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Do you think the pain goes away when if you end your life?

donnie080208 said:
I m sorry if this is a thread thats inapropriate (bad spelling), since theres a "mega" suicide thread allready.
Anyway, i like many who haunt BL's darkside currently have what i melodramatically call a death wish and sometimes quite sanely want to end the torment and nightmare my mind and life have become.
Please dont think im after attention , as i know no one really gives two shits if id died tonight or whenever .Im not a rockstar/actor (for e.g.cobain/downey jr) who'd be classed as a troubled genius but id just be a sad,,loser junkie .(enuf self-pity, for now).
Anyway, back to my main question, im worried that when i die that the pain may go on and i may not be as free of it, as i thought by commiting suicide .
Im hoping it will be like before i was born, where i remember nothing and in effect was nothing. Yes thats my true hope, that ill cease to exist and become nothing , no soul or thoughts /feelings just blankness for ever .
Im not bragging (DONT TRY THIS AS YOU MAY DIE) but about ten days ago, i got my weekend bank holiday methadone , 4 days worth of 280ml and bought 180ml off a guy at the chemist .
I took it all at once roughly at bout 7.00pm (within hour or two) thats 460ml of methadone 1ml/1mg mixture, it knocked me to sleep for 20 hours but how close to stopping breathing was i? could i have been close and not even known about it? not asking for suicide tips ,this was just reckless , couldnt care either way drug taking. My normal MMT dose is 80ml and i ingested bout 5 times that but still woke up o.k.
Anyway if anyone has any theory etc.. on what happens when/after you die by your own hand or has spoke to god about it and asked does the pain stop , id like to hear. thanks for taking your time to read my post, peace.
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The fear of the afterlife events stop me from committing suicide.
I have read that we are on this earth to resolve our problems and to learn to be enlightened.
It may take many incarnations to reach this stage, but that is the ultimate goal.
Committing suicide may result in a next life with the same problems but worse.
You wouldnt want a life with the same problems as you have now, only much worse would you?
Use the rest of your life to learn and grow as much as possible.
I hope you get support to resolve any other problems you have.

Suicide - don't do it.
 
Yes, I think the pain ends. Why have I yet to do myself in? Usually it has to do with the thought of how truly powerful even a mere second of indecision can be. As far as life goes i've done what I want for the most part and have had fun. These days it just feels like i'm hanging onto the strings waiting for the day when I know it is my time. Until that day though I will continue to live unless I fall prey to disease/etc. My advice is to just keep moving, once stagnation occurs in life we begin to drown as our arms tire from swimming in place. Move forward seamlessly and things may begin to fall in place.
 
donnie080208 said:
@jwestlock " when you're young and reasonably healthy " (do you mean physical health here?)


In my posts im talking about me, i am 32 years old and neither a love sick teenager or current drug user, ive been 4 years( roughly)."clean " I have not drunk alcohol for about the same amount of time yet i still want to take my own life.
My" head went" when i was 18 years old and ive never come back, self-pity? certainly, attention of the boards? maybe (but couldnt that be said of any poster).
Anyway , i have struggled and fought to overcome my mental problems giving up drugs/booze etc.. but have had no real relief from my symptoms and im tired of it and hate myself,im a burden to the state and somewhat hopeless.
Of on a bit of a tangent but any teenagers/young adults who are reading this thread, who smoke strong cannabis ,even occasionally and you are tightly wound / prone to depressive periods, you are potentially playing russian roulette with your sanity. It may ruin your life for good
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If you could tell me that you've been very assertive in seeking medical treatment for your mental issues, that you're eating well and exercising regularly, that you try to spend your time doing productive things etc. And it's still just no use and all you feel from the moment you wake up until the moment you go to sleep is complete and utter pain. Then I'd say I don't know what to tell you.

But the fact is that there are tons and tons of people who have been at the bottom and come back up, so it isn't impossible. It's just ultimately really nothing but a matter of desire. It's so fucking easy to just give up, to say "oh life's so fucked why would I even want to try to make thigns work" etc. You can convince yourself of bullshit like "oh I'm just a burden to the state".. So you don't want to live but you're really concerned about making sure that the citizen gets maximum impact from his taxes.. Things are just what you make it. It's more complex, but there are people who are professionals in fixing damaged psyches.

It's really true unfortunately, some people just work so hard to convince themselves that there's no point in trying, that the world's so screwed up it's not even worth living in, that everyone hates them and they're a bad person, that cliche line "oh everyone would be better off without me!", honestly it's just all because it's easier to give up than try to fix things.

I don't know what to say to it beyond that, it's probably a clinical thing and if you go and seek treatment than that will level you off enough to gain motivation to change things. But if you're firmly stuck in the mindset of instantly making excuses for not trying, then I don't know what else I could say.
 
When I consider suicide, what stops me is my family (mainly my parents) feeling like they'd done something wrong, when really they are good people. If I end it all, it would cause some people to spend possibly the rest of their lives feeling like they fucked up what really mattered to them. I don't want to do that to anyone, especially not my folks. That is what has kept me from killing myself. Because there are people that care, and they don't deserve to suffer from anymore of my actions.
 
