kandykanex
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Sep 30, 2007
- Messages
- 4
Hi friends,
I wanted to garner some opinions in regards the role and boundaries of drug use in relationships and the importance of each partner's identity. I recently began dating someone several months ago; we met in the music scene (which is quite remarkable because I generally try to avoid meeting men in this context, unless they are related to my group of friends). So now a little bit about our histories:
I was exposed to drugs at a young age due to an irresponsible family environment, fell into the snare of ketamine addiction as a teenager and subsequently recovered, abused ecstasy to the point of crashing, and have a family history and personal diagnoses of bipolar disorder (which is well under control, thankfully). I have not used ketamine since, abstained from MDMA for 5 years, and now I only use psychedelic occasionally and recently re-introduced MDMA into my life occasionally. I have lived through the naive progression into substance abuse, endured a difficulty recovery, and try to make educated/responsible decisions in regards to any current drug use.
My boyfriend is involved with music; we met in this circumstance. He had recently overdosed before we met (psychedelic; I am purposefully omitting details for identity sake) that was the straw that broke the camel's back of his last relationship (although this was a good thing, according to him, as each person was sort of checked out). He started using MDMA late in the game in comparison to me (I started at 15, he started around 22 I think), but used it much more frequently than I ever had (at least 1x/month compared to 1x/3-6months). He has cut back a bit, but indulges more frequently than me. He no longer enjoys using psychedelics (the drugs that don't make me crash), but only wants to use MDMA fairly frequently (which, with frequent use, can contribute to mood changes or chemical imbalances in me).
Now that you (hopefully) have enough history to evaluate my question, I would value any feedback to some of my questions. Doing drugs is a lot of fun and can be transcendental; I enjoy dancing the night away. However, I don't enjoy addiction or crashing and want to use drugs (esp. MDMA) responsibly. Moreover, I have taken great care of myself in the last few years and have a decent hold on my inherited mood disorder. In a perfect world, I wish my boyfriend would consider my history and compromise his drug use from time to time. I value sharing "trips" together, although I understand that each of us has our own identity and can essentially do whatever we want and benefit from personal experiences. He finds no significance in sharing drug-related experiences together. I have learned to have fun and go to shows without being dependent on drugs. However, I'll be the first to say that drugs are fun and can really enhance any experience! He says that each of us has had our own experiences and we should apply the lessons that we've learned. However, it's gotten to the point where I don't want to go to shows with him because I don't want to be tempted to do drugs all the time and fall into old patterns of behavior.
Is it fair to ask someone to compromise slightly (e.g., choose 1 show to use drugs at compared to using drugs at 2 shows in 1 week)? Is it unfair not to compromise if your partner has a history of mood imbalance and addiction? Should a partner have any regard for their partner's drug use in a relationship or remain entirely independent? Should my lack of self-control influence the decisions of my romantic partner?
I think I covered most of what I wanted to say - Thank you for any input!
I wanted to garner some opinions in regards the role and boundaries of drug use in relationships and the importance of each partner's identity. I recently began dating someone several months ago; we met in the music scene (which is quite remarkable because I generally try to avoid meeting men in this context, unless they are related to my group of friends). So now a little bit about our histories:
I was exposed to drugs at a young age due to an irresponsible family environment, fell into the snare of ketamine addiction as a teenager and subsequently recovered, abused ecstasy to the point of crashing, and have a family history and personal diagnoses of bipolar disorder (which is well under control, thankfully). I have not used ketamine since, abstained from MDMA for 5 years, and now I only use psychedelic occasionally and recently re-introduced MDMA into my life occasionally. I have lived through the naive progression into substance abuse, endured a difficulty recovery, and try to make educated/responsible decisions in regards to any current drug use.
My boyfriend is involved with music; we met in this circumstance. He had recently overdosed before we met (psychedelic; I am purposefully omitting details for identity sake) that was the straw that broke the camel's back of his last relationship (although this was a good thing, according to him, as each person was sort of checked out). He started using MDMA late in the game in comparison to me (I started at 15, he started around 22 I think), but used it much more frequently than I ever had (at least 1x/month compared to 1x/3-6months). He has cut back a bit, but indulges more frequently than me. He no longer enjoys using psychedelics (the drugs that don't make me crash), but only wants to use MDMA fairly frequently (which, with frequent use, can contribute to mood changes or chemical imbalances in me).
Now that you (hopefully) have enough history to evaluate my question, I would value any feedback to some of my questions. Doing drugs is a lot of fun and can be transcendental; I enjoy dancing the night away. However, I don't enjoy addiction or crashing and want to use drugs (esp. MDMA) responsibly. Moreover, I have taken great care of myself in the last few years and have a decent hold on my inherited mood disorder. In a perfect world, I wish my boyfriend would consider my history and compromise his drug use from time to time. I value sharing "trips" together, although I understand that each of us has our own identity and can essentially do whatever we want and benefit from personal experiences. He finds no significance in sharing drug-related experiences together. I have learned to have fun and go to shows without being dependent on drugs. However, I'll be the first to say that drugs are fun and can really enhance any experience! He says that each of us has had our own experiences and we should apply the lessons that we've learned. However, it's gotten to the point where I don't want to go to shows with him because I don't want to be tempted to do drugs all the time and fall into old patterns of behavior.
Is it fair to ask someone to compromise slightly (e.g., choose 1 show to use drugs at compared to using drugs at 2 shows in 1 week)? Is it unfair not to compromise if your partner has a history of mood imbalance and addiction? Should a partner have any regard for their partner's drug use in a relationship or remain entirely independent? Should my lack of self-control influence the decisions of my romantic partner?
I think I covered most of what I wanted to say - Thank you for any input!
