Did you get picked on/bullied when younger?

[CharlesTheHammer]

I was born and lived in N.C. for most of my younger life. Up until 6th grade, I had -0- problems in school with anyone. I wasnt the most popular kid in school, but I got along with everyone. I had friends all along, etc. I dont remember any bullies in school at that point. We had a little 'graduation' party at the end of 6th grade, as we were graduating from Elementary school, and I was voted to have the best sense of humor in our small class of about 75. I liked school, and everything seemed fine.............Then it all changed

After our little 6th grade graduation party, on our way home my father informed me that our family was being transferred again, back up North to Pa, where we had lived for 2 short years already when I was in kindergarten and 1st grade. Turns out, my Mom and Dad had known about the upcoming transfer for several months, and my father had been making trips to Pa(which I thought were just regular business trips). He had already found and bought a house in Pa, but didnt tell my brother and I til the last minute.

So we move, and I start 7th grade in Middle school where I knew no one, and I discovered that some people up North, including some teachers and high level school officials, have some negative, pre-conceived notions about Southerners. They seemed to think that we lacked intelligence, were/are closed minded, maybe racist, etc. So when I got into home room that 1st day, and I uttered my 1st sentence with a strong southern accent, I immediately started catching a hard time from many kids. Then, a few of the bullies decided that they'd pull me aside, one held my arms back, while the others punched me til they knocked the air out of my lungs. This happened regularly for the next 2-3 years. In the first days, When I tried to make friends with the average kids, they would say something like "get lost Hillbilly", or we dont like you, even though none of them knew me at all. This was all very humiliating, frustrating, embarrassing, etc. In fact, i became very familiar with those and other negative emotions til I graduated, even though by then, things were a
little better.

But I did make some friends fairly quickly, both at school, and neighbor kids as well, but they all still seemed to look down at me as being at the lower end of the 'social hierarchy' of our school. I was never able to climb the social ladder in school, because people always seemed to try to prevent it.

All this negativity at a time when you are supposed to be developing self esteem and confidence, prevented me from doing so. So I hated my school ,and most of my classmates as well. I just wanted to get the hell out of there!

When I graduated from that hell hole, and met new people from other schools, other grades, etc., they treated me as an equal, which was very refreshing. People began actually getting to know me before judging me! I started dating girls who i thought were much hotter and cooler than most of the girls from my school as well! But still, I developed a social phobia, and depression from my teens. I used alcohol and drugs to treat the symptoms of depression and social phobia, which some times worked, but often didnt.

After High school, I began vigilantly defending myself, and lashing out at anyone who tried to give me a hard time or start trouble with me. I didnt want to become an angry, hyper vigilant person, but I do try to protect myself. I have become very anti-asshole, and I have often defended others who are being singled out for being different in some way.

I have learned that there are always going to be people who will judge you based on superficial reasons, and people will be assholes and give others a hard time. You just have to learn to deal with these types of persons, who are usually just unhappy with their own lives, therefore they take it out on others.
Sometimes I've had bosses who would have an argument with their wife or something, then come to work and take out their frustrations on the people under them, throwing their weight around because as boss, they can get away with it. You just have to deal with that in a calm, non insulting way that lets your boss know that you dont appreciate being treated that way, otherwise if you get too upset, you lose your job. Ive even been to an online forum very recently, and although I followed all the rules, I brought up a topic which apparently disagreed with the ideological viewpoint of a top moderator, and he decided to throw his weight around, and he insulted me in front of all the other posters, and told me I should try "critical thinking". he was being arrogant, and abusing his position. he couldve sent me a private message, but no! Besides, i didnt do anything wrong anyway! So , I sent him a 'calm' private message that let him know in a nice, non argumentative way that he was being a douchebag!!

So, even though I rarely have to deal with people giving me a hard time because the way i carry myself, and I dont act like a victim, I still suffer from some of the lingering effects of that early humiliation. I have a class reunion coming up next year, and I part of me wants to go to show everyone that I am as good as they are, but then i realize, i dont have to prove anything to these assholes! The other part of me says just to forget about the reunion, cause if I went and someone said something stupid to me, I'd probably get in a fight, and hurt someone.

Have you been through any of this yourself, and how did you deal with it?

 

[bobert the man]

Hey there...

I experienced something very similar when I was young, except it was over my elementary/middle school years (gr 1-8).

I was always a chubby kid (never obese, just overweight), and was made sure of that at a very young age courtesy of the kind peers of every class I was in from the very very start.

I never was beat up, but was always written off as fatty or the kid with manboobs or something of the sort. Instead of being beat up, I just was never given a voice. Never had any control in school.

