Olive Green Dreams
Greenlighter
- 60mg
- N,N-DMT - Vaporized - Trip #1
- This trip took place on 3/19/16
Also, throughout this report, I have inserted a couple notes that are italicized and smaller like this one. They are things or patterns I noticed after many more DMT trips. I feel like these notes could help me more clearly describe the experience, and maybe help others understand how to get as much recallable detail and natural flow out of their trips)*
The Test of the Gate Keeper
Preface:
Despite being a very experienced user of other entheogens (most frequently: LSD, mushrooms, 2C-B) my nerves were nearly intolerable as I prepped for my first DMT trip. I meditated and did stretches to ensure I was in a relaxed state of mind. However, when it came time to dose, the feeling of slowly climbing the hill of a roller coaster sat deep within my gut. I lied down on my bed in a comfortable position, I had my head/shoulders propped up against the wall with a pillow (to make it easier for me to hit the bong while my friend assisting me was vaporizing the DMT). I questioned with urgency whether or not I was ready to try this, but reminded myself that I had been waiting for so long to have this experience.
Dosing, and the Transition Into the Realm:
I began to feel constricted and claustrophobic while the indescribable mandala-like thing grew larger and larger. It begins encompassing my being, it feels like I am being morphed and transformed into this thing. There was an indescribable noise, I would say extremely similar to the Falling Shepard's tone, but it grew so loud and constant that it became the only sound in this perceived existence, so it quickly left my attention. I could feel myself forcefully breathing deeply, and exhaling fully. It is difficult to describe how breathing felt. It frightened me that it was as if my lungs switched from automatic mode to manual, but because of this I felt I had to force myself to continue or else I would die. I do not recall for how long I forced deep breathing, but from the accounts of the friends helping me; I did this for a full minute or so before suddenly stopping altogether.
There was no exit transition from being within this chaotic, yet very organic likemandala, but abruptly everything stopped. I felt as if I had bounced into a confined space. Like the effect of something forming into something else quickly, and it jiggles into place, a gelatin-like movement is the best way I can put it. In this space, everything is dim, with a dark, dark green hue. But it was also shifting, slowly growing/crawling. I couldn't seem to catch a glimpse of anything. A short period of time after adjusting to this space I felt the presence of an awareness not of my own. The shocking feeling of a foreign presence in this mental realm suddenly brought my attention to the external world. My two friends were still sitting on the bed where I was lying. They weren't talking or making noise, but it bothered me deeply that I could even sense them when they felt so far away. It created extreme tension to have my attention stretched from this intense, internal realm, to the external world. The thought came into my head "they need to leave", but It did not feel like a thought that originated in my mind (which is completely strange, because it was all in my mind). It was demanding, and over and over and over again I heard and felt intensely, "They should leave, they should leave. Tell them to leave". It wasn't in my head so much as it was contained in the space around me that I was "hearing" this thought, telling me to tell them to leave. I attempted to tell my friends they needed to go, but it felt impossible to get out of my head. It felt like trying to wake myself up from a dream, so I tried to surface myself much like I would do if I were having a nightmare (I've had nightmares since I was a child, and have become able to identify (sometimes, not always) when I am dreaming, and can successfully wake myself up). It felt like it took every bit of will I had to get my eyes to open, and when I finally did so, I swore they popped open as wide as possible because of the effort it took to open them (but they didn't, the two friends reported (and were shocked by how I was able to) that I just barely opened my eyes and spoke softly and clearly). I felt like I was holding up weights with my eyelids, it was extremely difficult to do this. I could not see them, my vision completely void of anything identifiable, but I said, "Could you guys please leave." They obliged and got up to leave.
After re-closing my eyes I had again the squeezing feeling and began to fall back into that space. While I descend I can hear the bizarre, crackling chatter again, it almost sounded like creatures laughing, or speaking in a way I've never heard (while this occurred my internal rationalization was that I could hear my two friends talking in the other room. However, after asking them post-trip they said the bedroom door was closed, and they were in the living room sitting silently). I return to the space I was in before, only this time the environment started to form more solidly. I realized what I was looking at was the wall of my bedroom from the exact perspective of which I would see it if my eyes were open. But everything had such a deep, green hue, it felt like a gelatin mold of the external reality (gelatin mold is the closest thing I can compare what it felt/looked like, not solid, sort of holographic-ish).
