Edvard Munch
Bluelighter
COMA WHITE
For the first time in my horrible life, I turned human. For the first time in my life, I prayed to Coma White. This has some heavy explaning to do, but I'll manage.
I took the biggest amount of the drug, DXM, then ever in my life time. I was sure to have a trippin good time there in my cell that I call a room. The drug kicked in about an hour and a half later on and the time was making funny elastic changez. My mind wandered soon enough. My perceptionz seemed more quirky and odd. The light on the floor wouldn't compose it self together. I touched my face and it was numb. My eyez felt like the beady eyez on a stuffed animal. I tried to take them out and flick em. Soon I began to realize the harsh truth about my existence and where I stand among the human race. What the fuck? There I was, in my small room and I had figured it out. I'm not even human. For the first time in my life I realized that what I was living was a life that was masked from what the reality of what being a certafied human being is like. For the first time in my life, I was to be human like the rest of the populace. I got angry at the fact that my whole life is a giant lie. My mind kept going back to school and how I acted there and now I could see just what otherz were percieving from me. I wonder if they could ever see the other side of who I was. I was laying on the floor and I seen under my bed except it was a whole other world. Like a mysterious cave I was just visiting. My mind went back to when I was talking to my psychiatrist, Dr. Labell. I had said:
"Reality, it'z all bull shit."
"Well just hang in there." She replied. I now knew what I had really said and the impact statement it was. Sentencez can hardlly be of any imapct. I can't feel the impact of any emotion because I'm not human enough. I'm powerful. I'm the most powerful mother fucker on planet Earth. But I'm just not human to put it to any good use.
Then there is Coma White. My Coma. Coma White is actually a song by Marilyn Manson and I think the song relatez enough to this girl, Erica, the most. Erica is a girl in whom I talk to who does drugz as well. She does many drugz. I admire her just because she has the will to not listen to the bull shit talk of other humanz and do drugz if she wantz. She told me the other day:
"I have panic attackz." I knew what she meant, but me being the non human that I was I couldn't understand the emotion of it. When I doped up it was like I could step into the every day reality of Erica. Her every day reality is a mess of misconfigured circuitz in the brain. I felt more connected to this girl then ever before. I seen her in the stratum of human evolution and what it has made of the human race. I felt legitament sympathy for her, and I never feel sympathy for any human at all. I wanted to hug her, carress her, fuck her and be with her till we die holding handz. I realized that her life and my life was like walking thru a giant coma that we couldn't get out of. I put my handz together, and prayed. I didn't pray for Coma White, but I prayed to her. Like she was a God. I was fucked up massively at that point. I was almost certain Erica was on drugz with me, but far off in another place. I was fucked up, but she was even more fucked up then me and she has less hope of ever getting out of a dope trip then I do. I prayed to her for her saftey. In my room I uttered out the wordz.
"Please don't die Coma White. Please don't die Erica." I thought she was dead from the drugz and sadness swept over me. I hope so bad that she is in school on Monday. I need confirmation.
I found out that I'm not even human. I found out that the most beautiful girl in the world is also the most fucked up. Reality is fucked up coma.
For the first time in my horrible life, I turned human. For the first time in my life, I prayed to Coma White. This has some heavy explaning to do, but I'll manage.
I took the biggest amount of the drug, DXM, then ever in my life time. I was sure to have a trippin good time there in my cell that I call a room. The drug kicked in about an hour and a half later on and the time was making funny elastic changez. My mind wandered soon enough. My perceptionz seemed more quirky and odd. The light on the floor wouldn't compose it self together. I touched my face and it was numb. My eyez felt like the beady eyez on a stuffed animal. I tried to take them out and flick em. Soon I began to realize the harsh truth about my existence and where I stand among the human race. What the fuck? There I was, in my small room and I had figured it out. I'm not even human. For the first time in my life I realized that what I was living was a life that was masked from what the reality of what being a certafied human being is like. For the first time in my life, I was to be human like the rest of the populace. I got angry at the fact that my whole life is a giant lie. My mind kept going back to school and how I acted there and now I could see just what otherz were percieving from me. I wonder if they could ever see the other side of who I was. I was laying on the floor and I seen under my bed except it was a whole other world. Like a mysterious cave I was just visiting. My mind went back to when I was talking to my psychiatrist, Dr. Labell. I had said:
"Reality, it'z all bull shit."
"Well just hang in there." She replied. I now knew what I had really said and the impact statement it was. Sentencez can hardlly be of any imapct. I can't feel the impact of any emotion because I'm not human enough. I'm powerful. I'm the most powerful mother fucker on planet Earth. But I'm just not human to put it to any good use.
Then there is Coma White. My Coma. Coma White is actually a song by Marilyn Manson and I think the song relatez enough to this girl, Erica, the most. Erica is a girl in whom I talk to who does drugz as well. She does many drugz. I admire her just because she has the will to not listen to the bull shit talk of other humanz and do drugz if she wantz. She told me the other day:
"I have panic attackz." I knew what she meant, but me being the non human that I was I couldn't understand the emotion of it. When I doped up it was like I could step into the every day reality of Erica. Her every day reality is a mess of misconfigured circuitz in the brain. I felt more connected to this girl then ever before. I seen her in the stratum of human evolution and what it has made of the human race. I felt legitament sympathy for her, and I never feel sympathy for any human at all. I wanted to hug her, carress her, fuck her and be with her till we die holding handz. I realized that her life and my life was like walking thru a giant coma that we couldn't get out of. I put my handz together, and prayed. I didn't pray for Coma White, but I prayed to her. Like she was a God. I was fucked up massively at that point. I was almost certain Erica was on drugz with me, but far off in another place. I was fucked up, but she was even more fucked up then me and she has less hope of ever getting out of a dope trip then I do. I prayed to her for her saftey. In my room I uttered out the wordz.
"Please don't die Coma White. Please don't die Erica." I thought she was dead from the drugz and sadness swept over me. I hope so bad that she is in school on Monday. I need confirmation.
I found out that I'm not even human. I found out that the most beautiful girl in the world is also the most fucked up. Reality is fucked up coma.
z. I had the mil. intake, but I left my note book at school. 
