible reason would there be for putting Nitazenes in the supply. It's not cost. The cost of the raw materials is absolutely negligible. The cost of pressing, selling, finding people to fence it into their bank accts is significantly higher than the raw materials which are dirt cheap.

I see no possible reason for Nitazenes to make financial sense for the benzo market. With heroin maybe it makes sense since its much easier to get low volumes into a country without being noticed but for benzos which are already super potent with the RCs it makes no sense

I'm not a drug dealer but if I was, I'd buy a pill press, a few KG of RCs and get on with it. It would never enter my mind to pollute the supply with ultra strong synthetic opiates, especially considering you'd know WEDINOS would be on your case in no time.

So frankly something is fishy as all f*** with this situation. I don't buy the idea Nitazene epidemic has come from nowhere. It has infected every major brand which are likely being provided by white label blister pack producers. There is virtually no incentive for the drug producers to bother, since they will get busted by WEDINOS and trust in the market will quickly collapse. It's a terrible business decision. You'll lose your business from clearnet and darknet providers within weeks or months. Even if I were to use RCs instead of genuine product I could make huge profit for next to no investment and Nitazenes would do nothing but spook the market and reduce my profits.

So paranoid or not there is something deeply suspicious about the current market.

So I'll make a prediction - if the nitatzenes are a genuine trend it it will dry up real fast, It's a short term profit at best. If they continue it shows some people are willing to make bad business decisions on purpose and that leads me to the paranoid conclusion these people are being manipulated. Drug dealers may be unethical but they're certainly not stupid and they're motivated by money. Provide quality product and you will have and endless customer base... fuck them over and you will make some money briefly then be dropped like a hot potato.

Something is up.

 

[Bleaney]

ahh, well my scenario assumes that you don't want the vendor to know the tester's location - so I guess you cannot do that in my proposes scenario as the vendor will still have your address (unless they have deleted it like anyone with half a brain would)

One thing you could do if using a different postcode would be to post the wedinos code on a forum and state which product and vendor it related to in advance of result being published

I guess I'm more thinking about community awareness of product contents as opposed to getting product rep;lacement off vendors or something

Yeah fortunately so far I've never experienced a vendor turn nasty or threatening on me.

I am polite and 'professional' but assertive at the same time (I hope that doesnt sound too pompous, but I'm sure you know what I mean) in my comms regarding any issues, which so far has yielded good results the 2 times I've had issues.

I'd never share my wedinos results openly online with the first 3 digits of my postcode revealing my considerably narrowed down location to anyone reading, (who knows who else could be reading besides 'the community') although I would and have shared results with trusted people via pm etc.

 

[Bleaney]

For some reason I've been finding those Bensedins that came highly recommended a bit hit and miss. Maybe I need to increase the dose even more but that would be taking me over 20mg which is something I want to delay as long as possible.

So I'm back on the galenkia rivotril clonaz, at just under a full 2mg tablet, but I find them 100% reliable and consistent at the same dosage every time (although inevitably the dosage is gradually increasing to account for tolerance) in providing relief from the hideous social awkwardness and anxiety my neuro diversity causes me.

I swear several people told me that getting assessed for Autism and then as it turned out also ADHD also would help me massively. It kind of has and it hasn't. At least now I understand the reasons for the issues, but they are still very much there, and they are not going to go away.

Well the ADHD issues you can get legit meds for that actually work, but with the Autism issues the choices seem to be you either have to tough it out, find strategies to help cope, withdraw from the world and become a recluse, or self-medicate as sensibly as possible with w/e seems to cause the least damage or impairment in helping with the issues. Such is the state of things that I have not found a better solution than benzos, and dont expect to either.

Has anyone else looked into and understood the underlying root causes for any benzo (or other) habits they may have?

 

[sadasaulna]

So I'm back on the galenkia rivotril clonaz, at just under a full 2mg tablet, but I find them 100% reliable and consistent at the same dosage every time (although inevitably the dosage is gradually increasing to account for tolerance) in providing relief from the hideous social awkwardness and anxiety my neuro diversity causes me.

I swear several people told me that getting assessed for Autism and then as it turned out also ADHD also would help me massively. It kind of has and it hasn't. At least now I understand the reasons for the issues, but they are still very much there, and they are not going to go away.

