Drugs and your Significant Other

[footscrazy]

What is everyone's opinion on this?

Do you want your partner to do drugs? More than you? Less than you?

I've come across a lot of blokes who love their drugs, but want a girlfriend who is completely straight. I have found a lot of guys think girls that do drugs = loose, whorey girls. What do you think? (As a girl, this is why this opinion is one sided, as it is what I've experienced).

I'm a girl who has a long history of drug use. I don't think I could be with a guy who had never used drugs. It is/has been a big part of my life, and I need someone who can understand that. Of course, as most of you know, I've found the perfect guy in this respect in PsiloSubNaut, who is not just a drug user, but incredibly knowledgeable about chemicals and the perfect person to discuss certain chemicals with. I feel so lucky in this respect, in that he is not only a drug user, but so intelligent as well.

So, what does everyone else think? It really surprises me, those people with drug habits who hide it from their partner. I really value being able to share that kind of shit with my partner; it helps a lot. I really can't understand having a real, proper relationship with someone, if I was running off to the toilet to have my hit whenever they weren't looking.

What do you think?

 

[opi8]

I honestly couldn't care less if my partner used drugs or not.

My long-time partner is completely straight, doesn't smoke and very rarely drinks. I've been into alcohol and drugs ever since we met, probably 12 years ago or so now. She knows all about my drug use and I've never tried to hide it from her, back when I was snorting lines of speed to these days of shooting H almost daily. I couldn't imagine hiding my drug use from a partner, honesty is something I value higher than most other things in any relationship. If she doesn't like who I am and what I choose to do with my body and money, then we're obviously not compatible.

 

[piebald]

I honestly couldn't care less if my partner used drugs or not.

My long-time partner is completely straight, doesn't smoke and very rarely drinks. I've been into alcohol and drugs ever since we met, probably 12 years ago or so now. She knows all about my drug use and I've never tried to hide it from her, back when I was snorting lines of speed to these days of shooting H almost daily. I couldn't imagine hiding my drug use from a partner, honesty is something I value higher than most other things in any relationship. If she doesn't like who I am and what I choose to do with my body and money, then we're obviously not compatible.

hhmmm..thats interesting..i feel almost the opposite way in every respect....Im newly single after a pretty shitty time with addiction,recovery all that crap and i feel like i would def. need to be with someone who understands and has experienced at least some type of drug use..for better or worse drugs are a factor in my life..and i need someone who understands that.
i guess i cant tell from your post if you were actually an addict or uhhh..just an "avid user" but i was an addict and i DEF lied to my significant other!!

 

[Adelady]

Great topic!
I've been thinking about this quite a bit lately...
I prefer that my significant other has a similar drug policy to myself, which is that providing that your finances, health and relationships aren't taking a serious beating, then indulge as you wish!
I'd like to be able to share the experience with my sig other, whether actually indulging together, or at least talking about it later on. I definitely wouldn't be cool with hiding my drug use from them, or them from me.
That said it isn't a deal-breaker. If I met someone who was straight, but who I didn't have to hide my proclivities from, we could give it a go for sure...

I identify with what you mentioned, footscrazy: "I have found a lot of guys think girls that do drugs = loose, whorey girls."
I can't properly summarise what I want to write in response to that part, so I'll wait until I can to post in regard to it, but I know what you mean
More so than a guy, a chick who is into her drugs seems to lead to an assumption of lax moral fibres or something, which is quite unfair. Anyway - as said, will post when the thought is fully formed, but yeah, I agree with you.

 

[Busty St Clare]

Just as important to me as having a partner in crime for fun times is having someone who is happy to be sober around me when I am high. I have had too many partners who take pleasure in putting me down or making me feel bad if I am high when I know damn well I am still good company. It was like a subtle fuck you every time I was around them. Little wonder you wouldn't want to tell them all the time.

