Does this actually happen often? Or is it just me...

[rant*N*rave]

So for about the billionth time, someone very close to me (this time a boyfriend) simply stopped calling. I left a couple voicemails/texts and a facebook message in case he lost his phone (which happens a lot), and now it's been over a week since I heard from him. I know he's around and alive and well because I saw some pictures of him from a friend from last Saturday (at a bar right near my house nonetheless), and he's been updating his facebook page. W. T. F.

We had known each other for a few months, had been dating for two months, and had been "seriously" dating (per his terms - he asked me to be his "real girlfriend") for a month. And now he's just dropped off the face of the earth. The last thing I heard from him was a text message saying "I miss you hunny xoxo," and now he won't return my calls. We hadn't been in a fight, and I can't think of anything I did that would have inspired this sudden change in opinion - I was in a different city for 3 days after the last time I saw him, so...

And this isn't the first time this has happened to me. It happened with my first boyfriend, two of my best friends, and a few other people that I thought I was pretty close to. This absolutely fucks with my mind every time because I feel like I did something wrong, and I'm already struggling with PTSD from severe trauma as a child, which pretty much gets triggered every time this happens. I have panic attacks, I can't sleep, yada yada yada. It's driving me fucking nuts. It really has me seriously considering suicide, because I already don't trust people, and to have this happen AGAIN... fuck... If everyone I get close to is going to do this to me, I'm simply not going to be able to survive it and remain anything near sane. Are people really that selfish and stupid everywhere? They can't even give me a reason so I can stop blaming myself and going endlessly over and over again every possible reason WHY? (Why why why why why...?)

In not a single instance did I see it coming. These are people I truly loved. I was really starting to fall for this guy - he treated me like a queen, and far better emotionally than any of the abusive and/or fucked up assholes I've always seemed to find myself with. I actually cried in front of him not long after we started dating (it was sort of his fault, but largely my head problems), and he just hugged me til it was over and apologized profusely for setting me off. I couldn't even believe it had just happened, because no one had ever in my life been that sensitive to my needs before. Ever. Literally. And especially so soon in a relationship. And now... wtf...

 

[AfterGlow]

I dont keep in touch with people I've known. It's nothing personal... I just move on.

 

[rant*N*rave]

^But someone who you told you loved a week ago? I'm not talking acquaintances or even friends, and not something that was on an obvious decline - serious friendships and relationships that were going just fine and all of a sudden they just dropped off the face of the earth with no warning or reason.

 

[AfterGlow]

Well... when I've been in serious relationships that came to an end, I never had any more contact after it''s over. Obviously, they didn't end well, but it was clear they were over. Sounds like you're bein played. Just move on. They're the shmucks, not you.

 

[Lysis]

^ Your story sounds identical to mine. A week ago, my BF and I were happy and suddenly he realized that he didn't really care for me after we had an argument. WTF? I blame is sudden change of heart on his dad up and ditching his family, but what do I know?

The best thing to do (and yeah I tried to contact my BF too and get him to talk..no answer) is to just move on. I think that is the best advice, although Saturday is my BF's birthday and we were supposed to go to the Keys so I will be an idiot and send him a "happy birthday" even though I think the best thing to do is try to get over it.

I know it's hard. I can't sleep much either, but some men just don't get attached. It's the way that it is and when someone ignores you, it's best to move on.

 

[rant*N*rave]

But you say he realized he didn't care for you - so I'm assuming he said this to you. And you had a fight. That would at least be a logical jumping point for this sort of thing. The last thing he told me was that he missed me...

I guess i just want to hear something that's going to rationalize this. It's not going to happen...

 

[Lysis]

Well, I admit it is odd and really rude. I do think that people should chat about things when it comes to this stuff. Maybe something is bothering him? I'm not sure. My BF doesn't talk either, so I know it's tough. I'm a talker and completely honest about what's going on, but sometimes people just go off into this shell and hide things.

If he wants to talk and he cares, he will contact you. That's the best thing I can tell you. Like I said, some people just don't get attached to others, so it's easy for them to just disappear.

 

[aeroplanes]

Were you clingy? Sometimes it's not a bad thing, but sometimes people feel too smothered, maybe he was feeling like that and he noticed you doing it way too early in the relationship, maybe he got freaked out and just left. I'm sorry to hear about that though.

I've learned in the past few weeks, that I cannot trust anyone but myself. Though that's so horrible to feel that way and say it, for me it's true. I was betrayed by everyone in my life (not everyone but mostly everyone, old boyfriends, friends, people who I grown to care a lot about, which is hard for me beacuse I really don't allow myself / allow others to get close with me), and the one person (my best friend of 11 years) I thought would never hurt me, did.

