Hey fellow bluelighters. I was a drug addict for a few years on h and uppers mainly..not alcohol ..Now I have some time of sobriety BUT since my work is really stressful and it's hard for me not to snap on random situations..mainly anger and distress due to personal circumstances , I was considering to start a light diazepam dosing in the range of 5-10 mg twice daily ..and keep it this way taking some breaks for tolerance...I also smoke weed which synergies exceptionally with diazepam ...Anyone here with experience on diazepam at work environments I would appreciate your feedback ..also I would like to know if tolerance on small doses like that Is real..thanks
Saying you like x substance but not y substance are the famous last words of every addict ever before they go balls deep into their next mistress. I absolutely hate meth but here I am, hooked on it after trying to use it to get off suboxone. Benzos are a very dangerous game and while they’re comparative to an alcohol buzz, they’re not alcohol and you’ll develop dependence much faster than alcohol.
Being an ex heroin user and stim user(don’t know which but pretty much all stims are re-dosed compulsively) you should know all too well about telling yourself you’re only going to do “so much”, whatever the amount may be. Somebody up above mentioned how if(big if’s here) you manage to keep your doses at your specified range and take breaks that you definitely can manage to stay on ~20mg a day, but I can’t see somebody who was both a heroin and stim user having that type of control when on day 3 you get pissed and your 10mg of Valium doesn’t have the same kick as it did on day one.
The only time I ever hear of patients getting prescribed benzos (x) times a day are pain patients and heavily sedated psych patients, everybody else gets per needed. Can’t say that with too much confidence as I’m sure there’s plenty of people over scripted benzos, but i rarely see it outside of those cases. IMO taking 20mg daily will not be sustainable for long, because it’s not going to “take the edge off” when you almost instantly build a tolerance to it, at least enough of a tolerance where you’re just going to feel normal instead of your idea of mellowed out. Unless you’re the addict with the most control I’ve ever heard of(that illicitly buys Valium to chill out at work because people piss you off) this is going to backfire on you very fast. Maybe you’re not currently an addict, but you’ve been one and have to know this is just a dumb idea man.
I can’t judge cause I’m just as much of a dumb fuck, maybe even more so, than any other person telling themself that a new drug after getting clean is a good idea. Benzos seem innocent enough to those ignorant but I’ve watched a lot of people ruin their life faster on benzos than any other drug(with the exception of fent). Maybe you can do it, but I know I couldn’t and I’ve been playing this game for over 20 years. I’ve used pretty much everything to get off everything, most of the time it works great and a few times it hasn’t, but even the times I managed to get myself clean I always end up back on something and half of my ex and current addictions are because I started using a drug I didn’t really care for because it’s something I (thought I)knew I wouldn’t get hooked on or abuse in excess. Just something to take the edge off a bit, or a tool to wake me up and keep me going. Shit backfires every time
The problem with benzos is they’re super easy to fuck up with badly without even knowing you did it. Say you do manage to keep your dose regulated for a few weeks, and you have a particularly bad day where some dude really got under your skin and you’re seeing fuckin red so you say fuck it and pop an extra. 30 minutes later you’re still pissed as fuck and the Valium isn’t doing shit cause this dumb ass tolerance, so you take another and 10 minutes later another to stop you from punching out a mirror in the employee bathroom or whatever you do that you’re taking valium to avoid. Next thing you know you wake up at 3pm the next day with missed calls and texts from fuckin everybody asking you what the fuck is wrong with you and you either lost your job or your boss has called you to a hearing to discuss your actions yesterday and “how you’re going to move forward”. Then you go to take a Valium to calm down and discover you ate the whole script yesterday cause benzos are sirens like that, they sing til you sink the ship.
Self medicating with a history of addiction is a really bad idea. If your anger is that bad that you’re worried about it, suppressing it with benzos is only going to help for so long(and I can’t imagine it’ll be very long at all) before it blows up in your face. I’d be willing to bet money on that.
Sorry if I come off like an asshole, like I said I’ve watched too many people ruin their lives on benzos and it’s usually in record time. If I hadn’t already been at rock bottom during my Xanax days I probably would’ve done the same to mine, but I was already unemployed, broke and everybody thought I was a piece of shit lol. Good luck, hopefully you decide against it and if not don’t go off the deep end