I hated school. I'd come home crying most days. My parents tried desperately to do something but never could.

Long story short, by gr7 I became fucking bulemic (I'm a guy). A year through that addiction I smartened up and started excersiing and eating right and weaned off the eating disorder. Strangely enough, only months out of that, I resorted to smoking marijuana several times daily, and would go nuts if I didn't have any (gr9). By gr11 I lessened marijuana, but then began my opiate addiction, which I still deal with to this day (second year uni). It's funny, because I ended up becoming apparently quite good looking, gained alot of confidence for a while, had friends/girlfriends in highschool and popularity. Yet under it all, things were still horrible... That underlying distrust and hatred of others my age has yet to go away.

I guess the moral is that kids suck on a large part, and this coupled with the extremely significant effects that development during this time has on you for the rest of your life, makes it a very dangerous time.

I wish I could tell you things that have worked for me. I'm currently seeing a psychologist, of which the best thing to come of it has simply been the connection between school and my current problems. But the problems have only gotten worse over the years and have reached a peak in these last two months... I just posted my story in the thread regarding college addicts in TDS if you were interested.

I can relate, but only bitterly. Hopefully we both find a way to combat all of the shit incurred throughout our grade school years.

 

[morior]

Yes, yes, and yes.

I too, like you moved around quite a lot when I was younger. I am originally from PA, and only maybe went to pre-school there. Then migrated around to NC, KS, NC again, and now have landed in SC.
I am an only child, and that may have contributed to my lack of social skills, but I always found myself to be the outcast at any school or grade that I was in. I tried very hard to make friends, and really just never could. This has caused many problems for my adult life. Self-esteem issues, using issues, self-worth, etc.

 

[paranoid android]

People tried to pick on me a few times because i was not a big kid at all even though i had a tough reputation as i got into fights that often included various weapons, i robbed and stole and i did every drug i could get my hands on.

I am a firm believer in a person sticking up for themselves. There is only one thing most bullies understand and that is fear. When they fear you they will not bother you because a bully only picks on someone who won't stivck up for themselves. Most bullies are complete and utter pussys anyway and will back down after a slap or 2. They prey on the kids that won't fight back.

If someone tried to pick on me i would fight them no matter how big or tough they where. Sometimes i beat the living shit out of them and sometimes they beat the shit out of me. But i never met a bully who would try to pick on me after a fight because i was not a easy guy to pick on and getting a good smackin even if you are the winner is no fun.

I had 2 guys try to pick on me once when i was only maybe 11 or 12 and these guys where atleast 4 years older then me and twice my size. I tried to beat them with my fists but it was a no go and they wouldnt leave me alone. After a day or 2 of these i decided enough was enough so i brought a blade to school the next day. One of the so called tough guys tried to push me around again but i pulled a blade and put it to his stomach and told him that if him or his friend ever bothered me again i would fucking gut them and kill them. Well wouldnt you know it but the so called tough guys never even looked at me again and the guy i pulled the blade on nearly shit his pants . This may sound violent and over the top to some people here but if i had not have done what i did right then and there things might have escealated into something much worse.


Some people can't understand how a guy like me who most people consider a good guy could be so violent at times. I have a sort of split personality on this because i won't bother people if they don't bother me. But if someone is intent on doing me harm i will use whatever force that is nessary to defend myself. So maybe im just a reactionary . I also grew up in a rather rough place and culture where if you didnt fight youd get your ass kicked and be called a wimp and much worse.

One thing is that i cannot with good conscious tell people to act in such a manner as i have in the past. Do whatever you can to avoid any sort of violence because it never leeds to anything good really and the shit can come back on you easy. All im saying is that if you get picked on use reasonable force if you absolutly have to. Don't go over the top and often just a bluff will stop a bully right there and then because if you don't act meek they won't bother you for the most part. My reputation as noone to fuck with kept me from getting picked on but it's a double edged sword because even to this day on the rare occasions i go to a party in my hometown area people say shit like how long ya gonna be before you beat someone up? 8) I don't bother people at all but the rep still follows me.

I did have alot of social phobia in school and this put a dent in my social activities and also having a g/f. I was so stupid because some of the most beautiful and coolest girls in school would flirt with me but i was too nervous to act on it unless i was really high or drunk and then i was useless anyway. Alot of times i didnt even notice women hitting on me because i was clueless when it came to women plus social anxiety made it hard to chat them up. These days i have no trouble talking to women or anyone and im very outgoing alot of the time. With age comes experience and wisdom i guess or atleast alot more self confidence.

 

[8L4YN3]

If anyone tried shit on me i would just go psycho and get very physical very fast and surprise the fuckhead bully, i wasn't the biggest kid in the world but, i was very fast and a solid job to the throat leaves them on the ground gasping for air..

