Stay.Blazed.420
Bluelighter
The below paragraphs go through the extent of my drug addiction. If you would only like to see my question to the thread scroll down past the bolded stars.
I've pretty much hit rock bottom. I've been going hard at downs for a year and a half. The first 1-4 months were occasional use via insufflation and the next 6 months were going hard with every single day use. I remember when i would sniff a 2mg dilaudid and i would nod out. (haha oh wow this blows my fucking mind). After these 10 months of use, and the 6 months of constant, steady use i met a piece of shit drug dealer who asked me if i've ever slammed "dilly's" (dilaudid) and i told him "well ever since i went to the ER for a kidney infection and i lay on the hospital bed crying and the nurse came in with 30mg morphine and before she even pulled the syringe out i went from crying to smiling and craving a cigarette, I've wanted to try it once at a higher dose just for the experience".
"here", he says, handing me a fresh, un-opened bag of 1cc short tip insulin syringes, "have fun"...
I kept those needles in my room hidden away for a solid three days before i said 'fuck it'. I made a thread on bluelight going through all the steps to verify i was doing it correctly, missed my vein probably eight or nine times but finally got it. I fell to my knees and was in love.
I've now been slamming each and every day for 7 and a half months. Each and every day. I remember back when i'd get high slamming a 6mg dilly, but now i have to slam a 12 just to get a 20 minute rush and no dope sickness for 8-12 hours. Then I start dry heaving, shitting myself (not literally), puking, the WORST RESTLESS LEG SYNDROME EVER, goosebumps that never go away even though i'm sweating so bad my clothes get drenched all the while i'm constantly shivering.
Every day is the same god damned fucking shit, "how am i gonna get un-sick today?" I've given away my xbox, my ps3, my $800 computer, everything that i own. I don't have anything that's mine anymore, i'm out of resources. I can't afford to not be sick any longer. I'm paying 80x what 24mg pills cost if prescribed (if medically covered which i assume the greedy cunt i buy off of has). I can't afford a $120 dollar a day habit any longer.
So i made an appointment with my doctor 10 days ago (today at 4:20[lol]) is the earliest i could get in. I'm going to go in there, tell him to red flag me i don't give a fuck i just want to get off this shit. Every god damned fucking day i'm sick as fuck. The ONLY motivation i ever have to get out of bed is when i got an 8mg i'm saving. Except that hasn't happened since i got paid. I get paid once a month. $785 (I'm on welfare for medical disability). I paid my rent off early and gave $200 to cover the rest. I went through $585 worth of drugs in 5 days. And that was all to TAPER myself, i had no intention whatsoever to use them to get high. I just want to taper. I was considering eating them so the w/d's would stay at bay for a bit longer, but i'd need to eat 24mg compared to shooting 12mg for the same (but not as long lasting) effect. It's stupid. Which is exactly why i made this appointment.
The other day I laid on my couch i sleep on and had full-on body shakes. Uncontrollable. I took 4mg xanax but it did nothing. I sat there with my entire body shaking uncontrollably, nauseas as fuck, body aches all over, and the most restless legs (and even arms) i've ever experienced. So much pain everywhere i couldn't stop crying and moaning and telling my girlfriend i wish i was just fucking dead. I hate it. Yesterday I was unable to get any down. I was trying to mentally prepare myself for the long, horrible day ahead. I took a total of 13mg of xanax. It helped a bit. But not enough, i was dry heaving, had diarrhea, goosebumps, cold sweats, depression, lethargy, every horrible feeling imaginable. But soon enough a FOUR MG DILLY was given to me. It stopped the shakes but not the stomach cramps and restlessness. I need atleast 8-12 to feel normal for half the day. It's fucked. And this is all via IV.
