Did I fuck this up?

[T. Calderone]

I can see this as being a dealbreaker. I used to spend a lot of time volunteering at the homeless shelter. I had a boyfriend who would put me down and say derogatory things. "Why do you hang out with those losers?" "You care more about them than me" It really hurt my feelings because those "losers" needed someone to talk to. I got paid for doing odd office jobs so it wasn't completely volunteering. He threatened to find another girlfriend and I thought he was just attention seeking. Turned out he wasn't. By the time I quit a month later, he hooked up with someone else. That really hurt but he was an asshole anyway.

 

[Illyria99]

By being interested in him & then unfriending him you may as well have told him to fuck off. Seriously he sends you a friend request, you accept, you like him & then remove him for no reason he knows. What the fuck is he meant to think? Put yourself in his shoes for a moment.

He only recently joined FB. He's an older guy, and it never occurred to me that he'd be bothered by this. In fact, I just assumed he wouldn't notice.

But you raise a good point. Ouch.

 

[Pagey]

Quite frankly I don't think you should assume anything about how he feels until you've spoken to him and explained the situation, apologized, etc...there's not much point speculating and worrying over it when you haven't even had the conversation with him

 

[Lysis]

I still don't understand why you would go through all this trouble for a dude whose interests you don't even like. Why not find some guy who, ya know, likes the same things you do? Then there's no games. No pretending. No remembering what *not* to say. No "whoops" on Facebook. There's just too much win being relaxed and yourself with someone than messing with this stuff. Sometimes, my gender disappoints me, because situations like this turn into the girl trying to change the guy, and if that's not the biggest bozo no-no...

 

[Illyria99]

I still don't understand why you would go through all this trouble for a dude whose interests you don't even like. Why not find some guy who, ya know, likes the same things you do? Then there's no games. No pretending. No remembering what *not* to say. No "whoops" on Facebook. There's just too much win being relaxed and yourself with someone than messing with this stuff. Sometimes, my gender disappoints me, because situations like this turn into the girl trying to change the guy, and if that's not the biggest bozo no-no...

I don't understand it either....it's just when I first saw him, my heart felt so full. I wasn't actively looking for a man to love. It just happened.

However, I would much prefer what you mentioned. Someone who shares my interests, and has a wicked sense of humour.

@Pagey: At the moment, I'm too nervous to contact him. I wouldn't know what to say.

 

[Stevenski]

He only recently joined FB. He's an older guy, and it never occurred to me that he'd be bothered by this. In fact, I just assumed he wouldn't notice.

But you raise a good point. Ouch.

Glad you did not take it as me being an arsehole . I was just pointing out how he may have taken it & giving a guys perspective. It could also be that he realises you have a crush on him & being older & more "responsible" he knows that a relationship of this sort would be inappropriate. Inappropriate because he has a relationship with your parents as well & could be seen as a predator.

 

[Illyria99]

Glad you did not take it as me being an arsehole . I was just pointing out how he may have taken it & giving a guys perspective. It could also be that he realises you have a crush on him & being older & more "responsible" he knows that a relationship of this sort would be inappropriate. Inappropriate because he has a relationship with your parents as well & could be seen as a predator.

No, of course I didn't.

I just never stopped to think that he may have taken it so personally. He absolutely does know I have a crush on him, that much is certain. And he is quite responsible...in fact, he's well known in my community for the work he does. However, I'm over eighteen so I don't see how a relationship with him could be seen as inappropriate...in fact, at one of those events I attended he "casually" mentioned to my mother that he was now divorced. Just out of the blue, he told her that. He knows I'm very close to her, and she's sure that he told her so she could tell me. He also asked my dad a few questions about me.

My parents think this entire situation is hilarious, by the way.

 

[Stevenski]

Cool Illyria. I was not sure just seeing him as a friend of your parents made me think they would view him as a predator.

Others have said it & I also think you should speak with him. I would ask him for a coffee & lay your cards on the table. Because he is older he will take it two ways. If he is interested he will let you know. If he is not he will take it as a compliment & worst case you have given him a much needed ego boost & lost nothing for yourself. Trust me he will be flattered.

I had a much younger friend tell me how great I was looking when she saw I had lost 30kg on Facebook the other day. She is just a gorgeous young woman recently married but that simple comment gave my spirits a lift simply because a beautiful woman 10 years my junior complimented me.

 

[Stevenski]

Hey Illyria clear your PM box please :D

 

[Captain.Heroin]

There's this guy, (an acquaintance of my parents) who I fell madly in love with the first time I saw him. He's involved with community organizations and helping people, but I was never into that. However, I pretended to be so I would have an excuse to show up at events he attended.

We would occasionally e-mail each other about casual things, and he seemed to be interested in me. He was even asking my dad about me.

The problem is this...one night I was high and posting on Facebook about how much I hated community service. In fact, I'd said that it bored the shit out of me and was pretty lame. Since I was high, I forgot this guy had recently added me as a friend and could see my posts. Ever since that post, he seems to have backed away from me. When I emailed him recently, his response was rather brusque and not very friendly.

What now? I feel like such an ass.

Facebook ruined a crush for you? Sounds like a first world problem.

 

[Illyria99]

I beg your pardon?