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Do you think the pain goes away when if you end your life?

donnie080208 said:
I know its easy too say but i allmost envy people with a diagnosis. I have been in countless psych wards the last 7 years or so and have yet to get one except vague things like major depression/anxiety + something called "depersonalisation". My moods do swing rapidly sometimes but i just dont get the "feel good" part of manic depression where you make mad + crazy plans etc.. Also i dont feel anxiety sums up how wierd and out of it i feel sometimes , like ive been smoking tons of weed , when i havent touched it in 4 years.
If you speak or look at me in person i dont look "mentally ill" (if theres such a thing) BUT unless your a gibbering idiot who thinks hes "napoleon "some docs dont want to know/or take you seriously enough ime.
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donnie, if you're expecting to receive a proper diagnosis on a brief visit to a psych ward, you're looking in the wrong place man. It sounds like you need to find a good psychiatrist, OUTSIDE a psych ward, and spend at least a few months visiting them regularly (e.g. weekly) so they can learn your entire history and make an informed diagnosis. Then you should continue on with a treatment plan with that same psychiatrist. Psychological disorders are sometimes not easy to detect, and a lot of different disorders overlap in some of their symptoms yet can be vastly different disorders in themselves so it's important that you dedicate the time to investigating it properly with a psychiatrist.

As an example, my best friend has been depressed and anxious for pretty much her whole life, and only this year has she been properly diagnosed with bipolar disorder. She's been on countless anti-depressants which kinda made her better for short periods but definitely didn't solve her depression. But this year she and her doctor basically decided enough was enough and sent her away for a full day of testing and interviews with psych professors at a leading university, who then finally came up with a definitive diagnosis. It might sound like an extreme process to go through but sometimes that's what it can take to get the right answers.

Do you have a psychiatrist who you've seen before, outside of a psych ward?
 
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"Do you have a psychiatrist who you've seen before, outside of a psych ward? "


Yes its a national health service in england so yor doc/psych/hopsitals are all linked. My visits to the mental hospital werent brief , i was "sectioned" ( is it commited in the u.s.a.?) for 2 months once. With all this i havent had a diagnosis outside of those i listed, i find it very hard to describe the unreality feelings and emotional numbness i have, my thoughts arent deep, just around the top of my head.
I am on "great" disabilty money equal ,to 430 dollars a week with no rent to pay but id sweep the streets to feel better. Can you have bipolar without the extremes ive seen in documentorys etc..?
Anyway it wont matter soon, im throwing in the towel, if i was gonna get better it would have happened by now and after all these years( over a decade). Maybe ill pay for it , by being a cockcroach or a fly in the next life but as long as theres no human mind+ emotions/pain it will do

@bluesnomore " can help you find the right type of group even if you tried em all. let me know and/or think about it "

Thanks for trying to help (and n3op7e) what kind of "groups" do you mean bro?
 
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donnie080208 said:
Can you have bipolar without the extremes ive seen in documentorys etc..?
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Yes absolutely, there are definitely varying degrees of bipolar, some with very short cycles (i.e. periods between the highs and lows), others with very long cycles, sometimes the mania is quite subtle but the depression is more severe, but all due to the same disorder of the brain.

donnie080208 said:
if i was gonna get better it would have happened by now and after all these years( over a decade).
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I disagree, although I can completely understand why you'd feel like that. Sometimes it takes that long to find the right answers donnie. But I firmly believe that you can get better. Ending your life is NOT the answer however. Please tell you father and your girlfriend how you're feeling and what you are thinking of doing, and I guarantee they will help you and make your life worth living <3
 
^ I appreciate your thoughts BUT i tend not to tell people in my life im suicidal because if you keep saying it to docs / family no one believes you anyway and you look a fool .
Spike Milligan (goonies comedien) had etched on his gravestone "i told you i was ill ", so in some illogical way i think at least when i top myself , the doctors/ex-Gf/ her family will know by my note that the unreality/depression/anxiety were as truly awful and debilitating as ive been telling some of them all these years. ( and thats why ive not had a job for a decade, i am not fucking lazy, its mental not physical)
 
I can definitely understand that mentality. I'm reluctant to ever tell my boyfriend when I'm feeling suicidal because a) I feel silly and melodramatic when I actually SAY it, and b) I don't want him to worry.

But what do you think your loved ones would prefer...that you told them how your were feeling and gave them the chance to help you...or that you kept it to yourself and skipped out on them, forever leaving them wondering why?? That would be torture to them man. Think about it.
 
n3ophy7e said:
I can definitely understand that mentality. I'm reluctant to ever tell my boyfriend when I'm feeling suicidal because a) I feel silly and melodramatic when I actually SAY it, and b) I don't want him to worry.