**(Now that I have the comparison of other DMT experiences after this first trip, I was able to identify some consistent patterns of the phases through the trip; it wasn't always consistent but it happened many more times than not. This was dependent on whether my friend and I dabbed the N, N-DMT via a small rig (just as you would dab wax or shatter on a nail), or used the vaporizing technique with the oil burner in a large bong, as I did with this first trip. Dabbing the DMT with the smaller rig seemed to rush/blur the experience and transitions of the trip. It did, however, allow me (and my friend) to break through immediately every time, but only to one realm/scenario/space/entity encounter. I personally much more preferred the vaporizing with the bong technique because it slowed down the pace of the trip, allowed me to recall far more vivid details, and experience more of, and in-depth phases of the trip (i.e. realms, and transitions to different realms, and entity encounters/interactions, etc.)**
**(Below, I refer to this entity I encountered as "The Gate Keeper". Many more DMT trips after this one, I noticed there usually seemed to be an initial entity (or entities, this phase was always a completely different experience, but ultimately seemed to have the same purpose) that would give me some sort of test or challenge (I assume a test of willingness and ability to fully detach from the external.). I noticed a huge change in my DMT trips, in terms of passing the "Gate Keeper(s)" tests as well as breaking through to different realms, if I was able to ignore the desire to control, and not be bothered by whether it felt like I was breathing or not. In my opinion, I believe this might be the key to allowing a complete ego death to occur, and could be the purpose of the "Gate Keeper(s)" and their "test". This first trip I struggled and ultimately failed the test because I couldn't let go of worrying about the feeling of my body not breathing on its own.)**
The arrival of the "Gate Keeper":
From behind me this seamlessly soaked, shiny gold, lanky, but beyond graceful cat-like, human creature saunters out in front of me. I can still see her form and elegance so clearly, more graceful and confident than anything I've ever seen and felt (I have used DMT about 8 times now, and I've noticed that while in these realms what you see and hear is strongly feeling based. There is no language or communication, it's all a telepathic feeling, a knowing). Its essence felt feminine. She was thin, long legs and arms, and tall. She had a long, curved tail that bounced slightly as she walked away from me, the tip of it was black. She stopped just in front of my bed, the wall to her left side, then turned her head to look at me. I say cat-like because she had cat-like facial features, with some black markings or stripes. I was in such disbelief that I was seeing this creature while feeling sound minded. She turned her head slowly and smiled, but not in a happy, or humored way. It felt like the kind of smile that would occur if an adult version of myself was across from and looking at my 6-year old self. The feeling of seeing yourself, but it's not you, and there's a feeling of admiration and acknowledgment of the younger-self's naive nature, her innocence. The way she looked at me made me feel like she knew me the way I knew myself, but somehow she knew me more deeply.The Test of the Gate Keeper
She began constricting the perspective of the room contained in the orb, and it began to transform. At first shrinking inward, but the parts that disappeared inwards emerged contorted from the outer sides of the orb. I felt an understanding that I can't explain, I remember hearing myself think loudly "Oh no, god no, please no!" I knew somehow what she was doing: she was turning my external reality inside out. What was now inside the sphere was chaotic whirling, the room now indistinguishable. I could hardly catch a glance but it was geometric in some ways, and organic movement swirling, dancing together. This is when she directed me, not physically with words, but a thought and feeling that did not come from myself. She was saying: "You can do it, you need to do it." I remember harshly resisting and trying to look away because, despite the vagueness, I understood what she was telling me to do. She wanted me to give into the process, to allow myself to be compressed like the orb, be turned inside out like the rest of my reality. I was extremely fearful at this point, I was confused by how I could understand what was happening, how perceiving this was even possible.
Despite my refusal, she persistently insisted, "Do it, you have to do it". Finally, I regained some control of my shock and disbelief and reminded myself to not fight the current. I looked into the sphere, not with my eyes, but with intention. Like a gravitational pull, my being merged with the sphere. My awareness of myself as an entity disintegrated completely. I was nothing and everything at the same time. It is so difficult to explain this part, but I could feel reality churning inside out in an infinite way. Swirling, shifting, transforming, as if my point of awareness was floating down through each layer that comprises reality. The deeper down I went the more terrified I became, it felt like what the process of dying would be like, the spirit slipping out of the body, never to return. I had fallen into eternity, and I couldn't find the courage to let myself be consumed by it. Out of sheer horror, I forced my eyes open, the room was hardly distinguishable since I was still tripping fairly hard.
It took a while for my essence and awareness to return to my body, and for a brief moment, I felt like I had amnesia. But as I came down more quickly and my mind and body regained normalcy, I began processing what had happened. After telling, and acting out what happened to my friends, even trying to draw this entity I encountered, I immediately went to my computer to write down every detail I could remember.
*I have a trip report from my second DMT experience that was written the following day. It was a much more profound, and impactful trip. I came out of it sobbing with blissful joy. I also go into more detail about my interpretation of how DMT works on the brain. If this trip is well received, and you guys would like to read my second report, please let me know!
Tagged by Xorkoth
substancecode_dmt
substancecode_tryptamines
explevel_firsttime
exptype_positive
exptype_spiritual
exptype_difficult
roacode_vaporized
roacode_inhaled
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