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Don't know if I can take much more...

manboychef said:
If your living situation and mentality are as stated then maybe a relationship is still not a good idea yet.
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You know, you're probably right, but I just don't know what to do about it. But every thing's ok right now, just having some self inflicted crises. Now is probably not a good time to bring up anything.
 
Its a long-distance relationship. They tend not to work for the inconvenience of not being together physically. Imagine that. And for two years, man? If she is lonely she has every validation to be so. You need to get it in your brain that unless someone does something to be with each-other physically its not going to work, ever. Its not fair for the both of you. So I guess you have to decide if she means that much to you.

And being a bi-polar alcoholic doesnt mean you have to behave like one or not get treatment. Its your choice to be an alcoholic and women dont have to put up with it.
 
Spoo said:
And being a bi-polar alcoholic doesnt mean you have to behave like one or not get treatment. Its your choice to be an alcoholic and women dont have to put up with it.
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Uh, I just went to the doctors for depression. I'd rather drink than take effexor, and they still haven't gotten back to me about the counseling which probably wouldn't be covered anyways. Sure it's my choice, but don't act like there aren't other factors. If I felt good I wouldn't drink in the first place.
 
alcohol is a choice and it doesn't mix well with bipolar, nor can you justify it by saying "hey i'm bipolar" (i know that drug issues form part of the impulsivity of mania).

the thing is its off putting to have a drug addiction and alcohol is a heavy hitting problem.

counselling sounds good because getting to the understanding of what triggers you can help to change your behaviour patterns. clinical depression / mania will distort you logic quite a bit so talking therapy can help.

lack of sleep for me was a trigger in mental health problems.
 
She's interested in someone else. But since she's open to the possibility of patching things with you, it seems that she'd go for the other guy. And if that doesn't work, she'll have a safety net: you.

I'd end things and break off all contact.
 
nuttynutskin said:
Uh, I just went to the doctors for depression. I'd rather drink than take effexor, and they still haven't gotten back to me about the counseling which probably wouldn't be covered anyways. Sure it's my choice, but don't act like there aren't other factors. If I felt good I wouldn't drink in the first place.
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Okay, fine. So your doing the opposite of whats healthy and she has every right to be pissed off you are irresponsible and have no drive to seek a better life-style. I can only imagine the judgement you have considering the way you casually brush off responsibility.

"Oh, hey ... nuttnutskin is arguing with the Dish TV representative again yelling why the hell does he need channels that show European inferior basketball. He knows whats up! Fight the good fight, man!"


See, now Im wondering whats the story with the girl in that she is seeking unavailable, emotionally stunted men and okay with that situation. I'm sure she has her own terrible baggage.
 
Spoo said:
See, now Im wondering whats the story with the girl in that she is seeking unavailable, emotionally stunted men and okay with that situation. I'm sure she has her own terrible baggage.
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Talk all the shit you want about me but leave the woman out of it asshole. You don't know her. We're still friends even tho it's hard at times, and care for each other a lot.
 
Well, I think the woman might be having a change of heart. She texts me the other day saying she wishes I could come over for cookies and video games... I live 2000 miles away. Also some of the other things she's been saying are making me think she still has feelings for me. I talked to her earlier today and I don't even know how it got brought up but all of the sudden we're talking about me potentially moving there again. Against better judgement I straight up asked her if I should get a car with the money I was originally saving up to move there or move there to which she responded I should move there and get a car. Kind of confused right now, but I'm just going to try to take things as they come.

Edit... Actually now that I think about it she was the one who brought it up and basically just asked when I was coming there somewhat out of the blue.
 
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Today we talked and she said she wanted to fly me out there and was working on it... Fuck life sure is crazy.
 
Well I just don't know what to think anymore... I can't figure out if there's any romantic feelings or not still, and maybe she can't either. Getting really kind of mixed messages but I'm too scared to ask her. When I brought up the fact that she said she would like to fly me out and asked her if she really did, tonight she sort of sounded indifferent unlike the other day. I don't really know what to do. So far I've been just trying to play it cool but the fact that I'm getting these mixed messages combined with the fact that I still love her is making it kind of hard. At some point it's going to have to come up if she would give me a second chance to move down there tho, because I can't just live in limbo. I really don't know what to do but I'm missing her tonight. :(
 
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Listen nut skin, it's really hard to have a long distance realtionship. People have needs, like intimacy, companionship and sex. If you guys have been doing this for years, then I'm guessing she wants all the things that are missing, but wants to keep you around as she has residual feelings for you. I can imagine this is hard for you, but try to put yourself in her shoes.
 
