I can let petty things roll off my back but when it comes to something serious I feel like I can never let it go. For example several years ago I was at home I had a package of phenazepam I had just received and started dipping into it, of course i kept forgetting how much I took and all I remember was I kept licking little bits off my finger and was doing a few bumps off my directtv receiver and long story short I time traveled from that friday morning to finally coming out of a black out in jail on a Monday night. I lived alone and I never remembered even leaving my house so I did not have any clue how the fuck I got picked up by the cops and taken to jail, I thought for sure some mistake was going on and I got my phone call and was given the details about what went down. Apparently I was high on a phenaz binge and my brother showed up to my place uninvited on Saturday and he was "scared" of the condition he found me in. Now my brother is a giant pussy who knows absolutely nothing about being high on anything other than weed and had the nerve to come into my house and proceed to babysit me for that entire day which I still dont remember but I would guess I probably just reluctantly let him come in and figured we were just hanging out but what I didn't know was he called my entire family and made them drive 3 fucking hours down to my house and heres where i start to remember bits and pieces.
I must have passed out on my couch and all of a sudden Im violently rustled awake with my father standing over me and my mother both demanding "wheres the shit where the fuck is whatever you took" blah blah and I honestly didn't know what was happening they were literally rifling through my pants pockets while Im wearing them and restraining me and then I hear "check his underwear I bet he shoved it down there" and my fucking father and mother are shoving or at least trying to shove their fucking hand down my crotch to "get the drugs" as if that is in any way fucking appropriate and I guess I lost it and me and my dad started going at it over that I ended up on top of him with him in a headlock just to subdue him and keep him the fuck off me and not violating my space like they were and good ole big brother who started all of this decides to head to the other room call the police and tell them Im trying to strangle my father to death.
So thats what i ended up in jail for, I got a battery charge for defending myself, even my parents pleaded at court to try and get it thrown out because they knew what happened was bullshit and at most I maybe should go to treatment but what was done was done and charged me and I had 3 years of probation, almost 2,000$ in fines and a permanent mark on my record. My family thinks Im wrong for telling said brother to basically get fucked after all these years and treating him as if hes dead to me and there were times Id let my guard down at the holidays and kind of talk to him again but I just can't get past the seething hatred that boils up when I think back to that day and what happened. TO make it worse stayed in jail for weeks before I got bond and they didnt give me my subutex so I had to withdrawal in a cell the whole time. My brother has never faced any kind of adversity in his life or what kind of misery jail is even without withdrawal let alone with it so I just can't seem to ever forgive him. Even typing all this up brings all the same anger back. Would you be able to forgive that? Could you override your anger and try to understand he "was scared for my safety" or would you feel indifferent no matter what the excuse? I really think I will go to my grave holding this grudge I dont give a fuck if we are family you don't pull some back handed shit like that, I should be able to do whatever the fuck I want behind closed doors at my own place and him just showing up like that and sticking his nose into my life and causing so much bulllshit makes it even worse.
I must have passed out on my couch and all of a sudden Im violently rustled awake with my father standing over me and my mother both demanding "wheres the shit where the fuck is whatever you took" blah blah and I honestly didn't know what was happening they were literally rifling through my pants pockets while Im wearing them and restraining me and then I hear "check his underwear I bet he shoved it down there" and my fucking father and mother are shoving or at least trying to shove their fucking hand down my crotch to "get the drugs" as if that is in any way fucking appropriate and I guess I lost it and me and my dad started going at it over that I ended up on top of him with him in a headlock just to subdue him and keep him the fuck off me and not violating my space like they were and good ole big brother who started all of this decides to head to the other room call the police and tell them Im trying to strangle my father to death.
So thats what i ended up in jail for, I got a battery charge for defending myself, even my parents pleaded at court to try and get it thrown out because they knew what happened was bullshit and at most I maybe should go to treatment but what was done was done and charged me and I had 3 years of probation, almost 2,000$ in fines and a permanent mark on my record. My family thinks Im wrong for telling said brother to basically get fucked after all these years and treating him as if hes dead to me and there were times Id let my guard down at the holidays and kind of talk to him again but I just can't get past the seething hatred that boils up when I think back to that day and what happened. TO make it worse stayed in jail for weeks before I got bond and they didnt give me my subutex so I had to withdrawal in a cell the whole time. My brother has never faced any kind of adversity in his life or what kind of misery jail is even without withdrawal let alone with it so I just can't seem to ever forgive him. Even typing all this up brings all the same anger back. Would you be able to forgive that? Could you override your anger and try to understand he "was scared for my safety" or would you feel indifferent no matter what the excuse? I really think I will go to my grave holding this grudge I dont give a fuck if we are family you don't pull some back handed shit like that, I should be able to do whatever the fuck I want behind closed doors at my own place and him just showing up like that and sticking his nose into my life and causing so much bulllshit makes it even worse.