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Does this actually happen often? Or is it just me...

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Fuck him! Look how he is making you feel. If I were you I'd never even consider talking to him again. Just let go. You may never know why this happened. Let go and move on.
 
It would be a lot easier to "just let go" if this hadn't happened to me so many times before already.... I have absolutely no way of coping with this. It scares the shit out of me. This issue literally goes back to when I was a child and my dad would forget me places and i'd sit alone for hours waiting and crying.
 
You need to figure out a way to cope, because what you're doing now honestly is not working at all for you. You can't outsource your happiness to other people. This is what happens.

I can give/send you vibes but its something you need to do on your own mostly. Get strong, girl! Serious strong! <3
 
It would be a lot easier to "just let go" if this hadn't happened to me so many times before already.... I have absolutely no way of coping with this. It scares the shit out of me. This issue literally goes back to when I was a child and my dad would forget me places and i'd sit alone for hours waiting and crying.
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Well that makes sense. Because you have this undealt with trauma inside of you, you are therefor attracting people into your life (through your unconcious thoughts)who are replaying that trauma over and over again for you. This pattern will continue until you figure out how to deal with the reside of thoughts and emotions that your father abandoning you left inside of you. Look into law of attraction, it's the only absolute truth of the universe that I know of.

This is the reason this keeps happening to you, and you can change it. Now more than ever I saw don't worry about this jerkoff and start doing some internal work on yourself. Anything can be healed from, you just need to sit down with yourself and really look at the damage done so you can heal from it instead of being a prisoner.

I think this is a good thing. The last thing you need right now is some idiot player distracting you from learning to love yourself.

<3
 
To be honest, I don't really buy that argument. Two of the people that did this to me were childhood friends, and the first boyfriend that left me dated me for two years and then developed a drug addiction through a truly bizarre circumstance, which is when he left me. These are not people that in any way would normally do such a thing, nor is there any way I could have picked up on anything subconsciously, because those "things" didn't exist when I started these relationships. And moreover, the changes that happened happened very suddenly. For instance, the best friend that ditched me had made some new friends during a year that I was away, and they were much "cooler" than I was, so when I got back, she decided I wasn't worth her time anymore (we were 13 years old...). I really don't think I subconsciously drew to her when I met her in preschool at the age of 4...

And besides, I have a friend with a background and problems very similar to mine, and she doesn't have this issue, even though she has interpersonal problems as bad as, if not worse with boys, than mine....

I'm hoping I'm done with angsting now (I sent him a somewhat angry message, and I figure that's the end...), but the fact still remains that my switch has been flipped, and there's no going back any time soon. Once my shit gets triggered, it doesn't stop for a long while... I've already had 3 migraines this week and I don't even know how many panic attacks... I've been in therapy for going on seven years now, and I'm only beginning to brush the surface... If shit like this didn't keep happening, it might be easier. I've pretty much resolved to stop making friends of any kind for a while. I get really suicidal when I'm alone, but I get more suicidal when people fuck me over like this. I've been munching xanax and zoning out online for the past several days just to get by, and I'm supposed to be working on my several hundred pages of course reading... I haven't even checked my work email...
 
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To be honest, I don't really buy that argument.
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Well your beliefs are your own, but it is a true thing that we all attract/make our own circumstances in this life. It's also entirely possible that this keeps happening to you because perhaps these people do not belong in your life in the first place?

I believe you absolutely cannot "lose" friends. If someone disappears from my life, or mine from theirs, then we aren't friends and I've lost nothing.

Me personally, I need no one. No one can abandon me because I never needed them in the first place. They can simply stop being around, and that's okay. Don't give away your power! Just the fact that this sets off all these triggers for you shows that you've handed your personal power and happiness over to someone else.

I really don't think I subconsciously drew to her when I met her in preschool at the age of 4...
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Why not? Just curious.
 
rant*N*rave said:
I'm hoping I'm done with angsting now (I sent him a somewhat angry message, and I figure that's the end...), but the fact still remains that my switch has been flipped, and there's no going back any time soon. Once my shit gets triggered, it doesn't stop for a long while... I've already had 3 migraines this week and I don't even know how many panic attacks... I've been in therapy for going on seven years now, and I'm only beginning to brush the surface... If shit like this didn't keep happening, it might be easier. I've pretty much resolved to stop making friends of any kind for a while. I get really suicidal when I'm alone, but I get more suicidal when people fuck me over like this. I've been munching xanax and zoning out online for the past several days just to get by, and I'm supposed to be working on my several hundred pages of course reading... I haven't even checked my work email...
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Coming from someone whose BF just did a complete 180 on me, I understand your feelings. I too have a really hard time letting people go, but what I do is give it a day and if they don't call me back or answer me, then they don't care and I force myself to begin the process of moving on.

