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E is a tricky one u know

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wetwolves

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 27, 2009
Messages
206
Most of my life Ive struggled with anxiety issues that make life hard to deal with. Hard to be around people, and the ocd makes it even worst. Before I did E, cidy, and shrooms I was in denial that I had anxiety issues. I also thought to myself that this anxious person couldnt really be who I really am. Isolated, confused,paranoid but deep down wanting and dreaming of having a wonderful life filled with confidence,happiness, and deep fulfilling relationships with people.I felt it was definitly possible someway some how. At the time I had an idea of who I wanted be, but didnt know how it truely felt to be like that... That was until I tried e. All of sudden everything was so much clearer, the anxiety was gone,and in the abstinense of it came in a rush of confidence I hadnt ever felt before in my life.I looked at my reflection in the mirror while I was rolling and the person I saw was who I feel I truely am.

My reflection just looked so much happier and confident, it was almost like a different person. Does anyone else feel me on this? Each time I took e I felt one with my true self. Ive realized through these experiences that the world reacts to u by the way u carry urself and how u feel inside. Where as before it seemed like the world ignored me, while high on e everyone peeps the kid. Girls be starin like they wet they pance, real dudes salute, bitch doods look frightened, and jealous doods grill. The world just seems to play out like it should. Do yall feel me on this? The whole socializing aspect of life just makes so much more sense on e. Theres litterly no anxiety just confidence peace and happiness and I speak my mind effortlessly.I pick up on all forms of nonverbal signals even the most minut. But anyway I can go on and on about how great e is but the problem was it wasnt doing anything positive for me long term.

After a while I just stopped, and persued medication as the solution. I just figured while if u are the person who u truely feel u are when ur brain chemical are on overdrive, then maybe there really is something not right up there and maybe medications would be the best option for u. So I took meds and still take and eventually found one med, an maoi called nardil thats very effective for me. It does a great job dealing with social anxiety and I was good for a minute.Its different then e better in some ways, worse in others. I gained 60 lbs. But then I had to go off for a reason I wont discuss here. The social anxiety is back and my pdoc sais in order for me to get back on it I have to lose the weight. 60 lbs is a lot Ive lost about 15 so far but still its hard. But anyway Ive been babblin on for a minute just to give u an idea of where Im coming on to the main part of my post... MDMA has been calling me. The slightest thing like good music or a good looking girl will trigger me into thinking about it and wanting to do it. Only for a couple times while continuing to work towards my goal of losing weight.Is this good or bad? Should I do this, or should I continue a sober path? I wont get addicted I didnt use e frequently mostly once a month sometimes longer. On nardil I wont be able to roll because MAOI's and MDMA dont mix. What do u guys think?
 
yes we all feel you on that. typical E feelings. continue on a sober path
 
I didn't finish reading but that is ecstasys 'fake' side if you will. I was the same as you, looked at my self in the mirror and had a revelation. Too bad those things don't last my dude, its the serotonin surge that is making you feel like that. Your left off with a weaker serotonin system after you roll leaving you with no positives, take the sober path dude. It's just not worth it
 
thanks for the replies guys I definitly am determined to take the sober path, its just hard sometimes and thats why I felt the need to post here. I feel like I have an opportunity to get back on the med that helps me, and that what I need to do. Sometimes though im not gona lie I get tempted but as long as I keep catching myself Il be fine.
 
As others already mentioned, almost everyone feels this way on MDMA. If you have social anxiety, it tends to melt away completely when you're on MDMA. I would recommend extending your break from MDMA for a while longer (until you see some improvement in your mental/physical state). After that treat yourself to some MDMA as prize for your hard work. This way you'll enjoy the roll even more because you'll feel like you worked for it.

But indeed, MDMA can be a very tricky substances, more so than most people can imagine.
 
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I'm not saying don't do any drugs btw, do stuff that is less damaging imo like weed. People use weed daily for years before really noticing problems, not with MDMA though. If you really want to roll then do what levictus said and use it like once a year for a reward.
 
to Master splinter through out my life I would say its been a little bit of both. Its taught me a lot about myself that at the time I wasnt aware of. Its shown me the love that exists between human beings and that the energy is always there. Yet it also has not been necessarily as much as an escape as it has been a crutch. In the past when I was using give or take once a month I would use it so I would feel comfortable going to concerts, engaging with people, feeling connected ext. However, now that I know Im gona be on medication thats done the same thing for me without all the super lovy doby feelings, I no longer feel the need to roll. But sometimes out of the blue something will trigger it, and thats when it gets hard but I feel a lot better then yesterday and confident that I wont give in.
 
I understand exactly what you mean by when you look in the mirror you see an alternate you.
When im on pills i sort of change its like im not me anymore.
In retrospect iv come to realize mdma is a fake drug, it fills you up with promises and gives you the illusion that your special. But come the morning when its all gone you come to realise it may well have been a dream and the illusion of granduer has been replaced by the dark clouds of reality.
 
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