My beautiful girlfriend has a history far more colorful than myself but fortunately we are both at a stage in our lives where we only dabble occasionally together. It is wonderful to finally have someone in my life who just gets me and will understand that every once and a while I need to get loose. She will also be the first to admit that it is more enjoyable doing drugs with me than any of her previous partners. Even LSD is no longer a scary experience for her. Perhaps it is just that we are perfectly matched or perhaps the universe has spoken and true love makes everything better.

 

[piebald]

this is a great topic.something ive been thinking about recently..it seems that most of the posts are dealing with "recreational" drug use and users who are functional and have not had drugs negatively effect there lives...what if you (were) are an addict? then what do you look for in a potential partner??? i have noooo clue

 

[kroniic]

Great topic! My partner, according to everyone, is perfect for me. She smokes, drinks and is the only girl I've ever met that can keep up with me in regards to pills.

 

[belarki]

I'm fine with it up to a point; I think if your partner ever loves drugs more than you (i.e. complete addict) then it's time to move on though. I don't think I could be with someone who wasn't willing to at least try certain substance once in their life (DMT, LSD, MDMA).

 

[bigben202]

I want someone who is willing to do drugs, or has at least done drugs in the past, namely psychedelics. You can learn so much more about people and your self when you have a SO that you can connect with and experience the world while high. I only wish that if she was straight, that i could still go on my trips. My last relationship was very open to drug use, but during the last couple years she didn't want to do drugs anymore, said she lost interest, which was fine. But then would get bitter at me when i would still engage with friends. This led to fights, which wasn't cool.

Even to the point where if i am home high or recently had a great trip, i wish i could talk openly about it to siblings or parents. They look at drugs differently and there is times where i have to not tell a great story because drugs where involved. :/

 

[MrIbis]

I cant say for certain one way or the other. It's been a long time since i got close to anyone who didn't take drugs, probably not since before i was 15. I'd find it really strange if i had to like hide my use from someone. Though in some ways i'd rather my use was just with friends when im out alone, than with the girl 98% of the time.

 

[bigben202]

Though in some ways i'd rather my use was just with friends when im out alone, than with the girl 98% of the time.

For me i'd like it to be about 50/50, tripping with my friends and the other half tripping with SO. Most times i wouldn't mind if she was tripping with me and friends.

 

[mister]

Im a bit of a drug pig and I drink like a fish and smoke like a chimney and my girlfriend doesnt drink, smokes tobacco off and on and the only drug she likes is acid which she takes occasionally when we have friends around every month or so

She doesnt mind me doing drugs but its a 2 way street, I respect her enough not to be high all the time, and she respects me enough to not worry about me indulging when I do. In a way its great for me because I dont get carried away and spiral out of control. Plus when we party Im always the last one standing and she will stay awake with me (willingly) and talk shit and have a laugh together.

had a few "novel" things to try over the last 5 or so weekends and she said "maybe you should have a rest" last week, I know thats her way of saying "stop Ive had enough and so have you" I stopped, she has put up enough and didnt whinge once and I had my fun.

It can work but Ive been with women that love drugs as much as me and its always a recipe for disaster

 

[piebald]

I'm fine with it up to a point; I think if your partner ever loves drugs more than you (i.e. complete addict) then it's time to move on though. I don't think I could be with someone who wasn't willing to at least try certain substance once in their life (DMT, LSD, MDMA).

if you found out the person was an addict would you bail? or (lets say your like uhh married to them) would you try to help them though? my husband and i used together recreationally and i got addicted, he didnt...he was like wtf is wrong with you..and i was like wtf is wrong with YOU? and then we just both ran out of shit to talk about and its over..

 

[i8urpie]

My SO no longer uses any "illegal" substances, but has at one point or another tried all of my DOC's. I'm a complete psycho when i drink, so I choose not too. Its a longstanding issue for us now, I'm the drugaddict, but he drinks to get pissed most nights.... Ironic really.

 

[belarki]

if you found out the person was an addict would you bail? or (lets say your like uhh married to them) would you try to help them though? ...