UPDATE

Didn't particularly want to relive this thread, but some updates...

Going to fast forward a bit, but somehow she's in love with me again and wants me to move in with her even tho we haven't visited since things really went downhill. She's getting her own place in a month or less. We've been doing a lot of talking and she says she really doesn't care if I had my own place (I would still spend most of my time with her), but financially it would be way better if we lived together. This all looks and sounds great when I type it because I am genuinely in love her also, but I'm scared about a lot of things.

The overall thing is this would be huge life changing decision. As sad as it sounds I've always lived at home (although I pay rent now), and have lived where I am currently for at least 16 years. The other thing is I'm an alcoholic and this is what really almost destroyed our relationship. But at the same time it's what I turn to in times of stress and anxiety. If I do end up moving in with her I don't want to make the same mistakes I've made in the past, but really haven't found any other coping mechanisms successful. And for sure moving their would be a huge cause of stress and anxiety for me. Also since she's known me she knows that I'm not a kid person. When I first knew her she was in a different mindset and wanted her kids to be with her ex. Since then that's changed which is good but it means that I would have to get used to being around her kids sometimes if I did live with her. And it's not that I don't like them but at least for younger kids, it's like sensory overload for me. I just don't know how I would handle it.

Other than that, I hate living where I do now not so much because of the physical location, but whom I'm living with. But at the same time I've become kind of complacent because I don't have to worry about a lot of the things I would have to worry about if I was living with someone else or on my own. I guess you could say it's kind of a false security. Anyways, if anyone's bothered to read all of that I'd greatly appreciate any advice. Even tho things are going good with her, I feel like I'm kind of on the verge of an existential crisis. Do I just bite the bullet, move in with her, and hope everything somehow turns out?
 
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How far is she from you? I was in a similariish situation not long ago but it didn't work out due to trust being broken. I rekon it's worth the shot moving in with her and seeing how it goes, on the other hand it could make things more complicated and if things don't work out your gonna need to save cash and move everything back to were you came from.
 
floatingaround said:
How far is she from you? I was in a similariish situation not long ago but it didn't work out due to trust being broken. I rekon it's worth the shot moving in with her and seeing how it goes, on the other hand it could make things more complicated and if things don't work out your gonna need to save cash and move everything back to were you came from.
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She's about 2000 miles away. I'm not really concerned about having to move back... I don't have that many material possessions that I care about, and I have some money saved up. I'm concerned with trying to make this really work and not have history repeat itself and have another failure to add to my long list. I've never cared about anyone more than her, but sometimes I really feel like I'm too inept for any sort of relationship mainly due to my mental problems.

Also, can you elaborate on this? It's ok if you don't want to...

floatingaround said:
I was in a similariish situation not long ago but it didn't work out due to trust being broken.
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Anyone else have any advice or experience with this sort of thing? I've already decided that I'm going down there. The only thing now I'm wrestling with besides the other stuff is whether it will be to visit one more time or to move. Due to my current living situation a major part of me is saying just move, but the cautious side of me is saying to visit one more time before I make a decision.
 
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Talking a lot lately with her... I've pretty much come to the decision that I should fly out one more time for an extended visit before moving there. Not really because I think it would change my mind, but I would definitely feel less stressed moving to somewhere I had actually visited. (I visited the state but not the town she would be living in.) Looking at plane tickets tonight and I may go ahead and get a round trip for some time in May. She wasn't against the idea and said even if for some reason she hadn't gotten a place by then we could always stay in a cheap hotel. Really tempting although I would prefer to do it when she had her apartment so I could check it out!!! 8o
 
Flight's booked, going down for about 2 weeks in May... Excited and a bit nervous! I can't screw this up.
 
You are letting this woman control you. Hypothetically so, you follow her around like a lost little puppy dog.

She's never been honest with you from the start.

You barely see each other, and you cancelled a flight you booked because she said "she wasn't ready" to see you. Then you talk about moving in together.... and you say without warning, out of the blue she says she interested in someone else. So you then cancelled your plans to move there, because why would you move there if she's interested in someone else.
Well, here's the bigger question: why would she be opening the door of possibility to dating other men, if she's making plans to move in with you..... (and yes I understand this was last year)

MOVE ON! You are grasping and hanging on to the idea of a relationship... when there was really not one there to begin with.
Share your time with someone who will appreciate you. Not with someone who is using you when she has no one else.



I'm not trying to be an asshole here or anything... but mark my words... I see another cancelled trip in the future.
 
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