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  • BDD Moderators: Keif’ Richards | negrogesic

Don't judge me, my addiction IS an addiction.

Hi all, thanks for taking time for your kind words. He really is a great help and supports me, but he has never been addicted to anything so doesn't know how it feels so to speak. But he is gonna help me through it.

i failed yesterday and ended up taking a few, I was really sick and couldn't do it, I'm so disappointed in myself as I know it would nearly be over by now, but my heart was beating so fast and the restless legs absolutely killed!! I feel really guilty, but on advice and all your support I am going to do it Monday, I've been send a withdrawal programme from overcount but 23 weeks is a long period to reduce so I'm gonna go cold turkey. I'm seeing my gp on Monday morning so gonna tell them I'm going CT and ask for some sleeping meds, as I can't function without sleep.

i have a disabled child who is in hospital a lot, so I'm gonna do this for him. I need to get back to the person I was three years ago, I can't let them be the main priority in my life, I love my partner and children with all my heart and I can't hurt them anymore, death is a constant fear, and I feel my organs hurting. It's got to stop. I know it might take me a few try's to get there but I'm not going to give up. I've emailed the site I buy from and told them not to supply me anymore, even if I tried someone else's name or whatever they promised no more to this address. If I cut my supply then I can't take as many. I do feel like I've let u all down and I'm sorry, I am a genuine lady, who works, and is devoted to my family and it really is pulling me apart, I've never been addicted to anything before!!
 
AmidoneCA said:
Send me a private message and I'll try to help you the best I can, or at least give you someone to talk to who has a LOT of experience with what you're going through. I'm married happily, but I've gone through things like you are going through and my wife didn't really understand the difficulty of it and it was frustrating, but we pulled through and love each other like we did when we first met.

Things WILL BE OKAY! I know you have a lot on your plate right now and life is hard...It won't always be as bad as it is right now.....Message me if you want someone to listen.

I'm new to Bluelight but I'm 30+ years old and have a nice amount of experience in life in general....I won't betray your trust or speak about private matters in the forum either.

Take Care :)
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I dont one know how to send them, I'm new to being a member but will try and work it out xx
 
Don't be too hard on yourself - not many people quit an opiate habit the first time they try.
I personally think your best chance of succeeding in kicking this habit is to seek assistance in doing an outpatient detox.

With some counselling, some medical supervision - and some comfort meds (such as clonidine to help with restless legs and sleep) your chances of getting through the acute withdrawal symptoms dramatically improve.
Having the support of a counsellor can be really beneficial for keeping you on track too.
Wishing you all the best :)
 
Thanks for the update.

First of all, don't be so hard on yourself. Quitting opioids is no walk in the park. Let's get a few things straight. How much did you take yesterday and have you been taking it constantly since then? If you had one slip up and haven't taken any since, I reckon there hasn't been much damage done. But if I understand it correctly, you plan to continue taking the codeine until you see your doctor and get your sleep medicine? That is not a bad plan, but try and see if not taking any more codeine will result in you feeling like absolute shit. Perhaps you can still quit it now?

Secondly, 23 weeks of tapering off a codeine habit is absurd. It makes zero sense. If there is really no way you can CT even with the help of benzos, then you can do a quick, no more than 7 day taper using the same codeine. There's absolutely no reason to start using buprenorphine or worse yet methadone. They're far too strong compared to codeine and would only make the situation worse.

Good luck and keep us posted!
 
There's absolutely no reason to start using buprenorphine or worse yet methadone. They're far too strong compared to codeine and would only make the situation worse
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Yeah, i agree. Using either of those drugs would be escalating your habit (which you already know, going by what you said in your first post) - even if it is medically accepted practice.

I'm also curious, and i'm not sure if i missed this detail ealier - but are you using pure codeine tablets, or some kind of tablet with paracetamol?
Because i hope you are doing cold water extractions if you are using paracetamol/codeine tablets. Paracetamol is incredibly toxic in large doses, and can do severe - even life threatening - liver damage in high doses.
Just thought i would check this, because if you are ingesting large amounts of paracetamol to get your codeine fix, i would recommend getting a liver check.
 
Don't get down on yourself for relapsing - the important thing is what you are doing NOW, and what you decide to do in the immediate future.
If you are addicted again, at least cut down.
Sounds like you need professional help as well. Rehab seems like your best choice, as others have said.
You can do this!
Especially because you have children - you have very important reasons to quit.
 
slimvictor said:
Don't get down on yourself for relapsing - the important thing is what you are doing NOW, and what you decide to do in the immediate future.
If you are addicted again, at least cut down.
Sounds like you need professional help as well. Rehab seems like your best choice, as others have said.
You can do this!
Especially because you have children - you have very important reasons to quit.
Click to expand...
^ Rehab might just be the best option if you don't have the strength or willpower too stop using the drug yourself...
 