Interesting topic cause I've thought exactly the same things at different times in my life, and yes I agree that sometimes death sounds so much easier than life. The act itself requires courage, & if it is as atheists say, nothing more happens because thats the final act. Because it's final, you'll miss out on whatever good might have come later. Maybe it will or maybe it will not. I know that feelings change all the time. Do you like how you're feeling now? That will change. Do you hate how you're feeling now. That will change. I relapsed 18 months ago, but I remember a saying in N/A regarding suicide why choose a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

As to your question reguarding what happens after we die, I am convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that death is only continuation of life on another level. I've been pissed off about that at times because like I said before, if I chose suicide, the purpose would be to exit for good, NOT more of the same bullshit. That consequently has kept me alive. Does the pain stop? Before my relapse, there were times when I was in intense pain & while I had been in jail 17 days, the obsession with drugs had been lifted after 25 years of using. That in itself was proof to me that God exists, however you choose to define God. I belive "God" or The Source is an energy that always has been and always will be.

It's not a he or a she, nor takes any form, but does work through form all the time. After about 18 months clean, Tramadol was the drug that started the whole ball of trouble rolling for me again. Once I got clean, the 2 things I could not seem to break free of no matter how hard I worked my program of NA or how often, how hard I prayed, fat & Tramadol were here to stay. It wasn't even so much as the kicking one experiences from traditional opiates, but just this horrid worse feeling I can describe from any kick I've ever been on. For a while I felt bad off it, but somehow felt almost as bad on it. After repeated failed attempts for 9 months to break free, the chronic fatigue being the #1 symptom of the Tramadol addiction, I said to hell with it and went back on speed.

Sure I love getting high, but getting high was not what finally drove me back. It was the desire for relief. So ever since then, I still can't understand why in spite of all my effort to breaking the Tramadol as well as permanently dealing with being 80-100 lbs obese after getting clean, that those 2 problems seemed too big for even "God" to handle. This has been most frustrating. I thought about ending it, but did not want to experience more of the same bullshit. The only other option for me then is to go back to being clean with fat and chronic fatigue or continue as I am, with a habit of about 1 to 2 grams of meth per week with much better physical health ironically than when I was clean. Financially, it is exhausting though because money has almost always been lacking with me with 3 pay cuts in 5 years of working for the same company.

Financal scarcity can make life hell, but I still do NOT want to go back to being fat and tired all the time. Using was the only thing that freed me from the fat, as I've been maintaining a steady 160 lb weight being 5'7". Sometimes just maintaining a very simple existence is taxing & if I died today, sadly enough the people that would come to my funeral would be coming for my Mom, not me, except for maybe a couple of using friends I've known for years. That hurts at times & I wonder what the point is, but I go on. So far, life hasn't been extremely difficult all the time, through out all phases of my life & when the good times come, they are worth living for. In my experience sometimes help comes with sincere prayer as long as you're willing to help yourself. I don't know if any of what I've shared helps any, but I feel your pain. Sorry you have to go through this...Peace.
 
^I dont mean to put your recovery down (+your life sounds better than mine)but i find it strange that many believe that "god helps" them stop taking drugs/ from suicide etc, when he lets millions of innocent aids/starving babies die each year, but hes got big interests in us westerners with h/ booze addictions. I know its off subject but i believe in whoever said "my religion is to good and my country is the world"(anyone?), rather than a god that watches over us all etc.
Ive never experienced weight probs but can imagine how it could seriously effect ones self esteem, i wish you all the best tj5.
 
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if you do commit suicide you do go to hell, that is true... if you really want to die, get raided by the feds and pull up a fake toy gun to them that looks real and let them shoot you. You will not go to hell then, but its very daring...

Or point a fake fiiring replica pistol to police and fire fake shots etc, let them shoot you.
 
but before that do a confession bless yourself, and prepare, and you will go to heaven, heaven better then hell
 
when having a rather having session, we discussed this and came to the conclusion (and it makes death seem alot less worse).. Imagine when you die, your brain releases shitloads of adreniline and it feels like the best drug you have ever had??? I cant see why not??
 
No... 100% you will not feel anything when you're dead... it's like enjoying pain, just doesn't make sense. But I do think the route of death can cause pain, especially if it's a drug overdose but even from falling, hitting the ground and dying in two seconds. Even a gun... who knows, there could be pain for 1/20 of a second and it'll seem like 20 seconds because of how unique it is to be in the process of death (this has been shown, no idea by how much). Imagine 20 seconds of bullets piercing your skull, the pain... I will take cancer thanks.
 
It's not the pain that's the thing I fear with dying. It's the terror..... those 20seconds of knowing that it's happening and there's nothing that can stop it.
 