But what do you think your loved ones would prefer...that you told them how your were feeling and gave them the chance to help you...or that you kept it to yourself and skipped out on them, forever leaving them wondering why?? That would be torture to them man. Think about it.
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I often felt like my family would never understand my issues, and that I could never "be myself" around them -- whoever "myself" may be.

Before my diagnosis and before my medication started to work, I seriously felt like I had some sort of mental retardation. My thoughts were not "deep", my wording was always very "abstract" and confused my friends. A lot of the time, the subjects I was fixated on or interested in talking about were very repetitive and "complex". In order to explain a simple idea it would take two or three pages of text. This is all because of the way my *cognition* was affected during episodes. My mania would cause rushing, obsessive thoughts about pointless things. If I were chatting with someone and they signed off, I felt like they were ignoring me and talking about me with other friends that were also not talking to me. I felt like my emotions I was feeling were not real, and I did not know how I felt about anything anymore. It was all in my head, and after a while, I learnt to push these thoughts aside and realize I simply needed help. I hope you find the root cause of your problems.. Until then, sometimes the best thing to do is "just be". It's not your fault that you are feeling this way.. What medications have your psychiatrists tried?
 
@nibbloid (if your post was aimed at me bro)

The meds ive been on are risperidone,olanzapine,proxetine,fluxotine,venlafaxine,mirtazapein,depokote,lamictal,citralopam, some others cant remember oh diazepam, zopoclone (sorry about all the spelling mistakes).
None have helped really, except high does diazepam/ativan but you know, doctors dont like prescribing meds that actually work and make you feel better( like those two+ opiates).
Anyway if none of those work , whats left but excepting your life and health as it is("treatment resistant") or not as the case may be. which is more courageous?
 
Hey Bluelight,I haven't posted here for a few years.I was just reading this suicide thread and wanted to say that a friend I've had for over forty years just killed herself 1 1/2 weeks ago.She called me two weeks ago telling me that she was depressed (Her boyfriend died about a month back),she said she had no one to hang with,she was lonely,saw no hope for the future.And was so bored.I talked to her for about two hours but I couldn't say anything to give her hope because I felt pretty much the same.I can't fix my life and could do nothing for her except say I understood and that I loved her.We live in different states so I couldn't just go visit her.I know I tried my best with her,I'm not guilty.Just hurt that I had no encouraging words to say.The first week I was in shock and upset.Also,I was mad at Facebook people acting upset when they had cut her off years,decades ago.I had posted on here about three years ago about needing to come off Seroquel.Finally it dawned on me that if they are in the house,I will take them to sleep and escape.So down from 120,to last month 38.Shooting dope for decades was an escape and recently it has been excessive sleep.Today is rough,I can't get high and don't have the pills to sleep.I realize I have been rambling from one topic to another.I think my friends suicide besides making me miss my friend,it has also stirred up my suicidal side.I would rather my life was over but I don't want to put that stress and guilt on kin and kith.Actually,I would really like to be happy and meet new decent people.At 56,it is not easy like it was when I was a kid or teen-ager.Plus there is shame for F'ing up so much of my life.I feel "Nomal" people will judge me harshly and don't want to hang with addicts that will bring me down more.It is also hard to find things to do being I am so low income.Damn,that was long and all over the place.Thanks in advance to whoever takes the time to read all of this.
 
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A view from a medical professional

The dark side page is dangerous. Whilst working in Hull, there was an NHS psych service run "cafe" where all the severely depressed patients would meet for discussion in an attempt to relieve suicidal ideations. What actually sufficed was the sharing of ideas on how to commit suicide in an unmediated forum. Unsurprisingly, suicide rates rose shortly after the schemes introduction. There is nothing more dangerous than the unhinged offering advice ... of any sorts!

Now I don't necessarily agree with my surgeon buddy, who has worked with addicts but what do you think? I am genuinely interested if anyone thinks he has a point?
 
Well therein lies a problem. I like this site but who knows what is being suggested or sought through PMs? Sam, the sugeon, is a truly caring guy, had to get therapy after working on a dialysis ward. I don't agree with his comment about the unhinged but I'm sure there has been some incidents.Herb, your stickys are important. Anyone willing to take their own life is committing the ultimate sin.Despairing of God's love. I'm secular but it stilll does resonate. PMs detailing how to kill yourself are morally redundant and criminal. Surely admin can moderate that?
 
The pain my loved ones would feel is the only reason I didn't blow my brains all over the floor or take enough drugs to overdose.

If I had no loved ones I woulda killed myself a pretty long time ago
 
hthr007 said:
^ exactly what I want
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While anyone can understand that it may seem preferable to what you are experiencing, if it's only temporary (as opposed to permanently as in my case; PTSD) then the pain will eventually stop. With PTSD it doesn't stop and in fact often gets worse over time.
 
yes the pain goes away, death is like taking off a tight pair of shoes - Ram Dass.
 
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