Hi lovelies!

Thanks, I do tend to hate myself when I slip up, just wish I had more will power, no I haven't took as many, just enough to see me through and to make sure I sleep at night, I've a chest infection this morning so I'm feel like shit, was thinking of doing it while I'm already sick and try and pretend it's the infection, or will that just make me suffer?

Yeah 23 weeks is a long time, it's very gradual, like 20 codeine each day for 10 days then dropping to 19 for four days then 18 for four and so on, it was overcount that provided me with it. I was shocked on how long it takes. I have a detox clinic app on Monday, so I'm hoping they'll give me a better plan.

my GP will not give out diazepam or any of the benzo family, I was lucky to get zopiclone off them when a close family member died, and didn't find them helpful, I was still awake most of the night! What is clonidine? Can I get it Otc?

Until codeine I never used to take a single tablet, not even paracetamol. Addiction is horrible. Is Kratom definitely a no go? Just so many people say it's so useful for codeine addiction, yet I don't like the legal high label it's got.

Thanks for your advice and for listening, I really do appreciate it ?
 
And yes it's just codeine prosphate, but I will ask my gp for a lft too as I've been advised. I definitely need some kind of help, I am finding it impossible at the moment, but I do want to quit enough to do it, I want to wake up of a morning fresh and loving life, but first thing I do is look for the tablets with a coffee to start up my day and be able to go to work!
 
Well, if you really cannot just quit it cold turkey or with a quick, about week long taper, then I guess the 23 week option could be considered even though I find it waaay too long.

Kratom is usually used for withdrawal from stronger opioids, like heroin for example. Kratom is probably about as strong as codeine, maybe even a little bit stronger - the only plus is it lasts longer. But still I kind of see no reason to start using that, you'll just be trading one addiction for another.

I'm not a taper specialist, especially if we're talking about codeine, but perhaps you could try starting from 20 tablets a day and decrease it by 1 each day? I believe that wouldn't be too painful if at all and wouldn't take ages like with the other plan. I don't know about you, but rehab sounds kind of overkill in this situation. Of course, if really nothing else works, then that'd be another option, but personally I would not want to leave my family behind for a month just like that.

Also, you could try using some OTC sleep medications like melatonin, valerian or some of the antihistamines. Another substance to consider is loperamide, it's a peripheral opioid (doesn't get into the brain) - it's OTC and should help against some of the symptoms of WD.

Anyway, that's just how I see it, definitely awaiting peer-review from other posters.
 
Hi BD,

your advice is always spot on :) thankyou!! Apparently on a taper, going a tablet down each day won't work as your body needs to get used to the new dosage, so when I'm down to say 5 a day then I'll just be in withdrawal, I think maybe going down one pill every 3 days might work, rather than a full week, could cut it down to 10-12 weeks rather than 23. Could be worth a try !

Oh im a major wimp arnt I, but withdrawal honestly scares the life out of me, I often wonder how the hell I got into this mess, my sister has an addictive personality too and is an alcoholic, she almost died, but has been clean for three and a half years now from alcohol, she's never took drugs before tho. I ask her for advice but she can't really help me as she went to rehab for four months then the rest was willpower, difference is alcohol withdrawal can kill, she was having fits etc and had to be hospitalised. I adore the girl and I'm so so proud of her, she's in such a good place. My mums had enough, she went through such a tough time with my sister she just tells me I'm selfish, which suppose I have been.

I didnt know kratom was addictive, I read if taken just for withdrawal it's ok and can help a lot, I will be giving it a miss then, thanks for making me aware of that. Yeah I've used loperamide before and it does take the edge off, but you do need a fair amount of it and it doesn't stop my hot/cold sweats and restless legs either which are in the top three worst symptoms for me. Also, do you have any idea why when in withdrawal my eyes go funny? It's almost like there's lots of pressure behind them pushing them, it's very scary sensation, does anyone else get this?

I certainly don't want to leave my family for a month, but then think, it's better than dying of organ failure or whatever, I know codeine is the weakest opiate but I do take an awful lot of it, do u know what 600mg is equal to in other opiates? Might be the eye opener I need. Thanks again for your time, I'm here to help if u need to talk about anything too.
 
First off, going a tablet down each day will work (generally the thought that the body "needs to get used" to a dosage is more of a myth in this situation). Generally if you're in pain it means you're making progress, if you get high it means you're backtracking, so try to avoid dosing that gets you high. The only difference is that you'll be in more pain than with the longer taper, but that's the cost of quitting faster - it will be over sooner! Either way, if you can handle the long taper - go for it. I've just been applying my perspective and I rather quit fast than struggle with it for months. But, whatever works for you - go for it!

