Drugs and your Significant Other

[jaurk]

When she still was my significant other, I told her and she didn't care.
She had done cocaine once, other than that she was a drug-free christian.

 

[phobaphobic]

I find is so annoying how every drug gets lumped together under "drugs". My girlfriend is horrified that I take psychadelics, but she doesn't know the first thing about drugs... for all she knows I could be taking speed or heroin (which I'm sure have their ups and downs, pun intended) but I stick with the hippy drugs because they open up my mind... she doesn't understand this. Drugs aren't forcing us apart, her lack of understanding is. /rant.

 

[tranq]

Slip some LSD into her drink. Perhaps she will be open minded then

 

[Verybuffed]

I find is so annoying how every drug gets lumped together under "drugs". My girlfriend is horrified that I take psychadelics, but she doesn't know the first thing about drugs... for all she knows I could be taking speed or heroin (which I'm sure have their ups and downs, pun intended) but I stick with the hippy drugs because they open up my mind... she doesn't understand this. Drugs aren't forcing us apart, her lack of understanding is. /rant.

You should try explaining it to her the way you have here. You seem to be able to get your message across quite succinctly.

 

[Divine Moments]

Don't necessarily expect a miracle resolution though. I was in a very similar situation.. and while they eventually came around, it took a couple of very patient years. From completely anti-drug to looking the other way to accepting it to wanting to join in :D

If they after a sustained period of exposure and discussion about your use they still can't even accept it, then I would seriously question whether they are the person you want to share you life with.

 

[losthippy]

After 30+ years of smoking-up and enjoying the occasional trip or E together my SO and now probably me by extension are giving the game away. A suspected OD death in the immediate family has hit us very hard and made the idea of getting high untenable as we get to grips with our loss. The circle of mates who shared our adventures was very small anyway, so the idea of me carrying on solo seems selfish and hypocritical despite the benign nature of our own patterns of use. I have few regrets and some great memories of our experiences, but in all conscience I must be the support she and our family's need right now and without reservation.
To all in the BL community who have suffered similar tragedy I now know your pain first-hand and it's a beast that lurks just around the corner without fear or favour. Never thought it would come to this but my self-indulgence is at it's end. My significant other and partner in 'crime' deserves proper closure so time to move on with the next chapter. I'll never judge those who carry-on and wish you all the best in the journeys you take.
Stay safe, good people. Losthippy... signed out.

 

[Cycik]

When I first met my ex, I was anti-drugs and so was she. Half way through I started getting into them and hid it from her. Learnt now that's a bad idea. New kinda gf, told her everything and that I will continue to do them and they are a big part of my life but I do my research and everything on them. She only drinks and smokes weed. She has that 'fear' of drugs that they are bad for you and make you crazy etc but has no problems if I do them at all which is awesome

I rather the way it is then having a girl that's quite into them, less drama imo. Also its damn hard trying to teach people about drugs and the ways of HR so rather my gf doesn't do it so I don't have to worry about those things.

 

[gimpan]

I can see how some men will be turned off by women using drugs,

I can absolutely see how it comes across as bigoted and plain irrational but I have caught myself feeling that way when playing drugs with the fairer sex.

 

[footscrazy]

^ Why is it that you feel that way you reckon?

 

[westy]

drugs use is a big part if not the biggest part of the relationship for me,

the view i have is if a girl can't handle her drugs she can't handle her life.
and if she isnt willing to be open minded to drug use then she isnt an open minded person.

 

[gimpan]

^ Why is it that you feel that way you reckon?

I don't know, maybe like someone mentioned earlier that some men enjoy having a partner that is the stable responsible one?

I know that for myself, girls I get high with I rarely find attractive or want to be boyfriendy or girlfriendly with, even when in other circumstances id be really into them.
Not saying that it never happens especially getting really horny on meth hungover or coming down.

 

[5000m]

My SO should be open minded and non judgmental towards drug users, I don't mind whether she does or doesn't take drugs, but it's nice to have someone to enjoy and discuss them with.

With that said, someone who deals drugs for a living, has an out of control addiction or whose life revolves around drugs is not acceptable as a SO to me.

Basically I think both people should have a similar view towards drugs and should both enjoy each other's company without drugs.

RE drug girls being loose and whorey, I think this is a gross over generalisation and is certainly not true :O

 

[Disconnect]

I guess this is relevant outside intimate relationships, but what are peoples' opinions on someone who is interested in drug use but has no experience. I mean it is most certainly something I would like to share with those who are close to me (Drugs and your Family thread?), but the responsibility of everything from dose to frequency and setting is even more intense than with a friend or random. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if I was the catalyst for someone I cared for to have a horrible experience or slipping down the path of addiction and dependance. Are you ok with introducing your SO to drugs? Do you enjoy it?

That being said, while I would like to say that I could have a SO that isn't in to drugs as long as she is ok with my use, the fact of the matter I really can't see someone understanding why I use them without having some interest. I guess it doesn't help that my drug use is the root cause of a lot of other interests in my life (study, spirituality etc), so I guess someone against/not interested in drugs would find me boring as I would find them. I rant about drugs far too often for that.

My girlfriend has asked me numerous times what is left of you if you take away the drugs? And the answer is not much, but why is that a problem if I am a happier, more driven and loving person because of that? I have come to the realisation that drugs will most likely always be a part of my life and it will take a lot of patience and understanding from both people to make that work. Honesty is what makes it work right?

