Youkai
Ex-Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jun 25, 2006
- Messages
- 2,485
Yesterday I tested out some new blotters I got, so I took 3/4tha tab ~3:30pm, was going pretty good untill ~7:00 when I felt I just didnt ahev anything to do so I attempted to abort the trip with a 20mg oxycotin taken rectaly (which worked). I still had residue effects from te cid but nothing at all that could be considered tripping, just elivated mood and more euphoric effects from the oxicodone.
Around 10:00pm I desided to smoek someDMT with a good friend just to test the waters for the night.
I allowed my friend to blast off first, he put on P groove and laid abck toa good 30mg blast and had a ball watching colors and aptterns swirl around him, he kept his eyes open most of the time, looking in a self reflection mirror and watching "milkdrop" visuals on his laptop.
When it came time for my blast I loaded up ~40mg and had him start "mountain Jam" by the allman brothers after I started my second toke. I got about three tokes in and sat the pipe down and laid back with my eyes closed.
I dont realy remeber the flash of DMT "stuff" as much as I do the return voyage. on teh return I ofund my self in abright room, with a guy at a desk. The room seemed to be a waiting room for DMT voyagers and to the right of theguy looked like tubes of swirling energy, light and color. This was the entrance way to the DMT land, the "DMT STUFF" or entities or what ever you wnat to lable it. I had already coem out of it but was not ready to come completely back, so I chit chated with this guy whow as incharge of teh waiting room. He looked human and seemed to be indifferent to his job, like he has seen thouasands of people comethrough and had sen ehard it pretty much all. I asked if it was cool that I brought my own music along, he said it wasnt a problem to "them" that they dont seem to mind. I then asked him if he liked it and he kinda gave off teh vibe itw asnt his type of music. I then asked him about what this was and I got the feeling that it was a gateway eprsay to different aspects of the mind/and the entrance to teh DMT world (which may be seperate from the actualy mind). As Iw as waiting he comented on how much he has seen me, about how much fun Iv been having and then informed that there was unfinished buisness to take care of. That tehre was still the "ultimate trip" left and that I have been putting it off. At first I thought he ment death, but then I realised itw as regressed bad/difficult experiences Iv had on other psychedelics in which I pushed to the abckof my mind. Experiens in which I told my self "NO!, IM NOT READY FOR THIS!!! I CANT GO ALL THE WAY!!" going all the way, in my terms is going comepletely out there not to the brink but completely gone. It's hard to describe this feelingw hich I ahev pushed aside so forcibly befor, but it leaves me with the question "will I even be able to come abck to ths life afterwards? or will it bea turning of teh page, a new chapter, new reality, new paradigm" As he was explaing that it is ineditable for me to experience this regressed experience (which could possibly be my death, I could have died befor, and have been clenching on to this life past my due date.. I dont know) I started to notice out of the walls behind me faces and bodies began to apear they were my parents/family and friends, the people who have gret significance in my life. They were ready to take me all the way, as comfort or as nessity I dont know, but they were ready. I could feel the DMT flash fading but I could have gone on for lnoger. I was given the oppertunity to "go al the way" to get it over with and finaly face my fears. I sadly was very fearful of the consoquences of me going "all the way" so I passed and said my good by's and came to in a rage of explination to the partner in the room of what just happend. He was attonished at how well and vividly I could explain what happend, it was unbelievable to him and he realy wishes me to show him how to have these types of experiences.
What I got from the experiences is that I have some sub consiouse material inside me that realy needs to be worked out, I dont know quite what it is but know that I am scared of it. I need to find the courage and face it head on, and get past this, as something that carried this much weight is not going to be good if it comes out on it's own. I also need to reassure my self that even if it means I will no longer have this life, that I will still be in gods loving embrase, inside the ulmighty, experiencing its selves through its self.
Wish my luck, this was deffinately a high high high high +3 experience do to its utter vividness and true to life explinations to the subjective experience I whitnessed.
LOve and Light always,
Indole.
Around 10:00pm I desided to smoek someDMT with a good friend just to test the waters for the night.
I allowed my friend to blast off first, he put on P groove and laid abck toa good 30mg blast and had a ball watching colors and aptterns swirl around him, he kept his eyes open most of the time, looking in a self reflection mirror and watching "milkdrop" visuals on his laptop.
When it came time for my blast I loaded up ~40mg and had him start "mountain Jam" by the allman brothers after I started my second toke. I got about three tokes in and sat the pipe down and laid back with my eyes closed.
I dont realy remeber the flash of DMT "stuff" as much as I do the return voyage. on teh return I ofund my self in abright room, with a guy at a desk. The room seemed to be a waiting room for DMT voyagers and to the right of theguy looked like tubes of swirling energy, light and color. This was the entrance way to the DMT land, the "DMT STUFF" or entities or what ever you wnat to lable it. I had already coem out of it but was not ready to come completely back, so I chit chated with this guy whow as incharge of teh waiting room. He looked human and seemed to be indifferent to his job, like he has seen thouasands of people comethrough and had sen ehard it pretty much all. I asked if it was cool that I brought my own music along, he said it wasnt a problem to "them" that they dont seem to mind. I then asked him if he liked it and he kinda gave off teh vibe itw asnt his type of music. I then asked him about what this was and I got the feeling that it was a gateway eprsay to different aspects of the mind/and the entrance to teh DMT world (which may be seperate from the actualy mind). As Iw as waiting he comented on how much he has seen me, about how much fun Iv been having and then informed that there was unfinished buisness to take care of. That tehre was still the "ultimate trip" left and that I have been putting it off. At first I thought he ment death, but then I realised itw as regressed bad/difficult experiences Iv had on other psychedelics in which I pushed to the abckof my mind. Experiens in which I told my self "NO!, IM NOT READY FOR THIS!!! I CANT GO ALL THE WAY!!" going all the way, in my terms is going comepletely out there not to the brink but completely gone. It's hard to describe this feelingw hich I ahev pushed aside so forcibly befor, but it leaves me with the question "will I even be able to come abck to ths life afterwards? or will it bea turning of teh page, a new chapter, new reality, new paradigm" As he was explaing that it is ineditable for me to experience this regressed experience (which could possibly be my death, I could have died befor, and have been clenching on to this life past my due date.. I dont know) I started to notice out of the walls behind me faces and bodies began to apear they were my parents/family and friends, the people who have gret significance in my life. They were ready to take me all the way, as comfort or as nessity I dont know, but they were ready. I could feel the DMT flash fading but I could have gone on for lnoger. I was given the oppertunity to "go al the way" to get it over with and finaly face my fears. I sadly was very fearful of the consoquences of me going "all the way" so I passed and said my good by's and came to in a rage of explination to the partner in the room of what just happend. He was attonished at how well and vividly I could explain what happend, it was unbelievable to him and he realy wishes me to show him how to have these types of experiences.
What I got from the experiences is that I have some sub consiouse material inside me that realy needs to be worked out, I dont know quite what it is but know that I am scared of it. I need to find the courage and face it head on, and get past this, as something that carried this much weight is not going to be good if it comes out on it's own. I also need to reassure my self that even if it means I will no longer have this life, that I will still be in gods loving embrase, inside the ulmighty, experiencing its selves through its self.
Wish my luck, this was deffinately a high high high high +3 experience do to its utter vividness and true to life explinations to the subjective experience I whitnessed.
LOve and Light always,
Indole.