Well the ADHD issues you can get legit meds for that actually work, but with the Autism issues the choices seem to be you either have to tough it out, find strategies to help cope, withdraw from the world and become a recluse, or self-medicate as sensibly as possible with w/e seems to cause the least damage or impairment in helping with the issues. Such is the state of things that I have not found a better solution than benzos, and dont expect to either.

Has anyone else looked into and understood the underlying root causes for any benzo (or other) habits they may have?

According to those BZD equivalency charts 2mg clonazepam is 40mg diazepam. Really can we call bulls*** on these 'equivalency' charts. No way is 2mg clonaze 40mg of diazepam. 1mg lorazepam is 10mg diazepam? Pull the other one. The clonaz equivalency puts it equal with alprazolam and anyone who has taken both knows alprazolam hits way harder per microgram though of course duration is shorter. I don't know who dreamed up those charts but they don't seem to have been actual users.

Professionals hate it when you know more than they do from actual experience and self learning. I once discussed a dose of my self prescribed Lithium Orotate with a Psychiatrist and she smirked and said it was a sub clinical dose. I then had to ask what do you prescribe - Lithium Carbonate or Citrate? She seemed surprised but said Citrate. I then pointed out the massive bioavailability differences between Carbonate, Citrate and Orotate formulations. She looked like she'd been slapped in the face.

I must sound like an smug t*** but I've literally schooled medical students about enantiomers and racemic mixtures on Twitter and I'm only casually into the subject of pharmacy because of my experience with psychoactive substances. If they can get it that badly wrong when they're about to finish their medical degree and I'm a relative layperson it really makes me wonder how qualified these people are when it comes to working with the public at large prescribing actual psychoactive substances. When I took an overdose of Alcohol, 28 SSRIs and 20 Tofisopam the doctors seemed utterly incapable of finding any info on the drug when even in my smashed up state I spelled out the trade name (Grandaxin) and the drug name "Tofisopam" on a piece of paper for them. There is reasonable info on Tofisopam in scientific literature. I heard the nurses casually called it "Russian junk" and they had no idea what they were dealing with. Thankfully both SSRIs and Tofisopam are pretty damn safe in overdose, but good job because the "professionals" hadn't a clue. (Not saying I wasn't being irresponsible and wasting their valuable time with my stupidity but it was educating that the people who will potentially save your life in such a situation were out of their depth)

It's interesting what you mention about Autism and being left to it. I at least get prescribed a mood stabilizer due to an EUPD diagnosis, autistic people get an SSRI at best and left out to dry. I have an autistic friend who recently has gone from being one of the most placid gentle people you can imagine to constantly angry. I don't know what caused it but a mood stabilizer would likely help him. He just gets 20mg of Citalopram from his GP and is not even registered with any M.H. professionals.

For me I have always had serious social anxiety from childhood, childhood sexual abuse massively amplified that, plus also a lot of violent abuse from my psycho older brother. Then got in trouble with drug dealers with guns which even my brother with his connections were worried about. Lotta early trauma. The euphoria from BZDs for me is the anxiety ceasing. The only drug I ever took that blew me away in terms of erasing social anxiety was Phenibut and anyone who has ever taken that substance knows you need herculean levels of self control given it's extremely rapid tolerance profile. Most I ever let that get a hold of me was 750mg. Phenibut is very much the drug that robbed Peter to pay Paul. It takes equally what it gives.

Clonaz still scares me a bit though. Jordan Peterson was doing 4mg a day before he went totally wild with withdrawals. He had that restless leg thing which sounds awful. To be fair though I don't think he's ever conceded that he started them because of crippling SSRI withdrawals and then when he quit clonaz he had both BZD and SSRI withdrawals simultaneously - no wonder the man was in hell. He should have tapered properly instead of having to be put in a medical induced coma in Russia!

If I have the choice Etizolam is still my absolute DOC. Reliable Diazepam second, but that seems like a faded dream now. I did recently see some 28 tablet diazpam from a UK clearnet I've never tried before and don't know I can trust. I was going to ask them before order, am I literally getting 28 tabs? Reason being that most of the world seems to have settled on 30 pill packaging like the way most of the world drives on the left. UK has a lunar 28 day prescription cycle. It's rare to see 28 pill diaz and if its the case (especially the brand considered which I've never seen faked once on WEDINOS) then its probably totally legit.

 

[sadasaulna]

For some reason I've been finding those Bensedins that came highly recommended a bit hit and miss. Maybe I need to increase the dose even more but that would be taking me over 20mg which is something I want to delay as long as possible.