 

[broseph]

my significant other. well. possibly my former significant other uses substances, as do i. unfortunately, i make bad judgement calls, while under the influence, possibly not under the influence as well, but the issue comes back to relating to drugs, and my inability to leave hers alone. out of sheer hurt, i feel the need to use what she has been saving, like i'm getting back at her by doing it, when in fact, i'm just making her uncontrollably upset and causing a bigger issue between the two of us. i could not be with someone that didn't use. but then again, i don't know if this issue is with our relationship, or just me. so. yeah.
relationships are about trust. it's you and that person, and to hell with the rest. you can't function in a relationship with that much dishonesty(such as hiding a drug habit).

 

[Mel22]

drugs use is a big part if not the biggest part of the relationship for me,

the view i have is if a girl can't handle her drugs she can't handle her life.
and if she isnt willing to be open minded to drug use then she isnt an open minded person.

8)

Good luck finding a meaningful, healthy relationship.

Your statement is just as judgemental, if not more so, than those that come from a lot of non-users that I know.

 

[Ashley]

My partner and I both use IV together, there is a romantic/sexual aspect to it and I won't let another guy hit her if she or I am having trouble with her veins. She introduced me to heroin, 5 years ago - but I had been IV'ing methamphetamine for a couple years prior to that. It is a big part of our relationship and has provided some wonderful times and also caused some big ass problems. I couldn't see myself with someone that didn't use drugs.

Ash.

 

[cassandragemini]

Good thread. I hid my heroin addiction from my girlfriend for about 3 months until it got to the point where I was too out of control to hide it anymore, it's one of my biggest regrets in life - not being honest with the person I love and am closer to than anyone else in the world by a mile. Luckily she's really understanding and forgave me but it's been a constant thorn in our relationship ever since, losing unconditional trust creates so many problems down the track. Now she's helping me get my shit back together and has stood by me while I've put us both through so much, it's still ongoing too, im off h, of methadone, bupe and valium but i still drink pst everyday. She understands and is really good about it, having her constantly spurring me on and by her good virtues she makes me want to be a better person and clean my act up for the both of us, it's sounds kind of lame but without her I don't think i would be here. Honestly I don't know how she's put up with me over the last year and a half but she has.

As for finding girls who do a lot of drugs unattractive, I can understand why a guy would however i think a lot of it is sexist, hypocritical bullshit - guys who dont like their girlfriends doing drugs while they party is fucken retarded. I find girls who drink, smoke and party to the point of being out of control unattractive but I also feel the same about guys who are out of control. It's not the fact they do drugs that makes them unattractive to me it's that they are generally unhealthy and their lives are often a mess and thats unattractive to me. What really turns me off is the look in a heavy drug users eyes, the dark rings and spaced out empty thousand yard stare, I instinctively find that unattractive on an unconscious level and I don't think I could be with them without feeling turned off in some way. However if somebody parties hard (my girlfriend parties hard) but is still functioning and for the most part happy and healthy then I have zero problem with it, in fact I find a girl who both enjoys drugs and is knowledgable on the topic of drugs more attractive than someone who is totally straight, I don't think I could totally connect with someone who is totally 100% straight, it's kind of hypocritical in a way but that's just me.

 

[xuser]

I hid my heroin addiction from my girlfriend for about 3 months until it got to the point where I was too out of control to hide it anymore, it's one of my biggest regrets in life - not being honest with the person I love and am closer to than anyone else in the world by a mile. Luckily she's really understanding and forgave me but it's been a constant thorn in our relationship ever since, losing unconditional trust creates so many problems down the track. Now she's helping me get my shit back together and has stood by me while I've put us both through so much, it's still ongoing too, im off h, of methadone, bupe and valium but i still drink pst everyday.

Wow, my husband could have written that word for word.
I used to use drugs occasionally, weed, pills, speed, nothing too hard though. But since I met my husband 10 years ago and started to discover how serious his addiction was I was totally put off using anything ever again. I saw what had happened to him and it scared the shit out of me.

So I guess in the beginning I wouldn't have cared if my partner was a drug user, however after experiencing it I would never go there again.

 

[opi8]

drugs use is a big part if not the biggest part of the relationship for me,

the view i have is if a girl can't handle her drugs she can't handle her life.
and if she isnt willing to be open minded to drug use then she isnt an open minded person.

Being open minded doesn't mean that you need to be a regular drug user. A lot of men can't "handle their drugs", would you dissociate from them because they have a low natural tolerance for some drugs, just because of this reason? You sound like a sexist pig.

 

[opi8]

I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if I was the catalyst for someone I cared for to have a horrible experience or slipping down the path of addiction and dependance. Are you ok with introducing your SO to drugs? Do you enjoy it?

I find this to be a big cop out. I hate other people being blamed for my addiction, and I hate other people in similar situations being blamed unfairly for this "crime". If someone wants to do drugs, they are going to do them. Unless there were seriously unique circumstances or a person was forced to do drugs, which I estimate to be at 0.001 percent of cases in which blame is placed on someone, then people have to realise that when people want to use drugs, they will ask someone who uses how to help them, which is in perfect harmony with harm reduction.

I take full responsibility for my choices, like everyone who has made poor choices in life should, and it really, really shits me when people try to blame others for their own mistakes. I hope that's not what you meant with that, but I obviously feel like spewing shit from my drunken fingers tonight, and I have.