No one fucked around after that.

 

[theartofwar]

Got the shit beat out of me for years - 1st through 4th grade - raped for a few month span.

Started football at 11, boxing at 12, steroids at 15 (awful thing to do to your body - I've had no issues thank god I'm currently 6'2 242 dry this AM). Did powerlifting meets, was prepping or local show, decided that OCs were better and more fun than hard work.

Why the hell do you think I do all that shit ? It's because inside of it all - if somebody really scares me in regards to the rape , the humiliation as a child with bullies: I'm scared shitless, absolutely terrified.

Becoming vulnerable over the past few months has completely changed my life - I've got 3 lifts , a motorcycle race ( ) - and 2 years out from what will be first bb'ing comp . Honestly - I don't regret all that hell ONE BIT.

USE IT - I've cried so fucking hard i thought i would run dry - last night i had a panick attack last damn near 3 hours due to my insomnia inducing hallucinations. I'm lucky I got a good friend on this board who I can text at 5am and he's willing to help with whatever. I don't think their is a set path for anyone to get over these sort of experiences, I know I cry - I fight - and I love to have sex. Life is so fucking confusing with emotions, but I wouldn't give one of them back.

 

[Lysis]

I was a chubby kid, so I got called fat a lot. I went to private school, and I have to say private school kids are huge assholes compared to public school.

 

[lifeguardsleeps]

I was always teased at school myself. It wasnt too bad until about 7th grade. before that, I had not felt like the most popular person in school, but i didnt have many problems with bullies.

around that age i was very sensitive and would cry easily in school. also, i guess i had a "weird" personality or something, i dont know why the other kids didnt like me. from about 7th-10th grade i had no friends, no boyfriends and most people in the school made fun of me. i later found out that some people liked me but were too embarassed to be nice to me.

for a long time, i thought there was something wrong with me and i would have to live like that forever. after i went to college, nobody knew i was a "loser" or whatever and they treated me normally. it took some time to adjust and I still find myself questioning if there is something wrong with me.

 

[paranoid android]

I was always teased at school myself. It wasnt too bad until about 7th grade. before that, I had not felt like the most popular person in school, but i didnt have many problems with bullies.

around that age i was very sensitive and would cry easily in school. also, i guess i had a "weird" personality or something, i dont know why the other kids didnt like me. from about 7th-10th grade i had no friends, no boyfriends and most people in the school made fun of me. i later found out that some people liked me but were too embarassed to be nice to me.

for a long time, i thought there was something wrong with me and i would have to live like that forever. after i went to college, nobody knew i was a "loser" or whatever and they treated me normally. it took some time to adjust and I still find myself questioning if there is something wrong with me.

Sadly school is like that for alot of people it truely brings out the worst in some people. Or perhaps theres just more cunts around in high school and all . I know so many people that got made fun of or gossiped about and it pisses me off. People had nothing but good usually to say to me but behind my back they would say shit. Sometimes i did get called a stupid drunken, druggie thug which i am not. For sure i was no angel but i was not what i was made out to be.

You just have to realize that all that shit just happens in school chances are the assholes that made fun of you are total losers now anyway. Thats the way it turned out for the people i knew in school who acted like that.

 

[wolf of the steppe]

I constantly had my nose in a book...socialized very little and changed schools a lot, so not very many relationships were cemented. I remember in elementary I was picked on by some of the other not-so-popular kids, but I started picking back so honestly I was perpetuating the whole mess. I got to 5th grade and my teacher would make us hold hands to punish us for the mutually teasing, he reasoned that it takes two to fight so we could hold hands until we were friends. Obviously two dudes holding hands didn't score us much respect from the other kids.

I moved again and started middle-school where I was the only white kid in the district- not just the school but the whole rural school district. I got fucked with a lot. Kids used walk by and pull out my hair because I was blond.

By the time I started making friends I moved again to a different rural community. This time to a more racially mixed community. I gotta say the white rednecks were the worst fucking dickheads I've ever met. I'm not a bad looking fellow, but was a bit eccentric for their tastes (I read books and had knack for art)

Anyways, I moved again when I was 16 to any actual city. not a huge one but a city none the less. I actually became fairly popular, I guess I was token art-fag/junky (no I'm not gay, there was also a token gay dude) in the more popular tier. It helped that I was one of the few people with artistic talent that didn't wear eyeliner or listen to "slit-your-wrist" music. (Seriously, I can't stand anyone who associates themselves with the arts just to appear more dark- don't piss on legitimate acts of expression in an attempt to convince people that "Good Charlotte" is deep...but for sake if the thread I need to avoid getting rude). Even got me a a hot little sweetie.

