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dont if i turn my fiance on or not?!?

D

dnb2012

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 12, 2012
Messages
55
Location
some where
For the ones who already seen some of my posts no im on ssris which gives you lack of sex drive.
me and my fiance have been together about 2 n half years. She used to have an incredible sex drive which I couldn't keep up with her! Then about 16 weeks into pregnancy (which was planned) sex didn't appeal to her (expected when pregnant so didn't think anything of it) but After are lil man was born it was while before we had sex. He's now 8 months old and I bet a could almost count the amount o time we had sex. (she also used to be very adventures bit not no more) we used to have problems with me not last long but we talked n battled through it n now im on ssris I last a lot longer should be a bonus but don't know if it is. Don't get me wrong 7/10 the sex we have is really close passionate n intense but other tines I think she just has sex because I want it. If any one could give me advise it be appreciated. I know I should talk to her but im scared if she/we try 'harder' so to speak then its for the wrong reasons! I love her to pieces she is my world n I love to have sex with her but I can't seen to try with her because I don't know of she wants it. We used to sort of play little random games with one another like who can turn who on the most with out touching downstairs n that was intense but now its straight to the point no oral or foreplay or very rare. Is it just me who's paranoid or is she not sexually attracted to me any more? And if she's not sexualy attracted to me then what? Sex is good factor to a good relationship.
Thanks guys for reading. Sorry if a gone on abit.
 
It's really no uncommon for sex to slow down after a baby is born.
I can't tell you how many of my friends/acquaintances have said that sex went to practically nothing. I think you'll have to be patient. It's probably a combo of new baby and hormones.
 
Yeah that's what I keep trying to think. Because he can be hard work and im at work all day so she has him on her own. Its worth talking to about it yet or not bother yet go with the flow?
 
I think you should definitely talk if you are unhappy about it. This is a touchy subject I would suspect for a woman who just had a baby though. I would approach it as delicately as you can and listen to her and try not to be critical or demeaning. I would approach it in a very compassionate way, because it might be something as simple as she's feeling unattractive. Did she gain a lot of weight after? Nothing kills a sex drive as gaining weight and not feeling comfortable with your body.
 
As Lysis said, it's perfectly normal for her sex drive to be really diminished after having a child, it definitely doesn't mean it's something about you or whatever. You should tell her about your concerns, if you keep it in it can't end well. Try to focus on the other things that make a relationship work for now and realize her body's been through a lot recently! Don't worry, if it is indeed due to her pregnancy it won't last forever :)
 
I would do it compassionatly I wouldn't be a dick with her. I personally dont think she has gained weight but a do know she feels a lil uncomfortable with her body though despite how much I try to tell her she's fine.
 
^ Yeah, it's the curse of being a female. :\ Some girls go back to where they were and others have a hard time losing the weight. It might play a part, and if so, just make sure you compliment her and don't be critical or argumentative. I think in this case a little over compassion and understanding tone might go a long way.
 
After I had my son I had almost no libido for almost two years. I know its hard not to take it personally, but realize that it doesn't have to do with any lack of attraction from her. Maybe you could try giving her massages to get her more in the mood.
 
Seems like you're approaching this in the right way, being compassionate and whatnot. I have a friend who just had a baby a couple months ago. Her boyfriend is trying to have sex with her all the time! Her sex drive has changed a LOT. She is tired looking after the baby all the time and she'd much rather sleep or do anything over have sex. And her boyfriend gets impatient and upset about it - he is not understanding at all! That is definitely not the way to be. It seems like you are the opposite. You do want more sex (obviously) but you realize things have changed.

Perhaps try more foreplay. Oral sex could help a lot too. (You going down on her, not the other way around.) It might help her get in the mood more.

I also like the idea of massages. It could help her get in the mood as well. Or even just relax her or something :)
 
Get a sitter for a weekend! Poor woman is probably worn out!
 
I do try foreplay but its hard to get her to want to. N she not over keen on me going down on her. Yeah I could try the massage part have done a couple o times. I do also try n not take it personally but sometimes its hard not to. Im going to be arguementive with her ill loose! N nit worth it. Thanks guys fir the support..
 
Do you have any other outlets for your libido? Maybe channeling the energy into something that enriches your relationship with her might be a more positive option.

Couples fall out of sync at some point, especially long term. Obsessing over it will only drive you mad I'm sure.
 
Yeah we do have outlets near us. We keep discussing about going to one. But its having time to do so. Think we should though it would really spice things up a lil for us.
 
That isn't exactly what I meant.

But, I suppose taking her out shopping at the outlets, then dinner, and a movie might be nice though.

:D
 
Did you mean outlets has in sex shops or has in normal shops? I do always try n tend to take her out for dinner n movies.
 
I mean an outlet for your desire to be "with" her that is not entirely sexual: dinner, movies, long walks on the beach. You know, like romantic pair bonding that does not include knockin' boots or bumpin' uglies.

:)
 
Oh I see... We have like parks not far from us and all. I usally like to be romantic with her but dont want her thinking im doing it coz I want sex that night. A dunno there's few things I no a could do.
 
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