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Do you argue to win or to lose?

If it's something I really believe in, I try to argue to give someone a new perspective; I just hope I've said something new that will resonate with them.

Similarly I try and keep an open mind and listen to what the other person says, even if I'm arguing against it, doesn't mean I discount everything someone says.

But I won't waste my breath if someone's being really obtuse and clearly isn't listening or arguing in good faith.

I generally don't look at it as a win or a loss, if someone really wants to get the last word in I'll let them.
 
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I've done it in the past, mainly as a child to get adults to leave me alone and to let me do what I know is best for myself. Mainly, with my mom but maybe with my dad once and with one non-blood relative over watching certain TV shows while I was being baby sat; even though I was definitely old enough to take care of myself, 9 or 10 years old

I'm not an argumentative type. Any kind of debating I do here is just to learn. In everyday life I don't have much energy to use on arguing. I think it was a defense mechanism I used as a child and it stressed me the fuck out
 
To exchange ideas without the expectations of either winning or losing other than the fact that both minds will be broadened by the exchange.
 
December Flower said:
What's a KIS system? Keep it simple? I find interhuman verbal & non-verbal communication complex as naught else, and I feel like I don't even understand a fraction of it, because it's so random.

Well I think I agree with most of what you're saying, it's OK to have imperfections, but I'm not OK with hurting people, and I do that - so I'd rather learn how not to hurt them :) This is especially a concern with strangers. It's very hard to decipher what is OK to say to a stranger, because there's different rules for strangers, colleagues, friends, family, females and in a relationship. Each set of rules is slightly different, and some are entirely arbitrary (communication in a relationship - ALL OVER THE PLACE, totally nonsensical) and is absolutely understood between neurotypicals, which also makes me feel stupid often. I feel like I want to change my "behaviour", so I write down everything that is OK or not OK to say in certain situations.

With my good friends I don't have to "behave"/watch my words, which is awesome, and I'm very thankful for every one. They seem to just be able to shrug off any comment I make.
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Thanks for the agreements and yes, it was keep it simple.

I only share your last partially.

My circle of friends includes a best friend who is a, --- victim turned homophobe.

I curb my tongue for friendships sake when we are alone together.

In groups though, we speak our minds, and he and I have talked directly to homophobia and let our love set such a subject aside.

It is quite hard for some victims to forgive.

Regards
DL
 
I argue to understand and learn, mostly. If something personal is on the line IRL, I argue to protect myself. Occasionally, I argue to seek justice.

If none of the above is involved, I generally have no interest in being drawn into drama and will refuse.
 
Just out of curiosity... Is it called arguing if I attempt to gaslight an annoying negative person who never leaves me alone and often threatens me with death?
 
iridescentblack said:
Just out of curiosity... Is it called arguing if I attempt to gaslight an annoying negative person who never leaves me alone and often threatens me with death?
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Based on the strict definition of gaslighting I'd have to say no it's not arguing. More like a strategic entrapment interaction. And you keep up the pressure until THEY lose THEIR shit (but I'm pretty sure you didn't need for me to tell you that)! 🤣
 
dalpat077 said:
Based on the strict definition of gaslighting I'd have to say no it's not arguing. More like a strategic entrapment interaction. And you keep up the pressure until THEY lose THEIR shit (but I'm pretty sure you didn't need for me to tell you that)! 🤣
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Actually I did. Strategic Entrapment Interaction?!

Did you come up with that one all on your own?
 
iridescentblack said:
Actually I did. Strategic Entrapment Interaction?!

Did you come up with that one all on your own?
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Actually I did. Probably spent at least an hour coming up with that phrase yesterday. True story. Good one huh? 🤣

Wasn’t sure this morning if you were being sarcastic so searched for it. Doesn’t appear in any academic or psyche. papers. So I guess it’s original. :)
 
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