I got to college but lost the girl, the friends and the scholarship once the real world hit. And I'd like to say the people who gave me the worst of it are losers now (maybe they are on the inside) but to my knowledge none of them has ever would up in a wal-mart restroom with a needle in their arm.

Sigh, where are the days when people though I was cool for doing drugs.

 

[†∆†]

I think I'm too fragile to allow myself to be picked-on...i do all i can to make other people accept me, being myself is something i can't handle

 

[Droppersneck]

Kids can be very cruel at that young age. I think its important to remember that just because you got picked on school you shouldnt draw from those feeling later in life. You should be very passive and accepting and not question anything or anyone.

 

[Depressicaa]

^
I wouldn't call them cruel, I would call them honest. If kids at a playground make fun of you because you are fat, well chances are you are very fat. If they tell you something, it comes from their heart, its not something that they trick you, of course there are manipulative ones, but they aren't common, and even when they are its very transparent, at least to me. Then again, I've always been good with kids and animals.

Shortest kid in class.
Two big kids tried to beat me, success for them!
Told on them, shook hands, never had a problem with it.
Another big kid tried to beat me. I actually kicked his ass. We walked home from school together since we lived fairly close by, along with my sister.
In 7-8th I had no enemies, they bullied another short kid, it was really funny, he was so small and the biggest kid was also his friend, but he always bullied him, and tried to shove him into a garbage can one time. Did have magic the gathering cards stolen from me, and whatnot, and people being rude or negative, but it wasn't just towards me, so I wasn't bullied.
High school, no one cared about me, it was huge. I didn't have a nice time since I had no interactions.

Southern accents are nice! I talk to myself in a southern accent. I am a northerner and I have never really disliked foreigners, they are interesting and really neat, since the culture is different.

Well there are some cultures I consider 'shitty' and I used to be close minded and hated Texas since it was cool to do so. Then I met people talked to them, and then three years later I find out they are from Texas. WOW I didn't know there were good people there, so I've been unbiased about that now. My boss is a Jew, I used to think they were all greedy, but nope he was really nice, and generous to me, and previously managed some horrible companies, and forced them to give the workers health insurance otherwise he would stop working there. A bit off topic aren't I?

I am sorry about your ordeal though.

 

[n3ophy7e]

^
I wouldn't call them cruel, I would call them honest.

Hmmm nah, in my experience some of the kids I was bullied by were really just being plain cruel.

Crossing the line from being "honest" to being "cruel" is when the kid(s) actually KNOW that they are hurting you, yet they continue to do it.


I was bullied in primary school. I was one of the most popular kids in the whole school all the way up until 5th grade (it was a relatively small rural school). Then in 5th grade people started turning on me. The kids in my year heard that I was going to a private high school, and everyone else was going to the local public high school, so that instantly made me "different" and from then on I was the one and only outcast.

The last half of the year of 5th grade and all of 6th grade I was emotionally bullied by the girls and physically bullied by the boys. It was complete and utter hell. This was when my depression started. I remember at age 11 telling my oldest sister that I wanted to kill myself and she clearly didn't understand how serious I was because she only told me "Never EVER say that, EVER again!"
My mum knew what was going on at school, she sent me to a psychologist but it was in vain because I was too young to really know how to make use of the counselling...

Anyway, those 18 months of bullying and being made an outcast changed my personality. I went from being a bright, bubbly, hyper-social, friendly child, to being a depressed, withdrawn, insecure, adolescent.

When I take MDMA (and to a certain extent LSD) I revert back to the person I was before the bullying. I'm sure a lot of other MDMA users who were bullied or had some other kind of traumatic event in their childhood can relate to this.

 

[bagochina]

Anyway, those 18 months of bullying and being made an outcast changed my personality. I went from being a bright, bubbly, hyper-social, friendly child, to being a depressed, withdrawn, insecure, adolescent.

Also its fairly common for pre-teens to have changes in personality with out any outside event 'triggering?' a change. With some kids/people I think this is just a fact of life, changes. Attributing it to an outside issue definitely holds merit but sometimes you wonder [or at least I do] how much is natural growth. Everything is natural IMO and being able to bend and flex with changes and not get to caught up in it is a learning experience. More so everything happens for a reason.

That said I was never really bullied in school.

peace.
seedless

 

[theartofwar]

^
I wouldn't call them cruel, I would call them honest. If kids at a playground make fun of you because you are fat, well chances are you are very fat. If they tell you something, it comes from their heart, its not something that they trick you, of course there are manipulative ones, but they aren't common, and even when they are its very transparent, at least to me. Then again, I've always been good with kids and animals.