Definitely try to help them first; though if they loved you enought they'd put you before drugs anyway right? Hence my comment that if drugs came first then it'd be time to reassess the relationship. I've only been on the "drug (ab)user asked to quit" side of the fence before and I did it... for the duration of that relationship anyway lol :D

 

[Busty St Clare]

I'm with Belarki here, I would want to be number one in my partners life and unfortunately that is usually impossible when you are talking about an addict. Of course I'd want to help her but if I did she wouldn't be an addict would she? Most addicts I know conceded their relationships always come second.

 

[piebald]

Definitely try to help them first; though if they loved you enought they'd put you before drugs anyway right? Hence my comment that if drugs came first then it'd be time to reassess the relationship. I've only been on the "drug (ab)user asked to quit" side of the fence before and I did it... for the duration of that relationship anyway lol :D

were u a full blown addict..and yes addicts will put the drugs first-ill admit i did, i had NO control over it while my addiction was running my life..but im sober now and probably should come with a written warning for any future boyfriends..but the idea that "if they loved you enough they would put you before the drugs" sounds good in theory but when someone is addicted it just doesn't work that way..at least not for me- i didnt love him any less,i think i was just powerless over the addiction..

 

[footscrazy]

Definitely try to help them first; though if they loved you enought they'd put you before drugs anyway right? Hence my comment that if drugs came first then it'd be time to reassess the relationship.

I think this is where it becomes difficult, drug addiction is such a hard thing, it can really take control of you and fuck up your mind to the point where you think you're putting your partner first, but maybe you really aren't...But the drug use becomes such a second nature thing, like eating, that you don't even see it in the same sphere as how you see your SO. But I agree if it gets to this point you most likely aren't in the place to be in a proper r/ship. I just don't think it's a simple as, if someone doesn't stop their addiction for you, it means they don't love you (not that I'm suggesting that's what you were suggesting Belarki).

When Psilo and I first met I was hopelessly addicted to methamphetamine, I was in such a bad place in life, I couldn't see a way out, and I couldn't see what at all he saw in me. I am so grateful that he must have seen past the addiction because that gave me that hope that maybe I could be something more than a stupid icehead. I've always said that you should never quit a drug for someone else and I stand by that still, and in that vein I didn't quit for him, but he made me want to be a better person, and that was an important part of me finally quitting that stupid addiction. *end soppyness *

 

[Divine Moments]

were u a full blown addict..and yes addicts will put the drugs first-ill admit i did, i had NO control over it while my addiction was running my life..but im sober now and probably should come with a written warning for any future boyfriends..but the idea that "if they loved you enough they would put you before the drugs" sounds good in theory but when someone is addicted it just doesn't work that way..at least not for me- i didnt love him any less,i think i was just powerless over the addiction..

and you see nothing wrong with that, even in retrospect? It's not a question of fault, you just can't expect someone to stay in a relationship with someone who values drugs over them whether you still claim to love them just as much or not

 

[piebald]

and you see nothing wrong with that, even in retrospect? It's not a question of fault, you just can't expect someone to stay in a relationship with someone who values drugs over them whether you still claim to love them just as much or not

Oh NO NO!! its not like that i see plenty wrong with it..i left him..i didnt expect him to stay with me, he wanted to though..he used to do it with me and buy it for me to keep me happy..it was weird..he didnt get addicted i did..my point was when you are IN addiction, like LIVING it everyday..you cant say "i love you therefore im gonna stop" your whole brian is re-wired, your body and mind become a slave to that substance, Im not proud of it..im ashamed and ive said sorry and admitted the truth to way to many people, its a horrible thing, i see ALOT wrong with it dont get me wrong..all im saying is (and i think a real addict or someone thats been through it can agree with me, i hope) i had NO power over the drug...i loved my husband, but my love for him was not gonnafix me..i decided to get clean cause i almost died..he didnt even really care..just dropped me off at the hospital and went to work..