It's just so sad that people are selfish and run from theyre problems instead of dealing with them head-on. If he really did leave you and doesn't have a good explanation on why he did what he did, then he wasn't that great to begin with! Especially after making you have to sit there and worry about what is going on. Things will get better though, maybe not right this minute, but eventually you will. Eventually you'll get a man that will treat you right and not play mind games. I thought I'd never find one that wouldn't do that shit, but I have and he's the best in the whole world. I went through 5 years of fucked up men, I've never experienced a REAL man, until my current boyfriend.. It's wonderful.

 

[rant*N*rave]

It's been 10 years for me now, and I'm not really interested in waiting any longer.

 

[BrahamCracker]

Maybe my view will help.

I am a guy, who does that to girls. I used to anyway. I went out with a girl once for 2 weeks and she kept annoying me and being clingy i just told her i was done then ignored her. I HATE running into ex-gf or one nighters simply because they want to talk. In my opinion, it's done and we aren't friends. That's another reason I don't drink much, beer goggles. Anyway back to you. I have no idea what your situation is with him, but a week is a LONG time between bf/gf. Something is up with him.

I hope you are fine with everything and I bet you will find somebody better soon :D Optimism ftw!

 

[rant*N*rave]

No, see, you TOLD her you were done, and this was after 2 weeks. You didn't date her for a long time and then just disappear for no reason even though things were going fine. This is after 2 months and him going out of his way to make me his girlfriend. When we started dating, he lived in a different city, and drove to see me multiple times a WEEK. That goes way beyond any effort I could see a "player" putting in. He took me to meet his parents and everything. I mean, I guess the guy could be a sociopath and I'm just really that dumb, but I don't buy that...

 

[Mariposa]

RNR: this absolutely sucks And I can see how it would be near-impossible not to take personally. Something similar happened to me several years ago, but he was very heavily involved in opiates and it was a long-distance thing... likely I will never know.

But this did happen to me with a friend more recently than that. It hurt, a lot. I couldn't let it show too much for various reasons. I don't think an explanation would even mean all that much at this point.

Do you think he may be involved with drugs/the wrong crowd/another woman? It sucks to have to just blanketly chalk this sort of thing up to someone being an asshole... I hope you get an explanation, even if it isn't the one you'd like, and that you won't let this put you off your path to getting better.

Please don't pin your self-worth on people that don't deserve it. And if you ever make it out to CA, we know a certain university department that has several guys and ladies of your intellectual caliber.

 

[Lucy Ford]

Similar thing happened to me too couple years back. I was really in love with this guy, I met his parents and friends, we both made it clear that we are boyfriend/girlfriend. Three months like this. We even had each other's keys. And then nothing. I heard nothing from him. Then my friend called that he had seen my bf with another girl. That's when I stopped trying to get contact with him. He called after couple of weeks and wanted to see me. We saw each other and that's when he broke up with me.

I have done that later for one guy too. We were seeing each other for a couple months, but I felt it wasn't that serious. I didn't answer to his messages, because I'm such a coward when it comes to confrontations. I felt guilty and I did send him a message later that I've met someone else. Which was actually quite accurate.

Your situation sounds really sad. I feel so sorry for you. All I can say, that try to hang in there, Garbage has a good song for you: The trick is to keep breathing.

Hope you hear from him! (even though he is a stupid coward)

 

[wizekrak]

Is a week really that long to go without communication?

Some of my very best friends I don't speak to for a couple weeks just cause life gets in the way. Though the fact that he isn't returning your calls is a major red flag. One of my buddies uses this method for breaking up, personally I think it's pretty low to just cut contact without at least clearing the air.

I hope things aren't as bad as they appear to be.

 

[Jabberwocky]

if its bf/gf and you have a pattern of seeing each other often, its REALLY weird that he suddenly dropped out. I would fear something is wrong with him and go to his house and check on him.

It is incredibly immature if he just suddenly decided he doesn't like you anymore and broke up without saying anything. Incredibly fucking immature. The thought kinda sickens me that there are guys that could do such a thing...how can they not think about how this makes you feel?

I would definitely pay a visit though in person to make sure he's not tripped out on some bad acid or holed up in his apartment shooting speedball after speedball or something.

 

[MynameisnotDeja]

That is seriously weird.

I dont keep in touch with people I've known. It's nothing personal... I just move on.