My personal defense has been to just let it go. Honestly, if a guy really cares about you he will come back. I've had men come back and I've had them completely disappear. This most recent man, I'd love for him to come back but this is one of those times where you have to be pessimistic, tell yourself that he's not coming back, and then tell yourself that there is someone out there for you.

I know it hurts. I'm in a phase of hurt myself, but think of how many times you have been here and then someone else comes along and you are in love once again. How many times have you looked back on one of these relationships and realized he just wasn't right for you? I'm on my 4th guy now, and it's frustrating but you have to find strength within yourself to realize that someone else will come along who will love you. Don't allow this guy to make you fail your classes!
 
If I could just "not allow" my psychological problems, I would have done it already.... :p

And how many times I've been there? Ha. I haven't had enough people in my life think I was worth half a second to even start using the word many... No one else ever "comes along" and I've only been in love once. It was the biggest disaster of my life. All the people that come along in my life just hurt me more than the last one did. And I'm not saying that as hyperbole.
 
And this isn't the first time this has happened to me. This absolutely fucks with my mind every time because I feel like I did something wrong, I already don't trust people, and to have this happen AGAIN... fuck... If everyone I get close to is going to do this to me, Are people really that selfish and stupid everywhere?
In not a single instance did I see it coming. These are people I truly loved.
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Sounds like you & I have the same problem- reading people. I'm not very good at it because I think that people just think like me. Not with opinions ans such, but the way people are treated and feel, etc.
But yea, I have a big issue with the 'people politics' side of it. I just act natural and I guess I expect everyone else does the same, but they don't.......always.
I'm a magnet for those types you speak about. :(
 
This last man of mine I really thought I was reading him well. I thought he cared about me. I'm usually pretty good about being close-to-accurate in reading people who I have a relationship with, but this one has me completely confused. I'm angry at myself for being so wrong because I'm normally at least close.

That being said, I think it's all in the eyes and body language of someone. I don't really put too much credence on words anymore. Words are cheap, but I think you can feel someone and how they feel about you through closeness and touch.

Again, apparently I was wayyyy off on this last guy though and I'm really disheartened at how badly he says I read him. :-/
 
I'm actually incredibly good at reading people... I've called every single one of my best friend's boyfriends within a month of her meeting them, let alone dating them. I've steered away from all kinds of bad people, and people thank me endlessly for my friend/relationship advice all the time. (In fact, I'm pretty fuckin resentful that I seem to be the resident Dear Abby, but people seem to never have time to listen to MY problems...) This is why this situation is so frustrating to me. It's utterly incomprehensible for me. I'm more than cynical enough to expect this kind of shit from most people, and it's probably a big part of why I have very few friends. When I choose to add a person to my life, I'm incredibly discerning about it, and probably over analytical - just ask my best friend, she does the same thing, and we both think we're nuts for doing it. But it's the only way we can mitigate disaster. However, I can't seem to manage to do even that...
 
Perhaps your need to be loved is overriding your sensibilities in reading someone? Some people crave love and affection so badly, it clouds their judgment. It's really easy to judge someone you don't care about, but when feelings get involved you tend to be more forgiving of someone's faults.

That's why it's so easy for us to tell you to "just let it go." I realize that it isn't that simple. I always have a hard time doing this. The only thing I refuse to do is chase a guy or contact him. I suppose it's my defenses, but if a guy wants to ignore me, I say fuck him and move on even though my heart really wants him to come back.
 
If I had any "need to be loved" I wouldn't have been single for the past three years... There was a 2 year period where I had sex way less than 10 times (I choose not to think about how low that number was... :p ;)) I love being single. I even went through of couple weeks of debating if I should stick with this guy because I wasn't sure I wanted to be tied down in any way, but I really truly thought that he'd be worth a try, and once I let it happen, I *did* start falling for him...
 
ok, well, I was just throwing out suggestions. It's not easy to give accurate advice on someone through a forum and all one has is their own experiences to use as advice.

