Draft wording for revolution : From balcony at Blue Train

[(Wordy)]

Valuables unattended : CBD a 3D graph : Brightcolour banners of Southbank fatten in wind : Love you when random : “Who in their right mind would paint the river that colour?” : Blue Train kitchen clatters like tournament knights : Reject the see-saw table we’re shown to : Pull more napkins than needed : #4 pizza : Sips of sidetalk : “How many secret lives are played?” : Get an edge : No handholds : Bust a critique : “Can’t kick can’t run can’t tackle” : Why we got mired in fandom : Score some cred? : Try swimming the Yarra : “Are you f’ real?” : Gales of laughter : Convo swerves politico-serious : Bluff through : Buzzword city : “Could you ever love a patriot?” : Wave stats like flags : While we yoyo teabags : Mark this urgent : Sale must end! : Stocktake : “Could you feed our world while we’re away?” : Earth’s lungs morph into soya beans : Amazon dot com : Hybrid seeds don’t reproduce : We brainstorm : Waves form waveforms : Hang a sec : Quick : Need to write this down : Can beat them : On paper : We can be heroes : Got a few words of our own : A few bricks up our sleeves : “O! Planet America Godly Whoredom” : Yeah, right : Get all chummy you little… : Sorry : Speak up I can't— : “Another drink?” : Kidding ourselves alright : Game makes no sense whatsoever : “Real football you use your feet” : Yeah, seen The Waterboy : “Will we ever get those minutes back?” : Juicer running backs built like tanks : Big fish with big guns : And we, blind photographers : Resolve rebroken : So rooted : Our fate dims conventional : Slide, soak : Drive all night in unmarked bars


(c) Stu Hatton 2006

http://wordyness.blogspot.com/2006/10/draft-wording-for-revolution-from.html

 

[colicolo]

extremly inspirational. my mind is provoked by almost everyone and is teased without being intimidated. cool

 

[up all night]

Incessant. I have so much respect for someone who can snatch a night and get it on paper.

 

[(Wordy)]

Thanks guys.

 

[echo off]

Big fish with big guns
And we, blind photographers

really liked those two

maybe its just me, but i found it hard to pull much out of it... i can follow it, just can't get anywhere from it. maybe it was the intention.

i did enjoy it however

 

[katmeow]

This felt so disjointed the first time I looked over it, but the more I read it, the more I got & the more I liked it.

An evening well captured.

 

[(Wordy)]

Yeah, it's intended to be a story in snippets / fragments - a style I've been playing around with recently.

I'm pretty happy with the first few lines, but I think it gets a bit lost / bogged down around the middle, and the turn towards defeatism at the end still isn't quite working IMO.

Let's just say this 'draft wording' has seen many, many drafts and will no doubt see many more.

 

[Amanita Mary]

man... love this piece. you will remember the most peculiar bits of memories with this one. when i write, i tend to vividly describe all i see, hear, EXPERIENCE around me... with imagery that i want others to feel when they read it. I want people to know that space, those moments. I felt humbled and at home while reading this. My days are contagiously beautiful, and stuffed to the brim with moments that beat movies to shame... and you captured that for me. ~

While we yoyo teabags

that's great stuff^... especially liked, well, all of it.