I tend to be a cynical/jaded person most of the time. I don't think it's a good quality, but a person is the sum of their experiences I guess. They say slightly depressed people tend to have a more realistic view of the world. It's not a perspective that's really conducive to personal happiness, but I can't say it's done me wrong. I've managed to sidestep some of the pats of horseshit that more happy-go-lucky types find themselves stumbling into on a regular basis. At the same time, this perspective has made me critically aware of my own faults. I tend to be more understanding of other people's flaws especially as I get older, so I think I can call myself easy going without contradiction.
I don't roll often, but ecstacy is a welcome vacation from this often tiring mindset. It's therapeutic because although I realize that most of the feelings I get from MDMA is lovey dovey nonsense, it allows me to show my vulnerabilities and makes it easier for other people to connect. If I have one problem, it's not being able to open up for fear of being manipulated. I bottle most of my feelings and MDMA is a release. Most importantly, it allows me to accept the love that others show me without feeling guilty or suspicious.
Writing this has made me realize how overdue I am for a roll. Can't wait for halloween.