You know yourself better than anyone else, and I'm guessing you know the answer to a few of your dilemmas you've posted. I'm starting to get the vibe that your thread is more for venting than advice, which is cool.
 
Don't know if this has been said before but with men, even when we are deeply in love, our Brain and "Logical" side is still very much in control of everything we do. We can be completely head over heels in love and have our emotional side making a lot of decisions but if our Executive Branch (Logical side) demands a certain action be taken, we comply because we are just hardwired that way. If we reason something out we act on it and simply stomp our emotions out. Very likely in this situation his Logical side and Emotional side were in agreement that the relationship was good and healthy and the Emotional side might have even had the upper hand for awhile. At some point though the Logical side probably put a lot of things together and started doing some critical thinking and made the decision that a clean and super hardcore break of ties with you was needed for whatever reason. This doesn't make it right or make it make sense - that was just the decision that was made. The emotional side probably tried to Veto the Executive Decision in the Senate but the Executive Branch overrode that Veto and thus, the zero contact. In all likelihood he is probably hurting but men tend to bury that hurt. We can suffer grievous emotional pain and generally speaking, if we know how through prior practice, can take that pain and bury it for long enough that once we open it back up again, its dulled sufficiently to not be very bad anymore.

I think women operate different. I think that in your guy's balance between Emotional side and Logical side the emotional side has the power to veto and take action on things the Logical side wouldn't agree with and you will simply bottle up your logic/reasoning side and tell it to STFU and go with what "feels" right instead of what "makes sense."

In the end it is very opposite and it may not even be a clear cut situation between men and women as I know men and women that behave opposite of stereotypical gender roles but by and large you'll probably find this to be true.

Ironically it leads people on both sides to make decisions that not only hurt their partner but also themselves and no matter how reasonable or emotional sensible the choice or action is, it isn't always right and doesn't always make sense either. Because what "feels right" can be wrong. And what "makes sense" can be completely irrational.
 
Lysis said:
ok, well, I was just throwing out suggestions. It's not easy to give accurate advice on someone through a forum and all one has is their own experiences to use as advice.

You know yourself better than anyone else, and I'm guessing you know the answer to a few of your dilemmas you've posted. I'm starting to get the vibe that your thread is more for venting than advice, which is cool.
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It's less about venting than about wanting to know if irrational garbage like this happens to everyone else. When it happens in EVERY major relationship in your entire life for NO reason, it starts getting pretty fucking difficult... I'm trying to figure out if I should bother wasting any more time and getting my life destroyed again. At this point I just want to down a bottle of xanax and call it a day. I'm tired of the bullshit, and the happiness isn't worth the suffering.
 
Don't know if this has been said before but with men, even when we are deeply in love, our Brain and "Logical" side is still very much in control of everything we do.
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It's not just men. I'm very very much this way.

It's less about venting than about wanting to know if irrational garbage like this happens to everyone else.
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No. I actually have almost the complete opposite problems. I tend to attract guys who get WAY attached and then when it's time for the relationship to end, and I want AWAY and to have my own space, they are just there, refusing to accept I'm breaking up with them. Sometimes it crosses the line into an area bordering on psycho/stalker territory *although not for awhile thank god*.

My biggest fear is being boxed in. Maybe we attract people who challenge our fears? I don't know.

Btw, you said you wrote him an angry message. I take it you didn't hear back?

I'm tired of the bullshit, and the happiness isn't worth the suffering.
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Never let them have the power in the first place, and there will be no way they can cause you suffering. No one has power over me. Not friends. Not lovers. Not family. No one but God, and myself. :) Hope you feel better !<3
 
So he text messaged me tonight to tell me that he found someone else. And then he called me while i was at work to talk a bunch of bullshit about it "wasn't my fault." I got thrown out of work for being upset and not working hard enough, so suffice it to say that today pretty much took the cake...
 
rant*N*rave said:
So he text messaged me tonight to tell me that he found someone else. And then he called me while i was at work to talk a bunch of bullshit about it "wasn't my fault." I got thrown out of work for being upset and not working hard enough, so suffice it to say that today pretty much took the cake...
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What a fucking dick. Sorry to hear that. :( I always wish that it works out for people, but some people are just insensitive and selfish assholes.

Too bad you and I don't live close to each other. I'd totally have a drink with you to discuss our mutual insensitive BFs :)
 
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