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Divorce

I think it's awesome to keep the split on friendly terms.
I tried to offer my ex the same package, but he just wanted to cut loose and go be a scumbag.
My current DH's ex went the opposite route and did ridiculous things such as inviting him over and having the police waiting, etc. Once she saw me she stopped letting him have access to their children, even though she'd known about me and we had the kids every other day. I guess seeing me in person sparked some jealousy and she decided to take it out on the kids. We had to see them supervised and they'd show up crying, saying things like "We love you but mommy says you're a bad person." (to me) and "Daddy, mommy says you're going to die!"

(These weren't drug related decisions on her part, as when she met him he was her drug dealer, and at this time I hadn't used drugs yet at all)

That is the worst crap you can pull during a divorce.
 
well...looks like i'll be going back to court. we split custody of our kid, and the ex just decided to take a job in another state, and is breaking our agreement all over the place. going to see my attorney later this week to talk about options.

i can't believe she is pulling this shit, but i feel confident that it's going to work in my favor and i might even get full custody. but the last thing i ever wanted was to have to fight over our child. it makes me sick.
 
yup....retainer paid to my attorney. going to see him on monday. here we go again. FML.

i'm just really fucking pissed right now. we had everything running extremely smoothly, and she's fucking everything up. the only person that loses here is our kid.
 
Sorry, Chicken. I hope your wife gets her act together. Your kid will be fine in the long-run considering how great you are with him. That matters a lot more than the structure of his family.

Ima see you tonight probably... we'll see. ;)
 
ChickenScratch said:
yup....retainer paid to my attorney. going to see him on monday. here we go again. FML.

i'm just really fucking pissed right now. we had everything running extremely smoothly, and she's fucking everything up. the only person that loses here is our kid.
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Gads, Chicken.That's so fucked up. As angry as she is, it's horrible to take her kids' father away from them. You know, my mom wanted my sister and me to hate our dad. It worked for a while, and when I got a little smarter in my 20s, I realized what she had done and it backfired on her. I don't talk to my dad much, but I don't talk to my mom hardly at all for some of the mind games she played, which included the lies she told me about my dad saying and doing things to his kids that weren't true.

If your ex isn't careful, her kids will hate her for ruining their relationship with their dad. Probably won't happen now or soon, but it will happen and she'll be sorry.
 
The only advice I have chicken scratch is lawyer up and fight like hell. You can try and have a smooth divorce but when it comes to taking your kids away then all bets are off. My kids moved 100km away, and while compared to moving interstate it doesn't seem much, it is the difference between my kids playing sport on weekends or not or me getting up at 6am and driving for 2 hour round trip to see them on their birthday before I start work.

I wake up every morning wishing that my kids lived even in the next suburb, let alone in the next room. I am hopipng that by the time my kids start high school they will want to live with me for the better opportunities that the local schools give. i am basically busting my arse to try and pay for them to attend a really nice private school so I get to see them every day. My wife doesn't get it. I never left the kids, I left our marriage. It isn't fair or practical for me to have joint custody as they can't attend two differnet schools, so for now I cop it on the chin and accept I only get to see them every 2 weeks.

At least my kids aren't being poisoned by their mum. They know I love them and I'm sure they appreciate every time I roll up bleary eyed to watch them play sport or watch a show at the end of a long day at work. It still hurts that my daughters only wish is that she lived "in the next street" so she could come over whenever she wants to. I don't think I could be bothered getting up in the morning if they lived any further away. :(
 
Thanks y'all. I'm going to fight this thing until the bitter end. She knows damn well that if our kid was old enough to comprehend this, he damn sure wouldn't want to move away from his dad.

Just sucks, I have that same shitty feeling I had going through he divorce, only this time, it's my relationship with my kid at stake, not the relationship with my crazy ex.
 
My heart goes out to those with kids, I can't even begin to comprehend how difficult it would be. It was hard enough without any kids at all.