Not gonna lie that I always found Bensedins suspect even if I did partake in them. One of the most highly faked brands in history its just that most of the people doing the faking did actually bother to put some amount of dose of actual diazepam (and nothing else) into them in the past to keep a measure of decorum. That era seems to have ended with the nitazenes. People could accept the occasional RC substitute but once you start putting highly dangerous synthetic opiates into the supply all bets are off.

 

[sadasaulna]

According to those BZD equivalency charts 2mg clonazepam is 40mg diazepam. Really can we call bulls*** on these 'equivalency' charts. No way is 2mg clonaze 40mg of diazepam. 1mg lorazepam is 10mg diazepam? Pull the other one. The clonaz equivalency puts it equal with alprazolam and anyone who has taken both knows alprazolam hits way harder per microgram though of course duration is shorter. I don't know who dreamed up those charts but they don't seem to have been actual users.

Professionals hate it when you know more than they do from actual experience and self learning. I once discussed a dose of my self prescribed Lithium Orotate with a Psychiatrist and she smirked and said it was a sub clinical dose. I then had to ask what do you prescribe - Lithium Carbonate or Citrate? She seemed surprised but said Citrate. I then pointed out the massive bioavailability differences between Carbonate, Citrate and Orotate formulations. She looked like she'd been slapped in the face.

I must sound like an smug t*** but I've literally schooled medical students about enantiomers and racemic mixtures on Twitter and I'm only casually into the subject of pharmacy because of my experience with psychoactive substances. If they can get it that badly wrong when they're about to finish their medical degree and I'm a relative layperson it really makes me wonder how qualified these people are when it comes to working with the public at large prescribing actual psychoactive substances. When I took an overdose of Alcohol, 28 SSRIs and 20 Tofisopam the doctors seemed utterly incapable of finding any info on the drug when even in my smashed up state I spelled out the trade name (Grandaxin) and the drug name "Tofisopam" on a piece of paper for them. There is reasonable info on Tofisopam in scientific literature. I heard the nurses casually called it "Russian junk" and they had no idea what they were dealing with. Thankfully both SSRIs and Tofisopam are pretty damn safe in overdose, but good job because the "professionals" hadn't a clue. (Not saying I wasn't being irresponsible and wasting their valuable time with my stupidity but it was educating that the people who will potentially save your life in such a situation were out of their depth)

It's interesting what you mention about Autism and being left to it. I at least get prescribed a mood stabilizer due to an EUPD diagnosis, autistic people get an SSRI at best and left out to dry. I have an autistic friend who recently has gone from being one of the most placid gentle people you can imagine to constantly angry. I don't know what caused it but a mood stabilizer would likely help him. He just gets 20mg of Citalopram from his GP and is not even registered with any M.H. professionals.

For me I have always had serious social anxiety from childhood, childhood sexual abuse massively amplified that, plus also a lot of violent abuse from my psycho older brother. Then got in trouble with drug dealers with guns which even my brother with his connections were worried about. Lotta early trauma. The euphoria from BZDs for me is the anxiety ceasing. The only drug I ever took that blew me away in terms of erasing social anxiety was Phenibut and anyone who has ever taken that substance knows you need herculean levels of self control given it's extremely rapid tolerance profile. Most I ever let that get a hold of me was 750mg. Phenibut is very much the drug that robbed Peter to pay Paul. It takes equally what it gives.

Clonaz still scares me a bit though. Jordan Peterson was doing 4mg a day before he went totally wild with withdrawals. He had that restless leg thing which sounds awful. To be fair though I don't think he's ever conceded that he started them because of crippling SSRI withdrawals and then when he quit clonaz he had both BZD and SSRI withdrawals simultaneously - no wonder the man was in hell. He should have tapered properly instead of having to be put in a medical induced coma in Russia!

If I have the choice Etizolam is still my absolute DOC. Reliable Diazepam second, but that seems like a faded dream now. I did recently see some 28 tablet diazpam from a UK clearnet I've never tried before and don't know I can trust. I was going to ask them before order, am I literally getting 28 tabs? Reason being that most of the world seems to have settled on 30 pill packaging like the way most of the world drives on the left. UK has a lunar 28 day prescription cycle. It's rare to see 28 pill diaz and if its the case (especially the brand considered which I've never seen faked once on WEDINOS) then its probably totally legit.

Sorry I meant rest of the world drives on the RIGHT.