***************************
Anyway, the point of this thread, and the reason for the title, is because a buddy of mine has been going hard at downs for 2 years, except he was smart enough to never start using needles. Every friend i have that does downs i always warn NEVER EVER USE A FUCKIN NEEDLE IT WILL RUIN YOUR LIFE, unfortunately i have one friend who wont listen =[
However, my friend that's been doing it for two years, sniffing an oxy 80 a day, or a 12 and a half a day (to get high, not sick) went to his doc and said he wanted to get off of it. The other day when we picked up some dilly 8's he sat in the front seat of my car crying like a baby (like i was previously) and dry heaving and just wishing he would be off of them for good. So he made a doctors appointment and went with his mother. His doc put him on Doctor Assisted Withdrawal and prescribed him 30mg hydromorph-contin (extended release dilaudid) 2x daily orally for the sickness. This is what i hope to achieve. I'm not in this to score cheap drugs, i'm in this to taper. For the past month I have been trying to quit, honestly and seriously, i swear on my life i just want to quit. I've been scraping enough money together just to not be dope sick every waking moment i'm concious. I can't fucking stand it anymore i'm ready to just shoot myself in the head, and i don't say that lightly. I NEED to get off of this shit, it's taken complete control over my life and i am sick and tired of waking up everyday just wanting to cry.
When i see my doc i'm gonna tell him i've been spending twice as much money to buy 24mg capsules to eat a day so i can taper and avoid the sickness as long as possible, however that single MOTHERFUCKING EXPENSIVE PILL lasts me one day orally, or two days intravenously. I could buy a gram of really really good cocaine or one 24 and eat it just so i'm not sick. Or i could shoot half, and shoot the other half later. But i just want to get on 30mg 2x daily orally to defeat the sickness. My buddy who got this script is a drug addict just like me, so why should he not get red flagged and get a big motherfuckin bottle of 30mg's and i might not get anything? Methadone is not an option. I want to taper off of the drug that i have been using. Any thing i should say to the doc? Any tips to make this swing my way? I swear on my life all i want is to be unsick and no longer addicted, i'm not in this to get high, just not sick. That's what i've been doing for the past month and i've spent almost 2 grand in one month alone trying to taper. I CANNOT taper on my own, it is way too fucking expensive. I need my family doctor to help me out.
Has anyone had experience with this before? I started taking oxy 60's in the beginning because i had back pain. Then i just liked the high and kept doing them. Then my dad gave me a half full bottle of oxy 60's for free and told me to 'sell' them, but fuck that, i just did them all in two weeks, all IV'd. And there were 30 pills in that bottle and my tolerance wasn't even high. I was noddin 24/7. I don't even want that anymore i just want to be free.
Again, anyone have any experience with this?
I've pretty much hit rock bottom. I've been going hard at downs for a year and a half. The first 1-4 months were occasional use via insufflation and the next 6 months were going hard with every single day use. I remember when i would sniff a 2mg dilaudid and i would nod out. (haha oh wow this blows my fucking mind). After these 10 months of use, and the 6 months of constant, steady use i met a piece of shit drug dealer who asked me if i've ever slammed "dilly's" (dilaudid) and i told him "well ever since i went to the ER for a kidney infection and i lay on the hospital bed crying and the nurse came in with 30mg morphine and before she even pulled the syringe out i went from crying to smiling and craving a cigarette, I've wanted to try it once at a higher dose just for the experience".
"here", he says, handing me a fresh, un-opened bag of 1cc short tip insulin syringes, "have fun"...
I kept those needles in my room hidden away for a solid three days before i said 'fuck it'. I made a thread on bluelight going through all the steps to verify i was doing it correctly, missed my vein probably eight or nine times but finally got it. I fell to my knees and was in love.
I've now been slamming each and every day for 7 and a half months. Each and every day. I remember back when i'd get high slamming a 6mg dilly, but now i have to slam a 12 just to get a 20 minute rush and no dope sickness for 8-12 hours. Then I start dry heaving, shitting myself (not literally), puking, the WORST RESTLESS LEG SYNDROME EVER, goosebumps that never go away even though i'm sweating so bad my clothes get drenched all the while i'm constantly shivering.
Every day is the same god damned fucking shit, "how am i gonna get un-sick today?" I've given away my xbox, my ps3, my $800 computer, everything that i own. I don't have anything that's mine anymore, i'm out of resources. I can't afford to not be sick any longer. I'm paying 80x what 24mg pills cost if prescribed (if medically covered which i assume the greedy cunt i buy off of has). I can't afford a $120 dollar a day habit any longer.
