Do i have an endorphine deficiency?

Bl1ss

Greenlighter
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Aug 2, 2014
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Was on dexamphatamine,ritalin,adderal at different times from ages 7-12, also heavily used mdma sometimes daily (yes i was educated at the time that mdma is not good to use daily)at ages 13 and smoked weed every day, obtained a cocaine addiction almost daily for 2 years when i was 16, used about every drug in the book after the age of 12... Since i can remember i never felt like i could get threw a day, now i started using opiates at 13 until now, (its been over 10 years) i didn't get heavily into opiates using 80's daily until i was 16 but i was using percs and codiene for weeks straight at the young age of 13 i felt like i was using them to improve my weed high, now i realize i was improving myopiate high, even started just using t3's and and at 13 a normal dose of percs would be about 8 5mg's.

I jsut got off methadone Also im one of the only people in my group of none opiate addicted friends who opiates make them hyper and not noddy, i've only nodded a few times and that was from eating a 100mg fent patch with lowish tolerence, even then it was only when i was almost oding. All opiates make me hyper only if i come close to dieing do i get noddy, This is not normal as everyone i know says that any ammount makes them tired, i can take a dose that should make me nod and i still get hyper no matter what opiate! (even when i had a low tolerence where a10 t3's would get me a buzz i could do 2 - 4 80s and ide get hyper).

Also i found i have a naturally high tolerence (does it run in family?) ofcourse i realized this before i went on methadone, as that easily messed up my tolerence.

Also is it normal to experince skitzophrenic(sp?) symptoms for weeks after your last methadone dose? Hearing voices also when i was still in acute methadone withdrawals i hallucinated this could have been because lack of sleep.

But i honestly dont think i can live without them and ive tried to quit but somthings just wrong.

The only other problem i have is anxiety which i have to self medicate because i got labeled a drug seeker for pissing off a doctor (most patients here on methadone dont get labeled one, and i never tried to get pills from a doctor, i told them about my real anxiety and they give me ssirs which make me insane).
Oh and the adhd.

Sorry for spelling im in a rush thx ahead for some answers.

edit: Also how come when i got off methadone i was clean for 2 weeks, did about 400mg of codiene, got a nice buzz/high and then started using large ammounts of codiene about 400mg 3x a day for a week, recently got a generic oxy 80 and it didn't do an oomph? I've been off methadone for almost 2 months and 3.5 weeks (maybe less or more except once or twice using codiene) i was clean..

I figured that since the first time using an opiate codiene in a while since it got me a nice buzz one oxy 80 (which was lets say 2 good canadian packs of ciggerettes over their price before oxynes came out in canada since these can be crushed good) would get me real high, i just feal normal finally.
 
The answer is no. You are just a poly drug user who favours opiates and gets stimulated by them.
 
but how come its so rare.. and yes sorry the post was kind of sloppy i realized this reading it sober
 
Bliss, I think that you are looking at chemical problems through a belief in chemical answers. If you are endorphin "deficient" you can do things to create endorphins--watch comedy, go running, walk around with your face screwed up into even an artificial smile by holding a pencil sideways in your mouth. We create endorphins internally by doing things that trigger that response externally. From your history, you describe a long life of drug use from a very early age which means that you missed a lot of time and experience feeling emotions, learning how to be sad and mad and scared as well as gratified, serene and happy without chemical interventions. Stay with your methadone taper, get off codeine and try to relax into life on your own. It will be a struggle at first but it gets more and more comfortable as you learn not to be afraid of who you are.<3
 
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