Now, as a natural loner myself, I agree with this to some extent. Many semi friends/aquaintences, I simply don't keep in touch with. For me, to maintain a friendship, the natural bond between me and the person basically has to be so strong the friendship maintains itself, otherwise we tend to drift apart and I'm just not the type to make efforts in that way. I prefer 90% of my time to be for ME. DOing things I like to do solo such as artwork, listening to music, writing, etc. I'm just not someone who needs a lot of close friends.

That said, EVEN I would never just.. stop talking to someone who was actually a boyfriend *and since he asked you, that does make it official*. In my opinion, once something is "official" it requires an "official" end. It is VERY strange for this guy to just suddenly stop talking to you, although, it's possible that he is just an immature idiot, didn't know how to end it and this is just how he does things. It's also possible he is angry at you for something you don't know about or possibly didn't even do (and the lack of him being able to talk to you about it would also therefor make him an immature idiot). It could also be, as Gaian said, that something may have happened to him, although the fact that he's been online and you've seen pics of him, etc. Doesn't make that very likely IMO.

Is a week really that long to go without communication?

Some of my very best friends I don't speak to for a couple weeks just cause life gets in the way.

No, a week isn't that long, and I do the same with my friends but friendships are different than relationships. It isn't normal to go a week without communication to your partner without some sort of explanation.

You now have two options. You can accept that you have been blown off, say fuck him, move on and never give his worthless ass another thought. OR, you can go hunt him down and corner him and demand an explanation. It's up to you and you wouldn't be wrong in either scenerio, IMO.

This one is really baffling me. I sort of hope you do talk to him because I'd like to know what his story is. ????? What a weirdo.

P.S. Unless there is a DAMN good reason for this, I'd say you should dump his ass because you deserve better. Listen to your heart and watch your back... I've known guys who tend to put girls on hold like this in favor of a temorary hook up, and then when the water runs dry over there, come back with some bullshit story about where they went... be careful.

 

[FlippingTop]

Havn't read the thread in too much depth, but i am a guy who has done this before. But only when a girl gets way too clingy AND has a personality trait that i notice and dislike! I'm not diecting that to the OP, just saying...

Altho if he is you BF and just does this, it does seem very strange... I do know a few guys however that freakout when any comitment is metioned....

 

[rant*N*rave]

^He's the one that made the commitment though, which is why this is so confusing... Basically I'm friends with a hot couple that likes to have a little, ahem, fun, and they asked me to sleep with them again. I'd been seeing him long enough and thought we were close enough that I thought it was best to see where we stood before sleeping with other people. He said he wasn't ready for anything serious, so I was like, okay, awesome. A couple weeks later he asked me to be his girlfriend and he told me it was because he didn't want anyone else, and he didn't want me to be with anyone else (okay, that sounds really bad, but you know what I mean). I was thrilled...

This all sounds like a bunch of fucking pickup lines as I type it, and I even said that to my friends the first few weeks of us going out - everything he said was just... perfect... But he really went out of his way to come see me all the time and took me and introduced me to ALL his friends and his parents, and I just can't see a "player" going to all that trouble...

Pretty much unless he has an extraordinary reason, there's no going anywhere with this. (And for the record, a week is nothing IF I KNEW WHERE THE FUCK HE EVEN WAS - he has gotten two facebook messages from me and a couple phone calls and texts, and he hasn't returned any of them. You don't just walk out of your girlfriend's door one day and then just disappear for a week and a half with no explanation...) But it's still making me crazy that I have no idea why... I'm literally thinking about dropping out of school this semester. This whole thing has triggered my PTSD issues somethin' fierce... I know that sounds crazy, but I've got a pretty fucked up backstory - it's a wonder that I'm not in a straightjacket and can actually function in society... All I need to have is a fucking reason. I don't care if it's "you're a cunt and I just don't like you anymore," I don't even care if he cheated, I just need to know WHY.

You don't fucking ask a girl to be your girlfriend, knowing that she's been fucked in the past (he knows about some of my bad dating history cuz it came up in front of him with a friend of mine), and then fuck her over in the exact same way two months later....

 

[wizekrak]

Maybe he felt things were moving too fast and wanted a little time alone to think?

Though he still should have said something to you.

 

[Jabberwocky]

there's really no excuse for his behavior unless he's suffering severe mental trauma from something.

I'm sending you vibes because this situation frankly troubles/upsets me.

You seem like a very good and caring person. I hope you use this (somehow someway) to strengthen yourself rather than let it defeat you.

serious vibes