vision conquest
Bluelighter
OK so I have never done this before so after many, many years of rampant substance use and the accompanying self destruction I thought I would give it a go and see if it helps me in any way, even if it is just documenting the actual substance use....perhaps when compared to others it may not actually be that rampant.
I also wonder if it might keep me more accountable, because if there's one thing I excel at, as do most addicts it's self denial and just generally convincing myself that things aren't all that bad.
So I'll start with my age...I am currently 52....born in 1974.
This is how my day went today.
I got out of bed at about 7:30am, feeling pretty seedy as I took to much bromazolam last night.
When I start taking to much bromaze I start to experience the amnesia that benzo's can produce, so I couldn't say exactly how much I took, I think it was either 9mg or 12mg.
Either way I wasn't feeling great, so I grabbed my bottle of methadone, I had a take home for today so that was a bonus.
So down the hatch with 60mg of methadone, I try to be on the lowest dose of methadone that keeps me stable/comfortable but I rarely use other opioids to get over my dose, if I'm on an appropriate dose I mostly feel good as long as I am not playing up with other substances, which is not the case right now.
So my day starts with 60mg of methadone, I have been up and down on my dose over the 26 years I've been on it but 60mg is about where I sit most of the time.
After drinking my dose I get started on the second beverage of the day...my morning coffee.
By the time I've made my morning coffee my dose is kicking in and I'm starting to feel ok.
So to go with my morning coffee I also take a couple of hits on my weed pipe.
This wouldn't be a problem other than the fact that my spiritual beliefs are the number one thing in my life and I made a vow to my God that I would not smoke weed anymore.
In hindsight it was a poor choice to make such a vow because I have absolutely loved my green for nearly 40 years and I just should have known I would not be able to keep that vow without a slip here and there.
As much as I love my herb I cannot smoke it without feelings of guilt and anxiety, which is, of coarse, where the benzo's come in...though to be honest, that surely isn't their only purpose.
By now it's about 9am or so and I have already got 60mg of methadone on board and an nicely toasted thanks to the high grade medicinal weed that is just everywhere these days.
I manage to have some breakfast at around 10am and I potter around the house trying to fill in time until I can drop some bromazolam which I finally do at around 2pm.
My wife arrives home at this point and lets me know a visitor will be popping around shortly with a few points of some meth that is supposed to be very good.
Normally I would pass on this as I am more of a downer man than an upper, however I have been known to indulge, particularly if it is good, which this is supposed to be, and I have plenty of bromazolam, already on board, and more on hand if needed.
Now the list is starting to get a little more interesting...60mg of methadone...some seriously filthy weed and now 3mg of bromazolam, taken about half an hour ago, and it's this which I blame for my decision to have a couple of puffs when the rock arrives.
Ther's no doubt it's good rock, I can feel the tingle start at the back of my head and work it's way down my spine. To make things even better there isn't a hint of anxiety that usually comes with my adventures with the glass pipe.
I'm not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing but it appears I can have a few sweet puffs if I already have some bromazolam on board, likely this would work with any benzo but bromaz is my current favourite and that's as good a reason I need to use it.
Ok that was my day from getting up around 7am and it is 6:20pm as I type this...I have had a couple more puffs on the sweet puff and I'm sure I will finish the day with another 3mg of bromaz.
That my day on Monday the 15th of June 2026
Just as a side note, I am on testosterone replacement, mirtazapine at 30mg each night and perindoprile 8mg daily
I also wonder if it might keep me more accountable, because if there's one thing I excel at, as do most addicts it's self denial and just generally convincing myself that things aren't all that bad.
So I'll start with my age...I am currently 52....born in 1974.
This is how my day went today.
I got out of bed at about 7:30am, feeling pretty seedy as I took to much bromazolam last night.
When I start taking to much bromaze I start to experience the amnesia that benzo's can produce, so I couldn't say exactly how much I took, I think it was either 9mg or 12mg.
Either way I wasn't feeling great, so I grabbed my bottle of methadone, I had a take home for today so that was a bonus.
So down the hatch with 60mg of methadone, I try to be on the lowest dose of methadone that keeps me stable/comfortable but I rarely use other opioids to get over my dose, if I'm on an appropriate dose I mostly feel good as long as I am not playing up with other substances, which is not the case right now.
So my day starts with 60mg of methadone, I have been up and down on my dose over the 26 years I've been on it but 60mg is about where I sit most of the time.
After drinking my dose I get started on the second beverage of the day...my morning coffee.
By the time I've made my morning coffee my dose is kicking in and I'm starting to feel ok.
So to go with my morning coffee I also take a couple of hits on my weed pipe.
This wouldn't be a problem other than the fact that my spiritual beliefs are the number one thing in my life and I made a vow to my God that I would not smoke weed anymore.
In hindsight it was a poor choice to make such a vow because I have absolutely loved my green for nearly 40 years and I just should have known I would not be able to keep that vow without a slip here and there.
As much as I love my herb I cannot smoke it without feelings of guilt and anxiety, which is, of coarse, where the benzo's come in...though to be honest, that surely isn't their only purpose.
By now it's about 9am or so and I have already got 60mg of methadone on board and an nicely toasted thanks to the high grade medicinal weed that is just everywhere these days.
I manage to have some breakfast at around 10am and I potter around the house trying to fill in time until I can drop some bromazolam which I finally do at around 2pm.
My wife arrives home at this point and lets me know a visitor will be popping around shortly with a few points of some meth that is supposed to be very good.
Normally I would pass on this as I am more of a downer man than an upper, however I have been known to indulge, particularly if it is good, which this is supposed to be, and I have plenty of bromazolam, already on board, and more on hand if needed.
Now the list is starting to get a little more interesting...60mg of methadone...some seriously filthy weed and now 3mg of bromazolam, taken about half an hour ago, and it's this which I blame for my decision to have a couple of puffs when the rock arrives.
Ther's no doubt it's good rock, I can feel the tingle start at the back of my head and work it's way down my spine. To make things even better there isn't a hint of anxiety that usually comes with my adventures with the glass pipe.
I'm not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing but it appears I can have a few sweet puffs if I already have some bromazolam on board, likely this would work with any benzo but bromaz is my current favourite and that's as good a reason I need to use it.
Ok that was my day from getting up around 7am and it is 6:20pm as I type this...I have had a couple more puffs on the sweet puff and I'm sure I will finish the day with another 3mg of bromaz.
That my day on Monday the 15th of June 2026
Just as a side note, I am on testosterone replacement, mirtazapine at 30mg each night and perindoprile 8mg daily