As a parent though, you do what you have to do. I agree with busty in that all bets should be off. I guess it seems easy for me on the outside without any kids but it seems incredibly selfish to move a child away from their parent. That's who is hurting the most, the kid. A kid needs both parents, the parents need to figure out how to put their differences aside and work it out.

Good luck to you chickenscratch. You're doing what's right and it's a very admirable and respectable thing.
 
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thanks, friend.

that's the thing that baffles me.....no matter how much i dislike my ex, i would never, ever, ever, ever separate her from our son. i think's she's crazy, and i disagree with a lot of the things she does as a mom, but she's still his mom.

if it wasn't for our child, i would have moved to north carolina the minute we got divorced. but, because of him AND her, i stayed in atlanta. because a boy needs his mom, just as much as he needs his dad.

the whole thing is just fucked. i have honestly never been this angry about something, ever. she is basically forcing me to fight against her to continue on with the relationship i currently have with him. she is trying to take him from me. now, instead of putting any extra cash i have into a college fund, i'm dropping it on attorney fees. the woman is evil, and has no regard for what is best for our son.

her mom did the same thing to her and her brothers when they were young, and she's resented her ever since. i know that our child will resent the hell out of her for this when he gets older, and that makes me sad for him.
 
How did the relationship end? Or rather, who ended it? Do you think she's trying to hold onto the relationship on some level? People do fucked up things. An attorney where I work was telling me about when she was a law clerk and some of the shit she saw, there was one couple who had been divorced for 20 years and they were still fighting over material things. Sometimes people just can't let shit go.

Your ex is either completely calculated or is completely (and immaturely) oblivious to how she is being, even if she knows what it's like based on the experiences she went through with her mom. I'm sure she feels she is being somehow "different". I doubt she would acknowledge at all how her actions are similar or the same. It's not easy to point the microscope at ones self and take a good hard look at fuck ups.

Hopefully your lawyer can work some magic for you, it's just terrible that this is even an issue to begin with.
 
it was pretty much a mutual split, although i'm the one that ultimately filed for divorce after our initial separation.

she thrives off of drama. and since the divorce, i've been nothing but cordial to her, paid my child support on time every month and paid for EVERYTHING dealing with our kid. our custody has run as smooth as it possibly can. i think subconciously she may doing this to get the attention from her friends and family, and possibly me, that she had during the divorce when shit was crazy. i know that sounds sick. but that's the kind of person she is, and maybe she's jealous that i've moved on. not to another woman, just moved on with my life.

my parents have also helped a lot during this time, and been great to her. i think she see's the support my family has given, and could possibly be scared that our son will gravitate towards us in the long run, since her family hasn't done shit to help. she is trying to alienate him from not only me, but my family as well.
 
purplefirefly said:
It's not easy to point the microscope at ones self and take a good hard look at fuck ups.
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man...it's like you know her. this was one of the biggest reasons for our divorce. i was not perfect, and admitted all of my faults and wrong doings to her, while she just continued to blame me for everything. she still does. i could never live like that. i'm a human, i fuck up....it's liberating to be able to admit your faults. if she was able to do the same, we'd probably still be married.
 
ChickenScratch said:
man...it's like you know her. this was one of the biggest reasons for our divorce. i was not perfect, and admitted all of my faults and wrong doings to her, while she just continued to blame me for everything. she still does. i could never live like that. i'm a human, i fuck up....it's liberating to be able to admit your faults. if she was able to do the same, we'd probably still be married.
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Believe me, if I did know her I would be telling her how bad she is fucking up lol I'm not one to keep my opinion to myself. It took me a long time to be able to point the finger at myself, I'm not an easy person to be with. I at least try to recognize my faults too rather than constantly pointing my finger. I've gone through a lot, the very gates of hell in fact, but I know I've come out a better person for it. I tried to do what was right when I could have spent my entire time being a bitch, I had no interest in that though.
 
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