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distance relationship issues

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getyourselfhigh200

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 23, 2006
Messages
145
So my gf and I have been together for 6.5 years, we have lived together for about 5 years and even thought about getting married last year.

At the start of this year my gf started her PHD in another city about 8 hours drive away. We had lived together in this city for several years and have lots of friends, we have spent 1-2 weeks of every month together, mostly this involves me driving over and we both seemed happy. I thought it was all working out ok.

I've noticed she has changed over the past 6 months, she seems to have become more and more determined to be independant, although i'm still expected to pay for most of her bills. When i'm visiting and we go out to a party she'll pretty much avoid me for 99% of the time we are there and then when I find her she will be hanging out with a group of guys being all flirty.

I'm visiting her at the moment and a few nights ago she asked me to get something from her bag, as I was rummaging through I found a half full pack of comdons, I asked her about them and she kind of just brushed it off saying "Yeah I always like to be prepared".

That night I went out with some close friends and talked to them about all this and they both thought it was weird that she carried around comdons, both of them said she has been acting alot different since we have been apart and told me some times that they had seen her out partying alot with guys that just seemed to want to score with her etc,etc.

So this made me even more weirded out about the whole situation and I did something I probably shouldn't have, I looked through her phone messages. There was lots of messages talking about "meeting cute boys", "guy from that cafe was super hot",and all kinds of stuff like this. She also told her best friend that being in a relationship with one person wasn't natural to her.

So by this point i'm not exactly feeling that good about our relationship. I really want to bring it up with her but have no idea of how to start, I mean I feel really stupid about reading her phone messages and I don't feel like I use these as an excuse to talk about all of this.

Also if I start talking about it and she says that she wants to be in a relationship with more than one person then what I am supposed to say to that? My first reaction would be to tell her that this isn't acceptable to me and that our relationship is over, but we have been together for so long and I love her, I don't want to just through it all away.

I should also add, that our sex life is good, so there shouldn't be any issues there.

Please help!
 
I'd say talk it out for sure. Sounds like theres a bit of trust issues and its not fair to YOU to have to be worried and such about if shes cheating on you or if she even loves you ect. ect. I'd say talk it out first but it doesn't sound to healthy (for you). You'll save yourself alottaa heart ache in the long run by doing it now. Relationships are about BOTH the people being happy and content with just each other. You shouldn't have to constantly worry that shes cheating or whatever. Find someone you can trust and you'll both be alot happier.
Best of luck :/
 
sounds like she's cheating and using you man. carries around condoms to be prepared for what? a rape? a surprise visit from you?

she needs a dressing down.
 
You're nothing more than a wallet to her. There's nothing wrong with open relationships, but that's not what this is.
 
She's usin and abusin you bro. Reread you're full post. Face the situation in front of you. Man up, and act like you don't give a fuck then kick her goddamn ass to the curb. Now use that extra money that you're gonna have from not payin her bills and go out, have fun, and get yourself some strange. Just one mans opinion...
 
Trust is gone - you snooped on her without asking - bad news.

End it, or man up and talk it out wit her - it sounds like she is totally cheating on you though, and looking elsewhere so stop paying for her dude!

It does sound pretty doomed to me.
 
Well first off if you have been together that long there should be no issue going though her phone as it is a basic trust issue my wife knows all my passwords and is free to look though my texts if she wants and she feels the same, I do find it a bit worrying that she is carrying around condoms to me this is just proof she is cheating as she knows when you come to visit so why is there a need for a just in case or need to be prepared for sex. If you love her that much you need to sit down and talk to her let her know that you are aware of the fact she is unhappy beening in a committed relationship, an open relation could work if you both agree to it and there is complete honest and most of all you BOTH trust each other.
Best of luck dude just sit down and talk about it
Regards nb
 
She's fucking around on you.

Ask her if she's interested in an open relationship, then see her reaction when the shoe is on the other foot.
 
I would definitely be very, very concerned.

Confront it, don't hide from it. Whatever happens happens, as hard as it may be to hear some of it. Get it out of the way.

If it ends: cowing out of such a long relationship is very tough, but you will be okay again.

Don't let yourself be used like this - the longer it goes on, the more you'll decline. Don't hang on to something that's only going to screw you up.
 
djep said:
Ask her if she's interested in an open relationship, then see her reaction when the shoe is on the other foot.
Click to expand...
this is just childish game-play and it's also likely to be of little practical use as relationships are rarely this symmetrical.

op, the signs are not good. you need to talk to her.

alasdair
 
Yeah she's cheating on you. Quit being in denial and man up... You have to confront her and yes you went behind her back and snooped but sometimes shit happens. We do things we shouldn't but what's done is done. Talk to her as soon as possible or this is just going to eat you up inside.
 
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