Secondly, there's nothing wrong with being scared of withdrawal. Actually, I'm pretty much in the same boat as you. I've been on codeine for half a year (500-600 mg codeine a day, but in one dose, for the last few months), and hoping to take a long break as soon as I can bring myself to it. But every day I think to myself "meh, I'll start tomorrow...".

As for kratom, anything can be addictive if it feels good. Codeine is not really viewed as an addictive substance, at least as far as opioids go, and neither is kratom - they're pretty much on the same level. If obtaining kratom is easy for you, then you can give it a try. If anything, you can just go back to codeine if kratom fails, no harm done. If it helps, then great!

Loperamide: be careful with it. High dosages (around and over 100 mg) can be harmful/dangerous. I don't really know what is causing that feeling behind your eyes to be honest, so I can't judge whether it's something to worry about. Can't say I've ever experienced that.

Also, you won't die from organ failure, why would you? Codeine on its own is almost completely non-toxic, really the only harmful aspect of taking codeine is the withdrawal. Here is an opioid conversion chart.

If you wish to discuss this further in more detail, you can PM me. Anyway, best of luck and keep us posted!
 
Hi :)

aww you are so lovely with your advice! Yes I seen your post about codeine and replied, I hope all goes well with you, my GP hates codeine, he says he hates prescribing it and would rather give me morphine but I refused, if I can manage my pain on codeine then don't see reason to go up on the opiate ladder.

i use it for both in all honesty, I have in the past took it to get high to kill my emotions, but now just take it for pain and to feel well, go to work etc.

I will ill get the kids to bed and pm you. Thanks ��
 
Your doctor would rather prescribe morphine? That's something I haven't heard of before. Generally doctors would rather not prescribe any opioids, so I thought if they did they'd try to use the weakest one possible. Anyway, it is very good that you stick to codeine, kudos.

I'm going offline for today soon, but I will reply to your post/PM when I have time tomorrow. Stay safe and thanks for the good wishes.
 
Yeah, he said because it's a slow release then I would benefit more, he believes it to be less addicting. Backwards I know haha! But yeah I'm not interested in it at all, not when I can manage my pain other ways.
 
Perhaps he's got a point, because slow release would mean you don't need to dose so often, but still morphine is significantly stronger than codeine. I say if something already works well enough, no need to start experimenting. "Why fix something that isn't broken?"
 
Exactly!! But either way I'm gonna have to quit, I can't be trusted. I will just deal with the pain afterwards. Is it possible to quit a big opiate habit and then just take the recommended 8 per day? Or wouldn't it work? Is the temptation too much and it's all or nothing? I'd try tramadol for pain but it's now controlled in the uk. Kratom arrived this morning, gonna give it a try in a very small dosage tomorrow morning, let u know how I get on....
 
To answer your first question, it is possible to take an opioid in order to manage pain after having abused it for some time. Given, tolerance will result significantly faster this time, but there is a chance that you will find a stable dose that works. Most likely, though, you will have to switch to a stronger opioid after a few years. Nobody knows completely how the receptor and endotransmitter homeostasis works, so it's hard to say at this point.

Now, whether the temptation will be too much is a very personal problem. I really can't tell, it depends on the individual.

If you're interested in the tramadol class, then perhaps you'd want to try O-desmethyltramadol, something I've been taking. I reckon it's legal in the UK. It lasts for about 8 hours, so it should make a good pain medication, and it's quite strong too, and not too sedating. Then again if kratom works as well, then there is no need to start with a stronger substance.
 
I'm not too great with tramadol, I've actually got some here in the medicine cupboard. It makes me feel really out of it. But more of a dirty high that the warmth codeine gives, for pain it does nothing for me, suppose we all react differently.

I never really found morphine too great either when I got hold of that, I've had three c-sections so know how brilliant it is iv. But orally it's pretty shit even at a 90mg dose. It was great at making the codeine scrips last longer for me tho.

Im actually looking forward to rehab tomorrow, although a little nervous. I really don't want a addicted label, I really wanted to go ahead with my nursing career. But who wants a nurse that can't be trusted with meds.

I hope ur feeling a little better, go easy on the beers. Alcohol is the worst drug out them all along with benzos. Still legal because the greedy bastard government make too much money from it, makes me sick, so many lives ruined. Alcohol addiction is one close to my heart, with my sister it almost tore our family apart.

Ive private messaged you now so will discuss it more privately. Thankyou for all ur help, u really have been amazingly kind and understanding to me.
 
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