Did I fuck this up?

[Illyria99]

There's this guy, (an acquaintance of my parents) who I fell madly in love with the first time I saw him. He's involved with community organizations and helping people, but I was never into that. However, I pretended to be so I would have an excuse to show up at events he attended.

We would occasionally e-mail each other about casual things, and he seemed to be interested in me. He was even asking my dad about me.

The problem is this...one night I was high and posting on Facebook about how much I hated community service. In fact, I'd said that it bored the shit out of me and was pretty lame. Since I was high, I forgot this guy had recently added me as a friend and could see my posts. Ever since that post, he seems to have backed away from me. When I emailed him recently, his response was rather brusque and not very friendly.

What now? I feel like such an ass.

 

[Effuzion]

Yep.

 

[parachuteantics]

Just because you like him does not mean you should do stuff just so you can see each other. Obviously, he likes community service and he seems passionate about it. If you were only doing it to meeet him, imagine dating him? You would have to do community service and not just pretend to like it anymore. It would have to become part of your life since it seems like an important part of his life. I would say try and meet people by following your own passion...

Just be yourself and don't force things.

 

[Pagey]

Obviously I understand why that might have hurt/bothered him a bit but I don't see why he'd think it's too big a deal. I think if you just apologize and explain the situation to him (including why you pretended to be interested in community service!) he should be understanding - if he's not willing to give you a second chance he isn't worth it, frankly.

 

[Tommyboy]

You might want to go with honesty on this one. Tell him you were just doing it to get closer to him. I don't know how you would explain your FB rant though.

 

[Lysis]

Think of it this way: if he's that much into community service, dating him seriously probably would have gotten annoying anyway because then you'd be stuck tolerating it. Lol

 

[psytaco]

Obviously I understand why that might have hurt/bothered him a bit but I don't see why he'd think it's too big a deal. I think if you just apologize and explain the situation to him (including why you pretended to be interested in community service!) he should be understanding - if he's not willing to give you a second chance he isn't worth it, frankly.

Yep. got to agree with this

 

[Tude]

He probably hates your guts lol. Like Lysis said, you were probably going to get annoyed with his passion anyways.

 

[freehugs]

Obviously I understand why that might have hurt/bothered him a bit but I don't see why he'd think it's too big a deal. I think if you just apologize and explain the situation to him (including why you pretended to be interested in community service!) he should be understanding - if he's not willing to give you a second chance he isn't worth it, frankly.

Because you have different values.

 

[llama112]

Obviously I understand why that might have hurt/bothered him a bit but I don't see why he'd think it's too big a deal. I think if you just apologize and explain the situation to him (including why you pretended to be interested in community service!) he should be understanding - if he's not willing to give you a second chance he isn't worth it, frankly.

Think of it this way: if he's that much into community service, dating him seriously probably would have gotten annoying anyway because then you'd be stuck tolerating it. Lol

I agree with both of these!!!
Try being honest with him. Who knows, it may work out.
If not - what Lysis said is probably true - you'd have to tolerate this community service thing which you obviously don't like! lol

 

[Illyria99]

You might want to go with honesty on this one. Tell him you were just doing it to get closer to him. I don't know how you would explain your FB rant though.

We were only casual acquaintances...I have no idea how I'd approach the subject. Like, "I'm sorry I pretended to share your interest in community service, but I did it because I'm in love with you and wanted to be near you."? Oh God, I'd feel even more pathetic.

As for the FB rant...Jesus, that's a tough one. Because I care about what he thinks of me, I wouldn't just tell him the truth; that occasionally I take too many pills and do things I later regret.

 

[Pagey]

^Maybe you could just say you were drunk?

 

[Illyria99]

The last e-mails we exchanged went something like this:

Me: Mom told me she saw you at the (insert name) event. She won a television, and was thrilled. Hope all is well with you.
Him: All is fine.
Me: Not very chatty today, are you?
Him: No, not really. Pretty busy and just wanted to acknowledge your e-mail.

I don't know how he'd react to me saying I was drunk. God, I feel like a 13 year old again.

 

[Pagey]

I don't know how he'd react to me saying I was drunk. God, I feel like a 13 year old again.

Once again, I feel like if he's judgmental about something like that it should be a red flag. I mean maybe I'm just particularly susceptible to judgment and I do tend to see it everywhere buuut if anyone reacted badly to me saying I got drunk and did something stupid (so long as it didn't get anyone in danger or whatever) I'd be pretty pissed off. I get that he could be a bit annoyed that you lied to him and then put that on facebook and stuff but I mean, we've all done dumb stuff while drunk and most people have gotten pretty drunk at least once before, it's usually not a taboo thing, goes over better than illegal drugs IME anyway...
Anyway I just think you should apologize and honestly explain everything. He really should be understanding!

 

[Illyria99]

You know, it just occurred to me that perhaps he didn't see the post...you see, after I realized what I'd posted I freaked out and unfriended him. Just to insure that if I said any other things while I was stoned, he wouldn't see them.

Is it possible that removing him from my friends list hurt his feelings? I know that some people react very badly to being unfriended.

Just a random thought.

 

[Pagey]

It's possible yeah. I know I'd be a bit hurt if someone who I thought was a friend took me off facebook...I mean like it or not, social media has become a big part of our lives (or most people's anyway) and it would feel like somewhat of a rejection.
You could tell him you made a mistake and didn't mean to click that button. Hopefully he didn't see the post.

 

[smokeydabear89]

you unfriended him? why not just delete the status...

yes id say youve about all ruined your chances, unless somehow you can bring up this topic face to face without it being awkward. As the recipient of being unfriended and having unfriended people in the past, its not taken lightly.

in short, sorry but you probably will have to move on.

 

[Illyria99]

@Pagey and smokeydabear89: Thanks for your input. I just had to get this off my chest, and I feel a bit better.

 

[indicameds]

Ive done the same type of thing before recently. You just gotta be straight forward with anyone that you may want a future with. Theres no sense in hiding and lying about shit, itll all come out eventually. He may even think its cute that you went out of your way to try and envolve yourself in things that woulf bring you two closer. Good luck either way.

 

[Stevenski]

You know, it just occurred to me that perhaps he didn't see the post...you see, after I realized what I'd posted I freaked out and unfriended him. Just to insure that if I said any other things while I was stoned, he wouldn't see them.

By being interested in him & then unfriending him you may as well have told him to fuck off. Seriously he sends you a friend request, you accept, you like him & then remove him for no reason he knows. What the fuck is he meant to think? Put yourself in his shoes for a moment.