Shortest kid in class.
Two big kids tried to beat me, success for them!
Told on them, shook hands, never had a problem with it.
Another big kid tried to beat me. I actually kicked his ass. We walked home from school together since we lived fairly close by, along with my sister.
In 7-8th I had no enemies, they bullied another short kid, it was really funny, he was so small and the biggest kid was also his friend, but he always bullied him, and tried to shove him into a garbage can one time. Did have magic the gathering cards stolen from me, and whatnot, and people being rude or negative, but it wasn't just towards me, so I wasn't bullied.
High school, no one cared about me, it was huge. I didn't have a nice time since I had no interactions.

Southern accents are nice! I talk to myself in a southern accent. I am a northerner and I have never really disliked foreigners, they are interesting and really neat, since the culture is different.

Well there are some cultures I consider 'shitty' and I used to be close minded and hated Texas since it was cool to do so. Then I met people talked to them, and then three years later I find out they are from Texas. WOW I didn't know there were good people there, so I've been unbiased about that now. My boss is a Jew, I used to think they were all greedy, but nope he was really nice, and generous to me, and previously managed some horrible companies, and forced them to give the workers health insurance otherwise he would stop working there. A bit off topic aren't I?

I am sorry about your ordeal though.

They aren't cruel why now ? I don't follow this at all bro.. care to explain ?

 

[laughingheart]

I'm going to come at this from a different perspective...

I used to be somewhat of a bully at school, I wouldn't beat people up but I would often make fun of people which often resulted in laughs from everyone else. I was somewhat popular around my school and I enjoyed the attention. Until one day I was particularlly harsh towards one person, really put them down and obviously went too far because they started to cry.

Man did I feel like shit... I immediately apologised and promised that I would never make fun of them again. I did my best to try make it up to them by being especially nice and they eventually warmed to me and we became friends. I eventually got around to apologising to everyone I singled out and ended up befriending most of them. Anyway I found it worked out a lot better when I started to make fun of teachers because then everyone laughed along.

I always feel like a gigantic asshole whenever I think back to the way I used to act. I guess it was a defense mechanism because I used to be one of those people that could dish it out but never take it so I would always go after others. Disgusting behaviour in hindsight and I remember for the longest time I would feel bad about the way I acted.

I know that this doesn't really make you feel better about the way you were treated but maybe if you end up attending your graduation you will get the closure that your looking for. People change, at least give them a chance to apologise like I was given.

 

[wolf of the steppe]

Kids can be very cruel at that young age. I think its important to remember that just because you got picked on school you shouldnt draw from those feeling later in life. You should be very passive and accepting and not question anything or anyone.

I come from a family of educators and administrators so have heard all the behind the scenes bull that goes on between everyone from the parents and teachers to the school board politicians - the sad thing is how much more cruel the adults that surround those kids can be. The difference I think is that the children don't usually tease and bully with the intent to utterly devastate each others lives. I really believe that a lot of those kids are just mimicking what the see from adults. The gotta learn it's acceptable behavior somewhere- what's the saying:"children don't follow rules, they follow examples"

 

[Depressicaa]

What I meant was they are honest with their feelings. Most of my views changed, but I am still the same person essentially. But now it is not okay to do somethings I would like to do. I lie to not hurt feelings, I lie because I don't want to hurt people. But I am not honest, and I even trick myself. I guess what I'm trying to say is they are not intentionally bad, just doing what they do based on what others do, or what they are trying.

Cruel is the intention of inflicting pain upon others for yourself. They probably aren't really being mean, just imitating others, maybe adults, maybe other kids, but most kids at heart are not bad, at least not evil.

n3ophy7e, sorry about your experiences, it sucks that a childhood was ruined that way for you. Mines was ruined by inactivity and lack of interaction, not negative nor positive, and still I am nowhere.

Its easy to see someone as a model or entity, but in reality everyone is quite similar. They are just interacting in a different manner, sometimes in a way that damages you.

 

[paranoid android]

Kids can be the meanest bastards ever to each other. Most of them change atleast abit (i changed alot i think) and some of them never change at all.

If some bully beats on some poor wee fucker cause he won't fight back i think that is pretty cruel. I have seen that happen so many times. Also one time a guy was slapping a girl around in the fucking smoking section at school. Noone did shit about it and they just looked on. It boiled my piss when i saw him slapping her and throwin her around by the hair so i went over and decked him and put his ass on the ground. I got abit of shit for that but i was proud of myself and thats all that mattered to me.

So kids can be very cruel and they arent honest at all. If they where honest they would say shit to your face and not behind your back.