Ive been shot and its really quick it wont feel like 20 seconds thats ridiculous also many faiths do believe killing yourself lands you in a sort of "hell". Honestly you should cowboy up live life go find a friend insted of dwelling on the pain go find some happiness. Ive been in that state a few times and let me tell you there will always be a better tomorrow. -fact
 
Donnie--as to your comment regarding my post this is what I believe, in fact know: God doesn't allow people world wide to starve, people do. God does not create wars, people do. I don't care what PEOPLE have written, even the Bible, about God striking people dead, personally I think thats bullshit because PEOPLE wrote the Bible, Koran, history, blah blah, not God.

Also, as I stated before, I can't be labled as "in recovery" because even though I was clean for 2 years, I did relapse in March 2009 for reasons stated in post. N/A would classify me as "an active addict," lol which I guess is true, but truthfully I don't see what I have so much as an addiction, but a HABIT.

The difference being when I've had an addiction, my life was way out of control & I kept wanting to do more drugs or I would be a binge user and blow off work. Before my present job of 5 years, I lost more jobs because of my addiction than I can shake a stick at, but somehow found a balance and have managed to maintain a habit, and with a habit, I'm not clean but have found a way to not have to use more than a certain amount each week plus keep a job 5 years without blowing off work.

Plus, I'm not saying I'm right and others are wrong, only that for some weird reason I had prayed for---and gotten rid of the obsession to use---back in 2006, which enabled me to stay clean for as long as I did.

Like you, there are some things I don't get. As to why I was able to not overcome fat, part of the reason is because in America fast food is everywhere and this country is all right wing regarding drugs---meaning I don't have to deal with people taking drugs breakfast, lunch, and dinner unlike with fucking food which is always in our faces in American culture. This has made it harder for me & for a lot of people.

I wish my obsession with food had been lifted with food as it had been for drugs, but it wasn't. Mainly though, I believe it's PEOPLE'S responsibility to love and help others because if we did world wide, there would be NO wars and NO starvation. I know this is a whole other subject, but as to why "God" allows people to suffer at the hands of others is due to karma, but there are ways around that, but that's for another thread.

Anyway, I get your confusion because hell I don't have all the answers. Plus, with being fat, what hurt the most was my immobility. All of a sudden getting clean, the weight came back on 20 lbs a month for 5 months and like I said....sometimes I got help.....or so it seemed....others not. Shrugs. I only know somehow I shouldn't give up by ending my life---no matter how badly I want to at times because to answer your original question, yes I believe in life after death so to speak and I'd rather have pain I do know than deal with what I don't.

That may sound fucked up, but that's my logic. Plus, you never know how you affect others for the good---and not know it, but if you offed yourself that wouldn't be possible anymore, at least not in this life time. The way I see it if atheists are correct and you kill yourself---you lose opportunities for future good times, to be able to affect others too for the better. I'm I'm right then it would still suck, but either way, barring some horrific torturous painful death, by commiting suicide you lose. At least that's how I see it...peace out.
 
Who knows if your pain will end? Maybe it will hurt a fucking lot. How the hell are any of us supposed to know?

I have had these thoughts every day for the past 3 months.

What stops me is because I know there are people out there that I care for that I would not want to leave heartbroken.
 
I used to think this way during both my depressive and (to a lesser extent) manic phases, but since taking Lithium I can't say they have occurred to me. I understand the reasons I was feeling that way; my disorder would reduce my cognitive function in tune with my mood swings causing strain on my relationships, schooling, and will to live. My cognition feels much clearer with Li+, and I don't feel the desire to smoke maijuana (I have been smoking for 2 years, with breaks from 3 days to 15 days spread all over). A downside is that I cannot ingest psychedelics.. big deal. I don't think I'm wired correctly for tripping anyways, I can never seem to just "go with it".

If you occasionally feel down and have these sorts of thoughts, or even if you have them often, you should look into a psychiatric evaluation. If your ability to function is impaired, there could be a problem.
 
I know its easy too say but i allmost envy people with a diagnosis. I have been in countless psych wards the last 7 years or so and have yet to get one except vague things like major depression/anxiety + something called "depersonalisation". My moods do swing rapidly sometimes but i just dont get the "feel good" part of manic depression where you make mad + crazy plans etc.. Also i dont feel anxiety sums up how wierd and out of it i feel sometimes , like ive been smoking tons of weed , when i havent touched it in 4 years.
If you speak or look at me in person i dont look "mentally ill" (if theres such a thing) BUT unless your a gibbering idiot who thinks hes "napoleon "some docs dont want to know/or take you seriously enough ime.
 
donni08028 you havent found the right doc yet then. I am a former user that lost more than most at a young age and very stubborn as well...the greatest thing that happened to me was na meeting (narcotic ones not alcohol) and yes i know there very similair but from my personally journey i finally found group people at nathat had it worse and i wouldnt even think it was possible between losin close family member,drug addict being multi million dollar business owner at 26 and being homeless and not a dollar to my name by 27 plus many other things but long story short there are people in your area that share the same problems and once you find the right ones it can truly help you start a new healthy life.. i can help you find the right type of group even if you tried em all. let me know and/or think about it
 
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