So i made an appointment with my doctor 10 days ago (today at 4:20[lol]) is the earliest i could get in. I'm going to go in there, tell him to red flag me i don't give a fuck i just want to get off this shit. Every god damned fucking day i'm sick as fuck. The ONLY motivation i ever have to get out of bed is when i got an 8mg i'm saving. Except that hasn't happened since i got paid. I get paid once a month. $785 (I'm on welfare for medical disability). I paid my rent off early and gave $200 to cover the rest. I went through $585 worth of drugs in 5 days. And that was all to TAPER myself, i had no intention whatsoever to use them to get high. I just want to taper. I was considering eating them so the w/d's would stay at bay for a bit longer, but i'd need to eat 24mg compared to shooting 12mg for the same (but not as long lasting) effect. It's stupid. Which is exactly why i made this appointment.
The other day I laid on my couch i sleep on and had full-on body shakes. Uncontrollable. I took 4mg xanax but it did nothing. I sat there with my entire body shaking uncontrollably, nauseas as fuck, body aches all over, and the most restless legs (and even arms) i've ever experienced. So much pain everywhere i couldn't stop crying and moaning and telling my girlfriend i wish i was just fucking dead. I hate it. Yesterday I was unable to get any down. I was trying to mentally prepare myself for the long, horrible day ahead. I took a total of 13mg of xanax. It helped a bit. But not enough, i was dry heaving, had diarrhea, goosebumps, cold sweats, depression, lethargy, every horrible feeling imaginable. But soon enough a FOUR MG DILLY was given to me. It stopped the shakes but not the stomach cramps and restlessness. I need atleast 8-12 to feel normal for half the day. It's fucked. And this is all via IV.
***************************
Anyway, the point of this thread, and the reason for the title, is because a buddy of mine has been going hard at downs for 2 years, except he was smart enough to never start using needles. Every friend i have that does downs i always warn NEVER EVER USE A FUCKIN NEEDLE IT WILL RUIN YOUR LIFE, unfortunately i have one friend who wont listen =[
However, my friend that's been doing it for two years, sniffing an oxy 80 a day, or a 12 and a half a day (to get high, not sick) went to his doc and said he wanted to get off of it. The other day when we picked up some dilly 8's he sat in the front seat of my car crying like a baby (like i was previously) and dry heaving and just wishing he would be off of them for good. So he made a doctors appointment and went with his mother. His doc put him on Doctor Assisted Withdrawal and prescribed him 30mg hydromorph-contin (extended release dilaudid) 2x daily orally for the sickness. This is what i hope to achieve. I'm not in this to score cheap drugs, i'm in this to taper. For the past month I have been trying to quit, honestly and seriously, i swear on my life i just want to quit. I've been scraping enough money together just to not be dope sick every waking moment i'm concious. I can't fucking stand it anymore i'm ready to just shoot myself in the head, and i don't say that lightly. I NEED to get off of this shit, it's taken complete control over my life and i am sick and tired of waking up everyday just wanting to cry.
When i see my doc i'm gonna tell him i've been spending twice as much money to buy 24mg capsules to eat a day so i can taper and avoid the sickness as long as possible, however that single MOTHERFUCKING EXPENSIVE PILL lasts me one day orally, or two days intravenously. I could buy a gram of really really good cocaine or one 24 and eat it just so i'm not sick. Or i could shoot half, and shoot the other half later. But i just want to get on 30mg 2x daily orally to defeat the sickness. My buddy who got this script is a drug addict just like me, so why should he not get red flagged and get a big motherfuckin bottle of 30mg's and i might not get anything? Methadone is not an option. I want to taper off of the drug that i have been using. Any thing i should say to the doc? Any tips to make this swing my way? I swear on my life all i want is to be unsick and no longer addicted, i'm not in this to get high, just not sick. That's what i've been doing for the past month and i've spent almost 2 grand in one month alone trying to taper. I CANNOT taper on my own, it is way too fucking expensive. I need my family doctor to help me out.
Has anyone had experience with this before? I started taking oxy 60's in the beginning because i had back pain. Then i just liked the high and kept doing them. Then my dad gave me a half full bottle of oxy 60's for free and told me to 'sell' them, but fuck that, i just did them all in two weeks, all IV'd. And there were 30 pills in that bottle and my tolerance wasn't even high. I was noddin 24/7. I don't even want that anymore i just want to be free.
Again, anyone have any experience with this?
or whatever they have take to get certified to prescribe suboxone, more than 1/2 MDs I've med, heard of or talked to have very VERY little knowledge of how bupe actually works... sad. Very sad.
